“One of my clients once admitted at a session that she was terribly tired of information about “alarm bells” that should alert us to the behavior of a potential partner. She herself was badly burned in a previous relationship.
After two years of therapy, she felt ready for something new, but reading popular articles quickly demotivated her. What if the new man is a narcissist? Or emotionally immature? Does he have a dark past or anger management issues? These “red flags” literally dazzle your eyes and make your head spin,” says clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo.
It's normal to be apprehensive about finding a new romantic partner. But in order to reduce the degree of anxiety, the psychologist suggests focusing not on the minuses, but on the pluses - on the traits that distinguish a healthy and adequate partner.
It is important to understand: even if you note all these signs in a person, there is no guarantee that everything will work out between you as it should. In addition, none of us can always be the “best version of ourselves,” and in different situations, under the pressure of circumstances, a person can behave differently. And yet these traits can be relied upon.
He knows how to manage his emotions, especially anger
Want to understand what your new partner is like? Observe how he deals with stress, frustration, disappointment, and especially anger. Yes, we all have episodes that we're not too proud of, and many are familiar with mood swings. The question is how we behave in such situations and after they end. Do we take it out on others? Are we making them feel unsafe?
If you have not yet witnessed a critical moment, ask your partner about how he behaved in various difficult situations. And be sure to pay attention to his behavior during arguments - this can say a lot about a person.
Who is adequate?
Adequate is a concept that emphasizes the compliance of an object with the surrounding reality, situation, expectations, standards of relationships and views, norms and rules. The word “adequacy” comes from the Latin “Adaequatus” - “equal”. In the theory of knowledge, this is complete or supposedly complete correspondence with something. Absolute adequacy is, to a certain extent, a hypothetical value the same as absolute truth and the criterion of truth.
Adequacy in a clinical setting is diagnosed by a psychiatrist, and in everyday life by anyone. The subjectivity of the concept is emphasized by the fact that the meaning embedded in it changes along with the development of society and the person himself. For example, people who are uneducated, in a fit of passion or religious goodness, have very different concepts of adequacy and inadequacy . Perhaps this is why inadequacy is often used as a label that can be applied to almost anyone if their words or actions do not fit into someone else’s picture of the world.
It is impossible to be “adequate at all.” You can be “adequate to something.” Therefore, adequacy is an additional characteristic of a living or inanimate object, an abstract concept:
- An adequate person is one who understands where he is, looks, expresses himself and behaves in accordance with written and unwritten moral norms, models or stereotypes of behavior. Someone who knows how to express himself the way he likes, but at the same time does not cause inconvenience to others.
- Adequacy as a personality quality is a measure of psychological state that allows a person to be a normal member of society.
- An adequate point of view is a manifestation of common sense, concentrated in personal opinion, assessment of what is happening and statements.
- Appropriate behavior is behavior that does not contradict common sense, which is thoughtful and acceptable in a particular society. This is the ability to manage one’s actions, to choose means of achieving a goal that fit into social and legal norms.
The concept of adequacy/inadequacy is used in mathematics, probability theory, philosophy, and psychiatry.
Take a social phobia test
Error state
Directed away from the desired target. For example, when a person in childhood found a way to solve some life problem that was successful for a child, and it turned out to be effective, was repeated many times, was consolidated through repetition, and is now repeated by an adult, although it has long been a reaction. An inadequate reaction is when a child was constantly scolded as a child, and he got used to constantly making excuses, grew up and realized that he no longer needed to make excuses, but he still continues to do it. Behind such maneuverability of a psychologically healthy person there are often the following reasons: physical problems, accident, bad manners, incompetence, psychological problems and provocations of the environment.
Delinquent state
This is when actions are committed that can cause any harm to both society and the individual. Here we should especially highlight adolescent delinquency. Examples of inappropriate behavior of this type include minor offenses, drinking alcohol and using swear words in public places, petty hooliganism and even violating traffic rules. By the way, being absent from work for an unexcused reason or coming to work while drunk are also examples of delinquent behavior.
Signs of inadequacy
There are many signs of inadequacy, but they must be considered comprehensively. Individuals should not be labeled as inadequate if they discover only one of the following manifestations.
