- September 28, 2019
- Psychology of Personality
- Angelica Braldi
How to make the right choice? This question arises before every person many times a day. You need to choose clothes, mode of transport, products in the store, determine priorities in monetary expenses, decide how to spend your leisure time. In other words, hundreds of times a day a person faces the need to make a choice and, as a rule, makes it quite easily.
However, when faced with an important decision, many people become confused. For example, if we are not talking about choosing shirts, but about certainty in a profession, getting married, or moving to a new place of residence, doubts begin to swarm in the minds of the vast majority of people, preventing them from making a decision.
Why is it difficult to choose? What does indecisiveness indicate?
Why do people get lost in difficult life situations in which they need to make a choice? Where does the determination that they demonstrate several times a day go, when choosing clothes, products, and ways to spend their leisure time?
Psychologists believe that a lack of decisiveness in difficult life situations is characteristic of extremely responsible and conscientious people. In other words, when a person chooses which shirt to wear, he understands that the decision made will not affect others in any way or cause them serious trouble. He also realizes that the choice he makes will in no way affect the course of his life. Therefore, he makes a decision with ease.
Finding yourself in difficult life circumstances, faced with the need to make a difficult choice that will have an impact on the rest of your life and on other people, a person becomes immersed in doubt. He hesitates to make a decision because he does not want to make a mistake, thereby ruining his own life or causing trouble for others. Such a person does not want to let down loved ones, disappoint them and, at the same time, is not ready to forget his own interests and needs.
What to do in such a situation? How to make the right choice? Don't make a mistake? Psychologists advise first to identify those factors that make decision-making difficult and influence it. In other words, you should start with the reasons why determination disappears.
Write down the pros and cons
This technique is very old and known to most people who are faced with the difficulty of making a choice. It is based on normal counting. How to use:
- Write a list of all the options to choose from.
- Take as many sheets of paper as you have options.
- Write the solution at the top and divide the sheet into 2 columns.
- Write his strengths on the left, and his weaknesses on the right.
Make your choice by process of elimination. Remove from the selection sheets that contain more minuses than pluses. Stop at where the difference between the bars is most noticeable in your favor. This is the most beneficial solution for you.
What influences the choice? The main reasons for loss of determination
It would seem that everything is extremely clear. A person is afraid to choose something because of excessive responsibility or, conversely, due to a lack of desire to take it upon himself. But everything is not as simple as it seems.
After all, a person accustomed to responsibility or its absence will simply make a decision or refuse to do so. He will not doubt, think or worry. Accordingly, in addition to such a personality quality as responsibility, there are other factors that contribute to the loss of determination. It is precisely these that psychologists attribute to the reasons why a person cannot understand how to make the right choice in life.
Psychologists list the following as the main reasons for loss of determination:
- the opinions of others, norms and traditions accepted in society;
- patterns present in consciousness, stereotypes;
- various restrictions, both voluntary and not dependent on the will of a person;
- experience of making wrong decisions, lack of self-confidence;
- fears, anxieties, worries;
- lack of a clear understanding of one’s own aspirations, desires, and goals.
Each of these factors, even alone, can influence the choice a person makes. If these reasons appear together, a person cannot make a choice for a very long time, he is tormented by doubts. Moreover, making a decision is very difficult for him and, as a rule, it becomes erroneous.
Brainstorm
This is a very popular technique used not only for making decisions, but also for finding creative ideas. It frees a person from the framework of the mind. Because the decision is made quickly, the brain does not have time to evaluate one or another option and consider it stupid. Therefore, a person gives out his idea without criticizing.
You can work according to two schemes. First:
- Write down all the existing choices on a piece of paper.
- Record the time (maximum 10 minutes).
- Come up with alternative options and keep writing.
Write until time runs out, even if the idea seems crazy to you. Then re-read all the alternatives - it is likely that among them there will be the right choice.
Second scheme:
- Write all existing selections.
- Time it for 10 minutes.
- Write down the consequences of each.
Read your notes and listen to yourself: which item attracts you most, even despite the consequences?
During brainstorming, unrealistic ideas arise. When analyzing, simply cross them off the list.
An example of the negative impact of the reasons for loss of determination on the choice of profession
What does this look like in everyday life? For example, you have to choose a profession. The teenager cannot decide on anything, although he attends various orientation courses. He does not show enthusiasm, and only shrugs his shoulders to all questions and suggestions from adults.
As a rule, in this situation, in the child’s mind, choosing from the available options is tantamount to a “dream funeral.” He may want to become a musician or an artist, an astronaut, a military man or a surgeon, but he chooses from professions that have nothing to do with his idea of the future.
