How to get an introvert to talk for further communication with him?

• Reasons for silence
• Basic methods
• Plan
• Trust yourself
• Keep calm
• Distract attention
• Be careful with questions
• Features of communication with a child
• Conclusion

There are often people whose conversation is a very difficult task. A person carefully hides his true thoughts and motives. It can be either a stranger or a very close one: wife, husband, parents, children. With some effort, it is possible to break through the wall of silence and isolation.

How to get an introvert to talk?

It is always difficult to talk with closed and reserved people. They are unlikely to support the conversation or start it first. You often hear monosyllabic answers from them. And sometimes you really want to talk to the person you like, or you just need to get some information. Is everything as complicated as it seems? How to get someone to talk who doesn't want to talk?

It turns out that there are several ways to get a silent person to talk. This article presents the most effective of them.

Personal conversation with your loved one

If you have somehow offended your significant other, a relative or a close friend, it is better to give them the opportunity to “cool down” so that the upcoming conversation can go smoothly on both sides.

To have a frank conversation with anyone, you definitely need to be prepared. Personal conversation is more fruitful and friendly when engaged in a common task.

The secretive “half” usually tries to evade the conversation, turn everything into a joke, or, having different views on life, does not understand the essence of the issue.

Try to explain seriously, but in a friendly manner, that the future of your couple depends on this conversation. To be understood, ask clear and short questions that cannot be otherwise interpreted.

Bottom line

Learning to establish relationships with taciturn people is already a whole science. This will require your charm skills, good speech, and patience. Few people can get a silent person to talk with half a turn. Even if he liked you, he may not show it until the very end, hiding behind a mask of indifference.

Of course, it is easiest to communicate with friendly and open people. But what if you come across an introvert? Sometimes behind this image of a taciturn, secretive person hides a bright, but sensitive soul.

Surely you will not regret that you learned how to get an introvert to talk and will be able to look into his mysterious inner world in the future when communicating with him. After all, even a self-contained person can turn out to be an excellent conversationalist if you find the right approach to him.

First meeting

The first acquaintance with a silent person is often unsuccessful. During a date or when joining a team, you want to get an idea about the person. But this is difficult if this person does not want to open up.

When you first meet, you should take the lead and confidently lead the conversation, using open-ended questions to elicit details and closed-ended questions to elicit specific answers. Be open and friendly, confident, but not harsh, trying to evoke sympathy and trust from your partner.

You can get answers from secretive people with friendly and calm behavior. Silent people will only tell their secrets if they trust.

What to do if you are sent

"Go away!"
or “I don’t want to see you again!” - we can hear both at work and in our personal lives. The instinctive response is to slam the door and walk away. It happens that we really are not to blame for anything, but an avalanche of criticism falls on us. We take these words seriously, although we shouldn’t. When a person is overly emotional, rude expressions randomly come out of his mouth unconsciously. If you want to make the situation worse, start arguing with him or leave, but if you are interested in turning the argument into a conversation, ask a simple question: “Do you really hate me that much or are you just disappointed in what I did?”

These words will help you and your interlocutor understand your true intentions. In most cases, the interlocutor admits that it is not about you, but about the situation that has upset him very much.

Content component of the communication process

Communication is a way to convey information to others. Therefore, one of the classifications is based on the content of statements.

1. Material - in addition to verbal skills, material objects are exchanged for the implementation of any activity. Material communication often occurs between close people, for example, the transfer of household items or purchases in a store. The purpose of such interaction is to satisfy urgent human needs.
2. Cognitive serves to transmit various information. Aimed at broadening horizons and sharing experiences. During the conversation, skills and abilities can be discussed. More common in professional environments.
3. Conditioning - aimed at influencing the emotional state of a person. Manifests itself as providing moral support and consolation.
4. Motivational - goal - motivating a person to perform actions, achieve goals.
5. Activity - combines communication and implementation of practical actions. In the process of such communication, experience, skills and abilities are exchanged.

Several types are often combined: it all depends on the degree of closeness of people and the type of their relationship.

Show interest

A sincere desire to learn more about the interlocutor can encourage even the most reserved person to communicate. How to do it?

• You need to listen carefully to the speech of your interlocutor.
• It is necessary to respond to a person’s words and gestures and give compliments.
• If possible, it is worth asking questions, this will prove to the interlocutor that you are interested in communication and will help maintain the conversation.

The best way to get your interlocutor to talk is to be sincerely interested in his hobbies, life, and ask his opinion. All this will not only allow you to maintain acquaintance, but will also provide additional information about the person.

Why do we sometimes have “nothing to say”

Sometimes the question arises: “How to start communicating with new people if I don’t know what to say to them after “Hello!”.” We've all encountered this problem. We want to make a positive impression on a person, but all words and thoughts seem to evaporate. Because of this, we experience discomfort and feel somehow “wrong.”

