Where to start self-development: step-by-step plan and my example

I made my first attempts to outline my desires by area of ​​life in 2011 (I have kept all my diaries and notes since 1998 - so I have physical evidence and can clearly trace these things ;-)) In 2014, I already set specific goals for self-development - specifically and systematically, in every area. And it’s been since 2014 that I’ve set goals every year in all areas – and here’s why.

2014 the year became a turning point for me. In 12 months: I started traveling and visited three countries (Israel, Crete, Germany), studied at two international schools, learned another language, got a driver’s license, a management position at work, met the man of my dreams, got married and on New Year’s Eve. a year ago I found out we were having a baby! It's been just a crazy year! And what’s interesting is that all these changes occurred in accordance with the goals that I set in December 2013.

So, as you understand, in this article I will share my experience - where to start self-development. Here are the issues this article covers:

Here's how my life has changed since 2011, by area:

A ready-made self-development plan - an example from my personal experience

My example of self-development is not about “successful success”, not about luck and winning the lottery) My story is about how to systematically work on yourself and gradually change all areas of life, achieve your goals and fulfill your desires: be it meeting a loved one, getting promoted for work, traveling around the world or changing activities.

And in this article I will share with you not only my example of self-development, but specific tools and techniques, tested from personal experience.

The main stages of personal self-improvement

Self-development in psychology is an individual process that each person goes through in his own way. However, in psychology there are general stages of self-improvement:

• need for change;
• idea of ​​the ideal “I”;
• searching for your strengths and weaknesses;
• drawing up a plan to achieve the goal;
• direct actions.

Need for change

Everyone comes to the understanding that change is needed in their own way. The higher the level of awareness, the easier it is to do this. How to understand that you need to reach the next level:

1. It seems to you that life has lost its logic, the behavior of others has become strange. Perhaps you are not a model of adequacy. You are thrown from side to side.
2. Feeling like a stagnant swamp. You don't feel the taste of life. Routine and everyday life cause apathy. It seems to you that you are falling back and losing your skills.
3. Procrastination is constantly putting off necessary, important things. Instead of working, you hang out on your phone and are constantly distracted from the task at hand. It is difficult for you to start and complete any business.
4. A vague feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself, the environment, life. At first glance, everything is fine, and you should be happy, but something is constantly oppressing you and doesn’t suit you.

It’s not easy to immediately realize that it’s time to reach a new level, but our subconscious mind actively helps with this, signaling in different ways.

Idea of ​​the ideal "I"

The next step after realizing that change is overdue is understanding what exactly you want to achieve. At this stage it is necessary to set goals.

It is important to understand what you really want. It’s not just a big income, but the purpose of obtaining finance is to buy a car or a house, travel, or open a business.

Finding strengths and weaknesses

When you decide on the “ideal”, sort yourself out. What do you need to achieve your goal?

It is important to understand that the presence of deficiencies is considered normal. You should not consider yourself worse than others. Consider this stage as a kind of revision that helps you understand what is preventing you from being happy.

Any disadvantage can be worked out and turned into an advantage. Critical thinking will allow you to understand how you can use personal qualities. You are too meticulous and slow; there are many areas of activity where this is a key skill. Don't be afraid to change yourself, your lifestyle, your job, your hobbies.

Drawing up an action plan

Having decided on your desires, strengths and weaknesses, make a clear plan. What exactly needs to be done and how long it will take. Break the path into small sections, this will make it easier to move forward.

Trainings, video lessons, and psychotherapy sessions will come to your aid. Find out more about people who have achieved success.

Active actions

When you have a complete understanding of the goal and methods of achieving it, do not procrastinate. Active actions are the key to success.

Study more materials on a topic of interest, communicate with like-minded people, and turn your plans into reality.

Without practical action, knowledge will not be useful. Ignore people who discourage you or doubt your success. If criticism from others interferes, try to change your social circle.

Avoid envious, constantly complaining, angry people. They will try to “pull” you back. Communicate with those who have already achieved what you want or have moved further along this path. Charge yourself with positivity.

“Self-development is...” What does this concept include?

“Self-development” - how often do we hear this word now... But what does this term include?

In fact, each person puts his own meaning into the concept of “self-development” - depending on what worries him and what he feels the need to improve himself.

But still, I will try to give a universal definition of the term “self-development” and, based on it, offer you a plan, directions and stages for self-development.

Self-development is the development of a person in all spheres of life and evolutionary gradual growth, as a result of which a person “sees and understands” more and accordingly improves the quality of his life in all respects.

Very often, “self-development” is equated with “personal growth,” but this is far from the same thing.

Personal growth is one of the areas of life (there are 9 in total) in which self-development is carried out. Personal growth is pumping up the personality: personal qualities, character, developing positive qualities, fighting bad habits, working with beliefs and attitudes. Other self-development tasks are distributed across other 8 areas.

