Remember how often we say “ideal living conditions”, “ideal working conditions”, “this is my ideal man/woman”, “this is an ideal relationship”, etc. Now remember the situations when ideas about ideals diverge. To the point that someone considers terrible what is ideal and most beautiful for another. Why is this happening? Why do ideas about the ideal differ, and what influences the formation of ideas? This is what we have to talk about today.
What is an ideal
An ideal is the best example of something or the highest goal in some activity. This is the ultimate dream of a person, what a person strives for. But the idea of the ideal is always subjective.
For example, in the opinion of one woman, the ideal figure is maximum muscle and minimum fat. And another woman is drawn to curvaceous figures. The third representative of the fair sex dreams of a flat figure. And such a divergence of ideals is observed in everything: appearance, leisure, social circle, place and working conditions, marital status, character, etc.
An ideal or system of ideals differs not only from person to person, but also changes within the individual himself. This is a dynamic structure that depends on age, developmental situation, environment, level of intelligence, and a person’s outlook. Our ideals change throughout our lives.
Who are perfectionists?
A perfectionist is a person who has very low self-esteem. Therefore, he strives to be noticed, to receive universal approval, encouragement, and to bring the matter to an ideal result. Their distinctive features are excessive scrupulousness. Such people are constantly in a state of tension and often find themselves in a depressed mood. They are also pessimists who see only the bad in everything, which often causes irritation and periods of depression.
How an ideal is formed
The formation of ideals occurs in the process of socialization. The basis of ideals:
- needs, interests and motives of the individual;
- values and beliefs of the individual;
- values and ideals of society.
Society and its assessment and opinion have a great influence on the formation of ideals. For example, in different eras in society there were different ideas about the ideal family. Patriarchy reigned for a long time. The woman played exclusively the role of homemaker. She obeyed her husband in everything and did not dare contradict him. What are we seeing today? The idea of gender equality and the distribution of family responsibilities is supported. And some even believe that the ideal of a family is a working woman and a man who is a housewife.
Another example. Once upon a time, society was ruled by the spirit of collectivism, but now society promotes the idea of individualism. The ideal of a citizen is an independent, constantly developing and creatively self-realizing personality.
As a person grows up, he orients himself towards different representatives of society. At an early age - parents, older brothers and sisters. During school years, he was a teacher. In adolescence - peers. In youth and adulthood - other adults. The ideal can be a book hero or a historical figure.
It is worth noting that socially significant ideals do not always become personally significant beliefs and aspirations. The transition of social ideals into intrapersonal role models does not always occur. The formation of ideals is influenced by a person’s worldview and the mentality of society. An ideal only becomes a product of the inner world when a person fully realizes that he must follow this ideal and fulfill the duties associated with it. If a person takes something for granted, and does not just know that it is necessary to do so, then this something becomes his aspiration. Thus, it is important to feel and experience for yourself, and not just know, have an idea about something.
How to stop being a perfectionist
People whose lives are marred by excessive perfectionism are interested in the question: how to become less demanding of yourself and others? In this regard, psychologists give the following recommendations:
- Set your priorities. It should be understood that it is impossible to succeed in all areas. Choose the most important goals, and do not waste your nerves and energy on unimportant things.
- Learn to enjoy any results. The world is not only black and white (success or failure), but also in-between. Even if the result does not meet your expectations, you can simply enjoy the rewarding experience.
- Even if you are still far from an ideal image or your loved ones do not meet your expectations, everyone has good qualities and successes, even small ones. Don't just focus on the negative, don't forget to celebrate when you see something good.
- Get plenty of rest. Perfectionists are susceptible to overstrain and exhaustion, as they work and work on themselves almost without interruption. Set aside at least 1 day a week that you dedicate to rest. Try meditation or yoga to relieve nervous tension.
Probably everyone could recognize someone they know in this description, or perhaps you yourself are a perfectionist. I hope you were able to learn something useful from this article, then add it to your social networks and share with friends. Sincerely, Ruslan Tsvirkun.
What role does ideal play in a person’s life?
