Emotional immaturity is characteristic not only of children, but also of adults, sometimes even very successful people. In difficult situations, such people are ready to shift the blame to someone else rather than admit their own mistakes and defeats. And they always feel like they need to defend themselves from the attacks of others. In the material we discuss in more detail who emotionally immature people are and what qualities they possess.
Often, emotional immaturity is associated with the atmosphere in which a person’s childhood took place. If from birth he is faced with the fact that his rights are limited and do not give him the opportunity to make decisions on his own, there is a high probability that an emotionally immature adult will grow up from an insecure child. This quality will affect all areas of his life and can become a serious obstacle to career growth, a happy family life and well-being. Below are a few traits that are characteristic of an emotionally immature person.
The desire to always be the center of attention
An emotionally immature person needs constant attention from the people around him and requires a reverent attitude towards himself. If his jokes, remarks or complaints fall on deaf ears, he becomes very offended and changes his mood sharply. If a person does not realize how unacceptable his behavior is and believes that everyone around him is to blame for his problems, there is a high probability that emotional immaturity will develop into narcissism.
Infantilism of organic origin
Emotional immaturity in a teenager can be caused by traumatic factors in the early stages of development of the body, right up to the prenatal period. These mental states are studied and corrected by doctors and refer to pathologies that are characterized by disturbances in behavioral reactions without signs of decreased mental abilities. Emotional maturation slows down or stops developing at the teenage level.
There are 4 types of anomalies:
- Inhibited development in the absence of parental education or the use of abnormal pedagogy.
- Organic defects of the brain, externally manifested in visible slowdowns of thought processes, superficiality of experiences and noticeable emotional-volitional immaturity.
- Manifestation of character pathologies in the form of selfishness, deceit, conflict, love of excesses and provocative actions.
- With a normal level of intelligence, there is no patience when performing educational activities, only games and entertainment are interesting, and if adaptation is necessary, neurotic-type disorders arise.
The emotional immaturity of children and adolescents in such a scenario of ontogenesis is corrected strictly under the supervision of psychologists of appropriate qualifications, since the prognosis is positive, but it requires the efforts of parents and doctors.
Shifting responsibility to other people
Constant attempts to delegate one's responsibilities and a reluctance to make important decisions on one's own are one of the most striking characteristics of an emotionally immature person. It is difficult for people with a similar mindset to decide to take independent action. Most often, they resort to the help of others even when there is no particular need for it.
In addition, an emotionally immature person does not know how to control himself and often acts as an instigator of conflicts. It seems to him that even a random passer-by who fails to show him the way is doing this on purpose to hurt his dignity and feelings.
Immature personality - definition of the concept
In psychology, an immature personality is a person who is characterized by childish emotional reactions, behavior and thinking, despite the fact that he has long grown up. In essence, this is infantilism, a state of “not growing up.” This is underdevelopment, lack of integrity, inferiority.
Immaturity manifests itself in self-doubt, fear of showing one’s weaknesses to others, a constant desire to assert oneself, to show one’s need and importance.
Psychologically immature people seem to be stuck in their “childish” emotions. They cannot think clearly and make decisions in critical situations. In difficult moments, they want to “hide in a house”, as in childhood, thus escaping difficulties. Such a “house” for adults is alcoholic beverages, drugs, various religious organizations, gambling, or even people. And at first it seems that the listed options help to escape from reality. At some point, a person feels confident and strong. But it won't last long. Over time, the euphoria passes and the moment of reckoning for wrong behavior comes.
Immature individuals love to suffer. They constantly think about the past, worry about their future, love to relive some tragic moments over and over again and oppress themselves with a feeling of guilt. Moreover, they often create some unthinkable scenario of what should happen, and they themselves believe in it. As a result, they constantly experience anxiety, emotional stress and fear.
Causes
The main reason for immaturity of a person is improper upbringing. Think for yourself, what will happen to a child whose parents do not allow him to take a single step without their control? Growing up, children try to take their first independent actions. But often parents nip these attempts in the bud. The following phrases are often heard from them:
- “Everything will be fine if you listen to mom and dad.”
- “We are adults, so we know better how to do it.”
- “Go away, I’ll do it myself.”
- “You can’t do it right, your hands are growing in the wrong place.”
Years pass, and in the child’s subconscious an understanding is formed that he is a loser who will never succeed. He sincerely believes that without the help of his parents he will not be able to take a step. So it turns out that the child, having become an adult, goes to study at the university that his parents chose, for the job that they consider suitable. Moreover, they choose a life partner according to the same scheme.
