What is caring? It seems that we have been familiar with this word since childhood, but sometimes it is still quite difficult to define it. Are we confusing caring with paying attention? This term is usually understood as any action the purpose of which is the protection and well-being of any living beings, often defenseless or weak. But the circle of wards can be interpreted very broadly and vaguely. There is even concern for items that require complex care, such as computers or cars. But in this article we will focus mainly on attention to living beings.
Psychological meaning of the word "care"
This concept is the subject of study not only in psychology, but also in pedagogy, medicine, philology and other sciences. Each branch of scientific knowledge views this word differently. There are several definitions of the word “caring.” This is attention, care, activity or thought that is aimed at providing someone or something with well-being. It is clear that these are certain efforts and efforts for the benefit of some object. Some people understand caring as worry, diligence, or generally something burdensome.
Historical definition
The ancient Romans knew about what care is. In Latin there are even two words for these actions. These are tutio and tueor. The first of them means security, protection, care. The essence of the second comes down to the concepts of “keep an eye on, observe.” In Roman law, greater importance was attached to the “master's eye.” The fact is that in this ancient empire property was of great importance. It was interpreted very broadly, often including children, slaves and the family as a whole. A prudent attitude towards property, including living property, was a trait not only of a good owner and master, but also of a Roman citizen as such. Cicero also wrote that a person who does not care about his small community, that is, his family, will not value the good of the state. Therefore, the waster of property - the “prodigal son” from the Gospel - was equated with a madman.
How does it manifest itself?
We learn how caring is shown from a young age.
Many people are familiar with the picture of a child crying after a fall, whom his mother is trying with all her efforts to calm. The mother is ready to carry a baby who is sick in her arms everywhere and always, to give him the most delicious and healthy things, as long as he gets well. In prosperous families, mothers are the first example of care and concern, combined into one concept - care. Tender care is manifested in the concern of parents for their children, of wives for their husbands, and vice versa. This concern is not just in words or in the heart, it is reinforced by concrete actions, for example, preparing favorite or healthy dishes for your mother, sheltering your wife on a cold night, making purchases for some lonely grandmother from a caring stranger, and so on.
Increased anxiety
Sasha constantly worries about her family and friends. She tries to protect them from all possible problems, from colds to the end of the world.
She considers herself responsible for everything that happens in their lives and therefore is constantly in a state of anxiety and worry.
Her family laughs at her and doesn’t appreciate her care at all, and the men run away like they’re on fire.
There are people who are very anxious and suspicious by nature. They try to prepare for all events in life, because any emergency situation can unsettle them.
Planning, control, and mindfulness help them feel a little better and less worried. To be calm about their loved ones, they will call them a hundred times a day, carefully warn them about possible dangers, talk about how to behave in various situations, even if it’s just turning on the gas stove.
Endless: “Have you eaten?”, “Did you take an umbrella?”, “Do you remember about the visit to the dentist?”, “Are you going to be late for work?”, “The roads are dangerous, be careful” can drive any adult crazy.
And all because from such care people begin to feel mentally retarded. “Does she think I’m an idiot if she thinks I forgot how to turn on the stove? Or does he just think he’s smarter than others?” - these are approximately the thoughts that visit the victim of care.
Often the response to such guardianship is irritation and petty nagging - having found shortcomings in an all-knowing and caring partner, his opponent tries to restore his self-esteem.
What to do?
Try to differentiate between concern and worry. Caring is when you think about another person's needs and accept that they may be different from yours. Worry is a selfish feeling designed to lull your own anxiety.
Recognize that there are healthy, adult and responsible people living next to you who are capable of making independent decisions. Your anxiety is your problem and other people don't have to suffer from it.
Therefore, start regulating your emotional state, and to do this, consult a psychologist or learn methods of dealing with fears yourself.
If such an anxious person lives next to you, then the only thing you can do is to calm him down.