The state of inadequacy is expressed in the following actions. And above all, it is found in unpredictable mood changes of a polar nature (a bad mood is replaced by euphoria, a good mood is replaced by a bad one), unexpected reactions to people (excessively impulsive behavior). The facial expressions and gestures of an individual in the described state do not correspond to what is happening. Such subjects are characterized by excessive theatricality, fussiness, excessive gesticulation, or, on the contrary, unnatural calm, inappropriate to the situation, a frozen, unblinking gaze directly into the eyes of the interlocutor.
An inadequate person tends to interrupt those talking, does not listen enough to their arguments and judgments, may not listen to others at all, or voice his own opinion off topic. Peremptory statements often slip through. Individuals in a state of inadequacy often express opinions that are completely inappropriate. They can take the subject of conversation into a completely different direction. They chat more about themselves. Their speech is filled with swear words, rude expressions, and slang phrases. In addition, they can demonstratively use abstruse sentences in ordinary everyday conversation.
In appearance, there is an inappropriate selection of clothing, a style that is inappropriate for the event or setting, pretentious or provocative outfits. The appearance also undergoes changes: brightly colored curls, an unusual hairstyle, provocative makeup. Among the sons of Adam, inadequacy manifests itself in excessive piercings, “tunnels” in the ears, many tattoos, and scarring.
Inadequate people tend to take with hostility any judgments and ideas of their opponents during a conversation, regardless of their reasoning and logic. They are also characterized by increased sensitivity, inadequate reaction to friendly teasing, jokes, and harmless jabs.
Inappropriate behavior can be expressed in aggressiveness, suspicion, motor disinhibition, suicidal attempts or a tendency to self-harm, immoral acts, antisocial behavior, conflict, disruption of social interaction, categorical statements.
How to resist inappropriate behavior?
A proven method is to keep communication to a minimum. If you can’t stop the flow of negativity, following these rules will help:
- Remember that adequacy and inadequacy are subjective concepts associated with a specific person and his ideas about morality.
- Recognize the traits in yourself that attract an energy vampire.
- Get rid of the feelings of guilt that toxic people instill.
- Learn to distinguish constructive criticism from bilious insults.
- Don't be fooled by their complaints, whining, or gossip.
- Do not slip into similar behavior: do not criticize, do not complain, do not be offended.
- Do not have too personal conversations with them, do not share secrets.
- In conversations, use a maximum of facts and a minimum of emotions.
- Do not be afraid of irrevocable losses or breakups.
- Learn to defend your boundaries, say a clear and clear “NO”.
And the main thing is to come to terms with the idea that there are a lot of toxic people around. Therefore, if the internal dialogue continues after a meeting with the offender, it is better to pump up your self-esteem. Or treat yourself with an independent diet: a minimum of toxins and a maximum of communication with good people.
conclusions:
- Adequate in literal translation - equivalent, similar.
- The characteristic “adequate” applied to a person is a subjective assessment that depends on the worldview of the evaluator.
- Inappropriate behavior is not always caused by mental disorders. More often this is a manifestation of human selfishness.
Take the self-esteem test
Causes
Factors that provoke inappropriate behavior in adolescents include:
- Hereditary predisposition - characteristics of the parents, as well as the impact of unfavorable environmental factors on the fetus (bad habits of the mother, working conditions, etc.).
- Social and economic – family instability, family conflicts, low social level of parents and low income.
- Unbearable loads - physical and psycho-emotional fatigue associated with large volumes of tasks at school or additional classes.
- Physiological characteristics - physical defects, flaws in appearance, defects in mental development, which lead to difficulties in adapting to a team, rejection among others, especially peers.
- Mental abnormalities - diseases, nervous and mental disorders, low threshold of excitability.
- Psychological impact - pressure and reproaches from parents, excessive severity or permissiveness, personal character traits (perfectionism or selfishness, indifference).
How can therapy help inadequacy?
Therapists help people uncover and address the childhood experiences that underlie negative feelings in order to recover from them. By working with a therapist, people identify their assets and expand them. Clients learn how to recognize their strengths and minimize their weaknesses so that they can feel confident and adequate, regardless of their limitations.
