My wife is chatting online with another man: what to do?

How to understand that your wife is texting another man

Doubts and suspicions can creep in when the spouse’s usual behavior changes. And if she has secret correspondence, it will definitely manifest itself somehow:

Long-term communication online . In the evenings and on weekends, she constantly sits at the computer or on the phone. Notifications of new messages are heard, she is actively typing something on the keyboard and is completely captivated by the activity.
Emotional involvement . There is a difference between communicating with a friend, colleague and a virtual prince. Involuntarily, she will reveal the romantic overtones of communication in her behavior - blush, sparkle in her eyes, embarrassed smiles, laughter at his jokes.
Changes in behavior . You can also notice changes in everyday life. A woman in love seems to be flying in the clouds, often checking her phone or PC for new messages.
Nervous behavior . Trying to hide a virtual affair, a woman will be nervous when her husband approaches the correspondence. Put your phone away, close or switch tabs, set passwords on your device. It can break out if the spouse is nearby for a long time, but you need to answer your lover.
Changes in relationships . But it’s difficult to say which way the changes will take. Out of guilt, some women surround their spouse with attention, care, love and seem to be ideal wives. Others compare their husband with a man from the Internet, are disappointed in him, and this manifests itself in groundless nagging, irritation and quarrels.

The wife's behavior will change if she corresponds with another man.
But these are only indirect signs that cannot be interpreted unambiguously. Moreover, many women begin to correspond with others during maternity leave. By the time the husband returns from work, they have already finished their virtual flirting and become exemplary wives again. So the spouse may never notice anything.

As usual they find out the truth

Usually the truth about correspondence on the side emerges completely by accident:

A pop-up notification on your phone and computer with an intimate message.
An unclosed page with correspondence when the wife urgently left the computer.
The search history contains links to dating sites or men's pages on VK or other social networks.
A random message sent to the legal spouse.

Life story: “I never suspected my wife of anything. He worked from morning to evening to provide us and our three children with a decent standard of living. We agreed that she doesn’t work and looks after the house and raises the children. It seemed to me that everything was working out perfectly. And then she caught a virus on her computer, started cleaning it and found correspondence from dating sites in her history. I met some of them while a nanny was looking after the children. My life was ruined."

I found a correspondence between my wife and another man, what should I do?

I am 28 years old. Married for the second time. He and his first wife moved to another city for work and divorced there about five years ago and immediately began dating another, whom he married three years later. About a year after marriage, the pink veil fell away, and I began to notice my wife’s shortcomings, namely, an easy attitude towards flirting and communicating with other men. There was no direct evidence of betrayal, but I was very angry about it, we constantly fought, she promised not to do that. At the end of that year, that is, 2022, I saw a correspondence with someone else on her phone, the format of the correspondence was flirting. There was a scandal. She justified herself by saying that this correspondence was not serious, but against the background of previous cases, I no longer believed her and left for my hometown, leaving her with her parents. At first I was angry, I didn’t want to communicate with her, I even got my divorce application notarized and sent it to her. But she bought another SIM card and called me. She asked to return everything back, in the process of correspondence I even doubted whether it was necessary to destroy everything. This back and forth swing took a toll on my nerves. But everything was decided after the new year. She wrote to me that someone allegedly turned her away, that she now hates me, that she didn’t deceive me or cheat on me, and now she’ll go and cheat on me on purpose so that the divorce won’t be in vain. I wished her good luck and told her to file a divorce application with the registry office and block her number. After that, I saw her status on a social network that she wanted to meet. Yes, now I understand that the barn and hut burned down, there is no turning back. Before the new year, I still had a small hope of resolving the crisis, so I did not become very depressed. Now I am going through a stressful period, I have lost my job and at the moment I am studying distance learning courses. Due to the situation with work and divorce, I am often attacked by anxious moods, because of which I cannot really concentrate on anything, my mood worsens. I cannot yet use the services of a paid psychologist due to the financial situation. I have no friends left because of my wife, there is no one to talk to. I relieve attacks with medicine and herbal infusion, but after this apathy and bad thoughts often begin. I ask for help on how I can survive this period, maybe do some psychological exercises, or have normal medications, maybe someone will assess the situation from the outside and give advice.

