Let's talk about the obvious
Let's talk right away about the fact that a person does not always avoid because of personal hostility or some other internal problems. Do not forget that a person may indeed not have time to communicate due to sudden problems or some pleasant changes in life.
But there are other situations when avoiding communication with you has a basis that is better to recognize than not to know about it. We will talk about three such situations below.
Bad experience
Unfortunately, we do not have statistical data, but we are more than sure that every day a million or two hearts are broken on our planet. And not every victim is able to subsequently build a happy relationship with such baggage.
- The first reason is that the feelings have not yet cooled down. In this case, the search for new novels really smacks of meaninglessness - casual sex with a person you don’t care about will not fill the emptiness in your soul. But it can easily drive you into depression. If you're avoiding relationships because you haven't gotten over your old ones yet, start dealing with problems as they arise.
That is, sort it out with your ex-partner. Have a heart-to-heart talk, break up peacefully, or express everything that is boiling up in your mind - the conflict must be settled, and the relationship must be put to an end.
- The second reason is that your previous partner keeps you, as they say, “on a short leash.” You seem to have broken up, but it seems you haven’t. You continue to flirt with each other, periodically end up in the same bed, and your relationship leaves all your friends in slight bewilderment.
The time has come to take a critical look at your union and decide for yourself whether such a “swing” suits you - today your partner goes on a date, and tomorrow he writes to you and invites you to spend the night together. Such obscurantism does not allow you to let go of the past and move forward. And constant feeding of feelings does not allow you to stop loving your ex-partner. See point above.
- The third reason is lost self-esteem. Being abandoned is quite unpleasant. And if you were abandoned for someone who is more beautiful, sexier, more successful and richer than you, you receive a serious blow to your pride. First, stop comparing yourself with your opponent (rival) and focus your attention on your positive qualities. On those with which you once conquered your former love.
Don't be jealous of your ex-partner's new girlfriend or new boyfriend. Under no circumstances take revenge on either your partner or his passion. Sincerely wish them luck, forgive them and let them go in peace. Take care of yourself - your appearance, education, career, etc. But! Improve yourself for your own sake, not for the sake of revenge.
If you lose weight/get fat/get a second degree/travel, etc. not for your own sake, but for the sake of beautiful photos and the reaction from the former object of passion, disappointment, anger and emptiness will inevitably await you. Your yoga mat will end up on the balcony, your abs will grow, and your vacation photos will stop making you happy.
Perhaps it's the game?
In the world of adults, there is an unspoken game, the name of which is “closer-further”. She is adored by manipulators who don’t feed them bread - let them play on other people’s nerves. And this game is a great tool for connecting other people to yourself.
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The essence of the action is simple. First, a person becomes a part of the life of another, literally binds him to himself, and then disappears, taking with him the vivid emotions that he evokes. As a result, the “experimental” person is faced with a longing for bright and good impressions.
Both men and women love to make their partners fall in love with them this way. It would seem that everyone already knows about this game, but even adults and experienced people continue to fall for it.
So, if your new (or not so new) acquaintance first brought you happiness, and then suddenly disappeared, maybe it’s due to such a banal manipulation?
The person is uncomfortable with your company
Is it possible that the person is avoiding not you specifically, but your new company, which is unpleasant to him?
The fact is that an adequate, adult person will never tell another with whom to communicate and how to build a dialogue with others. But at the same time, they soberly assess their desire to come into contact with certain people. Perhaps an old friend doesn’t like your new acquaintance, with whom you constantly spend time, and he simply decided to protect himself from meeting him?
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Whether this is true or not is easy to check. Having suspected this reason for detachment, you can always invite your old friend to communicate, with the proviso that no strangers will take part in the dialogue. If he willingly agrees, then it’s definitely not about you.
A striking example is the cooling of relationships between long-time friends due to one of them entering into a relationship. The second friend can either simply realize the fact that in a relationship she is the third wheel, or not share her friend’s delight in her other half (here it could be a matter of banal envy and jealousy or the ability to see what women do not notice in "rose-colored glasses")
Reasons for fear of communicating with people
First you need to understand the causes of fear.
People who are afraid of communication are afraid of everything connected with society: talking with strangers or unfamiliar people, the attention of passers-by, their views, public speaking, communication in small groups, shopping, social events.
People with social phobias constantly think that they will be misunderstood. Being the center of attention, they are afraid to say the wrong thing. They feel like everyone is expecting something from them.
How is this behavior of people formed? There is only one answer: social phobia is based on education.
Let everyone now remember their childhood:
- Were your parents overprotective?
- did they suffer from fear of communication?
- did they often criticize you, were they too strict?
People whose parents were too strict in childhood, or, conversely, overprotective, will feel that others always look at them with condemnation.
Also, if parents had a clearly manifested fear of communication, then they naturally infect their children with it.
Children, like sponges, absorb the thinking and behavioral styles of their parents. It is a great success if a child is born into a family of two conscious people who do not transfer their problems and suppressed needs onto their children.
Unfortunately, the ideal option is extremely rare. Therefore, we, modern people, have a bunch of different stereotypes that have nothing to do with reality. One of them is the fear of communication.
Fear of communication is the fear of receiving a bad assessment from others. It should not be confused with introversion.
For example, many people are afraid of speaking in public, this does not mean that every one of them is a social phobe.
Life law: done wrong - hide
It is possible that the reason for the detachment is a simple law of psychology. Its essence is this: if a person has acted meanly and wrongly towards someone and is well aware of the consequences of his action, he begins to avoid the person he offended.
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Such situations are very common in the career field, where the practice of betraying colleagues for the sake of business growth is normal and common. Unfortunately, long-time acquaintances often take this step, tempted by bonuses, salary increases or the prospect of taking up a new position. And then they regret that they slandered another person or framed him. The result of such regret is attempts to avoid the one against whom the intrigues were directed.
Another example is the detachment of spouses after infidelity. Women who have had to deal with the infidelity of their partners are very familiar with this phenomenon, when at one point a man becomes distant. And everything seems to be fine, but he seems to be avoiding his wife. The reason is precisely this psychological law.
For communication to return to its previous course, it takes a little time for this same traitor to get used to the new state of affairs. The question just arises: do you need such communication?
What to do if a person who suddenly began to be avoided
If suddenly an old acquaintance or even a close friend begins to avoid your company, it is worth deciding on the reason. You need to act based on it. And there are only two options for the development of events.
If, during the course of reflection, it was determined that the distance in communication occurred due to lack of time, there is definitely no need to worry. But pestering someone with offers to meet and chat is not a good idea. It's worth waiting until your friend's life situation changes. Or make an effort to make it happen as soon as possible.
When this is the case for other reasons, you need to think again: is communication with that same person really necessary for you? After all, you must admit that communicating with manipulators who are accustomed to treating others as if they were puppets that can be controlled does not lead to good things. A person who has betrayed you once is not your best acquaintance, much less a close friend.
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No one wants to communicate with me, what to do: advice from psychologists
First of all, you need to tidy up your appearance. When a person is collected and smart, neatly dressed, he is perceived better.
It is much easier for a self-confident person with a positive attitude towards life and people to make friends; many want to know his opinion and see him around.
It is necessary to ensure that during the conversation the dialogue does not turn into a monologue. This means that communication with other participants is lost.
An unhappy person who constantly complains about life's troubles cannot find friends. And not everyone wants to talk to someone like that. You need to change your mind. Talk to others in a positive, life-affirming manner, avoid sighs and sobs.
A friendly attitude towards others will certainly yield results.