Thank you for your attention and care, tell him that you can handle everything on your own, let him not worry and mind his own business. But if you need his help, you will immediately let him know.
It seems to us that by caring for loved ones, we show our love. But sometimes care turns into one of the most powerful means of manipulation. Obsessive caring can destroy even the most beautiful relationships.
This happens when, when doing something for a loved one, you focus on your own, and not on his desires, believing that only you can know exactly what he needs
It is very important for a person to feel right, otherwise the picture of his ideal world is violated
Self-care
It's human nature to take care of yourself. This is partly dictated by nature. We have basic needs that need to be satisfied. This could be the need for sleep or food. We cannot forget about them, since the body itself reminds us that it is time to sleep or eat. And we don’t eat sawdust or rotten fruit, but look for tasty, satisfying and healthy foods. This is a basic manifestation of self-care. Taking care of your health and proper lifestyle is only commendable.
But there are cases of excessive care for yourself and your body. Such concern borders on selfishness and egocentrism. Such people, as a rule, find it difficult to pay attention to others, as they are completely absorbed in themselves. This behavior has a detrimental effect on a person's communication and personal dynamics, so sometimes you need to switch to the needs of others. Caring for others brings satisfaction, a feeling of need for someone, and gives an internal incentive to carry out other good deeds.
Why do people care about others?
Now let's look at what motives might motivate people who care about others in this way.
That concern for one's neighbor, which we previously called “selfish,” may have several reasons. We will not consider reasons of an exclusively material nature, when the “caregiver” does this for the sake of material reward, but we will try to look at it from a psychological point of view.
A person, as a rule, is not aware of the true reasons why he cares about others in this way; he prefers to think and demonstrate to others that his actions are based on the best intentions, the most sincere and altruistic motives.
Such people often like to show their care demonstratively, and they will never miss an opportunity to tell their loved ones, friends, and acquaintances about it, and they will definitely make it clear to the object of their care.
Of course, this doesn't always happen. It happens that care is not made public, but then it certainly becomes a source of pride and significance for the person who cares.
As is easy to understand, in both cases, care for a person is a reward in the form of approval of his actions either from society or from himself personally. In other words, the person who cares receives a certain benefit for the sake of which he tries to perform his actions.
Such benefits are most often based on satisfaction from social or personal approval of “right actions” (I live and act as I should). Digging a little deeper, we find here a feeling of guilt (I am not what I should be), and the desire to get rid of the feeling of guilt pushes a person to actions that look “right” (atonement through caring).
In addition to guilt, there are several other reasons, for example, the desire to feel your own importance through caring or to eliminate feelings of anxiety or fear through the control of your ward.
So, we can conclude that the basis of one-sided (selfish) care is the desire to solve one’s psychological problems at the expense of the person being cared for.
But is the problem really being solved? Of course not, because the temporary satisfaction obtained in this way in no way affects the source of the problem.
In addition, the situation is aggravated by the fact that a temporary solution is achieved by using another person, who is often not given even a small opportunity to avoid such care.
Attention and care for your children
All parents are sure that their children are somehow special.
For every loving parent, there really is a child who is the smartest, most talented and good. Taking care of children is a big responsibility for parents. First you need to show love and attention to babies, then to toddlers, then to teenagers. At the same time, you need to provide them and constantly solve small or large problems associated with them. Of course, parents are tired of the constant burden of problems, but this does not relieve them of responsibility. While caring for children, they should not forget about the needs of children. There is pseudo-care when mom or dad try to solve some of their problems through excessive care or attention. Sometimes, in their desire to provide the child with everything, they forget about his needs for recognition, tactile sensations every day, love and understanding. Tender caring for children is the manifestation of attention to the moral, physical, social, psychological and material needs of children. Parents should pay equal attention to all these areas.
