There are situations in life when a woman faces the need to stop loving and let her husband go, and move on with her life. The condition when one loves and the other does not is called codependency by psychologists. If a man stops loving his wife and leaves, there is no need to try to win him back by humiliating himself and causing self-pity. A popular proverb says: “You can’t be nice by force,” and its meaning is relevant for all times.
What to do, how to stop loving your husband, with whom so many things are connected: both good and bad. Is it possible to erase all this from life? Most likely no. You just need to learn to live in a new way, without looking back!
Let's take 10 steps to recovery from codependency. If you manage to take at least a few steps out of 10, you know that everything is not hopeless! You are on the road to recovery.
We are starting to recover
The first thing you need to do is let go of the loved one inside you! Let go completely and without any conditions and unnecessary showdowns. One psychologist said: “Yes, hope dies last. But I would have killed her first!” Why? Since we still have some hope glimmering in our souls, we constantly think: “maybe he will return?” We simply do not live a normal, comfortable, “our” life. It is better to let your husband go, without hatred and malice. And even more so, there is no need to convince children, if they have any, that their father is a “traitor.”
What is "strong love"
The word “love” is often used to describe passion, excitement, something that has nothing to do with love. Joy, suffering, greed, jealousy, seduction, submission, revenge, pride, escape from boredom and loneliness - all this is covered by the stamp “love”, although it was not even close here.
We ladies sometimes love so uncontrollably that we often simply enjoy our role as the main character in the melodramas that life throws at us. Compared to the grueling melodrama, healing will seem boring.
What principles of “true, strong love” do we know? First of all, it is always a strong codependency. That is, in other words, it is a sick attachment to a person, which is passed off as a sign of a strong feeling.
What is this - unrequited love?
Most often, unanswered love is associated with fantasies and dreams, in the world of which a person in love lives, imagining his beloved in an ideal image. It is very difficult for such a person to descend into the world of reality, and this is rarely possible without the help of outsiders.
It is very difficult to love without reciprocation. If a person is not loved, he begins to look for shortcomings in himself and his behavior. Very often, unrequited love leads to depression, nervous breakdowns and even suicide.
But you can look at the problem from a completely different angle. Unrequited love is the engine of world art. There would be no brilliant sonnets of Petrarch without Laura, and if there were no Beatrice, we would not have recognized Dante, one of the classics of European literature. Would we know Pushkin's love lyrics without his many muses?
But unlike them, none of us wants to spend our entire lives in melancholy solitude.
Why do you need to fall out of love?
You should not cherish your love for a person who is indifferent to you. Having stopped loving him, a woman will stop feeling despair, resentment and disappointment. She will begin to enjoy life again, feel freedom and independence, and will be able to find a new destiny and family happiness. Learning not to love your husband means loving yourself. This also needs to be learned.
A little time for tears and grievances
It is impossible to forget a person right away. To let go of resentment and start enjoying life, you need to give some time for tears and sadness. But then tell yourself: that’s enough! I forgive and let go. Go in peace, and I too will move on. I don't need a person who doesn't love me.
A woman must understand that her husband stopped loving her not because she is bad. It just happened that way and no one is to blame. We need to live and move on.
If one person doesn't love you, it doesn't mean no one loves you. Such thoughts must be driven away. Delete all contacts from social media. networks that are associated with your ex-husband, cancel his phone number, change your email address. No contacts or memories! For a woman to stop loving, she must first forget.
Blame no one
There is no need to rush from one extreme to another. It’s not for nothing that they say that from love to hate there is only one step. But hatred sharpens the heart and oppresses a person. Hatred is bad for yourself, first of all. It's not his fault that he lost interest in her. Lawless Heart.
Memorable gifts
Shared photographs and gifts must be disposed of. This is the path to healing. Sending gifts to your spouse is a bad idea. War will not benefit anyone. It is better to distribute what you can to those in need, if the thing is valuable, sell it. Well, just burn the rest. Let this be the funeral pyre for an old relationship and the beginning for a new life. If mutual acquaintances remain, they should be asked not to ask questions, not to tell anything about their ex-husband and his new chosen one.
The main stages in order to forget your ex-husband
- Get rid of thoughts about him
Most likely, you attach only positive memories and blame only yourself for all negative moments, which is typical for many women. This is the main mistake after the divorce process. Better remember something bad on your husband’s part and relieve yourself of the burden of guilt, because in every divorce both parties are to blame.
2. Start a new life
This means the complete elimination of all kinds of negativity and a change in lifestyle. In such cases, psychologists recommend resorting to the fulfillment of your long-standing dream, precisely the one that was unattainable in the presence of your spouse.
For example, if you have long dreamed of visiting some exotic country, you should definitely go there. This change of scenery will quickly relieve you of depression.