Let's remember the main 9 areas of life - these will be the main directions for self-development:

1. Personal growth and spiritual development
2. Self-realization, career growth
3. Health (nutrition, sports, beauty, personal care)
4. Love, relationships.
5. Home and family (children, relatives)
6. Communication/Environment/Friends
7. Finance and material well-being
8. Holidays/Leisure/Travel
9. Hobbies and interests

That is, personal growth is one of the eight areas for self-development, but not its synonym.

Let me make a few clarifications on the areas. Surely, you noticed that “Love and Relationships” and “Family” are 2 different areas in my scheme. This, of course, does not mean that you need to start a relationship on the side of the family)) But this is a call to pay special attention to your husband and relationships with him - to allocate time for only two, to leave the traditional roles of “mom” and “dad” and be just a man and women who are sincerely interested in each other, go on dates and interesting events. I have already written special articles on the blog and continue to develop this topic - for example, how to bring romance back into marriage, why go on a date with your husband, etc.)

Advice from experts: the path to self-development

Most advice related to personal growth comes down to a new organization of personal time, space and attitude towards oneself and the world. They can be reduced to the following universal scheme:

1. Normalization of sleep. Quality sleep is the key to energy and desire to live. To feel comfortable, an adult needs 6–9 hours. It is important to go to bed earlier, since the most productive rest occurs from 22.00 to 2.00 am. Healthy sleep is very important, because your well-being and strength directly depend on it.
2. Making time for personal interests. Coaches advise setting aside an hour of morning time for yourself. You don’t need to spend it on cooking breakfast or showering. Spend this hour thinking about the day ahead or doing yoga, going for a morning run to your favorite music, reading an interesting book - activities that bring pleasure.
3. Positive thinking. Don’t dwell on the negative, don’t chew the gum of bad memories, anger, resentment, envy. You have a right to these feelings. They are natural, but they need to be forgotten and transformed. You need to draw conclusions from any unpleasant situation and leave it in the past. It will take 21 days to develop a new way of thinking. It takes so long to form a habit. Psychologists advise wearing an elastic band or bracelet on your wrist. When you start to get stuck on negative emotions, lightly hit yourself with them. Start a new 21 days without anger report. For convenience, you can set small goals for three days or a week.
4. Smile. Smile at the reflection, your interlocutor, and the people around you. This increases the level of endorphins in the blood and facilitates communication.
5. Prioritization. A very important point in the process of personal development. Only by separating the wheat from the chaff can you direct your strength in the right direction. Determine what is more important at this stage. What needs to be done now and what can wait. Understand what you are striving for. Break a large goal into several small ones. Take your time to reach each of them. Without knowing yourself, your true desires, it is impossible to move forward and develop. Keeping a diary and meditation helps you understand yourself better.
6. Planning. Make it a rule to devote your weekend evening to summing up the results of the week. Praise yourself for your successes and deal with your mistakes. Plan for the coming week. Set yourself small goals and the same deadlines.

Practice

Completion time: A week or two, then move on to the next step. At the same time, continue to meditate, just move on to the next level.

Start meditating for 20 minutes 2 times a day, without fail, systematically, without missing a single session. If it is very difficult to sit in one place for 20 minutes, then reduce this time to 10-15 minutes…. It is better to reduce the time of meditation than to skip it altogether. If you, in the comments to this step, write your impressions of the practice a week after you started doing it, then this is only welcome. If you have any questions, be sure to ask them here in the comments. Don't be lazy, nothing else is required from you at this step. You are not obligated to achieve any results yet, and they are unlikely to happen right away, just meditate and try to follow all the accompanying recommendations regarding this process. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t succeed: few people succeed in everything at once.

Why does a girl need to develop herself?

Self-development is necessary for every person, regardless of whether it is a girl or a man. The main thing that self-development gives us is:

• Formation of oneself as an individual . Formation occurs through comprehension of the basics of psychology and the application of spiritual practices.
• The emergence of self-confidence . This quality is developed through a better understanding of one’s own actions and the knowledge gained during training.
• Expanding your horizons . Self-development involves studying a new area of ​​knowledge, which means it helps expand your understanding of the world.
• New opportunities in life . A person will be able to realistically assess what is happening to him, and will learn to see the chances of realization in his own activities.
• Improving standard of living . Gradually, you will learn to create cause-and-effect relationships that will allow you to avoid making previous mistakes, which means moving faster towards your goal.
• Development of the best qualities . By realizing what is worth working on, you can significantly develop your skills, turning them into undeniable advantages.

Self-development is the desire to learn new things. When a person develops himself, he does not need teachers. It is impossible to learn something if there is no desire, so try to look at familiar things differently and take responsibility for your actions.