Caring and selfishness are not compatible, they are antipodes
When the motive for an action is clearly selfishness, it means that we are observing the manifestation of another personality quality, but not caring. For example, a friend asks for help. The motive for action is important here. If, while providing help, a person thinks about reciprocal help or gratitude and service, then this is a selfish act with an eye to the future. When he asks a friend for a favor in return and, receiving a refusal, condemns him for ingratitude, this means only one thing - “concern” for a friend was a disguised form of concern for himself. The following saying is very often said: “They do not seek good from good.”
The correct understanding is the following: do not demand Gratitude or reciprocal service for the Good shown. If the deed was not Good, and this is ordinary self-interest, then this is a business relationship. Get used to calling things by their proper names! Caring lives where selflessness and unconditional love and respect for another person prevail.
Taking care of parents
Everything in life is relative: today you are the center of attention, tomorrow they will already forget about you; Today you are young and beautiful in the care of your parents, tomorrow they need your care. Normal relationships between children and parents involve caring for each other. Caring is actions that help show your affection and love for your family. Older parents especially need care for their children. They no longer have the same strength they had before. They can no longer always move quickly, they don’t have time to do something or for health reasons they can’t do it. There are diseases that deprive a person of the opportunity to take care of himself. In this case, relatives - adult children - come to the rescue. Caring for and caring for elderly parents is the responsibility of every sane adult child. If we remember and evaluate all the sleepless nights, wasted nerves, health and gray hairs of our parents, we will not repay them until the end of our days. Therefore, sharing the news with them once again, wiping the dust from the closet, or washing the dishes after dinner is not at all something burdensome or shameful.
Overprotection
From time to time we have to deal with manifestations of overprotection towards ourselves. This leads to the fact that our actions cause inconvenience to the people around us. Shifting the focus towards one’s own person can be called selfishness, as a result of which there will be disturbances in interpersonal relationships. Communication is an important condition for a person to develop harmoniously. It is in the process of interaction with other people that it is necessary to show care towards loved ones. Thanks to this aspect, it is important to feel needed in order to achieve increased self-esteem.
We all understand that it is the parents who should take care of children. In this case, all the responsibility and joy of the process will be placed on them. It is important to take into account the specifics of the child’s age and immediate development, and the satisfaction of his psychological and physical needs. It is worth mentioning that adults do not always understand that their beloved father and daughter change as they grow up. Quite often there are families in which parents try to lavish their children with toys to compensate for the lack of time they could spend together.
Experts advise paying attention not only to care in material terms. Every child, like an adult, needs physical and material care. It is necessary to show increased attention to absolutely all areas of your child’s life. You should not try to use the substitution of one for the other. Under no circumstances should you express love for your child through increased feeding, which can turn into food abuse.
Our life consists of completely natural changes. In childhood, our parents take care of us. After some time, we ourselves spend time and emotions on pets, toys, and our friends. When we are older, we take care of our parents. Thus, it is completely normal that mutual care is observed in relationships between people. It is also considered sincere gratitude for all the actions that our friends and parents did for us. It is considered the moral duty of absolutely every child to fully care for elderly relatives. It is important to understand that you cannot pay off with money alone in this case either. Our mothers and fathers need to talk to us and spend time together. We can not only buy groceries for elderly people, but also simply come to visit and think about their leisure time.
It is worth considering that women and men understand care completely differently. Representatives of the stronger sex believe that this process includes financial support for the family and earnings. If all relatives are in a safe and comfortable environment, the task can be considered completed. However, they do not realize that children and wives actually need completely different care. It represents communication, time spent together. Children are very bored and angry if their fathers forget to take them to a football match or to the zoo. In no case should you be bored with signs of attention and full communication with the whole family. This is sometimes much more important than the entire material component.
Read further:
Psychology of wealth and poverty
A woman considers completely different aspects to be a manifestation of caring. They relate to actions like preparing breakfast, bringing tea to bed. The fair sex themselves try to take care with the help of neatly ironed clothes, timely medicine, and a lovingly prepared lunch. It seems to them that criticism due to an incorrect action can be considered concern.