3. Ask yourself how long ago you visited a beauty salon or gym?
Most likely, while taking care of your husband, you forgot about yourself. And now the time has come when you have the opportunity to spend all your money and time exclusively on yourself. Change your external image - this is a proven remedy against old stereotypes.
4. The path to new emotions
Buy a subscription to any courses or dances. The best thing to do is go to a driving school or go skydiving.
5. To forget your husband, reconsider your life
Most women do not even imagine that after a divorce they are given more opportunities than they had when married. You shouldn’t look for a new man from the first days. Feel like a real woman, let her take care of you. Relax, enjoy life and remember that suffering is not yours alone.
How and with whom to talk
Few women like to keep their experiences to themselves. Some people definitely need to cry “into their vest.” And that's not a bad thing. This behavior relieves stress and relieves emotional stress. It is impossible to live with a heavy heart. You just need to choose the right vest. It’s better to share your experiences with your mother, if not live, then by phone, Skype - there are so many communication opportunities now.
If you don’t have a trusting relationship with your mother, or you simply don’t want to upset her, you should go to a psychotherapist. But not everyone has this opportunity. Then the third option remains: start a diary. It can describe all grievances and experiences. You can write without being shy in expressions. That's actually good. It's as if your husband is in front of you and you are saying this to his face.
How to get distracted
You definitely need to find a hobby that will captivate you and make you not think about your past life, for example:
- When knitting, you have to count the stitches and there is no time to think about extraneous things.
- Crocheting a napkin requires reading the pattern and strictly following it.
- A funny movie distracts and entertains.
- Gardening gives physical fatigue and heals heart wounds.
- Scanword puzzles and crossword puzzles are also a good activity for the mind. By solving them, you will not think about anything else.
Positive aspects of separation
If you can’t get rid of thoughts about your husband from your head for a long time, you should remember his bad habits and remind yourself that he: snores at night, doesn’t wash the dishes after himself, throws clothes around, doesn’t give flowers on March 8, forgets to congratulate you on your birthday. But now the apartment is clean, you can go to the movies and take care of yourself. No one takes away the TV remote control; there is no need to rush after work to cook dinner for a hungry husband.
Love after betrayal: how to get rid of it?
Most often, the reason for divorce is infidelity on the part of one of the spouses (see also: how to survive a divorce from your husband if you still love?). For each person, the concept of betrayal is different. Some people are sensitive to friendly contact with the opposite sex, while others are sensitive to casual intimate relationships. There are people who can forgive a one-time relationship, but a long affair on the side will be a real blow for them.
All people have different worldviews. For some, open relationships are considered the norm. That is why at the beginning of a relationship it is necessary to discuss acceptable boundaries, say what you consider unacceptable in a relationship, what will hurt you. Having found a compromise, partners will know what actions they can take to hurt their loved one, and try to avoid them.
Unfortunately, any agreement can be broken. This also applies to the agreement to remain faithful. How to stop loving your husband after betrayal so as not to suffer? Psychological advice on what to do if a loved one betrays you:
- Don't look for reasons in yourself. There is a great temptation to do some soul-searching, to start reflecting and analyzing your mistakes. The bottom line is that cheating is always the fault of the person who cheated. Whatever the prerequisites, it was he who made the decision to take this step.
- Allow yourself to feel anger and resentment. These emotions are a natural reaction to betrayal. Having lived them, released them, you will be freed from them and feel relief.
- Do not try to look for signs of coldness and betrayal by analyzing the past. The event has already happened. If you had discovered the signs of betrayal earlier, it would have led nowhere. You couldn't stop your partner from cheating if he disrespected you enough to decide to do it.
It often happens that loved ones, friends, relatives knew about their partner’s betrayal, but hid it. They could do this for various reasons: they didn’t want to pass on gossip, they didn’t want to hurt, they were deliberately covering up for the traitor. Now the deceived spouse will have to make a decision whether to continue communicating with them or not.
If you cannot cope with the pain of losing your loved one on your own, then you need to contact a psychotherapist and go through all the stages of separation with him. There is nothing worse than spending years suffering for someone who doesn't deserve it.
Share with friends! About men April 16, 2022, at 11:03
In the lives of representatives of the fair sex, there often comes a time when one should let go of love and move on with life. Not all women know how to do this relatively painlessly. How to stop loving a husband with whom you have been married for many years and have three children, a common-law husband, an ex-husband, a stranger, a drunkard, an unfaithful or a narcissist?
Love does not pass only by desire. It should be gotten rid of gradually. The path to “recovery” is not easy. However, women are especially strong. And any of us can stop loving a loved one until it hurts. The main thing is to want this with all your heart.
5 basic steps to recovery from love should begin with a sober mind and sound memory. “Great love” should never be filled with alcohol. It is clear that in a state of alcoholic intoxication the problem does not seem so global. However, the drunken feeling of euphoria dissipates as morning comes. Actions committed in such a state are justified by the use of alcohol. This closes a vicious circle, which can lead to banal alcoholism.
