Secrets of a happy relationship: a selection of useful materials

We learn everything: solve problems, design cars, erect buildings, make estimates, draw graphs, ski, speak a foreign language... For what? The answer is simple: to create, achieve success, achieve goals, make life better - yours and those around you. But what many do not learn consciously and purposefully is building relationships. Meanwhile, this question is almost the most important in the life of any person, because what is more valuable than the other half, a life partner... How to build a happy relationship? How to make relationships better? How to achieve harmony? What is important for a man and a woman? You can find answers to these and other questions in our special selection.

Why does a person need a relationship: answers from psychologists

This article is for those who are just building or intend to build their future: we can help you figure out why someone might need a relationship with you. Yes, understanding another person and what he needs from you is often much more important than nurturing and nurturing your dreams and desires. In any case, if you are interested in healthy, harmonious relationships. Our task in this article is, firstly, to present academic concepts in simple human language. And, secondly, to find in the depths of academic science something interesting and useful that will most vividly and imaginatively illuminate the question “Why does a person need a relationship?” and maybe help you find your own exclusive answer. Read more…

Be honest with each other

Happy relationships are built on trust. When you started living together, you automatically became close people. Not roommates or neighbors, but those you can trust. Leave omissions and lies in the past, be as frank as possible. You will see that this will result in more understanding and less jealousy in your union.

Conflicts are inevitable. But you can solve them right away, without putting them off until later, when you calm down. It is important to do this without hysterics and psychosis. By the way, the best sex happens after a big scandal.

Don't leave reconciliation for later. Then the woman will screw herself up in such a way that you will spend an eternity spinning her thoughts!

And forget about control. In a trusting relationship, it is important to give your loved one freedom. As much as she needs. And remember that a woman will reach out for a real man on her own; for this you do not need to drag her along with you.

Are joint goals an illusion or a way to strengthen relationships?

People who are even slightly interested in the psychology of relationships in couples have already repeatedly come across tons of advice on how to strengthen their relationships. And among these tons of advice, the recommendation to have common interests and common goals ranks high. This is, in general, correct, but a thoughtful reader and attentive observer still gets a feeling of either understatement or inconsistency. What's the matter? Is it not for these very common goals, which do not necessarily have to be obvious to everyone they meet? Let's try to understand this unusual issue. Read more…

Relationships are freedom

I have always been sincerely surprised by men who do not want to build relationships, because “women do not let you take a step, total control in everything. You can’t take a shit normally!”

That's right, when you choose a mommy over a partner, control is inevitable. She will make sure that you don’t poke your dick into unnecessary holes and always wear a hat and underpants. She has no limits of caring, but you won’t get the support that you, as a man, need. It’s just that such a woman doesn’t know how to give it, she was taught to take care of it.

The peculiarity of mature relationships is that adults enter into them: men who know how to provide and protect and women who create comfort and support.

Try to grow up yourself first, and only then look for a woman who has no need to become someone’s mommy.

Joint goals and top 12 ways to look for them

Finding common goals, despite the complexity of the process, makes sense to strengthen relationships. If a couple manages to find a common goal, such an alliance becomes a hundred times stronger and more reliable than any other tandems that go with the flow and don’t even really know what they want from each other, except money and sex. And even the very process of such a search will already be rewarded with greater mutual understanding, mutual respect and mutual interest in each other as individuals. Even if you don’t yet want to overshadow the cloudlessness of your romantic relationship with some kind of goals, it doesn’t matter, just start a dialogue now, while you are ready to listen to each other endlessly and enjoy every minute when the two of you are together. Read more…

Weekends together

There is such a wonderful rule “2-2-2”. It is as simple and effective as possible, but sometimes it is extremely difficult to implement. What do we have to do?

The main rules of a good relationship are that partners spend a lot of time together, know each other’s preferences and habits, and provide support.