You had a normal first wife, you didn’t write anything bad about her. And you men always leave good wives because of people like this. Well, what can I say, the boomerang came after the first one. As they say: “Bachili chose very carefully.” Why complain and kill yourself now?

Hello. I understand how hard it is for you, but whatever happens is for the better. It’s good that this happened now, and not after a few years of marriage, when you would have had children in the marriage. You are at a great age to start another family and build relationships. No matter how difficult it is, you must help yourself and get yourself out of this state. The first thing you need to do is to once and for all ban yourself from viewing her profile on social networks. No need to look at her statuses, no need to be interested in her life. You don’t have to hurt yourself with all this, every time you look at her profile. This person is not in your life; with an effort of will you must forbid yourself to do this. It’s a pity that you can’t leave mail here, I would be happy to help you free of charge. This difficult period can and should be overcome, since you have your whole life ahead of you. Now, no matter how hard it is, concentrate all your attention on online courses. No matter how hard it is, please don’t give up. Read the materials on this site on the topic of how to survive a breakup. Everything will work out and everything will be fine, remember: even after the darkest night the dawn comes, so it is in life. Everything will definitely be fine.

Find your own meaning in life. Read here: https://nelubit.ru/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=20678 and https://realisti.ru/main/man All the best to you.

Good day! You are a wonderful age for a man, 28 years old. You are not burdened with alimony, at this age you are already more or less mature and will definitely meet your destiny! Now upgrade yourself professionally, look for a job. When you have a family, it is difficult to combine, so now is the best time to find yourself, create your life, and then find your soul mate. Don’t be discouraged, it would be much more offensive to catch your wife with someone else after 10-20 years of marriage. You did everything right, everything is ahead of you!

I think it’s completely your fault, of course you’re in pain now, you’re apathetic and you’ve lost your work. But I won’t make jelly. What happened in your first marriage, why did you separate? Why did you start a new relationship right away? You yourself write about the pink veil. You went into a replacement relationship, wanted to get away from the old relationship and dived into a new one. It was necessary to get over the illness after the first marriage, to enter into a good emotional background. If you had done this then, perhaps you would not have found yourself in such a situation, would have taken a good look at your second wife, and would have understood what kind of person she is, and would not have married at all. Now put all your energy into finding a new job, that’s the only way. Now your most important task is financial stability.

Source

Why is she doing this

Most often, such correspondence appears during maternity leave. A woman falls out of her usual social life, she lacks communication and attention, she tries to get the missing emotions through the Internet.

Boredom . Sometimes such communication on the Internet is purely entertaining. Like watching a TV series or reading a romance novel, but interactive. In this case, other people's photographs, a fictitious story about oneself, and an atypical style of behavior are used.
Loneliness . After the birth of the baby, a young mother is often deprived of her usual social circle - her colleagues are working, her childless friends are bored in her company, her husband is constantly at work or relaxing after work. All that remains is a social circle fixated on children and their problems. To add some variety to her routine, she begins to communicate with other people. Including men. It could just be a friendly correspondence about common interests that are not related to children. There may be some light flirting in the text, but usually nothing serious. Basically just a desire to switch the focus of attention from children's topics to something else.
For self-esteem . Pregnancy, childbirth, the postpartum period and breastfeeding can greatly spoil a woman’s appearance. Husbands, having become dads, rarely compliment their spouse, and they don’t consider it necessary - after all, she is not yet in shape, and they don’t want to encourage such an appearance. To feel beautiful, desirable and attractive again, a woman begins to communicate with other men on the Internet. Sends photos so that at least someone will admire her and give her compliments.
There's not enough romance . Family life absorbs married couples, they become like cohabitants in the same territory. Some women believe that it is easier to get the missing emotions with a stranger from the Internet than to rekindle the old fire in the family hearth.
Correspondence with a lover . In addition, correspondence can also occur with a current gentleman. Discussing the place and time of the meeting, flirting, exchanging photos, messages “I love you” and “I miss you”. In addition to active correspondence, such relationships are often accompanied by calls and long conversations.