What should a woman do if not drink? First of all, regain respect for yourself. Show generosity, treat yourself to new clothes, visit a fitness club, spa or beauty salon. A renewed and well-groomed woman evokes more respect from others than an unkempt and crying young lady. We remember that nature abhors a vacuum. A beautiful and confident lady attracts the attention of members of the opposite sex. This means a new marriage is just around the corner.
You should leave love gradually, carefully calculating each step. Only then can you get rid of the destructive passion for strangers and your husband. It’s quite difficult to quickly fall out of love while living with him under the same roof. However, using the advice of an experienced psychologist, it is still possible:
- the first step to healing is understanding and accepting the situation (for example, you have already decided to leave your lover and love your own spouse);
- at the second stage, you should definitely accept yourself as you are (but if you want to correct shortcomings, it still won’t hurt for self-affirmation);
- the third step is a good attitude towards your own personality (when doing this, you should love yourself: your own tastes, appearance, body, voice, etc. The main thing here is to put aside destructive memories, melancholy and suffering. Peace of mind is above all. Let the motto work that a beautiful woman deserves a better man);
- the fourth stage is to convince yourself that the love relationship was destructive and destructive (this statement should be sincerely believed, even if the man left on his own. This is the only way to get rid of depression);
- the fifth step is changing your everyday life (a new way of life or work, a different environment or an interesting hobby will definitely distract you from the yearnings of love. They will not leave time for self-pity. Activity and only activity will help you get rid of unpromising relationships).
A psychologist's advice works in 95% of cases. However, this does not mean at all that deliverance from love will come with lightning speed. Only time will help you truly forget a person and let go of grievances. Each woman must give herself the answer to why this happened. The correct answer in the end is that no one is to blame for anything. We must live and move on confidently. Let others think that no one loves them! And everything is fine with us.
In conclusion, it should be said that quite often the way to get rid of love helps to knock out wedges with wedges. It provides the fair sex with an increase in self-esteem. This works especially well if the other person is younger than me. According to statistics, this method is used by about 50% of women.
Every breakup has its positive moments
Many women initiate separation from their husbands. For one, he was a tyrant. The other is an enviable reveler. However, women loved these men. And even parting on personal initiative did not sweeten the bitter pill.
Positive moments of separation can make it sweeter. Let us remember that scattered clothes, inattention to his wife, dirty dishes, night snoring and other “charms” of family life left the house together with his ex. Now, instead of cooking, ironing and cleaning, you can take care of your loved one. Go to the cinema with your friends. Visit a beauty salon. Yes, even bungee jumping.
Freedom is a balm for a sick soul. It should be taken full advantage of. Relax and take a walk to the fullest in order to be fully equipped to meet more promising relationships. Believe me, they are not far off. Guys love girls whose eyes sparkle.
Strictly prohibited
To avoid a relapse of love torment, you should remember what you should never do:
- Seek salvation in alcoholic drinks. Alcohol intoxication only worsens the condition. And if you feel bad, then after drinking it will be much worse.
- Coming up with an excuse to call or text your husband. Remember: bridges are burned.
- Make attempts at reconciliation. It is unlikely that it will be possible to establish friendly communication, and returning to close relationships is simply dangerous.
Ways to stop loving your husband without suffering: let him go calmly
Unrequited love makes the heart bleed. Bitter tears and suffering will not help bring back love. Attempts to make a man fall in love again end in failure. After another refusal, the pain seems unbearable.
The most reasonable solution is to stop loving. Do you want to get out of a sticky situation with dignity and put an end to relationships that bring pain?
Use advice from psychology:
Don't idealize your ex. You can even make a list of all the shortcomings, re-read and realize that the break is for the better.
For rehabilitation
When you wake up one morning, you will feel that you now know how to stop loving your husband. To do this you need to take several steps:
- find a dress in your closet that you liked, but your spouse didn’t like;
- tidy up your hair;
- To do makeup;
- smile at your reflection in the mirror and go have fun.
It's time to get out of the state of depression and melancholy. Allow yourself something that has always given you pleasure, but was forbidden.
An aimless walk around the city, a piece of sweet cake, buying a new lipstick can work wonders and lift your spirits, better than any persuasion or sympathetic glances.
Signs of recovery
Over time, feelings will change. Regardless of why you asked yourself the question: “How to stop loving your husband?”, you will feel that you are ready to let him go and forgive him. The obvious symptoms of passing love are the following:
- don’t flinch at every phone call;
- saw that a work colleague’s hairstyle had changed;
- noticed the interested look of a single neighbor;
- stopped reveling in songs about unhappy unrequited love.
If at least one of these signs appears in your joyless life, it means that the recovery process is going well.
