Managing emotions is an essential skill for every civilized person. Some, faced with the destructive effect of emotions in conflicts, consider them evil, strive to suppress, tightly control them, and even get rid of emotionality altogether. Have they achieved success? No, this path can only lead to neurosis, making emotional reactions inadequate to the real situation. It would be correct to accept emotional reactions as an integral mental phenomenon, without painting them in negative tones as something inherently bad or harmful.
The importance of the ability to manage emotions is explained by the fact that they are easy to stimulate, emotions have an impact on many processes, both in the personal and interpersonal reality of everyone, they are easily included and activate our behavior patterns. Emotion management is sometimes mistakenly understood as suppression, but this method of processing emotional reactions when abused is not only ineffective, but also extremely harmful.
Managing emotions involves the ability to engage them and give them direction—for example, to inspire oneself and others to take action. And today the question before us is no longer “how to get rid of emotions,” but “how to let go of your emotions.” We have learned to suppress ourselves and have lost the ability of natural self-expression, roughly cutting off reactions instead of competently transforming them, directing them, like a river in a different direction, sublimating them. Suppressed reactions are a common cause not only of a person’s mental problems, but also of many diseases that are psychosomatically closely related to experiences.
Ways to manage emotions
In a cocktail of negative experiences, it is not so easy to isolate its ingredients. Therefore, the first step to controlling emotional manifestations is to study them. It should clarify the following points:
- What event generated the emotion?
- How significant is this event?
- What sensations/actions/behaviors were caused by the emotional state experienced.
- How does this emotion affect the efficiency of life.
Such analysis is not needed to inhibit unwanted emotions or change them - this is not recommended. It is necessary to study the nature of excitement. The position of an outside observer in relation to oneself will help cool down the intensity of passion.
Discovering the Inner Barrier to Peace of Mind
We often unconsciously use the outburst of emotions to either justify our own actions or influence the behavior of others.
Therefore, it is very important to explain to yourself the true function of the expressed emotion.
Achieving Emotional Intelligence
This method of managing emotions will reduce the threshold of sensitivity on stressful days. It is necessary in everyday practice to strive for a balanced lifestyle: eat right, get enough sleep, do exercises, avoid drinking alcohol, improve competence in all areas of activity.
Increase in the number of “positive” events
It is necessary to consciously attract events into your life that give positive emotions. An optimal lifestyle involves 90 percent of each day being filled with positive activities.
It is also important not to lose joyful little things from the field of your consciousness.
Freeing yourself from value judgments about emotions
A person who is unable to hide his heartache or mental pain should not judge himself for “misbehavior.” This will only add fuel to the fire. As a result, new harmful feelings will be added to the experienced negativity - irritation, guilt, sadness.
Application of reverse action
Dr. Linen advises those who feel out of sorts to try replacing one habitual behavior with another that contradicts the negative emotions.
Let's say you woke up earlier than usual, so you're not in the mood and unable to communicate with anyone normally. Instead of going to the kitchen and arguing with your relatives, go for a walk. This way you will kill two birds with one stone: you will save yourself from struggling with the feeling of depression that overwhelms you and you will safely avoid a quarrel.
Technique for allowing suffering
Trying to turn off the overwhelming feelings - loss, anxiety, anger - can drive them deep into the subconscious and only worsen the situation. In fact, strong negative emotions can and should be tolerated by observing them.
By incorporating these ways of managing emotions into your daily practice, you can explore the properties of your psyche and your own potential as a conscious observer. Only in this way, by working on yourself every day, can you achieve a state of emotional rationality and internal balance.
What feelings destroy us
Control can improve psychological well-being. When there is an understanding of what behavior is undesirable, it becomes easier to refuse it. The personality is aware of individual aspirations and tries to make attempts to improve the situation. Self-knowledge begins with a conscious desire to become better. This is a natural desire that is wrong to deny. To do this, you need to learn to cope with your feelings and follow the voice of your heart.
