Who is an egoist and why does he think only of himself?

Author of the material:

Igor Lyadsky

Geneticist, writer, business coach, Doctor of Philosophy (PhD).

People are divided into two large groups. Some people think about the well-being of others. Others only care about themselves. It is to them that this article is dedicated. We are talking about egoists. What are they? Why do they behave this way? Is it good or bad to neglect other people's interests? What to do if the interlocutor behaves like an egoist? How to build a dialogue with him? Is it possible to re-educate him? Is it easy to start a relationship? What can you expect when communicating with an egoist? We invite you to look into these issues together.

Who is an egoist?

An egoist is a person who is guided in his actions solely by his own interests, without worrying about the inconvenience he causes to others. The word “egoism” (like “egocentrism”) is derived from the Latin “ego” - “I”. This term does not have an exact translation into Russian, but the word “self-love” can be considered a conditional synonym. Selfishness is behavior in which a person’s actions are dictated solely by his own interests. Accordingly, an egoist is one who cares only about himself.

Selfishness is a natural feature of the behavior of most people, formed by evolution. But its scale is different for everyone, and it happens that a person has a consumerist attitude towards everyone around him, including those closest to him. He is not able to assess the consequences of his own actions, and his relationship with his family becomes abnormally consumerist and resembles parasitism.

In fairness, it should be noted that moderate egoism is a natural phenomenon characteristic of everyone. And people who use this term do not always correctly understand who an egoist is and what behavioral features are characteristic of him.

Advice from specialists in treatment

If we talk about how to get rid of selfishness, the advice of a psychologist will be more useful than ever. Experts recommend doing this in four stages.

Stop limiting your consciousness. The boundaries that an egoist sets within himself do not allow him to live to the fullest, because they barely go beyond his own nose.

Communicate without the pronoun “I”. The best way to get rid of selfishness is to teach yourself to talk about yourself as little as possible.

Love someone other than yourself. Psychologists recommend getting yourself a pet first. The main difficulty of this step is that there is no escape from the animal. You constantly need to take care of him - feed, clean and play with him. Find satisfaction in what you have. If we talk about self-love, then the biggest problem is learning to be content with everything you have. Information belongs to the Rew*Med website

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How to recognize an egoist?

In any situation, an egoist strives to satisfy his own needs, regardless of the interests of the people around him. He doesn't care that he might cause inconvenience or harm to anyone. However, it is usually well camouflaged. Therefore, in order to recognize an egoist, you must first pay attention to such behavioral features as:

• tendency to blame others for one’s own failures;
• inability to listen;
• unshakable confidence in one’s own rightness;
• ignoring comments;
• tendency to brag;
• attempts to manipulate others;
• display of material wealth;
• desire to be the center of attention;
• the tendency to evaluate people by wealth, success, intelligence and other “status” characteristics.

If a person systematically demonstrates several of the listed signs, you have a natural egoist. But there is no need to rush to conclusions after noticing one or two signs. Don't forget that moderate selfishness is the norm, and almost anyone can periodically demonstrate selfish behavior while remaining a responsive and caring person.

Is it good to focus only on yourself?

I always advocate healthy egoism and adequate self-esteem. That is, in my opinion, focusing on yourself is good, but when it is in moderation. And this is explained simply: if you have taken care of yourself, then you are in a resourceful state and can help someone else, take care of someone else.

In such cases, I always remember the example with oxygen masks on an airplane: “In the event of depressurization of the cabin, you must first put the oxygen mask on yourself, then on the child.” I think this principle always works in everything.

Pros of an egoist

Able to distinguish his own goals and desires from others

Many of us tend to be influenced by others. We spend a lot of effort on achieving goals imposed by public opinion, parents or friends. Sometimes we sacrifice our own interests and desires simply because we were asked to help. Of course, altruism is a good quality, but not so much that it allows you to manipulate yourself. Feel free to show selfishness by making choices in favor of your own interests.

Achieves goals more often and faster

Who is an egoist? This is a person who always clearly understands what he wants! A dubious goal cannot be imposed on him, the value of which he does not see. But when solving his own problems, he is ready to act quickly and harshly, without thinking that he might interfere or harm someone. The ability to go ahead makes egoists more successful.

Knows how to say “No!”

Almost every person has encountered a situation in life when they were unable to respond in time to say “no” to an unwanted offer or request. Egoists know an excellent way to rid themselves of other people's worries: if consent obviously does not bring benefits. They simply answer “No!”

My experience

I can’t remember examples from my life, but I remembered this life example (I heard similar stories myself, met them on forums and heard many anecdotes on this topic). So, the wife is losing weight. Moreover, she chose an unhealthy method: she only eats apples, lettuce and the like. Together with her, her husband and even the unfortunate cat and dog voluntarily and forcibly went on the same diet, because: “You have to support me!” and “Why are you poisoning me with your sweets!”, and also “We are family.” The wife ignores the fact that this does not benefit an adult man who also does physical labor. And the cat and dog became somewhat lethargic from the diet soup. But the wife is indifferent to this, because her desires and problems come first for her.