How do men understand this word?
A man and a woman differ in their understanding of certain actions and words.
The same difference is observed in the understanding of the meaning of care. Most men see the word “care” as material support for their woman and children. Realists and pragmatists, they rarely show their caring through words or gentle actions. Many men find it difficult to understand that providing for children financially will not replace time spent together. Let's do an experiment. Close your eyes and remember the most joyful moments of childhood spent with your parents. It’s unlikely that it will be 10 servings of ice cream eaten, cool sneakers bought, or renovations in the room. Surely the first thing that comes to mind is fun snowball fights in winter, walks in the park or family trips somewhere. In any case, the child remembers the quality of communication with his parents, and not its material component. Dads! Do not skimp on caring for the moral state of children and wives, as well as meeting their psychological needs.
Help at home
Lack of basic help at home is the cause of strong quarrels among many couples
Traditionally, housekeeping and household management falls on the woman. But most women now work equally with men and are very tired from the double load.
What can a man do to relieve his companion :
- wash dishes after yourself;
- put things back after using them;
- hang things up after washing;
- put away your clothes;
- sometimes cook dinners yourself;
- taking out the trash.
will make life together significantly . Women especially appreciate help that they don't have to ask for. This shows that the man understands that she is tired without further explanation, and that it is also important for him to live in a clean and orderly manner.
Helping a woman at home
Caring in women's understanding
Women intuitively feel what their children and men need. Caring in the understanding of women is all kinds of actions that make their environment happy. In young mothers, the maternal instinct awakens, which helps to feel their children, their needs, and natural care for the babies arises. A woman can create a paradise around herself if she shows sacrificial care for her family. It is precisely because of different attitudes towards caring that disagreements can arise between a man and a woman. But it is important to remember that this quality can manifest itself from different sides. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with the fact that the mother will take more care of her child’s feelings and his physical condition, and the father will care more about buying toys.
What does lack of care or its excess lead to?
Lack of attention and lowering the threshold of responsibility, especially in relation to children and animals, can lead to catastrophic consequences. This is a thesis that does not need any proof, it is obvious. We contemplate the results of this behavior every day. Street children and abandoned animals are just the tip of the iceberg. Illness, death, including early death, aggressiveness, hidden or obvious hatred of one’s own kind—these are the main consequences of a lack of attention to living beings. But if care is expressed too intensely and out of place, then this can also lead to negative consequences. Often those who receive such attention take it for granted and stop thinking about living independently. Such a person can become a real domestic tyrant. On the other hand, an overly caring mother, who takes care of the children at every step and does not want to come to terms with the fact that they are growing up, suppresses their will. They either grow up spineless and incapable of making independent decisions, or they begin to protest in adolescence, and then real family wars begin in the house. Therefore, care should not develop into humiliation of either the one being cared for or the one who is paying attention.
Boundaries of Caring
Oddly enough, real caring has its limits. Overprotection has never been a healthy concern for parents for their children or for children for their parents. It is necessary to surround with care in moderation, since excessive care relaxes, pampers and destroys the object at which it is directed. A person should mutually share love, support and care, and not just receive it all unilaterally. In your care, you need to focus on the needs of the person to whom it is manifested, and not on your ambitions or desires. Then the joy of its manifestation will be on both sides of good actions. Showing tenderness and care is a necessity not only for family members, but also for the environment, because we humans must help each other.
Self-love is the level of self-esteem
“Love for one’s own self is inseparably linked with love for any other being.”
— Erich Fromm
Before you expect love from another person, you need to love yourself. Self-love = self-esteem. And this is not about selfishness and narcissism. This is about absolutely healthy self-esteem, when you can say for once or twice why you can be loved.
Of course, there is a wonderful phrase “They love not for something, but they love for nothing,” but you must admit that you will never fall in love with a person just like that, unless, of course, you are 15 years old. This happens gradually based on his actions, actions, attitude towards you, reactions in various situations.
