Social networks, computer games, interactive chats and a variety of instant messengers that allow people to communicate simply by clicking on the sensors of their gadgets - just a few decades ago, all this might have seemed like science fiction. But today this is our reality, and such things will no longer surprise anyone. Undoubtedly, the development of technology significantly and many times improves human life, making it more comfortable, convenient, and simpler. But at the same time, this medal also has a downside.
All our acquaintances, friends and colleagues can easily be placed in a small contact window, dialogues, business and intimate conversations take the form of chats, and emotions are expressed with colorful emoticons. And at the same time, for us, and especially for the younger generation, the problem of socialization is becoming increasingly relevant, and more specifically, the problem of developing communication skills, i.e. developing communication skills - real interaction with other people.
The importance of communication skills and features of their development
Even though it may seem trivial to talk about the importance of communication skills, we still want to pay some attention to it. This will contribute to a better understanding of the need to interact competently with others in the real world and will help to better understand what influences the development of communication abilities.
Communication skills are extremely important for forming a social circle, meeting people, making friends and negotiating, purchasing goods and services, concluding contracts and doing business, building productive relationships, resolving conflicts and finding mutual understanding with others. And if a person does not know how to communicate, on his way he will encounter many problems and difficulties, both in his personal life and in the professional sphere.
Simply put, communication skills constitute a special behavioral complex that allows each of us to:
- establish contacts;
- interest the interlocutor;
- maintain communication;
- maintain relationships;
- argue your thoughts;
- defend your interests;
- resolve conflicts;
- use nonverbal means of communication;
- protect yourself from manipulation;
- understand others, the motives of their actions and reactions.
And here is what the famous writer and business coach Itzhak Pintosevich says about the importance of the ability to communicate in life (by the way, from this video you can take note of several tips on developing communication skills).
More practical recommendations are waiting for you below, but for now let's continue the conversation. As you know, there are several types of communication skills:
- information and communication ability, responsible for starting, maintaining and ending a conversation, as well as attracting the attention of the interlocutor and the use of verbal and non-verbal means of communication;
- affective-communicative ability, which helps to notice the emotional state of the interlocutor and respond competently to it, as well as show responsiveness and respect towards the partner;
- regulatory and communicative ability, which allows you to help your interlocutor during communication and use optimal ways to resolve conflict situations; this same ability allows a person to accept help from others.
As for the structure of communication abilities, it includes many components, including:
- social perception (related to the perception, understanding and evaluation of oneself, other people and social groups);
- gnostic skills and reflection (related to awareness, systematization and transfer of information);
- cognitive skills (related to the characteristics of memory, thinking and attention);
- interactional skills (related to “presenting yourself” and the ability to “tune in” to your interlocutor);
- strong-willed qualities;
- perception and interpretation of verbal and non-verbal signals;
- ability to understand subtext and context;
- ability to use sign systems to solve various communication problems, etc.
You can determine how developed a person’s social and communication skills are by how actively, intensively and continuously he maintains contact with other people, how wide his circle of contacts is, how effectively he solves communication problems and some other indicators.
The development of communication skills begins in childhood and is influenced by many factors, such as the characteristics of upbringing, the microclimate in the family, lifestyle and other important things. In the case when a person does not receive certain communicative experience, in adulthood he may be withdrawn and insecure.
But even for people with communication problems, there is always a way out of the situation, because the development of social and communication skills is available at any age. And here is the time to talk about what means of developing communication skills are available.
Below we will offer several methods for developing communication skills. For the most part, they relate, of course, to adults, but we will also definitely talk about what is needed to develop communication skills in children (preschoolers, schoolchildren, etc.).