Or this example. The mother forbids her son to become a video blogger, even to try himself, because: “This is not a profession,” “You don’t need it,” and “You’re disgracing me.” She wants her son, like mom and dad, to become a doctor. Then an ideal picture will form in her head: not only is she an exemplary mother, but also everything in their family is perfect. Surely others will admire such a woman.

Cons of an egoist

Problems with socialization

It is more difficult for a selfish person to get close to people. He rarely becomes the “life of the party”; he is bad at establishing relationships with colleagues and making friends. Usually his social circle consists of a small number of not particularly close friends.

Inability to build personal relationships

It is difficult for an egoist to build romantic relationships. Even if there are sincere feelings between him and his potential “soul mate,” his behavior interferes with rapprochement. He takes into account only his own interests, makes excessive demands on his partner, does not ask his opinion, tries to amaze him with his “exclusivity” and almost never gives compliments.

Lack of people willing to help

Anyone can need help. And the egoist has the hardest time in such a situation. He has few close people. In addition, the egoist believes that each person should cope with difficulties on their own, without asking for help.

Reasons for selfishness

Selfishness is a character trait that develops in childhood. Most often it is a consequence of a number of typical mistakes made by parents:

1. Possessive attitude
   . Parents treat the child as property and do not consider him as a person. They do not teach him independence and responsibility, as a result of which he grows up to be a capricious egoist, inclined to blame others for his mistakes.
2. Excessive care and boundless love
   . Often parents simply do not allow their child to become independent, caring for him until adolescence. As a result, he grows up to be a selfish and dependent person, unable to adequately assess reality and take into account the interests of others.
3. Selfish attitude
   . By setting a bad example, you can raise an excellent egoist. If parents are not interested in their child’s life and constantly tell them how hard it is for them, then the child will grow up fixated exclusively on his own problems.
4. Lack of attention
   . Today, parents spend less time with their children, allowing them to have fun on the Internet and play computer games from an early age. Of course, such a child will not receive basic communication skills and normal social interaction.

Results.

So, there are two types of egoism. We can talk about healthy selfishness, which is rooted in psychological abundance, and contrast it with unhealthy selfishness, which is rooted in psychological poverty. Healthy selfishness requires self-love. A person driven by healthy selfishness is motivated by the desire to become a unique individual, learn, grow and be happy. Balanced, healthy egoism is not a bad thing. It is the determination that you too have the right to happiness. You can't shame people for doing good for themselves. When we prioritize ourselves, we help ourselves and everyone around us. In modern society, we really lack self-love. We need to think more seriously about creating conditions that allow people to develop their unique intellectual, creative and emotional abilities, the freedom to affirm the integrity of their being, and the opportunity to satisfy their basic needs. This will lead to a decrease in hatred and a decrease in the desire to destroy oneself and others.

Don't be afraid to love yourself, take care of yourself, and do things that benefit you. This is not selfishness, it is a mindset of happiness that creates the ability to love and care for others.

How to deal with an egoist?

In personal life, selfishness is guaranteed to become the cause of groundless accusations and quarrels. Building a relationship with a selfish person is extremely difficult, but this is not a reason to refuse the opportunity to be with your loved one. To learn to avoid unpleasant situations, you need to clearly understand who an egoist is and how he perceives the world around him.

We bring to your attention some tips from psychologists, using which you can get along even with an extremely selfish person:

1. You can't just walk away from an egoist
   . If the relationship is not satisfactory, it is usually broken off. But it’s not so simple - if you try to leave him, you will find yourself to blame for all his problems. And don’t hope that he will rethink anything or understand and call you back. Instead, he will colorfully tell mutual acquaintances and describe in detail on social networks how you betrayed him and abandoned him. Therefore, there are only two options: find a way to adequately break off the relationship (at the initiative of the egoist) or seek a compromise.
2. Don't try to re-educate an egoist
   . You will spend a lot of emotional energy trying to re-educate, but you will not get any results. Selfishness is established in childhood, and trying to correct this deficiency in an adult is practically useless. It is better to change your own attitude towards your partner and always be prepared for the characteristic features of his behavior.
3. Try to influence not the character of the egoist, but his attitude towards you
   . Demand more attention and respect from him, explain what characteristics of behavior you do not want to tolerate. Gradually, he will get used to taking your interests into account and learn to restrain his own selfish nature.
4. Demonstrate mirror selfish behavior
   . Let him feel how unpleasant the selfishness of a loved one is. Behave indifferently, do not put unnecessary obligations on your shoulders. If your partner demands more attention from you, but refuses to change, perhaps the only reasonable option really is separation.

If you have to live with an egoist, it is important to build the relationship correctly and maintain a reasonable balance. Discuss mutual obligations, agree not to blame each other, but to jointly find a solution to any misunderstandings that arise. When dealing with an egoist, it is important to avoid quarrels, accusations and claims. By learning this, you can build really strong relationships without unnecessary negativity.