Inadequacy can hold a person back from dealing with many of life's problems, from career changes to relationship difficulties. Through therapy, a person can learn to develop more realistic expectations for themselves. And also discover activities, relationships and experiences that can develop a sense of competence.
How to check a person's adequacy?
You can independently check the sanity of your interlocutor. To do this, he needs to correlate the individual’s actions with signs of adequate behavior. A sane person will not:
- make fun of others;
- fiercely adhere to a theory that no one supports;
- regularly become depressed;
- intentionally cause people to have a negative attitude towards themselves;
- blindly following other people's beliefs.
A person’s sanity is evidenced by his adequate self-esteem. Such individuals are critical of themselves, thanks to this they are able to clearly see and analyze mistakes. This quality allows them to withstand failures and behave correctly in unusual situations. Irresponsible individuals often blame other people for their failures, not noticing their own misdeeds.
When should you sound the alarm?
In addition to the above points, he invites you to familiarize yourself with examples of behavior that indicate the inadequacy of a partner . So, the following signs indicate an abuser:
- jealousy with or without reason;
- constant changes in mood;
- lack of respect for you;
- power and selfishness;
- inability to control anger;
- disrespect of your personal boundaries;
- habit of blaming you for everything;
- constant control;
- violent behavior;
- insults and violence.
Of course, if these signs are present, you need to run away from the man.
So, we hope that this information will help you find the right life partner and build a serious and strong relationship with him. If you see “alarm bells”, do not ignore them, but need to think soberly. You can find out which men you should avoid in this video:
Degrees of manifestation of adequacy.
Do you want to make better decisions, find your ideal career, realize your maximum potential and receive instructions for individual development?
?
All this can be done using the Human Design
. Build your map and get basic transcripts for free.
Extremely inappropriate behavior that contradicts established or established norms in society is called deviant behavior. There is no single explanation for this behavior. Some explain the deviations by sudden changes in society, others associate them with shortcomings in upbringing. The main forms of manifestation are crime, alcoholism, drug addiction, prostitution, sexual perversion, suicide, self-torture, excessive aggression.
But there are also less obvious manifestations of inadequacy , manifested by the strange behavior of people who:
- They keep many animals in city apartments, large dogs, large or dangerous animals (snakes, for example).
- They appropriate other people's things and single-handedly occupy common space.
- They swear, discuss, criticize, blame other people for all their troubles.
- They deceive, pretend, simulate, try to evoke condescension towards themselves with a false situation.
- They show aggression instead of any arguments, use physical measures of education.
- They show excessive religiosity and hostility towards representatives of other religions.
- They look for signs of gender inequality in every action or a way to emphasize this inequality.
- They destroy the environment: they cut down trees, poison water bodies, and hunt purely for sport.
Most of these actions are explained not by mental disorders, but by selfishness. Moreover, these people consider their behavior absolutely normal. Sometimes they are simply annoying, sometimes they literally suck the energy out of others and poison their lives. Psychologists even came up with a common name for them - “toxic people.”
Extremes
Of course, sometimes there are extreme cases of inadequacy. For example, when a person’s behavior is completely out of the generally accepted framework, it becomes downright dangerous and abnormal.
In most cases, this indicates mental abnormalities and sooner or later leads an overly unusual subject to a hospital. There are also opposite cases, when the poor fellow knows too well what adequacy is, trying to strictly comply with its harsh framework. This person’s opinion is fully consistent with generally accepted norms; they completely shape his inner world, leaving no room for his own conclusions.
Toxic people: adequate or not so?
Toxicity is a failure, but not in genetics, but in attitude and attitude towards others. Toxic people view everything through a filter of skepticism and displeasure. They live in negativity and spread negative energy around them. They never say what they feel, but accuse and demand that others conform to their ideas of adequacy. They live in their reality and generously share their toxicity with others.
How to recognize a toxic person?
At first glance - no way. But there are several signs that can help identify a toxic personality.
Toxic person:
- He never hesitates to harshly criticize his interlocutor.
- I am sure that everything that other people say and do is just to spite him.
- Actively takes part in finding and punishing those responsible.
- Denies his negative sides, covering himself with devaluation and accusation.
- Infects with negativity even after five minutes of communication.
- It instills horror even from a distance, as it can ruin the mood in a telephone conversation.
