There is an opinion that such a phenomenon as female friendship simply does not exist in nature. It’s too short-lived and changeable! Like a light bulb in a damaged house: it also constantly blinks due to changes in voltage until it goes out completely (apparently from too much heat). Only women have such a concept as a “soul friend”; men don’t even have such a definition - “soul friend” (such friendship immediately emanates some other weakness).
I knew two friends who ran an online business - distributing cosmetics among their friends. At first everything was fine. The first batches, the first own chains, the first real money... Soon the first problems began. And not only monetary ones (the exchange rate of the ruble has changed, a shipment of goods has disappeared, someone refused to buy back a promised order, etc.).
The main problem was that with their commodity-money relations they clogged the most precious thing they had - human communication. After all, in a distribution network, the movement of goods occurs through channels of interpersonal relationships. A person becomes a distributor at first just like that - out of boredom, for the sake of interest, to earn money for an extra sandwich with caviar... In the end, the idea of sales completely captivates him. Moreover, the system itself provides everything for this - courses, bonuses, entertainment corporate events. So, after a couple of months, our ladies could not talk or think about anything other than selling their products. Any conversation that started, they deliberately turned to a topic that was significant to them - self-care with the help of their newfangled cosmetic line. Friends, even they began to be afraid to invite them into the house: they knew that they would definitely force the catalog on them. And this means a new waste of money and a dirty feeling that someone was simply using someone blindly.
In the end, a crack appeared between the friends. One did not forgive the other for the 40 dollar shortfall. It would seem, what a trifle! And it was enough for their friendship to be interrupted for many years.
What is the difference between female friendship and male friendship?
What is the basis of female friendship?
As a rule, mutual outpouring of accumulated problems to each other. A typical female conversation in such a situation: “What did he say?” - “No, just think what I went through!” etc. Girlfriends share their secrets, talk openly about the most painful, suffered, tormenting each of them. They talk excitedly, interrupting each other, getting more and more excited by the topic under discussion... Complete mutual understanding! Physicists would call this phenomenon “induction”... Psychologists would warn about the installation of an “anchor” in the subconscious of both women. What does it mean? The fact that the interlocutors develop a specific reflex to a certain topic of conversation, to the corresponding mood, to the surroundings of the conversation (coffee, cigarettes, postures, etc.). That is why, if everything suddenly changes for the better for one of them, the old friend “accidentally” turns out to be out of place. The fact is that with the familiar atmosphere of get-togethers, the topic of conversation and even the intonations, one or the other involuntarily returns the current lucky woman to the old days, “when it was so bad that I don’t even want to remember.” Simply put, the performance has changed - it’s time to change the scenery.
For men, things are a little different. Unlike fleeting female friendships, tied more to love likes and dislikes, male friendships can last for years and even decades. If only because the “stronger sex” was generally brought up differently. Paradoxically, a man is more worried that he does not have a single friend than because he does not have a single girlfriend (or, for example, that he is not married at all). And besides, their interpersonal communication is of a completely different kind: as a rule, it is not as intensely emotional as that of the other half of humanity. Male friendship is usually based on spending time together, common interests and even political views (you must agree that values of this kind are more stable over time). Communication between men consists more of general conversations about politics, work, sports, hobbies, etc. They do not converge so quickly and are not so closely “intertwined” with each other with their “sores.” As a last resort, to solve a specific problem (family discord, dismissal from work, illness of someone close), they state a certain fact and make a request, nothing more...
Learn a lesson
“Don’t step on the same mistakes” is what you should learn so as not to get into similar situations with your friends. Maybe you shared personal information that shouldn't have been shared? In some circumstances, it is better not to say anything unnecessary, and you will not have a reason to be disappointed in your friends. For example, when communicating with other girls and women, do not talk about how your boyfriend gave you another gift. Such conversations can cause unnecessary feelings among your friends, so be careful in any conversation.
Anything can happen. Today you were betrayed by a close friend, and tomorrow you will meet real friends. By forgetting about the bad, you can restore your state of mind and enjoy the positive moments of your life.
