Female infidelity hurts not only the husband, but also the children. Often the betrayed lady also suffers terribly. Children are left with psychological trauma, the man is deprived of self-respect, and the wife feels like a traitor. Then comes the divorce. At least that's what it seems like. But everything is more complicated and not always so tragic. So what are the reasons for female adultery, how does it differ from male adultery, what consequences does it lead to? And most importantly, how to avoid infidelity.
Psychology of female infidelity
The fair sex disputes its predisposition to betrayal, contrary to statistics recording 54% of female infidelity to a partner. Married ladies are much more willing to seek satisfaction in the arms of another, against the backdrop of a relationship that has lost its emotional overtones.
Every second girl dreams of love, romantic breakfasts or passionate dinners. A woman wants an expression of love, the presence of tenderness, which is more important to her than brave deeds. A wife can leave an established marriage for another man who openly expresses admiration and shows signs of attention.
A woman's life is guided by feelings of the heart. She is often driven to infidelity by an emotional outburst. Not every girl will betray you because of the slender legs or the cute face of a random acquaintance. The reasons lie within female psychology.
From the point of view of psychologists, betrayal is a serious step for the fair sex. Such an experiment does not end without a trace; it leaves traces in the outskirts of the subconscious. Even if there was a one-time meeting, it will remain in the memory for many years.
The weaker sex is highly susceptible to the influence of others. Society condemns female infidelity more than male infidelity. For this reason, the lady is unlikely to be able to take the initiative, wanting to play around on the side.
When family life is destroyed, loyalty to the husband becomes an ephemeral concept. The missus may decide to have a side relationship, although she will later regret it. The cheater begins to consider herself a victim of circumstances and blames her husband for pushing her onto the path of debauchery.
Signs of female infidelity
Each girl is individual, but the signs of female infidelity are easy to recognize.
These include the following situations:
- The spouse constantly has urgent matters outside the home or the boss asks her to stay late at work. When the fact of deception is exposed, there is no need to start a quarrel. First, you need to try to have a heart-to-heart talk, find out the reasons that pushed the cheater to take this step. Sometimes a calm dialogue will help explain the girl’s motives and come to mutual understanding. But this works when partners want to maintain the union. If a man himself dreams of divorce, such an act will become an extra trump card.
- A woman periodically comes home with flowers, explaining their appearance as a gift from a friend or a corporate party. Such arguments should be met with suspicion. But this is not a concrete sign of his wife’s betrayal, so it is necessary to calmly understand the situation.
- The reason to suspect your spouse will be the smell of someone else's eau de toilette. More than 90% of men use good perfume. However, there is a possibility that the girl spilled perfume on herself from a store window; there is no fault on her other than carelessness.
- The wife shows unusual tenderness towards her husband. This looks suspicious if she was previously cold in terms of showing feelings. On the other hand, there is a logical explanation for such behavior: the missus could not have taken a lover, but simply decided to diversify the life of the family. This option is unlikely, but there is no evidence to the contrary.
There is another possible way to identify an unfaithful wife: she could reveal herself by texting with friends or making entries in a diary. You need to be extremely careful when examining your beloved’s mail, leafing through your diary, poking through your phone’s memory, looking for hints of treachery.
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For a companion, such behavior will be a mortal insult.
Before cheating on the woman you love, you need to remember that she can do it more gracefully. Do you know what's the saddest thing about cheating? That you can't forgive. (Rinat Valiullin, “Every silence has its own hysteria”)
Even if the suspicions are not justified, the relationship will be doomed, since there will no longer be room for trust and forgiveness within it.
Reasons for female infidelity
There are many different reasons that can push a girl to commit a rash act. There are 7 main reasons for female infidelity.
Lack of attention from a man
Any girl wants to be the very best: loved, beautiful, desired. If a woman does not receive a certain amount of admiration at home, she will want to experience these feelings on the side.