Of course, these are not all the reasons that push a woman towards other men on the Internet. People are generally similar, so 12 reasons why men correspond on the Internet are relevant.

How much of the blame in this situation lies with the man?

Because of a good attitude towards themselves, women do not strive to look for a possible alternative or just a pleasant interlocutor. Due to the fact that men do not have as strongly developed a sensory analyzer as women, they may not understand their role in this situation. Therefore, if it is difficult to understand the current problem, it is worth reading the possible options for the husband’s influence on his wife’s desperate decision to start communicating with strangers on the Internet:

This is how husbands themselves push their wives to take the desperate step of communicating with a stranger. In most cases, this will remain a simple episode for her. But spouses should find a reliable level of interaction in order to preserve the fragile world of family happiness.

What to do if your wife is texting another man

The first thing you should do is calm down and not act out of your hand. You need to understand the situation, understand the spouse’s motives and how intimate the correspondence is. After all, the conversation can be quite harmless:

Communication at work . Sometimes time is running out, and delay can deprive the company of a large order, then the spouse will be forced to negotiate after work. A beginner may ask for advice on solving a problem. Or the boss scolds you for an incorrect report and demands that you make changes by the morning.
Old friend - school friends, like-minded people, mutual friends from the company, a friend's boyfriend who asks for help with choosing a gift. A woman, even after getting married, cannot immediately break off all communication with persons of the opposite sex. Unless, of course, we are talking about romantic correspondence and flirting with an ex-boyfriend.
Her ex-husband is a huge part of her past life, especially if they have a child together. We have to discuss spending, alimony, spending time together and other nuances.

All that remains is to distinguish a truly friendly conversation from virtual betrayal.

Discuss correspondence

Instead of guessing and assuming the worst, just talk to your wife about what is happening. Find out with whom she corresponds, what she communicates about, why she prefers virtual communication to her husband, and what pushes her to this.

It is important to maintain composure and discuss the situation calmly, without premature accusations.

If you still have doubts, you can ask to look at the correspondence. She has the right to refuse, because this is personal information, but if there is nothing compromising in the conversation, most likely she will give access. You will be able to satisfy your curiosity and extinguish the flames of jealousy. Or you will find confirmation of your theory.

If you receive a refusal, do not try to take the phone by force or immediately accuse her of cheating. Ask why she doesn’t want to show the correspondence if there is nothing indecent there. Then you can move on to the next stage of the conversation, discuss your emotions and thoughts in a correct manner.

Talk to your spouse about feelings

In any case, if your wife’s correspondence bothers you, you need to discuss the problem. But the conversation should take place in a calm atmosphere, without accusations or aggression. Emphasize your feelings with “I messages”:

I feel abandoned when you chat with friends on WhatsApp all evening;
I’m offended that you devote more time to people on the Internet than to me;
I feel that we are moving away from each other, and it seems to me that the problem is partly in this correspondence;
when you hide correspondence on your computer and phone, I begin to doubt that it is just a correspondence with a friend;
I hate that you keep texting your ex-boyfriend.

The main thing is to let your spouse know that her communication causes you negative emotions and explain why. A loving person will not want you to suffer from uncertainty and suspicion.

Get evidence

Sometimes the conversation does not help the situation: the wife avoids talking about this topic, refuses to show the correspondence, ignores your feelings and starts a scandal. Such behavior can only deepen your suspicions.

When your wife behaves suspiciously, but talking doesn't help.

To regain your peace of mind or finally find out the truth about the betrayal, you can use extreme measures. Information about correspondence can be obtained by not entirely honest methods, by invading the personal space of the spouse.

Use these methods only as a last resort, when you are sure that your wife is cheating, but conversations lead nowhere.

View passwords. If you have access to a computer, you can go to a browser and find out the login information for her social network accounts. If she corresponds on dating sites or VK, you will be able to read the entire correspondence.
Get into someone else's phone . An immoral act, but to get 100% proof you will have to go to extreme measures. Suitable in cases where a woman’s phone is freely accessible and without a password.
Call details. If the phone is registered in your name, you can find out with whom and how much your spouse communicates. Suitable for situations where there is already a suspect, but there is not enough evidence.
Spyware. There are many special applications that you can install on your phone or computer and get access to the information you need. Some of them send screenshots of the screen to the specified email, others save all keystrokes, and you can read the correspondence.

