Relationship
I am an emotionally cold man. This is the conclusion I came to today. I have some kind of icy heart and it takes a very long time for a girl to melt it. I discovered this pattern in myself after several relationships. Before giving care and love, I myself need to be warmed up, like on a burner, with these feelings so that I can melt. I can’t say that I don’t really show any feelings or emotions in relationships. No.
It’s just that girls who are waiting for “normal” male behavior immediately talk about this, but it still doesn’t exist. No flowers, no compliments, no surprises. And I would like to think about this topic. Is a man’s coldness a positive or a negative quality? Does it help in relationships and do you need to fight it?
Emotionally cold type of man
Let's first describe the “portrait” of a cold man. Such men are looking for relationships, but at the same time they are afraid of them. They constantly try to keep their distance and don’t really show their feelings because they don’t want to lose control of the situation. They are also afraid of falling in love; hearing a girl compliment from them is already a holiday.
Cold men resist showing affection, do not ask for forgiveness and do not seek female attention. Often, this emotional coldness hides selfishness or even egocentrism. Such men play their game according to their own rules, while at the same time receiving a lot of attention and love from girls.
An emotionally cold man has good manners, it is interesting to communicate with him, he is actively involved in sports, and he has an ideal body. He gives the girls the impression of a “real man”, from whom he immediately wants to have a child. Such a man is very demanding of himself and others, responsible and prone to perfectionism.
There is no surer way to kindle passion in another than to keep the cold yourself.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
But such a “tasty” outer shell often leads to deception and after a while the girls begin to sound the alarm, because their emotionality is broken against an “icy” iceberg that never drowns. I would also like to emphasize that such cold men, as a rule, come across very emotional and sensual girls. And there is nothing strange about this, because opposites attract each other!
WATCH A VIDEO! He will run after you. If a man has cooled down.
A man’s coldness doesn’t just happen; there are reasons for it. So let's look at them.
Reason No. 1. Social stereotypes
Society is merciless towards expansive men. Since childhood, the boy understands: if you break your knee, you cannot give free rein to your tears, because “men never cry.” A mature man is ashamed to tell his friends that he is not going to a football match or fishing because the woman he loves asked for help with shopping.
For many centuries, the prevailing opinion is that a man must be strong, silently endure pain (emotionally and physically). Love is a vulnerability that has no place in the life of a representative of the stronger half of humanity. Society has a rather negative attitude towards overly expansive men.
Since childhood, a man comes to the conclusion that sentimentality is the lot of a weak woman. If a man admires flowers in a meadow or admires kittens frolicking on the doorstep, society will misunderstand and judge.
A man is synonymous with strength, rationality, strong character and perseverance. He is not forgiven for his whims, complaints or tears.
Strong feelings, such as love, passion, they “mask” and hide with the help of:
1. Indifference. Men do not react to women's tears, dissatisfaction or hysterics. During scandals, they declare that the opinion of the chosen one is indifferent to them, and neither is the beloved herself.
2. Aggression. Is a boy at school pulling or pushing a classmate’s pigtails? He likes her! Behind the rudeness lies tenderness, interest, a feeling of being in love.
Tips for girls on how not to behave with a cold man
1. Don’t play the “he’s a fool” game with him. In other words, don’t answer him in kind. Like “you’re cold and I’ll be an icicle,” you think he’ll look at himself from the outside and come to his senses...nothing like that. Everyone loves as best they can. And he knows that you can do differently, and after changing your behavior, he will simply stop feeling loved. With such actions you will achieve nothing except ruin everything completely.
2. Don’t constantly remind him what an emotionally cold man you got, and how much you don’t like it. Even in a fit of emotion, don’t tell him how icy and thick-skinned he is.....although sometimes you want to.
3. Don't pay any verbal attention to those rare moments when he behaves differently. He is simply guaranteed to feel uncomfortable….I mean phrases like: “Well, finally you said (did), I thought I wouldn’t get any tenderness from you”…..if he is really emotionally cold (and not he just doesn’t love you), then these words or actions were not easy for him. Support him with your behavior, kiss him especially tenderly, tell him how happy you are at such moments...
Why do men hide their feelings and emotions?
Women and men seem to live in different dimensions. We do not understand each other's actions, goals, feelings.
A man, no matter what feelings a woman arouses in him, behaves with restraint. Temperament, upbringing and past relationships with the opposite sex also play a role.
Having started a relationship, a man works even harder, trying to provide a decent life for his chosen one. He does not stop meeting with old friends, does not give up his favorite pastime (fishing or playing on the computer). A man simply introduces one more item into his routine - the woman he loves and her problems.
The woman completely surrenders to the new feeling. Work, friends, household chores fade into the background.
In addition, a man in love is characterized by shyness and confusion. His surroundings no longer recognize him. If previously a self-confident man behaved boldly and demonstrated drive and determination in all endeavors, then during meetings with the woman he loves, he feels uncertainty and even fear.
Men are stingy in showing emotions. They do not strive for a serious relationship until they earn enough capital to live on and make a career.
What to do with an emotionally cold man?