The weakness of a man
If in a couple the one who is supposed to be strong is weak, the other half will first stop taking him seriously, then respect him, and then love him. Subsequently, she will find the man to whom she wants to be faithful.
Unjustified hopes
Often everyday routine has a detrimental effect on feelings. The couple managed to get to know each other, study their habits, and come to compromises.
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When a lady gets used to constant compliments from her lover, various signs of attention, she is extremely disappointed if the candy-bouquet period gives way to ordinary everyday problems. Looking at the indifferent behavior of her man, the girl wants to experience her old feelings outside the family.
Restrictions on actions
From childhood, a person is instilled with moral standards to understand what is allowed and what is prohibited. But with age, the view of things changes. The desire to try the forbidden, to do as you want, bypassing restrictions, often becomes stronger than moral principles. This feeling becomes aggravated if the spouse is a jealous tyrant - he forbids his wife to communicate with her friends, controls her every step.
Making up for the lack of intimacy
Lovers may not be suitable for each other's bed needs. For example, if a wife demonstrates passion with desire every evening, and her beloved husband turns to the wall to fall asleep. Such incompatibility will serve as a reason for going “to the left.”
Revenge
If the husband cheated, then it is foolish to be surprised that his wife will answer him in the same way. She will consider starting an affair with another man to be the only way to atone for a man’s guilt and avenge his suffering.
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The reason for this kind of revenge can be constant quarrels initiated by the spouse, tension within the family.
Husband is a drug addict or alcoholic
Alcoholism and drug addiction in the family affects everyone nearby. When the husband begins to slide downhill, ceasing to be interested in anything other than his “hobby,” the wife seeks consolation on the side.
Why do wives cheat on good husbands?
Let's look at the main reasons why a woman cheats on her loving husband, despite all his merits and fidelity.
Reasons for cheating on wives
- Husband on a business trip - frequent absence of the husband from home for several days or more. In search of a means of subsistence, husbands are often away or working on a rotational basis. The woman begins to get tired of all the routine and everyday worries and the lack of help from her husband. She sleeps alone in a large family bed, does not feel care and affection, and there is a complete absence of sexual relations.
From such systemic worries and dissatisfaction, thoughts arise about whether the husband is really on business trips and what he is doing there and with whom, and in this spirit, in the end, the woman can convince herself that her husband is cheating on her there and after that she herself decides to take a radical step to have a lover who will caress her and satisfy her sexual hunger. In such a situation, it is better to immediately talk to your husband and change the approach to his work or for the husband to change his job. Although this does not always seem possible, believe me, it is much better than the occurrence of such a sad event as the betrayal of a husband and the subsequent destruction of the family.
- My husband cheated first, I will take revenge on him for this - there is a direct logic here and everything seems to be clear, you were humiliated, betrayed, offended, spat on in your soul and the desire to take revenge on the offender is natural. In such a situation, before you go and enter into a sexual relationship with another man out of revenge, you should think very carefully.
If you do this, there will be no turning back, almost 100% collapse of the family. If you cool down and by some miracle decide to forgive your husband’s infidelity, then there is a chance to save the family, of course, this will create a huge crack in the relationship and perhaps in the end will still lead to divorce, but, nevertheless, there is still a chance. But after betrayal in retaliation, there will definitely be no chance of saving the family.
- Fatigue and distance from each other are constant systemic everyday and economic problems, quarrels often arise on this basis, and in the end you find fault with each other over every little thing - a fork is there, slippers are not there, etc. Such relationships have every chance of developing into outright hatred of each other. If sex persists in such a situation, then, as a rule, it does not bring any internal satisfaction, and sometimes, on the contrary, it causes even greater rejection.
Because of all these accumulated disappointments, a woman can decide to cheat on her husband. In such a situation, you can try to change everything, an attempt, as they say, is not torture, especially if there is practically nothing to lose and mentally you are already fully prepared for betrayal and as a last chance it is still worth trying to improve your relationship with your husband. To do this, start walking around in beautiful, attractive clothes, wear beautiful sexy lingerie, try to change the style of communication in the family to a calmer one, become affectionate towards your husband.