Lesson 10
The purpose of the lesson is to develop participants’ diverse ideas about themselves and others, relieve emotional stress, receive feedback from group members, and consolidate positive self-esteem by accepting positive assessments from others. Exercise 1. “Penguins”. Members of the group portray penguins (arms are pressed to the body, palms are moved to the sides and move in small steps). Penguins live on an island. But it is very cold on the island. Penguins want to stay warm. The warmest place is in the center of the island. They all move towards the center to keep warm. It is advisable for everyone to visit the center (however, this is not indicated; group members must demonstrate their own understanding of this). Exercise 2. “Leaf behind your back.” Materials: sheets of paper according to the number of participants, felt-tip pens, pins. “We are all interested in knowing what others think of us (both good and not so good). But often it is very difficult for people to express their sincere opinions about others face to face, so we suggest doing the following exercise.” The trainer gives all the participants a piece of paper and pins, and invites them to attach them to the back of their neighbor on the right. Next, the following instructions are given: participants come up to each other and write one quality at a time (“+”, “-“) to the owner of the sheet. The task is completed in a chaotic manner, with the obligatory condition of expressing your opinion about each group member. Exercise 3. “Palms.” Material: sheets of paper and felt-tip pens. Each participant outlines his palm on a piece of paper, and the sheet is signed. Next, the participants approach each sheet and write in each “palm” their sincere wish to its owner. The form of execution is arbitrary. Farewell ritual.
Developed by: psychologists GDPPND Astreyko N.V., Goncharik Yu.B.
Development of communication skills
The proposed methods are excellent means of developing communication skills. In fact, if used together, they can serve as real communication mastery training. With its help, you can, without the help of specialists, independently eliminate the gaps that you have in the area of interpersonal interaction.
Take the initiative
The first rule of a sociable person is to overcome the fear of communication. There is no need to be shy about making contact first. If you want communication, just start it. But do not forget that there are situations when a potential interlocutor does not want to communicate, so you should not put pressure on him or force him. In other cases, you need to learn to step over your complexes and insecurities.
Be open
In many situations, people are withdrawn and insecure because they think too much about the appropriateness of their emotions and feelings. But the direct path to communication is openness. No one forbids you to laugh, be sad, confess your love, express your fears, share your observations and ideas. Although not everyone can understand you, but with the help of openness and sincerity you are more likely to find like-minded people and friends. In addition, openness helps increase self-esteem and develop a positive outlook on the world.
Listen without interrupting
The ability to listen is one of the best ways to hear, understand and win over your interlocutor. By listening without interrupting, you will not only give your partner space to express his thoughts, but you will also receive a lot of information about him, and you will also be able to see what mistakes in communication he makes so as not to repeat them in your own communication. Also, in the process of active listening, you will be able to track your reactions to a person’s behavior, which means you will learn to see yourself from the outside.
Determine the general and the individual
In any situation where you have to talk to someone, pay attention to what unites you and what makes you different from each other. This technique helps to find a common language and common ground, accept and respect someone else’s position, avoid and eliminate conflicts in the bud. By the way, one of the key points in the art of communication is to be able to accept someone else’s point of view. It is not always necessary to tell another person that he is wrong. It is enough to simply say that you have an opinion on a controversial issue.
Be confident in yourself
Developing communication skills is also about developing self-confidence. Fear of speaking out, fear of seeming funny, lack of confidence in your thoughts, words and beliefs - these and other similar things always repel others. And on the contrary, a person with adequate self-esteem, who knows his strengths and values himself, attracts others to him. Confidence is felt, evokes respect and makes people themselves come into contact with such a person.
Think about your interlocutor
One of the worst communication mistakes is to forget about the interlocutor. Imagine that a person is telling you something, but you are not interested at all, or you yourself want to talk, but the interlocutor continues to talk about his own. Surely this situation is familiar to you, and, most likely, not very pleasant. It’s the same with other people - no one likes people who are busy only with their own interests and forget about everything else. When communicating, constantly monitor your partner’s condition: is he tired, is he interested, does he want to listen to you, etc. The more attentive you are to others, the higher your communication level will become, the easier it will become for you to find a common language with people, the more pleasant it will be to communicate with you.
read books
Reading books broadens a person's horizons, increases his vocabulary, helps memorize new terms and develops the ability to construct grammatically correct sentences. Having such a communicative arsenal, you can always find something to talk about with another person, maintain the conversation or take it in a direction that is more comfortable for you. Here's a good exercise: read an interesting book and briefly retell it while recording yourself on a voice recorder. When you listen to the recording, pay attention to the shortcomings in your speech: interruptions in breathing, incorrect pauses, filler words; evaluate the overall quality of your speech. Note your mistakes and remember them so you don't make them in the future.
