The ability to communicate with other people is the key to your personal and professional success. It is this quality that allows you to arouse the interest, sympathy, trust of another person, win him over to your side, and extract some benefit from the situation.
What and how you say is of great importance in the communication process. One of the magic words that greatly influences the atmosphere and mutual perception is the name of your interlocutor. Calling by name is not just a formal display of politeness. This word attracts the interlocutor to you, like a magnet, makes you listen carefully to your words, believe them and take them into account. When a person addresses his counterpart by name, he makes him feel the most positive emotions that arise on a subconscious level. Based on these feelings, a trusting relationship arises between people, which helps to better hear each other, understand, and come to a positive and beneficial decision.
The power of a name
The fact that every person is pleased to hear his own name has long been noticed by psychologists and is successfully used as a win-win communication technique. A person hears his own name from childhood and strongly associates his personality with it. It includes appearance, spiritual and mental qualities, feelings, emotions, intelligence, abilities, abilities and skills. Calling by name implies special attention to a specific person, an expression of respect, recognition of significance and individuality. Such an attitude towards a loved one, a stranger, a casual interlocutor or a business partner will definitely find a positive response.
This is why calling a person by name is so important:
- The name evokes the most pleasant associations - with childhood, maternal love, approval, spiritual comfort, warmth;
- Hearing your name is a confirmation of importance, attention, respect for your own personality;
- Calling by name evokes pleasant emotions, in response to which a positive attitude, sympathy, trust and respect for the interlocutor arises.
Calling by first name, patronymic or simply by name serves as confirmation of the importance of the interlocutor, recognition of qualities, advantages, capabilities, status. Such a move gives him moral satisfaction and helps to sway him in your direction. After all, a person who was able to appreciate and recognize our merits and talents is himself perceived as the owner of important positive qualities and intelligence, attracts and wins over us.
The history of the formation of a generally recognized form of address in the Russian language
The first norms of speech etiquette appeared at the beginning of the 18th century and were set out in the textbook “Indications for Everyday Conduct,” which was compiled by order of Peter I. For example, the father, according to what was written in the book, should have been called “Sovereign Father,” and the mother should be called “Empress Mother.”
In the 18th century, a European style of behavior and treatment was established in Russia. A form of speech etiquette using “You” has also appeared. Formal expressions such as “dear madam” and “dear sir” were also used. This is how they addressed strangers; all official official documents began with this form. After a while, an abbreviated version of the language appeared in the form of “sir” and “madam”.
At the service, stable formulas were used: “Your Excellency”, “Your Honor”. Members of the royal family were addressed as “Your Highness”, the emperor and his wife – “Your Imperial Majesty”, the counts – “Your Excellency”, the princes – “Your Grace”.
After the October Revolution, such addresses to people as “comrade”, “citizen”, “citizen” came into use. After the collapse of the USSR, the first of them lost popularity and is practically not used in speech etiquette, with the exception of the Russian army.
How to correctly address your interlocutor by name
Whether you can call a person by name or not depends on how he introduced himself. Addressing by first name and patronymic will be appropriate when communicating with a person whom you are seeing for the first time, older in age, higher in status or position. If the interlocutor did not specify how to contact him, then you can ask about it yourself. If you are going for an interview, preparing to meet business partners, new colleagues or students, or the parents of a loved one, be sure to find out and remember the names of the people with whom you will communicate. Calling a new person by his first name lays a solid foundation for a good relationship. In order for your interlocutor to be pleased to hear your name, you must follow the rules for using this magic word:
- Use a person's name more often when talking to him. It is better to start any appeal by mentioning the name, this will allow you to capture the attention of your interlocutor from the first seconds;
- Avoid excessive familiarity by using a reduced form, or calling only by name an older or unfamiliar person or boss, unless he himself has expressed such a desire;
- Remember the names of the people around you, if necessary, write them down in a notebook, use the association method. Your natural poor memory will be perceived as a sign of disrespect, and the response is not difficult to predict;
- Be at the appropriate level, especially in a business meeting. It is necessary to address the interlocutor as he introduced himself, and to adhere to the same level, taking into account the importance of the meeting, the status of the participants, and your position. Even if you are a junior specialist, you should still introduce yourself not as Sasha, but as Alexander or Alexander Petrovich, depending on your age category.
Ron Clark on the importance of knowing names
Dale Carnegie.
How to win friends and influence people. Ron Clark had several of his rules that required students to address people by name.
Rule 23. Quickly learn the names of all the teachers in the school and greet them by saying, for example: “Good morning, Mr. Graham” or “Good afternoon, Mrs. Ortiz. What a beautiful dress."
Rule 29. W. When the waiter introduces himself to you, remember his name. Always address him by name throughout the meal.
Rule 33: When we visit different places, we meet different people. When I introduce you to people, make sure you remember their names. As we leave, shake these people's hands and thank them, calling them by name.
Moreover, Ron Clark demanded to know and use not only the names of teachers, but also technical workers (cooks, watchmen, watchmen, cleaners). To help the children cope with this task, Ron Clark distributed booklets with photographs and names of all school staff, and organized role-playing games with the names and photographs of educational organization staff.
This rule allows students to improve relationships with school staff and makes children more pleasant in the eyes of the staff. On the other hand, this allows children to feel at home at school, calm and confident.
Do you know the name of the janitor at your school? Nick Vujicic knows.
Nick Vujicic at SYNERGY GLOBAL FORUM 2022.
Ron Clark Academy educates children from 5th to 8th grade. At the end of each school year, all students and staff must take a test to determine the names of incoming fifth-graders. Staff must know the names of all pupils' parents.
Ron Clark makes a big deal about knowing each other's names because it ties into another rule: "We are family." Everyone in the family knows each other's names. One fifth-grader, after the first day at school, where all the staff and students knew her first and last name and pronounced them correctly when addressing her, told her mother: “I feel like I died and went to school heaven.”
Of course, remembering hundreds or thousands of names is quite difficult. Ron Clark once found himself in a very awkward situation. At the autumn ball he saw the father of an underachieving student. Ron Clark walked up to him, hugged him and addressed him in his own style:
“It’s important for me to tell you that I love Cindy.” I think she is a very well-mannered and special girl, but her academic achievements are low. She does not keep a reading diary, she has not completed her homework twice this week, she is failing in all subjects except physical education. This requires all of us, everyone, to join forces and help Cindy succeed in her studies.
My father looked at me and said:
“Wow, Mr. Clark, I'm really worried about Cindy's situation and I'll do anything to help her, but I'm Will's father.
Calling by name is the key to a successful relationship
Why is calling a person by name so important? The significance of your own name stems from the subconscious and is inextricably linked with a positive self-perception. Calling by name is a simple and effective way to attract the attention of another person, overcome hostility and mistrust, arouse sympathy, build a productive dialogue, and get the desired result. This is the key that opens the door to new opportunities, harmonious personal relationships, professional growth and success, and personal development.
Snowball
The use of the “Snowball” game is popular in group classes. One of the participants says his name; the next one in the circle repeats the name of the previous participant and then names his own; the next one repeats the names of the two previous participants, and then his own; The last participant repeats the names of all group members and introduces himself. It's fun, interesting and helps you remember the names of group members faster. You can complicate this game by saying not only your name, but also, for example, your favorite fruit.
Groups of names and general descriptions
Names can be divided into:
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk: Pexels
- traditional;
- patriotic;
- popular;
- unusual;
- absurd.
You can tell a lot about him by the name a parent chooses for his child.
- Popular names will be chosen by those parents who try to keep up with fashion. For these people, in modern terms, it is important to be in trend. They seem to declare themselves to others: “I am a member of society! I adhere to its laws and rules!”
- In contrast are those parents who choose unusual names. They, to some extent, can be considered antagonists. By choosing an unusual name for a child, they emphasize and highlight individuality. They don't want to be like everyone else.
- Absurd names are chosen by those parents who, in the slang language, are trying to get hype. Also, one should not lose sight of the variant of personality disorder, when parents are immersed in their own reality, with its norms and rules.
Photo by Marcelo Chagas from Pexels
- The choice of a patriotic name speaks for itself. As an example, in the Voronezh region the registry office registered a girl with the name Russia, and her brother’s name is Vladimir Vladimirovich. There is an expression: “Patriot of family, school, university, enterprise, small homeland and country.” These are people who live with optimism, they are loyal and reliable.
A traditional name is more likely to be chosen by parents who combine a mix of neutrality and a desire to endow their child with the qualities that accompany the chosen name. This means that these people do not strive to stand out, or, on the contrary, to merge with society. They are primarily focused on the semantic component.
Addressing a stranger
In Russia, in the cultural tradition, forms such as “girl”, “woman”, “young man” and so on are used to address strangers.
In the culture of European countries, special stable forms of linguistic expressions have developed, for example, “Mr. Doctor”, “Frau Baker”, “Mrs. Professor”. In the Russian language there are no uniform national standards of address, such as “Mrs. - Mister”, “Senior - Señorina”. But under the influence of the culture of Western countries, simplified forms are used such as “Mr,” “Doctor,” “Professor,” “Client,” “Co-founder,” and so on.
Currently, new official addresses have appeared that unite representatives of all classes and parties: “compatriots”, “fellow citizens”, “Russians”. They are used to attract the attention of the public and only in the plural.
Social networks have adopted an informal form of communication. After this, as a rule, they move straight to the topic of conversation. For example, “Hi! What are you doing tonight?" The most common form is “you,” which is also used in conversations with older people, for example, “Will you go online today?”
Know how to listen
Telling someone that they are wrong is not the best way to win someone over. The effect will most likely be the opposite. There is another way to express disagreement without making an enemy. For example, listen to what your interlocutor says and try to understand how he feels and why. Then you will find something in common in your seemingly opposing opinions and can use this to explain your position. Express your agreement first - this way the person will be more attentive to your subsequent words.
Take advantage of your opponent's fatigue
When a person is tired, he becomes more receptive to other people's words, be it a request or a statement. The reason is that fatigue not only affects the body, but also reduces mental energy levels. When you ask a tired person for a favor, you will probably get an answer like “Okay, I’ll do it tomorrow” - because at the moment the person does not want to solve any more problems. But the next day the person will most likely fulfill his promise - people, as a rule, try to keep their word, because otherwise they get psychological discomfort.
Shape selection
When choosing a form of addressing people in Russian, the following factors are taken into account:
- the nature of the situation (semi-official, official, informal);
- degree of familiarity (unfamiliar, familiar, unfamiliar, well known);
- characteristics of the speaker (man or woman, subordinate or boss, junior or senior);
- attitude towards the interlocutor (neutral, respectful, polite, familiar).
Offer something that would be difficult to refuse
This is the opposite technique to point number two. Instead of making a big request right away, try starting small. If a person helps you with something minor, he will be more willing to fulfill a more important request.
Scientists have tested this method in relation to marketing. They began to encourage people to express support for the environment and the conservation of the rainforest. Pretty easy request, right? When people completed what was required, they were asked to buy food - all proceeds will be used to preserve these very forests, of course. Most people did this too.
However, be careful: you should not first ask for one thing and then immediately ask for something completely different. It is much more effective to wait a day or two.
Honey! I'm your bunny!
According to psychologists, such cute names that men give to their partners may have some meaning, each of them denotes a specific situation.
If they call you “beloved ,” it means that the man lacks care and tenderness. He needs a feeling of confidence in you. Prove your love to him more often, take the initiative. Such behavior will be appreciated.
They call it "sunshine" ? They are waiting for such radiance and beauty. Don't deceive a man. Try to always look great. Men love with their eyes, and they also love to be proud of the woman who is nearby.
Various “fluffy things”: “bunnies”, “seals” - speak of his gentle nature. Such a man can be easily controlled, he is pliable and is ready to do a lot for your sake.
But when you hear the words “precious”, “my little darling” , you need to be wary. Your partner is interested in you for some selfish purpose. He requires certain benefits from this relationship. Names like “ gorgon” and “goat” hide dissatisfaction and also show some superiority of the speaker.
Please note that by adding the pronoun “my” , the man is subconsciously trying to gain rights over you.
Whether you should trust psychologists in such a complex matter as a relationship with a man is up to you to decide. But maybe, by calling you “my bun ,” he doesn’t mean excess weight, but the desire for a delicious lunch for himself?
Forms of address that attract attention
There are formulas of speech etiquette, the main goal of which is to attract the attention of an interlocutor or a group of people. For example, “young man”, “man”, “girl” and so on.
If it is necessary to interest a group of people, set phrases are used: “Dear ladies and gentlemen!”, “Colleagues!”, “Friends!”, “Guys!”, “Citizens!”, “Dear compatriots!”. The specific form of address in this case depends on the audience.
Repeat after your interlocutor
One of the most effective ways to win someone over and show that you really understand them is to paraphrase what they say. Say the same thing, only in your own words. This technique is also known as reflective listening. This is what psychotherapists often do - people tell them more about themselves, and an almost friendly relationship is built between the doctor and the patient.
This technique is easy to use when talking with friends. Formulate the phrase they just said as a question - this way you will show that you listened carefully and understood the person, and he will be more comfortable with you. He will also listen to your opinion more because you have already made it clear that you care about him.