- Don't walk around in front of your husband wearing terrible face masks and curlers - don't scare him and don't cause him even more rejection. Shave where you need to (bikini area) if you haven’t done this for a long time and have grown an impenetrable forest for your husband. Stop constantly grumbling and muttering under your breath, you don’t need to be a “quarrelsome woman” who is constantly dissatisfied with everything and even more so yells - this model of behavior will not cause anything other than negativity - except that your husband will “go fishing” even more often.
In general, look for approaches to changing your behavior and attitude towards your husband, it may even be worth having a conversation with him about this and developing a joint strategy of treating each other with respect, at least at the initial stage of reconciliation, and then you’ll see that feelings will begin to return
- A gentle husband - the husband has become a “rag,” that is, on his part there are no objections to what you are doing, and in general he does not show any persistence in anything, especially in relation to you. Any woman by nature wants to be followed, and not leading and in charge, but it happens that due to the weakness of her husband’s character, a woman takes everything into her own hands. And over time, she may want a man with a stronger character than hers and with greater willpower.
With such thoughts, there is practically nothing left for a woman to cheat on her husband. If you still intend to save the family, talk to your husband about this, and also think about whether he has always been like this or suddenly became like this recently. If recently, perhaps you simply began to suppress him greatly and in retaliation he simply ignores you without reacting in any way to your various kinds of claims and “assaults” on him.
- Meeting a very fascinating, intelligent and interesting man - it so happened that you met, well, just a “great man” no matter how you look at it. Cheerful, funny, with a good sense of humor, handsome and pumped up, in general everything is with him, and in his “pants” most likely everything is in order and “oh-ho-ho” and you are simply amazed and you begin to be drawn to him, and thoughts about cheating on your husband and about sex with this new man you know begin to swarm in your head like bees in a hive.
Everything is simple here - you need to stop and think very carefully that family or possible good sex is more important to you, and simply cheating on your husband. Get your priorities right. Remember that the new man will eventually become as ordinary as your husband, routine and everyday life will take away this feeling of delight, but by that time you may already lose your family because you cheated on your husband. It's worth a lot of thought.
- Worthy of the best - after marriage over the years or even earlier, such a thought can begin to occur to any woman. I cook, manage the house and do a million other things around the house, and at night I’m tired and exhausted and also fulfill my marital duty. And this, day after day, leads me to think that I definitely deserve a better husband.
Everything here is individual, depending on your real needs and real capabilities. If you got married just for the sake of being like everyone else, then “I deserve better” will definitely arise in you due to systemic dissatisfaction with life. Here you will need to honestly answer the questions of what you want from life, what are your priorities, and depending on these answers, the necessary decision will be made. And cheating on your husband for such a lifestyle is absolutely not an option and will only put you in a very unsightly light, and the blame for this betrayal will only be on you.
Cheating through the eyes of a woman
According to psychologists, adultery causes an imbalance between ingrained principles and their violation. For this reason, an unfaithful girl wants to justify herself to herself. This situation can be compared to a pacifist going to war: he is disgusted by murder, but he has no other choice. This forces you to either dramatically change your value system or find an excuse for yourself. Thus, by finding a compromise, it will be possible to pacify the pangs of conscience. The soldier is helped by patriotic songs, posters, and the support of his comrades, while the girl seeks peace by delving inside her psyche.
Methods of self-justification:
- The husband deserves it. Taking sides is not a crime, but it introduces a certain cognitive dissonance between thoughts and actions, betrayed by the psyche. An unfaithful wife often justifies her behavior by saying that her husband is not worthy of her and deserves such treatment. The pangs of conscience subside, and then the spouse begins to search for the next partner.