The idea of an ideal and the craving for it contribute to the development of personality. In pursuit of results, a person improves himself and engages in self-education. The ideal determines the norms of behavior and sets the direction of activity, influences the orientation of the individual. The ideal determines the purpose and meaning of a person’s life and influences behavior and thinking.
Sometimes the attitude towards the ideal is contemplative and enthusiastic. But this is more like worshiping an idol, and we will talk about this another time. In the meantime, let's continue talking about the ideal.
The ideal image is an improved reality. Let us consider this in more detail using the example of the ideal of personality. The ideal is endowed with those qualities that a person lacks. He can do things that people in the present cannot do. But, importantly, a person can acquire all this if he wants. This is how the ideal self differs from the fantastic self. However, sometimes these elements become confused within the individual, and the person makes unrealistic demands on himself. He, of course, cannot achieve them, which causes him to experience deep frustration, irritation, and disappointment. Against this background, depression, neurosis or another mental disorder may develop. I propose to take a closer look at the situation in which a person confuses the ideal self and the fantastic self, dooming himself to failure and suffering.
Signs of perfectionism
1. Excessive demands on yourself. In this case, a person feels stable anxiety that he has not yet achieved perfection. The more he deviates from the ideal he created, the more uncertainty and anxiety grows. A distinctive feature is that such a person does not know how to forgive mistakes and is constantly engaged in soul-searching.
2. Excessive demands on people. In this case, a person demands the pursuit of excellence not only from himself, but also from those around him - family, friends, colleagues. A perfectionist becomes like a dictator, exercising constant control. If his environment does not live up to expectations, he becomes angry and harshly criticized.
3. Excessive demands on the world. Perfectionists have rigid thinking - they do not know how to accept change, deny dynamism, and love total control. If the world does not live up to a person's expectations, he becomes depressed and despondent. A perfectionist needs the whole world to function perfectly.
4. Excessive demands on society. It is very important for a perfectionist to be appreciated by society. As a result, the main directions become the desire to follow all patterns perfectly. A distinctive feature is that one’s own desires are absent and not taken into account.
A mild degree of perfectionism usually does not reflect badly on a person or those around him. The syndrome is divided into two categories - healthy or neurotic. In the first case, the basis of any actions is the inability to lose and constant fear.
Perfectionism as a striving for ideal
Perfectionism is a constant striving for ideal. A perfectionist is always dissatisfied with himself and tries to improve himself, the world, and his activities. He gets hung up on the little things and, as a result, does not notice or does not have time to grasp the main thing. A perfectionist is dissatisfied with himself, even when he achieves success. He always thinks that he could do better, faster, etc. In pursuit of the ideal, a perfectionist forgets about basic needs, and he can even destroy the fruit of his labors.
Perfectionism can be a character trait, or it can take pathological forms and develop into obsessive-compulsive disorders. However, the prerequisites for perfectionism are always the same:
- low self-esteem;
- desire to receive recognition and praise;
- inferiority complex;
- diffidence;
- need for love and attention;
- fear of criticism, dependence on other people's opinions.
Fear of failure sometimes fetters the hands of a perfectionist. Then he prefers to do nothing, not try new things, and not take on extra responsibility.
The reason for the development of perfectionism is high expectations on the part of parents. Blame, prohibitions, emotional coldness, demandingness and other elements of authoritarian upbringing lead to this. As we have already said, children follow the ideals of their parents. A perfectionist is taught from childhood to strive for an unrealistic ideal.
Parents, as a rule, do not know or deliberately ignore the child’s characteristics. Instead, they try to make him a role model (in their minds), an object of pride. Or they strive to realize their unfulfilled dreams in it. And for a child’s development there is nothing worse than going against one’s essence. That is, to do something for which you have no inclinations or inclinations. Or live according to a routine that contradicts the properties of the psyche and temperament. The child grows up, but excessive demands on himself and others remain, as does the accompanying feeling of personal failure.
How did the term come about?
In psychology, perfectionism began to be studied in the 19th century, but long before that, this term appeared in philosophy. Let us note that psychologists and philosophers have different understandings of what a perfectionist is. From a philosophical point of view, this is an ideal that every person should strive for. Proponents of perfectionism were Kant, Leibniz and many other philosophers.