When girls encounter a man’s coldness, they really don’t know what to do. Having not found the answer to this question themselves, they run straight to their girlfriends, and they tell them: “No, this is not a man, leave him, why do you need him like that.” But how can you break up when you feel love for him? You just need to understand the reason for his coldness and interest him so that he himself wants to “unfreeze” a little. The girl's desire alone will not be enough.
1. Never give up on that love! Yes, sometimes it’s difficult and you give up... they say, I go to him this way and that way... but he’s like ice. One such stop, one mistake and everything will have to start again.
2. Become an example for him. Do for him what you would like to receive in your address, but do not demand immediate action from him in response. Become a role model.
3. React brightly to any progress in “thawing”. And then he will understand how to behave.
4. Always ask him questions about feelings and emotions. Did something happen at work? At the same time, don’t ask what he will do….ask how he feels.
If Gerda has already dealt with Kai and unfrozen him, then you can do it too. The main thing is to warm it up gradually).
If you want to destroy something, be cold. Once feelings, thoughts or actions freeze, relationships become impossible. Wanting to part with something in ourselves or let someone go, we stop paying attention to the person, inviting him and noticing him, we try not to meet him, not to see him and not to hear him.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Runner with the Wolves
Asking questions, looking for answers
Psychologists stubbornly insist that the external strength of spirit and self-sufficiency of men is a bluff without support. Lucky, rich, successful males in all respects are the elite, among whom finding a husband, lover, friend for yourself is still a very difficult task, impossible to approach. We, ordinary women, those who do not live among these Gods on Olympus, get copies that are quite good, but medium and small in terms of merits and capabilities.
Another truth - all males need and are extremely important: female dedication, love, sincere care, trust. It is impossible to predict in advance what their response to all this will be. In the midst of family relationships, a dizzying romance, a strong friendship with a man, it’s not worth dragging your illusions, the bright dreams of a naive girl, and sentimental expectations. The curve may not take you in the direction that the inexperienced young lady expected.
What happens to each of the men we mentioned at the beginning of the article? Why is the gap between you catastrophically growing?
Many women are looking for an answer to these burning questions, and the reasons can be completely different. Psychologists have collected the most possible 11 options into a list. Here it is, in front of you:
Why is a man cold and withdrawn into himself?
He made himself an idol
“Winter” indifference on the part of a partner can appear if, in his opinion, you have not lived up to idealized hopes. “God”, perfection, a heroine, a delightful image in his dreams, can be either his own mother, grandmother, or a catwalk model, an actress, a show business star, or some legendary blogger.
You don’t measure up to his idol, although at the very beginning it seemed to him that you both had similar traits. Attempts to act as Pygmalion and mold Galatea out of you have failed, he is disappointed, crushed, gloomy, cold and ready to run away anywhere to grieve about another mistake in his choice.
I played but didn't guess a single letter
Your husband, boyfriend, old friend - a player, an eternal hunter, a stalker, looking for novelty and bright adventures. While there was still an element of extreme and surprise in your relationship, he was captivated and involved in what was happening.
Such types are typical for bohemian people, creative people, pioneering scientists, athletes obsessed with medals and achievements. Everything is never enough for them, they need constant adrenaline, so your attempts to invite him into the ordinary everyday world will most likely lead to a fiasco.
At the beginning of marriage, romance, friendship, he was still capable of warm feelings, but quickly cools down in a calm routine with a hint of pacification and a peaceful life without sparkling events. The icy indifference of such a gentleman is the beginning of the collapse of a relationship. More often than not, it is not possible to find a way out of this impasse in the future.
Ill-fated roots from childhood
You are absolutely not guilty of anything, however, like him, in this version. The beginning of family life, a sweet romance, is a surprise for him, luck, a gift from fate, and he tries to somehow express it, and then, out of habit, he gets tired of the tension. He grew up in a “cold” family, where it was not customary to show any emotions to others, was brought up in an orphanage and does not know other models of behavior.
The current situation is not hopeless. You need to be patient, tactfully, slowly, affectionately, teach him the art of “warm” communication. Constantly remind him how important and dear he is to you, honestly say that you miss his responses to his messages, encourage even timid and inept displays of attention. In such an environment, he himself will soon learn to be constantly “alive.”
Output of aggression
How to provoke a man to emotions, without resorting to standard methods - insults and quarrels? If you see that your man is keeping problems to himself and will soon be overwhelmed by emotional fatigue, suggest that he go in for sports. It is advisable that this be either a team game or a sport in which you can take out aggression - boxing or any other sparring in the ring.
Gambling also helps relieve stress and release emotions. Sex releases accumulated tension, so unsatisfied men, as well as women, can be emotionally vulnerable due to abstinence. Some men find it helpful to relieve stress by driving fast around the city.
While driving a car, many of them are distracted from problems and completely surrender to the road and traffic. Don’t forget about alcohol, as the main assistant in the fight against stress and bad mood. From time to time, a man needs a drink so that his body relaxes and his brain switches off from problems.
Therefore, going to a bar for a man is like going to a psychoanalyst. The same can be said about meeting friends on neutral territory without wives. Friends just need to talk out, even if it looks like just talking about nothing. Do not forbid a man to relax in this way, especially if you see that he is depressed.
Unfortunately, women often try to bring a man to the boiling point and watch him lose his temper instead of coming to terms with his coldness. We advise you to learn from your loved one endurance and patience.