Accordingly, his choice is influenced by the following factors:
- restrictions - a small provincial town in which there are no necessary educational institutions, the desired profession is not relevant, and there is no money to go anywhere;
- the opinion of relatives - the child is ridiculed, urged to stop “having his head in the clouds”, they give him as an example his classmates who do not strive to “catch a pie in the sky”;
- stereotypes of thinking - for example, the belief that for a military career you need a father-general, for a conservatory - blat, for a painting academy - high-ranking parents;
- fears - loss of parental support, the likelihood of failure, fear of loneliness, lack of money and new places;
- negative experiences of others, own mistakes and failures - perhaps the teenager participated in some competition and did not receive recognition;
- lack of self-confidence - lack of the necessary knowledge, skills, a vague idea of the procedure and what will be required to study the desired specialty, doubt in one’s talent.
This is an example of a situation in which it is necessary to overcome the reasons for indecision and choose not what others want, but your own dream. None of the reasons for indecision in this case is objective or insurmountable.
Method 3. “Expanding the framework”
The problem with most people is that they force themselves into narrow boundaries and do not see alternatives. They tend to get caught up in the “Yes” and “No” options, not realizing that there are other choices. Let's say you want to take out a car loan. You see only two options: take a car loan or continue using public transport.
By expanding your choice, you will see alternative options. For example: you can find a cheaper car and buy it no longer on credit; you can refuse the loan and start saving money to buy a car; you can rent a house closer to work and avoid using public transport; you can even change your job by getting a job in another company located close to your home; You can negotiate with one of your colleagues to give you a ride to work in his car for a certain fee. As you can see, there can be many options, the main thing is to see them.
Example of Positive Influence
If completely objective reasons prevent you from making a decision, then you should not fight them. What could it be? Insurmountable factors that a person cannot change.
The list of such reasons for indecision most clearly demonstrates the choice of profession. For example, a teenager dreams of becoming an opera singer, so he hesitates to enter a pedagogical university or culinary college.
It is worth giving up trying to make a career on the opera stage for the following reasons:
- limitations - no hearing, no voice of the required range and timbre;
- the opinion of loved ones - the teenager is told about the lack of artistry and charisma;
- stereotypes - the child did not study at a music school or in solfeggio classes;
- fears are a waste of time, failure in exams, due to which the year will be “lost”;
- negative experience - singing karaoke did not delight the listeners;
- uncertainty - no idea of one’s own worth in the desired profession.
Thus, having analyzed the reasons for indecision, a person understands that his right choice will be the one that circumstances dictate to him.
Discuss with a loved one
The main thing here is to look not for an adviser, but for support. A person who will understand any of your choices. Remember that no one knows you better than yourself. This means that no one is destined to understand which decision will be right for you.
Ask a friend or relative to listen to the situation. Tell us about your doubts, describe both options. This way you will better understand your own preferences and receive additional support and confidence in your abilities, which is often lacking due to doubts.
Methodology "for" and "against". How not to miss anything?
Choices and decisions must be based on something. In other words, before committing an important act, you need to carefully weigh all the pros and cons. Every person, without a doubt, knows about this.
How to do this so as not to miss anything? Very simple. Psychologists advise arming yourself with sheets of paper and a pencil. On one sheet of paper you should write: “What do I get?” The title on the other should accordingly be about human loss. There should be exactly as many such sheets as the number of solution options available to a person. If there are a lot of them, then psychologists advise choosing sheets of different colors, labeling each one with your intended choice, and hanging them on the wall. You need to secure a pencil nearby.
Of course, you don't need to fill out the sheets at once. You shouldn’t agonize over the pros and cons. This is done gradually, the necessary thoughts themselves arise in the head, since the human brain works on the task even when the consciousness is occupied by other questions and problems.
In the process of filling out the sheets, solution options that are unnecessary for a person will disappear. As soon as it becomes obvious that one of the choices is not correct, its sheet should be removed from the wall. In the end, the solution to the issue that is optimal will remain.
Say no to perfectionism
Oddly enough, perfectionism and indecisiveness often go hand in hand.
Barry Schwartz, author of The Paradox of Choice, states: “In today's world, where choice is virtually unlimited, the desire to choose the best option leads to one frustration. Try not to look for “the best,” but only for “good enough.” Trying to choose the best, we begin to postpone the choice and sooner or later slide into procrastination. Therefore, do not try to chase an unattainable ideal, but work with what you have at the moment.
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