In fact, we always have something to say. It is fears that block your communication skills. Because of fear, we limit the topics we can talk about in order to:

• Don't seem stupid
• Don't insult your interlocutor
• Do not make a negative impression about yourself, etc.

As a result, it turns out that we either cannot say anything at all, or we say mediocre questions like “How are you?” or “How was your day?”, which don’t really mean anything. They are asked simply to fill the void.

But give up these inhibitions and allow the conversation to go in an unknown direction. Do you know what kind of conversation goes on a straight line? Boring. So just talk about everything that comes to mind. Ask questions and then it is important not to speak yourself, but much more important to be able to listen to your interlocutor. Remove all blocks! Even if you accidentally offend your interlocutor, there is always the opportunity to sincerely apologize.

Features of communication with a child

Many children talk incessantly, describing everything they see, hear and feel. But even among them there are silent people. It is important to be patient; it may take more than one week until the child gets used to you and trusts his secrets.

Psychologists have noticed that those children whose parents often hug and kiss, provide full tactile communication, and are much better at making contact.

Everything is based on trust and love. If your child has a favorite item or toy, use it in a playful attempt to win him over.

How to make friends with strangers

We talked about what we talked about above, now a little practice. How to start communicating with people, making acquaintances at work, school, various events, or just on the street? How to appear attractive to other people?

There are several rules for this:

• Use not only words, but also voice intonation, facial expressions and body language

Agree, it is much more interesting to communicate with a person who, during the conversation:

• speaks loudly
• changes the intonation of the voice in interesting and significant places in the story,
• uses hands to show something
• and openly expresses emotions on the face through facial expressions.

Pay attention to this important skill, it will significantly improve your speech. By applying these simple tips, you will be able to conduct a dialogue more lively and interesting than those who speak monotonously and are in tense positions. People willingly make acquaintances with such active people.

• Smile

Everyone likes to see sincere smiles on the faces of people around them. Smiling requires you to make an emotional investment in the conversation, but you will be rewarded.

Therefore, when making acquaintances, smile more often - this way your appearance will seem more friendly to others, and they are unlikely to refuse to get to know you.

• Talk to strangers as if you were talking to loved ones

Don't stress when you want to talk to a stranger. Imagine that you have known him for a long time. Do you think this is strange? But put yourself in his place: would you really be pleased if people around you were afraid of you and were nervous when talking to you? Of course not. And the people around you don't want it either.

• Making eye contact will help you succeed in a conversation.

Look the other person in the eye when you communicate. Only occasionally look away so that it doesn’t look strange.

In order to make acquaintances, you can use several more reasons:

• discuss the purpose of the meeting (if you are at the event);
• find out how things are going in the company,
• what kind of people are here (if this is your first day at work);
• what brought your interlocutor to this educational institution (if studying).

Don’t ask yourself the question “How to communicate with people correctly.” It is untrue in itself. After all, there are no prohibitions and no right ways to develop a conversation.

Just be active: constantly communicate with new people. Then you will have an interesting circle of friends and you will develop your communication skills.

What to do if someone is hysterical and says that everything is very bad

From time to time, we see people upset, saying that everything is terrible and have no idea what to do next.
Instinct correctly tells us that we need to calm the person down and we often say “Everything will be fine” or “Calm down.” But these words don’t work because they only touch on the problem superficially and avoid the other person’s feelings. To cope with this situation, use a three-step algorithm: 1. Understand the interlocutor. Listen carefully and let them talk. 2. Analyze the facts. Talk, ask a few questions: “Let’s figure it out...”, “What is the likelihood that everything will end well/badly?”, “Has there been a similar situation? If so, how did you cope then? 3. Move the conversation into the future. Ask: “What will we do right now?”

What helps people communicate

Communication is based on verbal and non-verbal signals. People always pick up on unsaid things on a subconscious level. For example, if a person is annoyed, but does not show it, the opponent can recognize this by gestures: crossed arms, looking to the side, flared nostrils. But this happens on a subconscious level, a person does not analyze the behavior and gestures of the interlocutor - his brain does this, sending signals to the subconscious. People call it a sixth sense when an employee suddenly realizes that there is no point in asking for leave now, although the boss has given no reason to think so. The brain has already scanned his behavior and sent a signal.

It's not just words that help people communicate. Communication occurs at the level of glances, gestures, and body position. An experienced psychologist will immediately figure out which of the couples in a cafe is in a quarrel and which is happy. People, captivated by each other, hold playful glances, their shoulders are completely turned towards each other.

There are a number of reasons that may prevent you from starting a difficult conversation.

First of all, they are associated with the fear of changes that this difficult conversation may entail:

• Loss of a comfortable state of affairs. Possible concessions may be perceived as a loss of power or an established distribution of roles in a specific relationship.
• Challenge your self-esteem. Fear that concessions will be perceived as a sign of weakness.
• Fear of the future. It is unknown where the conversation will lead. Even if now it’s not as good as we would like, but at least everything is clear and predictable. If you change something, there is a risk that it will be worse.