- Always finds an excuse for his behavior.
- Does not doubt that he is right even without a single argument.
- He does not appreciate, but devalues everything he touches.
- He weaves intrigues and loves to pit others against each other.
- Collects and concentrates grievances and unpleasant memories.
- Openly humiliates the interlocutor in the eyes of others.
And most importantly, toxic people know how to demand and get their way, because they are confident that they are right. Communicating with them takes so much energy that sometimes it’s easier to obey. But this is not a solution. How can you tell them “no” to protect your interests?
Take a character test
Affect of inadequacy
The described phenomenon is a stable negative emotional state that arises as a result of failure, failure and is characterized by ignoring the fact of the fiasco or unwillingness to accept responsibility for failure. It arises as a result of conditions that give rise to the subject’s need to preserve his incorrectly formed high self-esteem and an inflated degree of aspirations.
For an individual to admit his own insolvency means to go against the existing need to preserve his own self-esteem. However, he does not want to allow this. This gives rise to an inadequate response to one’s failure, which manifests itself in the form of affective behavioral reactions.
The affect of inadequacy is a kind of defensive reaction that allows one to get out of confrontation at the cost of rejecting an adequate perception of reality: the individual maintains a high degree of aspirations and inflated self-esteem, while avoiding understanding of his own inadequacy, which became the cause of failure, avoiding incipient hesitations regarding his own skills.
The affect of inadequacy may be limited to one area of an individual’s aspirations, but it can be of a generalized nature, taking over the subject’s entire personality. Children in the described state are characterized by distrust, aggressiveness, resentment, suspicion and negativism. A child's prolonged stay in such a state leads to the development of appropriate character traits.
Affective children are often in persistent confrontation with teaching staff and peers
Therefore, in various ways they try to compensate for their own bad positions, try to attract sympathy for their individuality and attention, thereby striving to satisfy their own claims to good positions and justify personal self-esteem. Such actions place such children in absolute subordination to the opinions of the environment, dependence on approval and evaluation by the team. Such subjugation can be expressed in two boundary manifestations: extreme compliance with group influence and negativistic resistance to group influence.
In an adult, the presence of a persistent affect of inadequacy is often due to personality characteristics
Such subjugation can be expressed in two boundary manifestations: extreme compliance with group influence and negativistic resistance to group influence. In an adult, the presence of a persistent affect of inadequacy is often due to personality characteristics.
For other groups of people behaving inappropriately
there is the following rule. If a person behaves in such a way that one may suspect that he has a mental disorder, he can be provided with psychiatric help without his consent only when his actions pose an immediate danger to himself or others. This is written in “On psychiatric care and guarantees for citizens in its provision.” In other cases, assistance is provided only by court decision. An application to the court is submitted by a psychiatrist (local psychiatrist), who is conducting an appointment at a dispensary, or by a hospital emergency room doctor, if the patient was brought there.
Thus, the correct course of action in relation to a person suspected of suffering from a mental disorder is:
- Ensure your own safety
- Call the police if a person violates public order or someone else's rights
- Submit a written application to the psychiatric clinic at the patient’s place of residence
In conclusion, I would like to note that someone’s strange behavior never means a mandatory call to a psychiatrist or hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital. Perhaps the person has suffered mental trauma, serious stress or emotional shock; maybe he has lost his nerve, he is offended, angry, annoyed or humiliated. This condition is called an “acute affective reaction.” Over time, this condition can go away on its own: the person himself will find a way out of the situation. Inappropriate behavior may be due to the fact that he is under the influence of alcohol or drugs, and his inappropriate behavior is associated with this. And this will also pass without outside help, without examination or hospitalization.
And there is another very important thought that I would like to express. Please remember that in any case, you alone are responsible for your own safety. Try to ensure this safety for yourself first. Do not attempt to assist persons who are not helpless. Especially if you are not asked to do so. If you really want to help a mental patient, call a specialist. And then everything will be okay.
All materials on the site are presented for informational purposes only, approved by certified physician Mikhail Vasiliev, diploma series 064834, in accordance with license No. LO-77-005297 dated September 17, 2012, by a certified specialist in the field of psychiatry, certificate number 0177241425770.
