Why doesn’t my husband say that he loves me is a common question in my consultations. Over 12 years of practice, different women came, but the problem of a man not talking about his love came up quite often. Based on practical experience, in this article I will tell you about 9 reasons for the silence of men.
I would like to note, because I work more with married couples, so the discussion in this article will be about married couples or people in long-term relationships.
Man and woman: different views on love
It seems that two partners should feel the same feelings, because there are no fundamental differences between them. But people of the opposite sex are built differently, so their attitude to love is different. This causes eternal conflict in couples.
READ Why a man is afraid of the woman he is in love with: reasons for fears and how to avoid them
Men think and feel completely differently. The differences are clearly expressed in the expression of love. Guys tend to show attitude in their actions. In this way they prove that the girl is dear to them. Young people are less likely to talk about how they feel and more likely to act logically and rationally. Those who easily confess their love can write entire poems, but after the confessions disappointment often sets in, because they do nothing for the marriage, the woman and the family. Their love is just words. Such unions very often fall apart.
Women are characterized by emotionality, their consciousness is determined by feelings and relationships, so they need to hear about love all the time. If a guy doesn’t say that he loves him very much, the girl immediately feels depressed and unwanted. Her lack of recognition is equivalent to the end of the world.
And finally
Dear men, I really sympathize with you. Now, in the third wave of feminism, all they talk about on the Internet is about women’s problems, and all this is important, I’m not trying to devalue it. But maybe it seems to you that women’s problems are taken for granted, that men already have all the power, why should they complain? Many people really think so, and it’s unfair, and it’s good if at least your girlfriends understand what a meat grinder it is - the race for the title of “real man.” There seems to be no time for talking about feelings.
But understand this: life without feelings is like a picture painted with only gray paint. Thoughts, ideas, values are important, but an idea not charged with feelings is inert and will not bear fruit. Unfelt values will not survive even a tiny crisis. A relationship without feelings will die a quiet death, leaving no trace on you. If, of the entire spectrum, you allow yourself only anger and cynicism, your life will consist of exactly that, and, if not balanced by something else, it is unlikely to bring you happiness.
Try to open up just a little. To a loved one, or at least to yourself. It will make you a better man.
Why does a woman wait so long for words of love?
It is very important for girls to hear the cherished words; they always strive to receive evidence of their partner’s strongest feelings. A woman is a flower; if there is no declaration of love, then she withers, that is, goes into depression, invents stories for herself, for example, that he has another, but he no longer needs her. These emotional feelings are caused by gender, upbringing and environment:
- Since childhood, girls have been reading fairy tales about princesses with the same ending: the main character hears the long-awaited confession and finds a loved one for life. This stereotype is firmly ingrained in the head, and when a girl grows up, she begins to wait for a fairy-tale prince and cherished words about love.
- There are women who dynamite men. For them, the words “I love you” mean achieving their goal. Thanks to this, they feel much more confident and rise in their own eyes.
- For a woman, words of love are special; they indicate her attractiveness and increase self-esteem. Such girls need to be constantly reminded of their uniqueness.
- Young ladies who hear confessions of love increase the level of endorphins in their bodies. Thanks to this, they feel happy and flutter like butterflies.
- When a woman hears about love, she too can open her feelings. If the guy is silent, then she is afraid of being rejected.
Relationship dissatisfaction
Sometimes it becomes really difficult for people to learn to understand each other. Frequent conflicts provoke new quarrels, which do not add optimism. If a guy stops saying that he loves you, you need to understand the situation well. It is necessary to find out why his behavior changed. Maybe you inadvertently offended him in some way, hurt his best feelings. The reasons can be completely different. Dissatisfaction with a relationship is a warning sign that you should definitely pay attention to. It happens that interest disappears, the feeling of novelty is lost. You must strive to understand your partner very well, to feel what is happening to him.
Why don't men say words of love?
Guys are not prone to sentimentality, and sometimes it can be very difficult to hear a declaration of love from them. Only true love can push a young man to take such a serious step. Girls always look forward to a romantic confession, but it still doesn’t come, so it’s so important for a woman to know why her beloved guy doesn’t say that he loves her.