Be prepared that in response the woman will accuse you of invading your privacy, be offended by the distrust shown and try to take the topic in this direction. However, if the correspondence is truly friendly, it is better not to report your detective investigation at all.

Options for further action

What to do if your wife communicates and corresponds with another man? There are several options for the development of events.

Endure and be tormented by guesswork

Unfortunately, many men who love their woman very much and are afraid of losing her choose just such a way out of the situation. But this is not the best option in this case, since it will not lead to anything good. Ultimately, a crisis will arise in the family.

The worst thing is the unknown. If you don’t know for sure whether your lover is cheating on you, you will begin to live in constant stress and torment yourself. After all, jealousy is a negative emotion, which often leads not only to discord in relationships, but even to murder. But in fact, your suspicions may turn out to be absolutely untrue, but by the time you understand this, the family may already fall apart.

Accept the situation

The most optimal scenario for the development of events, if the wife communicates with another man by phone or corresponds, is to accept the situation. That is, you should try to adjust yourself to the fact that such communication has no bad meaning and does not pose a danger to your relationship.

Do not take it seriously if your spouse simply communicates in a friendly manner with the opposite sex. If there is flirting, then it’s unlikely to go this route.

The difficulty for a man in accepting the situation is that he understands male psychology better than a woman. He understands perfectly well that in 90% of cases, guys don’t communicate with girls just like that, they don’t imply friendly communication at all, while a woman firmly believes in friendship between opposite sexes.

Men also understand that if a person actively corresponds or calls with a married woman, it means he has a specific goal. He can talk about love, friendship, anything, but his goal will only be sexual contact. This is why husbands react negatively if their loved one communicates with others. They feel the relationship is at risk.

Change the situation

What to do if your wife communicated with others? Try to change the situation. This will be the most rational decision if you want to save your family and understand that your beloved’s behavior is your fault.

You need to do the following:

Talk frankly with your spouse. During the conversation, explain that you are concerned about her actions and find out the reason for them. If a woman loves you, she will definitely tell you exactly what she is missing in the relationship, what she wants to change in it.
Try to change yourself. If your wife directly points out the shortcomings that she doesn’t like about you, try to adjust your habits and character. This is difficult to do, but for the sake of a happy future, you can make some concessions.
Spend more time with your loved one. Give her gifts, take her to interesting places, go on vacation together. Do everything to prove to your beloved your sincere feelings and respect for her.
Don't neglect your wife's opinion. Consult with her on all issues related to your life together. Show that her opinion is important to you.
Diversify your sex life. Take into account all the wishes of your beloved regarding sex, try to fill the existing gaps.
Don't forget about the dates that are significant for your relationship. This will indicate that you are serious about your soulmate.
Always be interested in your spouse’s life in those moments when you are not together.
Be able to listen to your wife and give more pleasant compliments.

If you change the situation and your spouse again feels loved and desired, your relationship will improve, and active communication with the opposite sex will stop.

Remember, women love attention. And most of all they expect it from their lovers. If it is enough for a girl, there will be no need to communicate with other men.

Leave your wife

What to do if your wife corresponded with another man? Of course, leave! This answer can often be heard from husbands who still don’t really know whether their suspicions are true, but are already starting to get excited.

In fact, this solution is only suitable if the couple’s relationship has really come to naught.

When you don’t know for sure whether your wife is cheating on you or whether she has feelings for another person, you shouldn’t run to pack your things. After all, your suspicions may turn out to be false, and the family will already be destroyed. Whether it will be possible to restore good relations or not is unknown.

If, after talking with your spouse, you both came to the conclusion that there is no point in meeting further, then it’s better to really stop everything before it gets worse. You may also want to consider living apart temporarily. This will help you understand your feelings and understand whether you should continue to be together?

Decide the fate of your family

Having learned the truth about his wife's betrayal, you need to make a difficult decision. Suspicions, doubts, mental pictures are one thing. But it’s completely different to know for sure that the wife had intimate correspondence with another man behind her back or even met with her lover.