Was there friendship?
Sometimes we mistakenly mistake for friendship an ordinary community of interests with another person: territorial (dormitory, communal apartment, etc.), professional (one place of work, study, etc.), leisure (single company, disco, etc.). ). New circumstances arise and the connection ends. And it also happens: one person considers himself a friend of another, and the other classifies him only as one of his circle of friends. Or one person is only interested in another’s position, position, money, connections, etc., that is, only what this person owns at the current moment in time, but not the person himself as a person. In such cases, of course, disappointment in the “friend” is inevitable. Some call it betrayal. Or maybe it just wasn't friendship? After all, she can do without evidence for a long time. Moreover, hypocrisy in friendship is generally a common occurrence (in love, such a trick will not work: words alone are not enough; you also need to act). In true friendship, there is initially mutual interest. Only such friendship can withstand the test of strength by time, place, and a tangle of well-worn intrigues! Through separation, through the pain of misunderstanding, friends find each other again, as if the years had never passed... The “traitor” was just a temporary companion on someone’s path in life. Gone? And thank God! As they say, you shouldn’t go on a long journey with a lame mare.
Most likely, the true reason why this or that person “betrayed” another will never be known to the victim of someone else’s treachery. And why? As a rule, any action has several motives, and everyone has their own truth. As an expert in other people’s secrets, I can say one thing: “Sometimes it’s such a small thing that you’re amazed!” For example, one friend divulged the secret of another only because her husband once in bed accidentally mentioned the latter’s name in an inappropriate way. Women in general often break off friendships due to various kinds of love misunderstandings (relationships with their beloved man are sometimes an order of magnitude higher for them than all their friends combined).
But the most interesting thing happens later... After some time, a person who has committed an unseemly act (and knows about it himself) ultimately justifies his meanness! Psychological defense mechanisms are triggered. This could also be a sincere denial of the action, for example: “Nonsense, I didn’t do it!” Someone simply projects their actions and intentions onto another person (“Do you know how he treated me?”) or rationalizes their own actions (“I did it because she deserved it”), etc. then he generally denies everything, acting on the principle of reactivity: “Everything was completely different.” Believe me, no one wants to be Judas! Living with a guilt complex is a heavy, and for some, an unbearable burden. It’s easier to throw mud at someone else! Which is what everyone usually does.
You can commit meanness if you have already done it, but it is completely vile to regret it later. S. Maugham
Of course, it is not easy to forget the person who betrayed you. The wound aches and makes itself felt every time someone casually mentions his name. But not everything is so hopeless...
Find an excuse for your friend
Yes, yes, this needs to be done, because you don’t want to live in constant resentment, causing harm to your mental health. “They carry water for the offended,” as people say. An angry look does not suit the fair sex, so you should discard all negative feelings. This does not mean that you simply have to forgive your friend. No, this method is necessary for you personally in order to maintain your emotional state intact. How did she offend you? What led her to betrayal? Perhaps she was mistaken, and you are suffering and suffering in vain. Time will pass, and your friend will decide to ask you for forgiveness, if this is really the case.
Ways to survive betrayal
First you need to change the image of the betrayed person with the help of psychotechnics. Options are possible! Choose whichever one you like best.
For example, imagine the name of a former friend or lover written in chalk on a school board. There is a wet rag nearby... Tell yourself: “When I’m ready, I’ll take a rag and wash this board clean...”. You can imagine the name of a person you hate written on a piece of paper. You used the paper for its intended purpose, and you no longer need it. Where should it be thrown? This is where you mentally (or actually) throw it away. Or you can create this image: the fragments of your favorite (or not so favorite) cup are lying on the floor, on one of them the name of your former friend is engraved. Of course, it’s a pity that this cup broke... But, on the other hand, you must admit that if you really, really valued it, it wouldn’t break: you would just catch it in flight. And now its place is in the trash can. What can you do? Cups tend to break...