Talk to your husband about the cooling relationship, inform your boss about your dismissal, explain to your child that the purchase of the bicycle he dreams of is being postponed...

Why doesn't the conversation go well?

The main reason for an unsuccessful conversation is that one of the conversation participants is too focused on himself. This does not allow you to be sincerely and openly interested in your interlocutor. There may be several reasons for this condition.

Fear. Most often, this condition is characteristic of people who are withdrawn, vulnerable and sensitive. People of this character may worry about seemingly insignificant things. They are haunted by the fear of not being liked by their interlocutor, both in communication and externally. They don’t want to say unnecessary or stupid things, so they try to avoid conversation.

Doubts. Parasitic words are a manifestation of doubt. The person falls into a kind of stupor and does not understand how to continue talking with the interlocutor. The reasons are usually hidden behind thoughts about what needs to be hidden from the interlocutor and what can be told.

Misunderstanding. Sometimes, even after long explanations, there is a feeling that the interlocutor does not understand what we are talking about. Everyone has had such a conversation with an “alien” at least once in their life. Naturally, all people are different, their hobbies and mindsets differ. It can be very difficult to define the topic of conversation. The reluctance to be a misunderstood interlocutor in some cases can cause problems in communication or a lack of desire to start a conversation at all.

So how to talk correctly with people who are not in the mood for communication? There are several ways to win someone over during a conversation.

Rules for successful communication

The famous speaker Dale Carnegie published the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” more than 80 years ago. In it, he described the most effective basic communication techniques and rules that will help introverted and shy people become excellent conversationalists. These rules remain relevant to this day.

1. Genuinely showing interest in other people. Often we find it more pleasant to talk with those who are interested in our personality and ask various questions regarding our opinion and experience. Therefore, be sure to ask questions to your interlocutor. But don't turn the conversation into an interrogation with bias. Everything should be natural and sincere, and for this you must experience genuine interest in your interlocutor.
2. Smile. A person who smiles evokes positive feelings in us. Even if we don’t know him personally. During a conversation, your smile is proof that the interlocutor is pleasant to you and you like talking to him. Just try to avoid a fake smile. Smile not only with your mouth, but also with your eyes, soul, and heart.
3. Proper name. From birth, the sound of our name is the most pleasant sound. Therefore, always address others by their first and middle names if necessary. The name indicates the individuality of a person, his originality and uniqueness. This is the simplest compliment you can give someone. Just call him by name.
4. Listening skills. In conversation, people usually prefer to talk more than listen. Often they simply wait for their turn to speak and do not try to listen and understand what they are told. Especially during an argument. If you listen carefully to your interlocutor, ask him clarifying questions and successfully use phrases that he said earlier during the conversation, then you will pleasantly surprise him. Listening and hearing your interlocutor is much more important than speaking.
5. Interesting topics for conversation. Talk about topics that are interesting to your interlocutor, and finding out about them is quite easy and simple, using rule No. 1 - showing sincere interest. When a person talks about something exciting, his eyes light up. Even if this topic does not seem particularly interesting to you, still try to listen. Surely you can learn something valuable and interesting for yourself.
6. Compliments. Each of us has unique characteristics that are worthy of admiration. Try to notice them in your interlocutor and sincerely express your admiration, approval, and praise. Your compliments should not be exaggerated and resemble undisguised flattery. Falseness always feels good. A timely, sincere compliment will be very pleasant to your interlocutor and will make the conversation even easier and more relaxed.

Where can you find topics for an interesting conversation?

The most interesting conversation happens when you don’t even know what you’re going to talk about with the person. Because such a conversation is like a roller coaster: it goes up sharply, then flies down, and then turns sharply to the right at great speed. This is not the same as having a boring conversation according to a plan.

But how to communicate with people so that it is interesting? Where can I get topics for conversation? And how to develop the conversation in an interesting and exciting direction? How to make contact?

1. Look around and find something interesting. Let's say you are at a meeting with a lot of people. At such meetings there are a huge number of potential interlocutors, so: go up to a stranger or your friend and ask him for what purpose he came here. At the same time, share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

1. Remember fascinating stories from life. If you want to be a very interesting conversationalist, memorize some of them. Having worked on pauses in the right places, changes in intonation, etc. When you start a conversation you will worry less.

1. Ask yourself: what could I ask the other person? And try to repeat it until you find something interesting. Our brain is designed in such a way that initially it gives the simplest and most obvious solutions, but over time it begins to dig deeper and deeper. Using this question will help you have a meaningful dialogue.

1. As a last resort, use standard questions: cinema, music, sports, etc. These topics can also be developed in an interesting direction.

How to develop a conversation and make it interesting? Listen to your interlocutor and ask about the details of the story, you can ask clarifying questions. It's all in the details - that's usually the fun part. Plus, you'll show the person that you're listening to them and not just standing in front of them and nodding. The ability to listen and hear your interlocutor will give you a lot of topics for communication with a new interlocutor.