So the “2-2-2” rule is no exception:

Plan a romantic outing every 2 weeks . This could be a trip to a restaurant, a movie or a picnic, a weekend outside the city, where it will be just the two of you. It is important that you are alone: neither children, nor friends, no one should stop you from enjoying each other’s company.
Plan a weekend together every 2 months . You can spend time together in a country house, go to the sea, even if it’s winter, or just to another city. This is necessary to change the situation, and therefore improve your relationship.
Every 2 years, go on a joint vacation , where it will be just the two of you. Which vacation to choose for such a trip is up to you to decide. It could be a lazy beach holiday somewhere in Egypt, or wild hikes every day in the Alps, or exploring the vibrant streets of Paris in the company of your loved one.

It is clear that it will not always be possible to strictly adhere to this rule, but if you both make an effort, you will succeed.

Problematic relationships: harassment, abuse and bullying. What is it and what can you do about it?

Intimidation, bullying in a team, sexual harassment, discrimination based on age, gender, nationality, domestic violence - this is not always widely publicized. Because people are afraid of complications of the situation and disapproval from society. And in society it is not customary to talk about such problems out loud. Some people hurt others, others suffer bullying and often simply do not know how to deal with their offender, or consider such behavior to be the norm. But knowing under what masks violence can be hidden, you can recognize it and stop it, protecting yourself and your loved ones from possible threats to well-being. And it is precisely this goal that served as the reason for writing this article. Read more…

Pareto's law guards love and understanding

Most likely, you have already heard about this law or, as it is also called, the rule.

20% of efforts give 80% of results,
and the remaining 80% of effort is only 20% of the result.

Examples of Pareto's law in life:

20% of exercises are responsible for creating an ideal figure.
We wear 20% of the clothes in our closet 80% of the time.
20% of customers bring 80% of profits.
20% of readers leave 80% of comments on articles.

This law itself explains a lot, but what does it have to do with the sphere of relationships? The answer is simple.

Maintaining personal space in family and relationships

Many people know the feeling when loving people look forward to a wedding celebration and, full of hope and enthusiasm, begin life together under one roof. From now on, they must share affairs, worries and everyday life with each other. Now they will fall asleep and wake up together, cook, receive guests, celebrate memorable dates, get ready for work and plan vacations. A harmonious life together is a great value, but harmony can only be achieved if partners respect each other’s personal space. In this article we will talk about personal space from the perspective of family and relationships. Read more…

Positive attitude

When you are a sad piece of shit, it is extremely difficult to live with you. Such people always pretend to be victims; they do not respect the needs of their partner, since their personal condition always comes first.

Yes, you should come first for yourself. But at the same time, your significant other should also play an important role in your life. All relationship secrets are built on the fact that you respect and appreciate each other.

And this cannot be done without a positive outlook on life. Maintain your equanimity, even if it seems that life has gone to hell. Believe me, there are no situations from which a real man, who has such enormous support as his beloved woman, could not get out.

And don’t let your beloved hang her nose. Loving is not just about giving gifts and giving compliments. It is also support in difficult moments of life, sympathy and understanding.

Some tips for creating harmonious relationships

A distinctive feature of modernity is that life is increasingly filled with substituted values. True values such as trust, love, family, friendship, etc. faded into the background somewhere. However, somewhere inside, in the depths of the soul, thoughts still appear that something is wrong. And if these thoughts are allowed to develop, they will inevitably lead to the understanding that in life the first place should not be money, not power or fame, but a person’s relationship with himself and with others, and even more so with loved ones. people. In this article we will talk specifically about the topic of relationships between two people, namely how to build a harmonious relationship with a loved one. Read more…

The main secrets of a happy relationship between a man and a woman

Never make a scandal.

If you feel like a hurricane of emotions is raging inside, tell yourself “stop”, breathe, calm down and collect your thoughts. A man is not a whipping boy. You cannot make your loved one an object for an outburst of irritation, anger and rage. With one careless word or rude shout you can destroy everything you have built over the years. Not all people quickly forgive an insult and not all words can be easily forgotten.

Sometimes offensive phrases hurt more than physical violence, especially if they are aimed at the partner’s vulnerable, weak points. You may immediately regret what you said, but it will not lessen the pain your words caused your loved one.

Make time for each other.