Attend cultural events
Attending exhibitions, museums and interesting holidays is useful not only for general development, but also for gaining communication skills. In such places one rarely gets along without making acquaintances and talking, even if it is a three-minute chat about nothing or an expression of emotions from what one sees. The main thing is to gain communicative experience. In addition, contact with creativity raises self-esteem and increases interest in life, reveals inner potential and gives inspiration.
Communicate in body language
In some situations, nonverbal communication can convey up to 90% of information about a person’s state, his mood and attitude to what is happening. If you want to become a master communicator, learn to recognize postures, gestures and other nonverbal manifestations of the interlocutor, and also be sure to pay attention to your own nonverbal cues. Once you learn to do this, you will be able to convey whatever you want to other people without saying a single word, and you will understand them better.
Focus on the positive
Always try to look for the positive in any conversation, even a bad one. An unpleasant aftertaste from a conversation, awkward moments, unsuccessful phrases - all this is part of communication, and you need to be prepared for this. However, you need to focus on the advantages of communication, so in the process, concentrate on obtaining information, trying to find a common language and understand the interlocutor, and feedback. If something suddenly goes wrong, do not attach any importance to it, but look for a clever way out of the situation.
Exercise
As with developing any important skill, practice plays a key role in developing communication skills. It is advisable to constantly be in the process of communication. Remember that one-time “forays” and attempts at initiative will not allow you to get rid of tightness, stiffness or any other problems with communication. You need to constantly strive to communicate: meet people, call your friends and family, study alone, etc. Only in this case, communication with others will become a full-fledged part of life and will no longer cause uncertainty and timidity.
By the way, about practicing alone - here we can recommend you an interesting exercise to develop social and communication skills. It is very simple to do and does not require much time.
Exercise “Transformation”
The essence of the exercise is this: think about a person who commands your respect and whom you would like to be like. This could be, for example, the hero of a film. Imagine in as much detail as possible all those qualities that attract you and describe them. Then try on all these qualities, trying to enter into the image of this person. “Take” his gait, posture, manner of holding and speaking, gaze, timbre of voice and pace of speech. After being in this role for a while, remember once again all the sensations that you were able to feel and write them down on a piece of paper. In the future, when communicating with other people, reincarnate again to communicate the way you want. The more often you practice this exercise, the more relaxed you will become, and the easier and more pleasant it will be for you to communicate.
It is easy to see that developing communication skills does not require Herculean efforts or any specific abilities. Any mentally healthy person can learn to communicate independently. You just need to apply the above recommendations. However, the means of developing communication skills are not limited to them. Today you can even find special master classes and trainings where communication masters teach people how to interact with each other. So if you want to level up to the fullest, you can look for such events.
Now we want to pay a little attention to another issue regarding the development of communication skills - the development of communication skills in children. Perhaps this information will also be useful to you.
Lesson 8
The purpose of the lesson is the ability to adequately perceive negative and positive opinions about oneself, developing the ability to provide positive signs of attention, diagnosing group cohesion, overcoming anxiety, individual and group tension. Exercise 1. “Two circles.” Participants form two circles: external and internal. a) each participant in the outer circle expresses a negative opinion, judgment to the participants in the inner circle, with the outer circle moving clockwise. Having taken the starting position, the participants in the outer circle express a positive opinion, noting the positive qualities and personal characteristics of the participants in the inner circle. b) the outer circle changes to the inner one and the procedure resumes. Exercise 2. “Projective drawing” Participants are divided into subgroups of 4 people. Each subgroup is given a sheet of A3 paper and pencils. The trainer suggests depicting a family of animals. In this case, participants should not talk to each other. After completing the drawing, the participants are given some time to write a story about the depicted family, after which each subgroup shows their drawing to the others and tells their story. Guys from other subgroups can ask additional questions. Exercise 3. “Wax stick”. The coach invites one of the participants to stand in the center of the circle. The rest of the group members stand in a circle close to each other, with their palms at chest level inside the circle, arms bent at the elbows. The volunteer closes his eyes, lowers his arms, relaxes his body, holds his body in one place and must trust the group, turn into a “wax stick”. The group, with coordinated movements, passes it from hand to hand, swings it, moves it in a circle. At the same time, he pays attention to the body of the person standing in the center and to the nature of the actions of the other participants - how much their movements help the person standing in the center to trust them. Farewell ritual.