The main reasons for the absence of the cherished phrase “I love you” on the part of men:
- Guys don't waste their words. If a boyfriend admits his feelings, it means he is confident in them. Unlike women, who succumb to emotions, love captures them headlong. Until a man knows for sure that this is not attraction or passion, words about love cannot be expected from him.
- A man will not confess his love to a woman from whom there is no reciprocity. It is sometimes difficult to discern from a girl's behavior what she really thinks. So he hides his feelings.
- It's not comme il faut for guys to talk about sentimental things. From childhood, they are instilled with the idea that they are strong, so they cannot show their experiences. For this reason, a man never says that he loves. He is more accustomed to showing love through actions and behavior.
- If a guy doesn't declare his love for you, then he simply doesn't love you. This is especially noticeable when there are no real actions indicating the opposite.
- Men claim that women often manipulate love. As soon as you confess, the young lady’s attitude towards her partner changes, she begins to issue ultimatums.
- When he had a tragic relationship, he is afraid to open up and trust even the woman he loves.
- It’s a completely different matter if the husband doesn’t say he loves you. Men understand it this way: once they confessed once, there is no point in repeating it.
READ How to understand that you have fallen in love with a guy: signs and stages of tender feelings
How to continue to live
I am often reproached for the lack of life hacks in my articles. This time I will not resist the voice of the people. Girls, life hacks for you.
Be patient (you knew I was going to say this, right?) What is simple and natural for you is like learning to walk again for your man. Noticeable progress over a year of good, warm relations is an excellent result.
Thank him for his efforts . Even small progress is a reason to rejoice. And if your withdrawn man allowed himself to cry in your presence, this is a giant step forward. Tell him: “Darling, thank you for trusting me, for being sincere with me, I really appreciate it.” Most likely, these tears were not easy for him.
You won't be able to skim the cream . In other words, if a person develops his sensitivity, he cannot focus only on “good”, comfortable (including for you) feelings. It's either all or nothing. “I feel bad when you try to control me” is also a feeling, his, quite real. Are you ready for this? Are you ready to support a man who is crushed, desperate and feels like a failure? Think about this before you complain about your boyfriend's callousness.
Trust is extremely important . “Showing vulnerability” for most men (and many women, by the way) is tantamount to “showing weakness.” Nobody is in a hurry to open up in an environment where they will rip your throat out at the first opportunity (and this is exactly what fear of vulnerability looks like). Trust is that safe rear in which removing some of the defenses is not exactly comfortable, but not terrible either.
You can't change it . I repeat: you cannot change it. Thoughts like: “If I do X, Y and Z, then everything will work out” - this comes from a false sense of one’s own omnipotence. You cannot control another person's development. All you can do is not interfere and, if possible, help him develop himself in the direction in which he already wants to go. Gratitude, understanding, patience - it's all about support. But if a man refuses to “pump up” the sphere of feelings, then there will be no changes, no matter how much you dance around him.
What did you miss: giving and receiving
A girl who is preoccupied with the question of why a guy doesn’t say that he loves me forgets about the main thing - all manifestations of love. If you focus on continuous confession of feelings, then your relationship will get worse.
Look at what your beloved does for you, treat any of his actions with gratitude. If you appreciate his expressions of feelings, he will want to please you more and more.
Don’t hold your lover under a tight rein; appreciate his free will. If you give him the opportunity to feel his own independence, he will understand that you are special.
An insistent desire to hear these words means that you are not confident enough in yourself. This means it's time to change something! Start taking care of your body, devoting time to your favorite things and making your dreams come true. Every man wants to love a happy woman.
Take your chosen one for who he is. When you truly love a guy, don't try to change him. If he can feel comfortable with you, this will speed up the expected “I love you”.
Individual restraint
There are naturally shy young men who do not know how to pronounce loud words. They cannot apply any eulogies to their personality. Somewhere deep down in their souls they consider themselves unworthy of the highest happiness. Restraint comes from the habit of acting in a certain way, it consists of character traits.