Try to spend time together, even if you have a busy schedule at work and your vacation is still far away. This is especially important for couples who have been together for many years. Lovers already try not to be separated for a long time, but experienced spouses, absorbed in routine and everyday life, may forget to devote time to each other. As a result, the husband and wife move away, the connection between them is lost, common interests and topics for conversation disappear. If you don't have an activity to do together, create one. Go to a restaurant, go ice skating, or take a walk in the park. The main thing is to be interested in each other, listen to your partner, delve into his life.

Support each other in business.

A man feels calmer and more confident and achieves more if he has a reliable support in the person of a caring and understanding lover. Women need support too. When a lady has decided on a partner and is confident in her future, she can devote herself entirely to an interesting business or career. Mutual support is important not only for achieving career goals. For example, a girl wants to learn how to ride a bike, but is afraid. If a partner shows participation and patience and helps his beloved tame his two-wheeled friend, this will bring young people closer together and strengthen trust.

In fact, support is important in all significant matters. It gives a feeling of unity, community, security. It’s so wonderful when there is a person nearby with whom you can laugh and cry, be happy and sad, share a new idea and plans for the future and hear in response that together you will achieve everything.

Never betray your loved one.

True love goes hand in hand with loyalty. Even if your loved one is far away or you have a little quarrel, true feelings do not weaken due to difficulties, and sometimes they harden and become even deeper. The secret to a happy relationship with a man is fidelity. If you are truly in love, then other gentlemen cease to exist for you. You will never give a reason to doubt your feelings, because there is nothing worse than betrayal. It’s scary to live, constantly expecting a dirty trick from your partner and suspecting him of lying. True love and deception are incompatible with each other.

Respect your partner.

Respect is often associated with professional relationships or with older people and rarely with family life. In everyday, everyday relationships, it is forgotten, it is replaced by other, more petty feelings. But respect implies recognition of the dignity of an individual. And when love and passion fade over the years, husband and wife may be left facing emptiness in their relationship. But if partners respect each other, their life together will always be filled with meaning.

6. Always trust your partner.

If you are constantly afraid that you are being deceived, suspect your partner, spy on him, read SMS, have trouble sleeping at night, then you cannot be called a happy person, and your life most likely looks like a nightmare. And how things would change if you just started trusting your lover!

The secret to a happy relationship with a man is trust. If a young man constantly notices that you are watching him, eavesdropping and controlling him, he will break off the relationship with you. A reliable union is possible where a man and a woman, knowing each other’s strengths and weaknesses, accept their partner with all his imperfections and trust him.

Don't be like other couples' relationships.

No two people are the same, so it makes no sense to compare your relationship with what is shown on TV, written in magazines, or what your girlfriends tell you. To many people, someone else's life seems more attractive and advantageous, but you should not envy. Everyone has secrets and innuendos. And if your friend is happy with her husband, then it is absolutely not a fact that in her place you would experience the same feelings.

You can take into account your experience, your mistakes, but under no circumstances should you be equal to other couples. Take care of your individuality. After all, if you envy, it means you don’t trust yourself, your choices, your decisions and goals. Therefore, you first need to look inside yourself and figure out why you are not happy with what you have and want what belongs to other people.

Experience not only joy but also sorrow together.

Men often hide their experiences, hide behind a mask of coldness, indifference and severity, because they are afraid of appearing weak. This is especially true for emotions associated with loss: sadness, grief, longing. But this does not mean that there are no feelings. A wise woman will always see that her lover is feeling bad and will support him with a kind word, a hug or a gentle touch.

Learn to find the good in the bad.

The secret to a long and happy relationship is to perceive everything positively. When a woman is in love, she sees perfection in her man. But time passes, the couple has been married for ten years, and the ideal has already faded somewhat. My husband's endearing features turned into annoying flaws. Socks hanging on the radiator for a week, crumbs on the table, water on the floor after a shower - everything that was previously barely noticeable now causes a storm of negative emotions. But are you really perfect? Or maybe your spouse leaves the kitchen while you are dipping cookies in tea and then eating them, smacking your lips slightly? All people have shortcomings, this must be accepted as a given. But try to look at them from a positive point of view or just let your husband be himself.

Learn to listen.