You shouldn’t act recklessly, because emotions can cause you to do something that you will regret later. Take a break a day, think about the situation and your future. There are not many options for the development of events:

If you divorce your unfaithful spouse, you can first take revenge on her for cheating.
Try to start a family by talking some sense into your wife and restoring the relationship.
Pretend that nothing happened and live as before.

When making a decision, you should take into account not only emotions, but also the consequences: division of property, custody of children, relationships with relatives, friends, etc.

How to quickly end a relationship

It is easy to separate when you are not married or there are no children or common property in the family. But you won’t be able to just break up with a cheater if you have a child or a shared apartment.

As a rule, when a man demands a divorce, arguing by correspondence, the unfaithful wife immediately begins to deny what happened. The standard excuses are used:

everything is not as you think;
he means nothing to me;
I will stop communicating immediately;
you are the only one for me.

If you have evidence, you can present it to speed up your divorce. Then you can skip the part where the woman pretends to be an insulted innocence.

How to save a family

You can try to improve your relationship with your spouse if you still have feelings. Whether it works out or not depends on the degree to which the wife is involved in the correspondence.

You should not report an invasion of privacy if you plan to save your family.

It's one thing to restore feelings when she's looking for attention and admiration. And it’s completely different when you correspond with a long-time lover or actively meet people from a dating site.

Each family goes through this path in its own way, but in general the following stages can be distinguished:

Tell your wife that you know about the correspondence. Communicate your feelings that you are ready to restore the relationship together and save the family.
Find out the reasons, duration of the correspondence and how serious it is.
Try to correct problems in relationships that led to third-party communication.
Communicate more with each other, spend evenings together.

When the relationship improves, under no circumstances remember what happened. You have to get over it and get over it. It was as if nothing had ever happened.

Reasons for female flirting

There are a number of factors that explain a woman’s need to flirt:

The desire to feel desired and stay in good shape.

Sometimes women don’t get enough male attention and this encourages them to become flirtatious. Most girls are inclined to say that flirting is facilitated by the desire to assert themselves, and they attribute this to the influence of hormones.

The desire to make your man jealous.

Some ladies begin to deliberately flirt in front of a guy, even if they themselves do not want to. The purpose of such flirting is jealousy. After all, she is able to evoke certain emotions in a young man so that he understands that the girl may be interesting not only to him. This is a kind of manipulation of a person, which works at first, but then the man begins to get irritated, angry and take revenge. Constant flirtation with other guys does not warm up the relationship, but spoils it.

Under the influence of alcohol.

Some girls, under the influence of drinking, become more active than usual. And not always, this activity goes in the direction of the husband or boyfriend. Then they start flirting with attractive men nearby, instead of paying attention to their own. If a girl flirts with others exclusively when she drinks, perhaps something does not suit her in everyday life, but she does not dare to speak.

Dissatisfaction.

The reason for flirting with others may be dissatisfaction with your own personal life. When a woman receives almost no compliments from her man and does not feel desired, she begins to want to test her attractiveness on others. Therefore, when wondering why a woman flirts with others, you should definitely think about whether she gets everything from her real partner.

Attraction on a biological level.

Previously, it was inherent in nature that a woman always depends on a man. In ancient times, it was up to men whether a woman would have what to eat, what to wear, and where to sleep. Much has changed since then, and women can independently provide for themselves and their children. But still, at the level of instincts, women may have a desire to look for as many potential partners as possible. And with the help of flirting, a woman sees that she is interesting to other men and, if something happens, she can easily find a new spouse.

What do men think when they flirt with busy women?3

A woman, when flirting with a man, most often thinks that her actions are insignificant and mean nothing for either her or him except flirting. But men at the same time think that since a lady flirts with him, she is driven by the desire for sex.

Also, there are representatives of the stronger sex who are attracted to unfree women much more strongly than those who have no one. This is especially true for those who are already married and look happy in their marriage.

If the man with whom a woman is in a relationship does not like her love of flirting, then you should think about your behavior. Especially over what is more important to her, the attention of the stronger sex or her own relationships. It may be worth starting to hone your flirting skills on your partner to bring back the old spark to the relationship.