- Sharing personal life. There are often cases when ladies console themselves by dividing their personal lives into two parts: one for the family, the second for their lover. When this becomes a habit, a woman tries to please all participants in the triangle, which justifies herself. True, this method is not very clearly expressed among the female audience; it is rather characteristic of husbands.
- Self-hypnosis. Trying to find peace of mind, the cheater labels herself a “bad girl” and begins to convince herself that she is not yet ready to bear responsibility for her actions. This inner revelation is often the result of poor upbringing, a difficult childhood, and a bad example set by parents.
Female infidelity through the eyes of a man looks immoral, vile and even unnatural.
A person who abuses trust and betrays love emotions, plunging a weak being into tears of despair, is, in my opinion, a scoundrel and a scoundrel. (C. Nodier)
When a girl takes such a step, she wants her life principles to coincide with her actions, fearing panic, emptiness and mental anguish.
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Such dissonance sometimes turns into prolonged apathy, often leading to suicide.
Consequences of female infidelity
A common consequence of female infidelity is divorce. It is difficult for a girl to end a foreign relationship, even if she herself wants it. The psyche has already been divided into before and after: the new partner has become close, you can make plans for the future with him, while the former is left behind.
If there are children in the family, then separation due to infidelity greatly affects them. The daughter usually takes the mother's side. The son, on the contrary, will defend his father, considering his mother guilty. Such showdowns have a detrimental effect on the psyche, especially if the children have already reached adolescence.
Family life for them is now inextricably linked with lies and pain. Thanks to ingrained mistrust, children who have suffered from parental infidelity will find it difficult to start their own relationships in the future.
You are constantly quarreling
Every couple has a showdown. However, if this way to resolve all issues and exist in one territory is the only one for you, then it is unlikely that anything good will come of it.
Don’t think that only a man can slam the door after another scandal and go looking for relief for one night. In the same way, she may get tired of the tense atmosphere at home, and she will go where she will be pleasant and comfortable.
Try to listen to her words, be tolerant, find out why you are fighting in the first place. Ask questions, find out what doesn’t suit her in your relationship. Because insults, shouting and mutual accusations will not fix anything.
Male infidelity
Psychologists identify 8 signs of male infidelity:
- Sudden changes in behavior.
- Zealous attitude towards personal gadgets.
- The appearance of new friends or the sudden resumption of relationships with old ones about which nothing is known.
- Constant blockages at work and overwork.
- The decline or cessation of sexual relations.
- A radical change in image.
- Change of behavior: from reproaches to bursts of tenderness and vice versa.
- The appearance of inconsistencies in stories and petty lies.
Many justify this act, considering it inevitable.
This is due to the fact that society has an established stereotype about male polygamy. It is supported by the following 10 myths about male infidelity:
- “These are all natural instincts, you can’t go against them.”
- “Sex in the name of love doesn’t count.”
- “Guys cheat on their partners only with younger and more beautiful girls.”
- “Men always tell their friends about their amorous adventures.”
- “I was so afraid of losing you that I slept with your friend.”
- “Men are children. They don’t understand what they’re doing.”
- “Without love, betrayal does not count.”
- “Masculinity is based on polygamy; it cannot belong to one.”
- “It was just an experiment and I didn’t get any pleasure from sex.”
- “A woman always senses the appearance of a rival”
Male infidelity can take place even if the wife is satisfied in all respects and there are warm feelings. Men are just looking for an outlet that allows them to add variety to their sex life and escape from family life. The best option is a short-term affair without obligations and exchange of phone numbers.
No cheater wants to get a divorce. When a husband chooses a mistress, he is not interested in her inner world, much less their future together.
For a man, she is not a self-sufficient person, but a being of the opposite sex, thanks to whom instincts can be satisfied. Contrary to popular belief, external data does not matter much.
Why do girls cheat?