Addiction proneness
Emotionally immature people are often characterized by their love of gambling. Among them there are many heavy smokers and alcohol drinkers. Due to the fact that the psyche of emotionally immature people is less stable, they can easily become victims of persuasion. The inability and unwillingness to take responsibility for their own lives often leads such people to a whole bunch of addictions that they find difficult to get rid of.
Features of experiences
A distinctive feature of emotions is their ability to arise in the form of ideas about imaginary events. You can ruin your mood just by imagining a future or imagined trouble.
Another feature is communicative, making it possible to exchange experiences between people, their groups and even with animals. Emotional experience can be accumulated and transmitted through observing works of art, listening to music, and empathizing with athletes in sports competitions.
Emotions are valence, that is, those with a plus sign are positive, those with a minus sign are negative. This polarity is asymmetrical, and there are much more symbols for unpleasant emotions than for good ones. Of the four main ones (joy, sadness/sadness, fear/horror and anger), three are negative.
Their duration is also uneven, not in favor of the positive ones: according to observations, the duration of sadness is a record holder.
Emotions vary in strength and, accordingly, in the physiological reaction of the body. Depending on the intensity, they are divided into sthenic (strong - mobilizing efforts for active counteraction or creative actions) and asthenic (powerless) - paralyzing activity, destructive. The strength of emotions depends not only on brain activity. Functional defects of the autonomic and central nervous systems can affect this indicator. For example, when the cervical segments of the spine are damaged, a total decrease in the emotional background is recorded.
Stubbornness
Reluctance to agree with another person's point of view, devaluation of other people's ideas and lives - all these are traits characteristic of an emotionally immature person. Lack of flexibility and unwillingness to compromise borders on the inability to defend one’s point of view and conduct a constructive dialogue. It is much easier for an emotionally unstable person to take out his aggression on others than to try to understand them.
How to express your emotions correctly
The reasons for dissatisfaction should be correctly formulated, addressing yourself as an independent arbiter who confirms the fairness of the mental reaction to what is happening. The sequence of addressing oneself should have a fixed structure: “I experience... (name of emotion: bitterness, bewilderment, disgust, etc.)” ⇒ “reason is... (no bonus at the end of the month)” ⇒ “arguments for the injustice of what is happening (I made a profit)” . The emphasis shifts from powerlessness to the need for action to improve the situation, and the severity of the experience decreases.
Victim's position
The habit of reveling in one's own suffering and dwelling on problems is characteristic of people with low emotional maturity. Such people tend to downplay all the good things that happen in their lives. They like to experience a feeling of helplessness, because this way they can endlessly feel sorry for themselves and complain about others. Emotionally immature people do not know how to analyze and solve problems: they much prefer to drown in the routine of unresolved matters, burying themselves in problems.
Physiological mechanisms
The brain controls the behavioral motor reactions of the body, the emotional component is ensured by the activity of its area called the amygdala.
The production of hormones and mediators is programmed at the gene level, volitional intervention is extremely limited. If the mechanisms of the amygdala are activated, then the resulting basic brain reaction dominates in any situation, even in the absence of threats or rewards, and the calming mode does not set in soon. Knowing these nuances, you can influence these types of emotions and develop skills to manage their intensity. Consequently, methods of influence must be selected in advance, taking into account existing capabilities, especially since most emotional processes are necessary for the life of the body.
The need to constantly defend yourself
An emotionally immature person always feels as if those around him, even the closest people, want to offend him or hurt his feelings.
Therefore, he is always in a defensive position, ready to fight back. In fact, this character trait once again emphasizes the inability of such a person to analyze his life and reluctance to find the truth. Emotionally immature people do not feel that they can trust others. They do not know how to accept constructive criticism and even good advice is always categorically rejected, believing that this is how others are trying to hurt their pride.
In his opinion, someone else is always to blame
How does your partner react to their own mistakes or situations when things don't go according to plan? Does he take responsibility or blame everything on others - people or circumstances? Do you hear him say that he was “distracted,” “provoked,” “pissed off,” or that “the situation got out of control”?
Can he accept criticism and adequate feedback normally and does he often apologize? Unfortunately, the inability to ask for forgiveness and take responsibility may mean that he will one day shift the blame for the problems in your relationship onto you.
Gaslighting
“No need to react so violently, I was just joking.” “Stop making things up, it didn’t happen!” “No one will love you but me.” All these words are uttered by people who want to completely control their partners, not disdaining any means. They can intimidate, impose their opinion, devalue the feelings and desires of a loved one, question his (her) maturity and adequacy. In such relationships, physical violence is replaced by psychological violence, which is difficult to see or prove. An unhealthy partner destroys the self-esteem of a healthy one, forces a person to doubt himself and his emotions, instills in him a lot of fears and complexes through which he is easy to control.