People often cease to understand each other because they do not know how to ask questions and listen to answers. Partners cannot read minds and guess desires and needs. Many problems could be avoided if some people were not shy about talking about their needs, and others were able to listen and give what is needed.

Often partners only pretend to listen to each other, but are actually immersed in their own thoughts. Such communication will not improve relationships, will not bring lovers closer, will not help get rid of the burden of unspoken desires. Learn to actively listen to your partner so as not to lose touch with him and remain close people.

Constantly nourish the relationship.

Many couples believe that marriage eliminates the need for further work on the relationship. But this is far from true. A harmonious family life requires daily work. The secret to a happy, long-term marital relationship lies in constant emotional nourishment. Think about what you can do for your lover and how to please him.

Establish shared values.

Each family is individual and unique. In some couples, husband and wife have a common hobby, for example, playing tennis. In others, spouses do not share each other’s hobbies; each does his own favorite thing: the husband goes hunting, the wife knits in the evenings. But any strong union is built on common life values, such as attitude towards children, religion, and environmental protection.

Don't be vindictive.

Resentment is dangerous to health, as it implies the accumulation of negative emotions. And it doesn’t make a person look good at all, revealing his unkind disposition. Learn to sincerely forgive your loved one. This valuable quality will improve your relationship, maintain your partner's trust in you and improve your emotional state.

Of course, some things cannot be forgiven, but which ones are up to you to decide.

Be realistic.

Don't try to copy relationships from TV series or romance novels, live real life. The secret to a long and happy relationship is that partners can be themselves without looking up to soap opera characters. Don't expect from your lover what he cannot give you. Long-term relationships are possible when each partner contributes to their creation and adequately assesses their capabilities and the capabilities of the other half.

Don't forget to talk about loving each other.

Routine is like a swamp, it drags you in and makes life monotonous. The spouses are constantly preoccupied with solving everyday problems and have already forgotten when they confessed their love to each other. This harms family relationships. Do not forget to tell your loved one about your feelings, otherwise over time he will think that they no longer exist.

To learn how to properly resolve problems that arise in a relationship, watch this video.

How to tune your brain for harmonious relationships

Why is communication necessary even for an introvert? What prevents us from building harmonious relationships? How can you learn to enjoy meetings with friends, relatives and colleagues? How to live in peace and harmony with your loved one? Psychiatrist Amy Banks answers these questions in her book On the Same Wavelength, which was recently published by Mann, Ivanov and Ferber. In the article we will tell you about the main ideas of the author and at the same time give some practical advice on building truly correct relationships in which everyone is happy. Read more…

Create memories together

The important secret of an ideal relationship is that such a couple has something to remember and some of these memories can even be told to friends.

Each of you should have personal hobbies, but try to come up with something you can do together:

bachata, tango, hip-hop;
hikes, picnics, trips to the country house RELAX, travel;
wood burning, pottery, drawing;
BDSM, orgies, perversions.

You see, it could be anything. Plan to travel to another country a couple of times a year. By the way, you really don’t need a million dollars for this, try to do something that you both will like.

Of course, an evening in front of the TV also has its place. Nobody canceled seal day. But try to add variety to your leisure time.

Five love languages

Have you ever felt like you were talking to your other half “in different languages”? Do you feel that you are sincerely expressing your love, but you are not understood? Why is this happening? It's not enough to be sincere; you and your partner need to speak the same love language. This is a very important step towards harmony and happy relationships. If we express and perceive love in different ways, we will mistakenly believe that love does not manifest itself in any way. What are the different love languages? How to determine them? How to learn to “speak” them? How to avoid misunderstandings and how will this improve your relationship? You will find answers to all questions in this article. Read more…

Either happy or not at all

Over time, I realized that a woman like me can either be in a happy relationship or not be in one at all.

For many years, I have observed that women in unhappy relationships have a much worse life than unmarried women who are fulfilled in other areas and have a wonderful environment . Building long-term relationships is very difficult for them, and takes away energy from them that they could spend on implementation in other areas of life. Therefore, I followed the path of the latter - I chose conscious loneliness instead of relationships that were inferior in my understanding.