Leonardo da Vinci's famous painting “The Vitruvian Man” (1492) is also a manifestation of perfectionism, since in it the scientist depicted the ideal proportions of the human body.
The terms “perfectionism” and “perfectionist” are derived from the English word perfection, meaning “perfection” or “improvement.” Initially they were used in philosophy with a positive connotation. In psychology, perfectionism is considered as a feature of the psyche that potentially reduces a person’s quality of life.
A little about ideal people
It is also important to remember that concepts such as an ideal life and an ideal person are inseparable from each other. When planning to achieve your ideal in life, you also need to decide what an ideal person should be like: what he should have and what he should know and be able to do. Again, here the question arises about the material and the spiritual: this must be strictly distinguished. Generally speaking, the ideal person is the person who tries to do good without demanding anything in return. Do not forget that Buddhist monks are often called ideal people today: enlightened people who are alien to the desire for material wealth.
Really, why?
The answer is on the surface, but understanding it requires depth. It goes like this: boredom is the result of a lack of purpose, and boredom that is repeated from time to time is the result of a big goal.
Do you have any big goal?
Eat? Exactly?
Are you sure it's big?
Test yourself with these questions:
- How much time do I need to implement it?
- How much time do I devote to getting there every day?
- Does this goal inspire me to make big, even heroic, changes?
- What if I achieve it?
- Do you still think she's big?
Do you have any doubts? Fine.
Features of the formation of a system of life values
The system of life values of each person begins to form from the first years of his life, but it is finally formed only upon reaching a responsible age, i.e. by about 18-20 years, although even after that it may change in some ways. The process of its formation itself takes place according to a certain algorithm.
Schematically, this algorithm can be expressed as follows:
- Aspiration > Ideal
- Aspiration > Goal > Ideal
- Aspiration > Values > Purpose > Ideal
- Aspiration > Means > Values > Goal > Ideal
However, subsequently, between all these points, another one appears - ethics, as a result of which the whole scheme takes on the following form:
- Striving > Ethics > Means > Ethics > Values > Ethics > Goal > Ethics > Ideal
From this it turns out that first of all, the ideal and the very desire for this ideal arise. An ideal, which can also be called an image, if there is no desire for it, is no longer such.
At the first stage, which is most often instinctive, the ideal is neutral from an ethical point of view, i.e. it cannot be assessed in any way, and it can be formed in the form of a sensory-emotional substance, the content of which is quite difficult to determine. The meaning that is attached to the ideal is formed only at the stage of transformation into a goal. And only after this, reaching the third stage, values are formed that serve as resources, conditions and rules for achieving the goal that leads to the ideal. And the entire algorithm ultimately ends with the so-called inventory of the necessary and available means to achieve the goal.
Each element of the presented algorithm is extremely important, but you need to pay attention to the fact that the ideal, goal and means are formed and selected under the influence of not only needs, but also ethical norms, which seem to “filter” all stages of the algorithm. At the same time, ethical standards may exist in the human mind, as well as in the mass consciousness, representing the results of the action of previous algorithms, and therefore be perceived as “existing objectively.” In addition, they can also be formed as new ones, being conditioned by a newly emerged ideal and the corresponding algorithm.
The life of any person, as we have already mentioned, from childhood begins to obey this algorithm, and it does not matter what it concerns: the choice of a future profession, a loved one, political or religious views and actions performed. And here “ideals” play a special role, regardless of whether they exist in a person’s consciousness or in his subconscious.
To summarize, we can say that a person’s system of life values is a fairly stable structure, despite the fact that it is subject to changes, both small and global. And a person’s awareness of his system of life values is the first step towards understanding his life purpose.
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- 7-S structure
- Priorities for the day and for life: how to set them
- The main life values of people: what is most important in life and how to understand it?
- Something very important
- Graves' Spiral Dynamics: Pathways to Human Development
- Social anxiety
- Picture of the world: the essence of the phenomenon, sources of formation and the nature of the influence on humans
- Brian Tracy: "Live Simpler": Key Ideas
- Axiology
- Definition of values
Key words:1Self-knowledge