High and low self-esteem

A person who has embarked on the path of self-development and self-improvement must be able to objectively evaluate himself. Normal self-esteem allows you to look critically at the situation, find weaknesses and strengthen them. People with low and high self-esteem are like two sides of the same coin. They are united by fear of criticism, dependence on the opinions of others, and envy.

Inflated self-esteem is characterized by:

1. An arrogant attitude towards others, manifested in isolation and detachment.
2. Such a person considers himself right. He imposes his point of view as the only possible one. He loves to teach, educate, and assert himself.
3. It is difficult for such an individual to ask for help or apologize.

No matter how a person positions himself, it is important for him what others think about him - parents, neighbors, friends, colleagues. He needs to stay at a high level and not lose face. This leads to setting inflated goals. If results are not achieved, depression develops.

Low self-esteem is characterized by:

1. Inability to make decisions, shifting responsibility onto someone else's shoulders.
2. Constant dissatisfaction with oneself, appearance, mental abilities. At the same time, the person does not strive to change anything and rejects advice and help.
3. Such people like to press on pity and demonstratively engage in self-flagellation if it brings dividends.
4. An individual with low self-esteem blames others and the state for his troubles.
5. Frequent attacks of non-verbal aggression, attempts to take revenge on the weak.

A person with low self-esteem needs approval; he constantly focuses on the opinions of others. He is ready to give up his own interests for the sake of approval from his environment.

Planning your development

Creating a detailed plan for self-development, indicating the time for achieving what you want and the stages of achievement, will help you work effectively to implement your plans.

Step-by-step instructions for self-development will be individual for each person and for each set of tasks. However, some steps may be common.

Select several goals of different sizes

For convenience, a table is created, one column in which will be devoted to goals, and the other to possible deadlines. The goals that are achieved first will become motivation for achieving other goals.

Create milestones that indicate progress towards achieving

For each task, a separate action plan is drawn up, which is followed during work. For example, if your goal is to learn a foreign language, your plan might be:

1. Find an additional source of income to earn money to attend language courses.
2. Sign up for language courses.
3. Get a diploma.
4. Earn money to take courses at a summer camp in the country of the language you are learning.
5. Take training at a summer camp.
6. Start communicating with native speakers.

Take into account unforeseen situations (an additional source of income was not found) and new opportunities (an offer was received to take language courses for free), add to the plan or remove items from it.

Arrange the stages on a timeline

Indicate the time for completing your plans: jogging tomorrow at 5.00, visiting the opera on March 26, replacing the plumbing in the bathroom by the end of the year. The more detailed the plan, the better the brain will be programmed to implement it. You will be able to better control your achievements. Be prepared for some plan events to happen earlier or later than you expect.

Take action immediately after defining a plan

The implementation of the plan is not delayed until Monday, next week or New Year. You need to start acting immediately, when you still feel inspired. While you wait for a better time to work, desires will change, you will lose opportunities that are already available to you, or more urgent matters will arise.

Content

So, in addition to the main material of this, as well as other steps, you will set yourself a certain plan that you will have to carry out, and this will become for you a parallel branch of your self-improvement, since the very structure of the course, its logic, already contains a certain an element of learning, training vital skills and all this, for now, regardless of the content of this lesson and more.

So, this lesson contains a number of theoretical materials that will introduce you to the basics of my view on self-development and tell you where to start.

How to increase self-esteem?

Working on yourself also means increasing your level of self-esteem, if required. First, make a list of advantages. Try not to be too critical of yourself. Let there be few points in it.

Re-read it regularly, reminding yourself of your strengths. Try to supplement it regularly.

Remember that there is no specific standard that must be met. Look for what is truly good for you. Spend more time on introspection and reflection.

Visualize a situation that makes you nervous. Play it out in your imagination in the smallest detail. This technique helps you feel confident before important meetings.

A confident person is full of strength, he does not fuss or get nervous over trifles. Take care of your health, try to get enough sleep, take a course of multivitamins. If you have difficulty coping with stress, take anti-anxiety medications.

Set priorities, do not sacrifice time and energy to please others. You have the right to manage your life independently.

Try playing actor. Act confident, even if you feel differently.

Questions for a woman to start self-development with

Before you decide where a woman should start self-development and build a plan, you must first conduct a personal diagnosis.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Why do I feel dissatisfied?

2. What provokes this feeling in my loved ones? It may be difficult for you to answer why you yourself are dissatisfied with your life, but you know why your relatives and friends are dissatisfied. It is useful to understand this, although it is not necessary to take it into account when making important life decisions. For example, if your parents constantly say that it’s time for you to get married and have children, and you feel that you are not yet ripe for such a step, then you do not need to overstep yourself because of their desires. After all, this is your life, and only you can decide what it will be like.