But I also saw other women. Realized in the family, filled with feminine energy, more balanced. Their lives seemed more fulfilling to me. And the relationship did not interfere, but on the contrary, helped them successfully build a career or run their own business. Their success in a happy relationship inspired me.

The path to the relationship of my dreams was long and thorny. I have done a huge amount of inner work along this path. Now I have a model for building such relationships that I teach other women.

I systematized the knowledge received from my teachers in the field of relationships, my own negative and positive experiences and saw the patterns that formed the basis of my model - 5 pillars of long-term happiness in relationships.

This model does not simply provide for the creation of a family for the sake of procreation. And the unification of men and women for their development as a single whole. I don't claim that this model will work for every woman. But if you share my beliefs and values, it will most likely be right for you.

Sternberg's three-part theory of love

We invite you to get acquainted with the extremely interesting three-component theory of love by psychologist Robert Sternberg. He identifies three fundamental components of love and several of its forms, based on different combinations of these components. Sterberg argues that maintaining perfect love is more difficult than achieving it. Also, this love can be interrupted by other forms - in the event of the loss of any component. This topic is really very interesting, so we suggest opening your mind to new information and trying to apply unusual knowledge in practice. Read more…

Advice for young people

Go on dates more often

Very few people make dating an integral part of their marriage. Postponing dates is easy to justify when obligations to children and family always come first. However, couples in love understand that if they do not put their relationship first, it can destroy the structure of the entire family. Therefore, try to go somewhere together from time to time - arrange dates for yourself.

Share your weaknesses

Sharing emotions is not the most pleasant thing. However, it is necessary to strengthen the marital bond and grow together. Loving couples try to find a balance between having fun and spending time discussing their worries and worries because they see the value it brings to their relationship.

Find a balance between how much you give and how much you take.

Relationships are said to be based on the principles of “give and take.” Loving couples do more than that.

They can find a balance between who gives how much and who takes how much. This is quite difficult, because with this approach you do not need to take your partner for granted and keep him at the forefront of your intentions. You also need to be kind to what your partner gives you and try to be open.

Respect your partner's family

Showing respect to your partner's family can be tricky, especially if there has been previous conflict, and especially if your partner has had a contentious relationship from the start.

It's also especially difficult if you're not on the best terms with your own in-laws. However, a good rule of thumb for loving couples is to be respectful of their in-laws and supportive of each other.

Set boundaries with your significant other's friends

Maintaining these friendships can take a lot of energy. To develop a normal relationship, you need to spend a lot of effort and time, so at the first stage, friendship with your spouse’s friends may not have the best effect on the marriage. Couples in love set appropriate boundaries with their spouse's friends that do not interfere with their marriage.

Online program “Building Relationships”

In 4 weeks on this program, you will learn how to build a relationship in which both partners will be happy and satisfied, learn to help cope with difficulties and develop together, find mutual understanding and live in harmony with your partner. The program will help you learn to live a happier and more vibrant life, understand how to unlock your potential and expand your boundaries, as well as save time and take care of your health. It doesn’t matter whether you are in a relationship now or just planning to start a couple, this knowledge will be very useful and will help you avoid many mistakes. Find out more...

We will not be original if we say that relationships, like a flower, require care and careful treatment. However, we sincerely believe that this collection will bring you closer to understanding how to care for a relationship correctly!

We also recommend reading:

Storytelling
Anger management: a selection of useful materials
Causes of problematic relationships
Problematic relationships: harassment, abuse and bullying. What is it and what can you do about it?
Healthy relationships: what they are and how to build them
Sue Johnson, The Feeling of Love. A New Scientific Approach to Romantic Relationships"
Practical benefits of self-knowledge
Are joint goals an illusion or a way to strengthen relationships?
Why does a person need a relationship: answers from psychologists
Conflicts in relationships: a selection of useful materials
Joint goals and top 12 ways to look for them

Keywords:1Communications, 1Relationships

What not to do to avoid ruining a relationship

Speak badly about your partner's family

Never criticize your lover's family, even if there are plenty of reasons. Your partner himself may understand that his relatives are not ideal, but your negative comments about them can anger him and cause irreparable harm to the relationship.