Development of communication skills in children
Developing communication skills in children is one of the most important tasks facing parents. Communication is the main condition and way of a person’s life in society, and with the help of it a person can understand himself and find his place in the world. Children's communicative development requires close attention, and today, when children have begun to interact much less both with adults and with each other, this topic is becoming even more relevant.
If a child communicates little with the people around him, he simply will not learn to organize communication in the future. And this can cause a feeling of vulnerability and rejection, lead to aggressiveness, anxiety, isolation, low self-esteem and other manifestations of emotional distress. To avoid such problems, parents should provide all possible assistance to their children in social adaptation.
In our articles, we have already said more than once that the best form of teaching children anything at all is through play, and the formation of communication skills also obeys this rule. Of course, in order to study in detail all the features of the development of communication skills in children, it is better to turn to the works of recognized experts in this field, such as I. A. Kumova, L. V. Chernetskaya, M. G. Elagina, G. M. Andreeva, I. I. Ivanets and others. We want to give only a few tips and point in the right direction to those who are concerned with the topic under consideration.
The development of communication skills in children, as we said, is best done in a playful way. Games for the development of communication skills are distinguished by the fact that they offer the child the opportunity to develop and interact with other people and the world around him in general. At the same time, there is no competitive element in them, which creates an atmosphere of closeness and unity with peers, and this has the best effect on the development of the ability to communicate and build interpersonal relationships.
Games to develop communication skills can vary in focus. So, there are:
- games to establish contact;
- games for communication without words;
- games for expressive speech;
- games for behavior in conflict situations;
- games for empathic behavior and others.
These games often use the most effective teaching methods and techniques:
- practical exercises;
- games with words;
- conversations and discussions;
- modeling situations;
- sports tasks;
- playing up emotional states;
- reading works of fiction;
- performances, dances, round dances;
- holidays and evenings of relaxation.
Most often, educational events for children are organized by professional specialists. Not only the children and teachers themselves are involved in activities to develop children's communication skills, but also parents - children learn to communicate, and parents improve their ability to find a common language with them, receive invaluable teaching experience from professionals and answers to all sorts of questions about education.
The services of teachers are perhaps the best option, because these people have the appropriate knowledge, skills and tools. If parents themselves decide to teach their children to communicate, they have an even greater responsibility for developing a healthy personality in their child, ready for life in society. In this case, in any case, it will be necessary to turn to specialized sources, such as books, manuals or videos. By the way, here is an example of a good training video:
When you speak, try to express your thoughts in clear language
Learn to seek feedback to make sure your message is understood by the other person. By using questions effectively, you can both test the understanding of others and learn more from and about them.
You might think that choosing your words is the most important part of getting your message across, but nonverbal communication actually plays a much bigger role than many of us think.
There are two issues that make conversation difficult: emotions and change.
Various emotions can interfere with communication, including anger and aggression, irritation or stress. Few of us are able to communicate effectively when we're struggling to manage our emotions, and sometimes the best thing to do is put off the conversation until everyone is calmer.
Many of us find it difficult to talk about change in a company, especially if it involves criticizing existing ways of working and employee behavior. The words need to be carefully thought out so that it is clear that you are not criticizing the person personally, but are striving to find a constructive solution that will make everyone better.
Those found cannot be kept for yourself: signs about bags that will increase your fortune
Fortune will smile on Taurus: financial horoscope for the second week of February
Read at three in the morning and more: unique habits of the most successful people
The language of nonverbal messages
Some experts suggest that about three-quarters of "messages" are conveyed through nonverbal cues, such as body language, tone of voice, and the speed at which you speak.
These nonverbal gestures can contradict the meaning of words and are much more difficult to fake than words and tone of voice. Learning to read body language is absolutely essential.
How your partner leans over the table, if you sit opposite each other, how he holds his hands, where the toes of his shoes are pointing, whether he rubs the tip of his nose or scratches behind his ear - all this will reveal to you what the person in front of you is thinking about, like a natal chart.
They stopped expressing their opinions: signs of a decline in the morale of subordinates
Don’t say, “I’m right, but you’re wrong!”: tips on how to resolve conflict at work
Prepare, but be prepared for rejection: How to convince your boss to raise your salary