Unmarried girls also cheat on their boyfriends, even though they are not married, but this is always perceived as treason and betrayal. Essentially, the reasons are the same as in married life, but there is no factor of marriage, family and children, that is, there are fewer limiting factors. But still, let's list the reasons why girls cheat:
- By chance - I met a good guy in a certain atmosphere and everything happened by itself or under the influence of alcoholic drinks at a party or birthday
- For company - and this happens, two friends met two guys, being in the same room, one newly made couple began to indulge in carnal pleasures, and the second girl, so as not to be an outcast, so to speak, and not to remain on the sidelines, even though she has her own boyfriend, also enters into sexual relations with a little-known guy, so to speak, cheating for the company
- Resentment - a guy has offended a girl with something, it doesn’t even matter what, she simply goes and, as they say, “with the first person she meets”, commits sexual intercourse, that is, 100% betrayal of the person who loves her, but does she love her since she did this - I think the answer obvious, and it sounds like it's not
- She repaid in the same coin - the girl found out that her boyfriend cheated on her, and in revenge she goes and does the same thing to this guy, as a rule, most of the couples immediately break up after this, since cheating is always a psychologically severe trauma
These are seemingly trivial reasons why girls cheat on their boyfriends, but they exist and are found everywhere in our modern society.
Our post - reasons why women cheat on men has come to an end . As a conclusion from all of the above, we can draw the following conclusion: the main reason for a woman to cheat on her husband is her emotional dissatisfaction with anything. For a woman, it is extremely important to feel that she is loved and desired by her husband; if this is not the case, and not systematically, then the woman may decide to cheat on her husband, but again there are a lot of nuances and it all depends on your priorities and views on values in life. Act correctly and prudently, we are given a head to think, it is better to think with our heads than in “another place” and then receive consequences in the form of destroyed families due to the fault of women who could not control themselves and took a fatal step that will now determine their entire future life.
How to prevent cheating
To prevent betrayal, a man should not forget what a gallant knight he was at the very beginning of his relationship with his beloved. It is advisable to arrange surprise dates, make surprises, and not refuse her small gifts without a reason. It is important to confess your love, to tell your woman that she is the best. The husband should try to spend more time with his significant other. If your companion is upset, you need to support her and calm her down.
It is important for a woman to feel love and care. If these feelings are present in a relationship, then the likelihood of seeking solace in someone else's arms will tend to zero.
Read more about how to prevent cheating →
Experts' opinion
And if one of the spouses nevertheless admitted to the other that he had cheated, should he be forgiven? It all depends on the specific situation.
Many psychologists believe that people need time to understand whether they need to forgive betrayal or not. Of course, if the unfaithful spouse realized everything and asked for forgiveness, then you can try to give him a chance. Although it is not a fact that this will not happen again.
What happens to a woman after her husband cheats? The psychology of behavior of a deceived wife manifests itself in such a way that she, as a rule, does not know what to do in the current situation. At first, the girl experiences pain and disappointment, and a reluctance to even see the cheater. But then everything goes away. And most women easily forgive their husbands’ betrayal and continue to live as if nothing had happened. It all depends on the specific situation.
If a man cheated and left for another, then should he be forgiven? Psychologists say that you need to try, but you don’t have to forgive your offender. Therefore, if the wife from whom her husband left cannot immediately forgive him, then there is no need to do this. It is possible that he simply does not deserve it.
But what to do in a situation where the husband first left for another woman, and then realized that he loved his wife and wanted to come back? Is it worth forgiving him, much less accepting him back? This is something every woman decides for herself. Spouses can seek help from a family psychologist. It is possible that the latter will help them find a way out of a difficult situation.
How to survive betrayal
In such a situation, you cannot engage in self-deprecation. If the deceived husband is ready to forgive the betrayal, then you need to turn this page and move on with your life. Returning to this issue will not give such a relationship a chance.
If forgiveness is impossible, you should let go of your ex-love, go your own way and take care of yourself. You cannot cling to a specific person, much less try to hold him by force. It’s better to stop wasting each other’s time and move on, looking for those with whom you can build happiness and start a new life.
Read more about how to survive betrayal →
If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .
