Infantility, what it is and why it leads to a dead end

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Surely we have all heard about the term infantility, infantile man, infantile woman, and we even understand a little what we are talking about. But let's dig a little deeper and figure it out, what is infantilism? Let’s diagnose whether we ourselves have such behavior. Then, if such behavior exists, we will find ways to solve the problem, and all this together will lead us to improving the quality of life, finding goals in life and we will become even a little happier.

Infantile behavior

Infantility is a delay in human development psychologically or physically. (This article will be devoted to psychological infantilism) Simply put, in appearance a person is an adult, but at heart he is still a child who looks at the world with naive eyes, refusing to accept reality and take responsibility for his life.

To put it even more simply, these people can be called mama’s boys, daddy’s girls, and so on. These individuals were not separated from their parents and continue to live under a warm wing, even if the person is already over 40-50 years old. Read more: Midlife crisis in men.

Infantile woman

The female infanta looks like a teenager. For example, at 40, she can easily put on a miniskirt, a Mickey Mouse sweater, and provocatively make-up.

She doesn’t think at all about starting a family, running a household and having children, building a career and self-realization. She enjoys shopping and just enjoying life. At first she is supported by her parents, later this is done by male sponsors, whose character reminds her of a caring daddy.

Inside the adult aunt there lives a little girl who wants to be taken care of, her whims fulfilled and considered the center of the earth. She often has a squeaky voice, reminiscent of a child's, which instinctively makes those around her want to patronize her.

For the same purpose, she demonstrates fragility, sensitivity, and helplessness. It is worth noting that most men like such “girls” because next to them they feel powerful, this has a positive effect on male self-esteem.

Where does infantilism come from?

This behavior is imposed on children by the parents themselves. They don’t want to let them go into adulthood, they want to decide everything for them themselves, not realizing that in this way they are only making things worse for their child. Surely, you yourself have observed how an overly caring mother constantly helps her son get dressed, eat, and so on. It feels like the mother is playing with dolls, since she didn’t play enough herself as a child. And people look at all this from the outside and think, God, what a shame, who will the guy grow up to be?

In fact, it’s not a fact that a guy with such a mother will grow up childish. Perhaps the guy himself realizes the problem by the age of 14-18 and will simply refuse beyond the care of his parents. He will begin to explore the world and learn to be independent in it.

By the way, until I was 19, my parents tried to impose on me who to be, where to go and where to work. Although, thanks to my mother, at the age of 17 I got a job in the Customs authorities, for the position of document specialist of the 11th category, where I worked for 3 years, I gained quite a bit of experience working for the state. service, and most importantly, be flexible and persistent. But that's another story. \

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And I also noticed such a thing that mothers usually take extra care. I have never seen men being overly caring towards their children. If you have encountered this, write in the comments.

What we get, infantile behavior is behavior imposed on their children from their parents. And, unfortunately, they do not understand that in this way they are causing harm to their child. Dooming him in his adult life to suffering from loneliness.

How does infantility manifest itself?

We listed the main manifestations of infantilism in the previous chapter; they manifest themselves regardless of gender. But men and women show immaturity in different ways.

Infantility in men

Representatives of the stronger sex with signs of infantility are often called “mama's boys”; as a rule, they grow up in single-parent families. The mother dissolves in the boy, forgetting about her needs and indulging him in everything.

Having become an adult, a man lives with an eye on his mother, who is his best adviser. The son is not capable of making independent decisions. The wives of such boys are constantly forced to listen to comparisons with their mother, and always not in their favor.

Moreover, the mother-in-law considers it possible to teach her daughter-in-law, give her advice on maintaining the house, housekeeping, raising a child, and, of course, caring for her dear son. Such marriages cannot last long, unless the woman is in the position of eternal victim.

An infantile man is not able to earn money and provide for his family. This is due to a lack of professional skills and frequent job changes. If there is income, then the infant, succumbing to emotions, will spend it on his whims, without thinking about supporting the family.

In a relationship with the opposite sex, such a guy will always be a consumer. He demands attention to himself, needs to listen to his conversations about mental torment, constant adoration. He will not take care of a woman or court her.

Infants are traditionally in no hurry to enter into a long-term serious relationship, despite the fact that outwardly they are always cheerful, jokesters, and attract attention. He looks young for a long time, looks at the world with wide eyes, which can attract women. But being married to him is not easy.

Immature individuals will prefer a computer game or get-togethers with friends to routine male housework. Running away from home, and therefore from responsibility, is their usual line of behavior. At the same time, they react to criticism very painfully, being offended like children.

Infantility in women

Women's infantilism is not as condemned by society as men's. This is facilitated by widespread sexist views, which encourage women to be somewhat narrow-minded and stupid, their indecisiveness and obedience.

Women who have not matured often grow up like “daddy’s daughters,” princesses. The father loves his daughter very much, protects her, and as she grows up, she looks for a man like her dad.

The girl is sincerely convinced that her husband is obliged to take on all the worries about her: to provide for all material needs, to support the family. A woman is perplexed when she hears that appearance alone is not enough to keep a man. The “little princess” attitudes are carried over into adulthood.

Such a girl does not have the understanding that it is necessary to get an education, to pursue a career - the necessary concepts for life. But there is a desire to look for a man who will give her all the necessary benefits without any effort of her own.

This position often leads to a sad ending: every year there are fewer and fewer men willing to take full responsibility for a woman’s life, her parents grow old (die), and she has no skills for self-sufficiency. Life comes to a dead end, and there is no experience in solving problems through thoughtful, planned actions.

Infantile women often say the same phrase when giving birth to children: “That’s it, your personal life is over.” The question arises: was the decision to get pregnant and give birth spontaneous? And isn’t a child the most personal and valuable thing for any mother? But the infant is pathologically not ready to take care of the baby, sacrificing his own interests.

Infantility in men. Signs of behavior

1. The most important negative trait is not following agreements . For such a person there is no concept of personal responsibility, and it is clear, because there is a mother who decides everything for me. And I can refuse any agreements and nothing will happen to me for it. It really won’t happen, you are constantly angry with such people because they behave irresponsibly, but this is all useless, since they cannot be changed if they themselves do not want to change.
2. Shifting responsibility for your life to others. Everyone is to blame for everything except himself. Of course, it’s easier to blame the government for all your ills, rather than strive to develop and make the world a little better. Why, because everyone owes me.
3. Everyone owes me. Another common problem among infantile people. Most likely, it is due to the fact that the child lives alone in the family and receives full attention from the parents; this is a kind of spoiledness or something.
4. Dependence on parents. Why work if my parents fully provide, buy toys and always want to pamper me, just to make me a little happy. Yes, such people at 50-60 also sit on their parents’ necks. They live on pensions. Sadly.
5. Cannot take responsibility for family and friends . Infantile men are too afraid of responsibility, so if his girlfriend gets pregnant, he immediately leaves her and leaves, without feeling any guilt or conscience. Because he cannot take responsibility for his actions and actions. And then the girl raises her child alone and is more likely to become an infant.

Read additionally: ChSVshnik, who is it?

What are the causes of infantility?

The causes of infantilism lie in childhood.

• Overprotection is the main cause of infantilism according to psychologists. When a child is cared for around the clock, he gets used to the fact that everything is done for him. In adulthood, parents carefully control all aspects of the child’s life, imposing their views on him. Lack of freedom of choice and limited thinking give rise to weak and weak-willed individuals.
• The opposite of overprotection is excessive cruelty. If a child is punished for every offense, be it assault or a harsh reprimand, violence suppresses the child’s will. The result is an infantile personality who would rather do nothing than be punished for wrongdoing.
• Mother's friend's son syndrome. When a child is constantly compared to someone else, their endeavors are criticized, they laugh at their aspirations and they say that nothing will work out for them. This is how the child withdraws into himself, he is afraid of failure. At the same time, everything works out for the son of his mother’s friend, and this is the worst of all. This is how the individual loses the desire to strive for anything, he becomes weak-willed and simply goes with the flow.
• Lack of independence. Sometimes mothers unconsciously deprive their child of independence. They strive to provide complete comfort, show their care around the clock and decide what will be best for the child, because she is a mother and she knows best. As a result, it is difficult for an adult to leave the parental nest, because it is so nice, cozy and safe here.
• Eternal protest. Sometimes parents want to make their unfulfilled dreams come true in their offspring. They send the child to classes that are uninteresting to him, send him to a “good” institute, and at the same time are not at all interested in whether he needs it. Thus, infantilism manifests itself as a protest, the child simply refuses to live according to the scenario invented by the parents, they become lethargic and are not interested in anything at all.
• Unhealthy relationship with mother. Often parents lose the spark in their relationship, in which case the father goes outside, and the mother splashes out all the unspent love on the child. She praises him as a deity and indulges his every whim. The child grows up with a sense of his own superiority and does not want to admit that he is an ordinary person.

Infantility can also be a consequence of experienced stress or violence. This could be parental divorce, bullying, rape, beatings.

Is infantility good or bad?

To understand how dangerous infantility is, you need to compare the pros and cons of this character trait. It is difficult to find advantages in infantility, but they still exist. This is not a disease and does not need to be treated. According to psychologists, the advantages of infants are that they easily change the rules of the game and adapt to new circumstances.

The disadvantages of infantility are obvious:

• Inability to think like an adult;
• Dependence on more “adult” individuals;
• Reluctance to strive for anything;
• Narrow outlook, lack of development;
• It is difficult to arrange your personal life.

Infantile people are not able to cope with problems; at the slightest obstacle they move away from the goal. Even if everything worked out previously, but a small problem arose, the infant gives up and decides that it is not his or someone else’s fault and does not allow it to develop.

In psychology there are two concepts: infantilism and infantilism. The first case is a mental state, a reluctance to make adult decisions. Infantilism is the desire to return to childhood, to feel carefree and have a good time fooling around. In the second case, a person can “switch” between an adult and a child.

For the powers that be, infantile personalities are good. They take out loans, take out mortgages, do what they are told and value stability. They are easy to control by instilling fears and imposing goals.

Infantility in adolescents is extremely common. This is due to the fact that we live in an era of permissiveness and comfort at all levels of life.

If previously children looked after younger children, went to stores, and helped with housework, now this is not necessary. Parents who have experienced hardships and crises try to provide for the child, to give everything that they did not have. They buy expensive phones and things, often because of this parents get into debt and loans. They explain this by saying that all the titanic efforts made are aimed at ensuring that the child does not need anything. And this is wrong.

A teenager must understand that money is not taken from a bank card just like that, but is earned through hard work.

The root of the problem of infantile behavior in men

Here I will describe the reasons for infantile behavior in men, where the legs grow from, so that you understand what mistakes parents make in raising their children.

One child in the family

All attention from parents and close relatives is focused on one individual. Such a person has the feeling that the world revolves around him, but he can easily spin the world on his trunk (just kidding). But there is some truth in every joke. The child grows up spoiled, everything is owed and owed to him, but he himself gives nothing in return. A relationship with such a person is doomed to failure. And also selfishness.

Growing up in a family without a father

Second common problem. The child has no father, no support and no one to be like. The father begins to be replaced by the mother, the mother accordingly raises her child completely under guardianship, protects him from everything aggressive from the external environment, not understanding the simple thing that the external aggressive environment is useful for the development of a man.

Raised by a domineering mother

Everything is worse here. Complete suppression of the child as a man. Total control. Constant accusations and comparisons with her ex-husband, who naturally ran away a long time ago, leaving her alone with the child, now she is taking revenge on her child for everything.

And if the man has not yet run away, it means that he is being suppressed in the same way as a child. Only psychotherapy will help with this problem. The child himself will not be able to get out from under the yoke of such a mother; here he needs the help of a psychologist.

Portrait of a male infanta

As a rule, infantilism affects men more often than women. And there is a completely logical explanation for this.

The fact is that overprotective mothers take care of their sons all the time they live together (often even after the “child” moves to a separate territory). Girls instinctively begin to repeat after their mother - cook, clean, etc., or deliberately learn household duties (she is a future woman, she is supposed to be able to cook).

Washing, cleaning, cooking, financial support - all this lies on the parents' shoulders until the son gets married and moves out. The wedding is often initiated by the parent herself, even taking on the expenses, since the young man is in no hurry to become a breadwinner and bear responsibility for himself and someone else.

Having met a woman, the infant man continues to receive all the same care as in his father’s house. Therefore, he will continue to lie on the couch and play tanks, while his wife takes on most of the responsibilities. He's so used to it, everything suits him.

Claims of infantile behavior against him will cause misunderstanding, anger or resentment, because:

1. He is always right. Infantility “does not allow” an individual to perceive someone else’s point of view, to look at himself with a critical eye.
2. He really doesn't understand what it's like to be responsible for a family. For him, his wife is a second mother who must serve him.

An interesting point - if a mother is very attached to her son, then she will do everything and even more for him, bribing him with her care, so that he does not leave her.

Infantility is a “disease” of modern youth.

To become rich and successful, you need to completely get rid of immaturity. Unfortunately, infantiles do not want to develop, but only show selfishness.

And nothing will change, your whole life will pass in vain, and the torment of a wasted life will always torment you.

The only thing that will make an infant happy and successful is working with the inner child; if the inner child grows up, then the problem will be solved.

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