Spy on your partner

Put yourself in your lover's shoes. Would you like it if your entire personal life was under his control?!

Men are careful about their personal space. This does not mean that your partner is going to deceive you and hide something. He just needs intimate territory that belongs only to him.

Clarify relationships in public

All couples have quarrels. Some do it violently, emotionally, others silently and restrainedly. But what irritates men most is an uncontrollable scandal that goes beyond the family and is witnessed by people around them.

Forget about your appearance

When a well-groomed lady is next to a man, he feels more confident and significant. But it often happens that in marriage a woman stops paying attention to her appearance. Unfortunately, the husband perceives such a change as a sign that his wife has become no longer interested in him. Therefore, do not forget that the secret of a happy relationship with a man lies in your well-groomed appearance.

Trying to change your partner

Many women make this mistake: they strive to change their partner, to bring them closer to far-fetched standards, thereby making it clear that they do not like the man as he is. This causes many problems in relationships.

Is it possible to turn a shark into a crucian carp? It’s the same with people. Every person is unique and deserves respect. Therefore, accept people as they are.

You compare your relationships to others

Look at your friends, bloggers, celebrities, your own parents and expect the same to happen to you. For example, mom and dad have been preparing a three-course lunch every day for 30 years, and your wife orders food in a restaurant and calmly watches a TV series - it’s a mess. Or that Instagram star’s husband constantly carries pood bouquets, takes her to the sea and gives her a bunch of sweet surprises, but yours doesn’t earn money for all this - maybe he doesn’t love you enough.

Such thoughts can completely ruin your mood. And relationships too. Although comparing your couple with others is generally unconstructive. Firstly, you are always shown only the front facade and most often you do not know what is happening behind closed doors. And secondly, it’s better to think about what exactly you’re missing in your relationship and calmly discuss it with your partner. If, of course, he is basically able to change this.

The success of each spouse rests on four shoulders

It is much easier for a man to achieve success in his career when he has an understanding and caring wife at his side. This equally applies to ladies; they need support in their professional lives, and not constant redirection from work to the kitchen. Each of us needs support not only in relation to our careers, but also in other aspects of life. You can learn something, you can develop in your hobby, you can play sports or volunteer. Yes, you can even open your own business.

The main thing is to always have support behind you; there is no price for it in moments of beginnings. It’s so wonderful when you can share your success with someone, when you can celebrate your victory together. It is very motivating when our life partners are proud of us, it inspires us to conquer new heights in life.

Law of similars in marriage

Photo by Blue Bird: Pexels
Before we look at what is the key to a good relationship between a woman and a man, let’s pay attention to such a psychological principle as the Law of Similarity. Initially, we perceive the model of behavior as correct, which we see in the parental family. But our parents are not always able to set a healthy guideline.

Let's say a certain girl lived in a family where the father was an alcoholic. Most likely, her husband will not be indifferent to alcohol. She didn't see anyone else. Her subconscious perceives all men as potential alcoholics.

Even if her husband does not accept alcohol, her vision of the situation will make it so that they will either separate, or he will develop a craving for alcohol. Like attracts like. If you think you are lucky for a certain type of man, then look within yourself. This happens because you have this trait too.

Only by changing your attitude towards others, by stopping labeling, can you break this situation. If you want your husband to be a worthy person, become one yourself.

The world does not need peace of war!

It often happens that in anger we are able to say such nasty things to each other that we ourselves will then be disgusted to remember. But it’s one thing to say, and another to hear nasty things addressed to you. Even after reconciliation, an unpleasant aftertaste always remains. Sometimes you can completely destroy a relationship with one sharp phrase uttered in anger. After all, not everyone is able to forgive insults, and even those who are able can still remember them at the right time. It is much easier to restrain yourself from careless remarks than to beg for forgiveness later. Whenever entering into a verbal altercation, you need to know the line that you simply cannot cross.

Yes, and perhaps you don’t need to get hung up on the words that your partner blurted out in the heat of the moment. He or she can be understood, he (she) did not read this post