Or you can create this image: the fragments of your favorite (or not so favorite) cup are lying on the floor, on one of them the name of your former friend is engraved. Of course, it’s a pity that this cup broke... But, on the other hand, you must admit that if you really, really valued it, it wouldn’t break: you would just catch it in flight. And now its place is in the trash can. What can you do? Cups tend to break...
I wonder, for what amount would you agree not to date this or that person again? Probably, even for $500 they would have agreed to interrupt a not very necessary acquaintance (“He makes me neither cold nor hot”). You wouldn’t break up with a loved one, no matter how much money (“How will I live without him?”). And for someone, perhaps, they themselves would pay a little extra (“Just to never see her (him) again!”). This is the measure of human relations! As they say, money is not people, it will not be superfluous.
How to take revenge on your opponent?
The girl's actions caused pain. I immediately want to answer her in kind. Both for her and her new lover, of course.
How do men take revenge? Typical options:
- Hit the face (on her, on him, on the first gopnik you come across in the area)
The pleasure is short-lived and dubious. And the consequences can be unpredictable. The answer can land in the eye, in the liver, or in the form of a summons with an invitation to the prosecutor’s office. Do you watch crime news? How much nonsense is committed out of jealousy! Do you need it?
Therefore, to the question, how to treat a girl’s betrayal? There is a solution - agree with the trainer, let him open the gym an hour earlier. Hang a color printout of the photo on the bag and hit it to your heart's content. In complete physical and legal safety.
- Sleep with someone urgently right now (her best friend?)
If you have a worthy candidate in mind, go ahead! Now your hands are free (and not only them). It’s possible for her, it’s possible for you too. What problems?
Be aware of what you want more: quick sex or revenge? By seducing the first person you meet, you will not hurt your past passion.
Possible reasons
Why do friends betray? Because of jealousy, envy or hidden resentment? There are many reasons, but the result is always the same - a person experiences pain, stress, heaviness from betrayal and hatred of trusting relationships.
- The main reason is jealousy. It's likely that you met a guy or started a relationship with someone your friend liked. There are girls who are ready to come to terms with this and wish good luck to the newly formed couple, but there are also those who will do their best to entice a young man or man so that you don’t get him. You may not even suspect that she is building a plan for revenge or capture.
- Another reason why your friend betrayed you is the lack of respect and, as such, friendship. A person who truly values someone, is emotionally attached to them, will never hurt. At least, on purpose, wanting to harm and offend.
- Envy. Analyze how much more successful you are than your friend? Maybe you have something that she doesn't? Are you in good standing with the company, speak several languages, or study diligently at college? Don't be lazy about taking care of yourself, working in two places to ensure good nutrition and regular purchase of necessary things? Success in anything can cause envy, especially among those who are not ready to work on themselves and achieve success, but are accustomed only to watching and discussing others.
Post-traumatic stress
When a strong and reliable relationship breaks down, a person is faced with a cruel emotional experience. As a rule, people do not suspect that their loved one can betray, offend or hurt. Perhaps you knew that sooner or later such a situation would happen, but love and respect for your friend was higher than suspicion of lies and deception.
A person who has experienced betrayal may experience post-traumatic stress from the experience. Because relationships are so important to our sense of self-preservation and security throughout the world, especially intimate ones, that people begin to look for the presence of trust and emotional attachment. But if this disappears, then the person may feel bitterness, resentment, pity and stress.
If you've been betrayed by a friend, don't be afraid to face a lack of sleep, appetite, or productivity. Self-blame may arise that you feel like an “idiot” for trusting this person.
Try to calm down
It may be very difficult to do, but peace of mind is important so as not to do anything unnecessary on your part. Gathering your strength is the very first thing you can do now. Don’t sit at home if your worries occur at home. Maybe we should unwind? For example, why not go relax with your loved one to a cinema, restaurant or somewhere else? There is no gentleman, then go to your favorite establishments yourself. A lonely lady looks attractive to a lonely guy like you. Who knows, maybe you will meet your fate being alone. In any case, you will definitely forget the conflict with your friend this way.