In most cases, the surrounding reality does not in any way contribute to the manifestation of personal activity. The conditions of modern reality often require a certain resourcefulness from a person, the ability to bring the work started to its logical conclusion. It is impossible to see any practical result in feelings, so they are often swept aside. Individual restraint is a good reason why a guy doesn’t say he loves you. He simply does not consider it necessary to utter these words. It must be good for him anyway.
How men show their feelings
When girls wonder why a guy doesn't tell them about his feelings, they forget that men are rational. They show their attitude towards their loved one through their actions. Actions that will tell you that a young man is really in love:
- Present. A clear manifestation of serious feelings is expressed through signs of attention. The most popular gifts include flowers, sweets, and cute little things. If you're already married, this includes groceries, clothes, and anything your man buys for you.
- Attention. If your lover enjoys spending time with you, then he is definitely attracted to you. This could be a walk together, going to the cinema, or just watching a movie at home.
- Support. You are dear to your chosen one if he takes care of you. A guy in love will calm you down when his girlfriend is in a bad mood, inquire about her well-being, and go to the pharmacy if she is sick.
- Physical affection. It is easier for men to show their love through contact with a woman. This could be gentle touches, kisses. With the help of sex, he can overcome the emotional barrier and finally show how much he loves his partner.
- Communication with relatives. When a man loves a woman, he will treat her loved ones with respect. He understands that this is important to you, so he will try.
READ The secret of how to understand that a man is in love, but hides his feelings
You don't feel important to him
If you think about how he chooses to spend his free time or spend money (or anything else), you will notice that this person is clearly not a priority; he treats you according to the residual principle.
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Common mistakes women make
You already know why your boyfriend is silent about love. But what is the right thing to do? Often girls behave inappropriately and begin to come up with ways to force their loved one to confess their feelings.
But there are things that a woman who expects a declaration of love from her partner should not do:
- Silent waiting. You really want to hear “I love you,” but the guy stopped talking about secrets, and began to pay less attention. If you are simply offended that he did not call, waiting for him to understand what you want, then you may not wait. Men can't read minds, so tell him exactly what you need.
- Set an example. The girl herself does not show attention to him, but is in a waiting mode for his recognition. For a man to tell you about his feelings, he must feel reciprocity. Show him how it is necessary and possible to love, then he will begin to respond in kind for the sake of the one who is trying for him.
- Be a woman. When a girl takes the dominant place in a relationship, the man begins to feel inferior and unnecessary. What kind of love can we talk about? Remember that you are fragile, tender. Let him take care of you and shower you with passionate declarations of feelings.
- Slow down. Girls think: if a man does not say that he loves, it is necessary to beat the words out of him by force. The woman asks all the time: “Do you love me?” In a relationship, she tries to get proof all the time because his expressions of feelings are not enough for her. A man in such a situation wants to run wherever his eyes look.
When you're still wondering why the guy doesn't tell me he loves me, stop. Everything has its time. Let him reveal himself in his actions and in expressing his true attitude towards you. Remember that men are men to be strong, confident and actually protect you.
How to tell if your husband loves you
Very often, women, without hearing words of love from their husband, begin to doubt his feelings. To avoid conflict, try to understand the situation yourself. The most important question you should ask yourself is: how much time do you take up in your husband’s life? The answer to this question will completely clarify the situation, and you will understand how your husband treats you. A loving man will always put his wife, her interests, and feelings first.
So many acts and expressions of love go unnoticed because a person simply gets used to them or is too busy to stop and thank their partner.
Spend each evening doing the following:
Celebrate the good things you and your husband have done for each other. Write down, to be specific, make a list. List everything: a phone call, a kiss, a kind word, a car door open for you.
You will be amazed when you look back and realize how much your husband does for you.
Summing up, I would like to recall the popular saying that the husband is the head, and the wife is the neck. It depends only on you where your husband will turn and how he will treat you.