So, let's take a closer look at destructive feelings that do not bring any satisfaction. You need to know about them in advance to try to avoid them.
Uncontrollable anger
Anger does not benefit a person and certainly does not decorate anyone. In moments of strong indignation, a feeling of hopelessness and uncontrollable aggression appears. It seems that the whole world is against it and there is no chance of finding harmony. Uncontrollable anger does not allow you to remain in a state of control for long. There is a “breaking through” of boundaries, a violation of behavior.
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In a fit of rage, people sometimes say things to each other that they would never dare to say in a normal state. Anger depersonalizes, shifts relationships, and spoils the perception of each other.
Constant worry
If a person worries endlessly about anything, it prevents him from enjoying life. The surrounding reality appears in a frightening light. Being in such a state, it is impossible to make the right decision or learn to cope with everyday difficulties.
Constant worry not only causes you to lose nerve cells, but also misses opportunities. There is no time for control, since the internal dialogue is all centered around negative thoughts.
Self-pity and resentment
Closedness and isolation from reality provokes countless grievances. A person begins to feel that nothing can be improved. The habit of feeling sorry for yourself cannot be called constructive. Being in such a state, a person cannot show the best qualities of character and begins to reproach himself at the slightest reason. Age doesn't play a big role.
The psychology of people is such that grievances accumulate the more, the less the ability to value oneself. A lack of understanding of one’s essence and purpose creates obstacles to remaining a harmonious person. The feeling of happiness is subjective and depends on many factors. Pity prevents you from perceiving the world as a whole. Emotions are wasted. A lot of energy goes into thinking about the situation and trying to make the best of it.
Inappropriate pride
Inflated self-esteem definitely interferes with managing emotions. We are talking about inadequate pride, which interferes with life and creates obstacles on the path to self-knowledge. Usually people tend to hide their own shortcomings from themselves.
Pride does not accept advice and moralizing, even fair ones and dropped in passing. Such a person strives to demonstrate his character at any meeting and event. In the most general case, dissatisfaction is manifested due to the reluctance to follow other people's rules.
Envy and timidity
It has been noticed that self-doubt interferes with enjoying life. It seems that the person is afraid to make decisions for fear of making a mistake. Some people feel that it is impossible to act correctly without positive experience. Envy and timidity close the doors on the road to success. It becomes difficult to imagine that a person can enlist his own support and realize the prospects available.
A restrained temperament often indicates an unwillingness to deal with difficulties. A person either lives in the past or unconsciously gravitates towards the future, which means he refuses to accept the present reality.
Conflict and self-criticism
The most common problem that occurs in relationships between people. The inability to accept another, to come to terms with the shortcomings of a partner leads to alienation and isolation. Increased conflict prevents trust and the establishment of normal friendly relations. An individual becomes overly fixated on the shortcomings of others, but at the same time, he ceases to notice his own shortcomings.
A person with conflict makes everyone around him irritated for every reason. Developed self-criticism blocks emotional impulses. It becomes difficult to track your own shortcomings and feel the pain of another person.
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How to manage your emotions
It is possible to make a quality decision to get out of any difficult situation if you are in a state of emotional balance. This is the only way you can soberly assess what is happening and be able to act adequately.
The ability to maintain a resource state is mental work. How can you learn this?
Recognize the emotion and name it
To work with emotions, you must first acknowledge their existence.
Learn to name your emotions: I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm happy. Look for shades of emotional states - there are more than a hundred of them!
Admit, at least to yourself, that you have “negative”, “disapproved” emotions: cowardice, gloating, curiosity to delve into other people’s secrets...
If you are not fully aware of your experiences, then you do not understand what role emotions play for you personally.
The ability to control them begins with accepting any of your emotions.
Otherwise, in any similar situations, you will be forced to experience an emotional explosion and endlessly walk in circles.
Analyze what your emotions are saying
Learn to realize the essence and value of your emotions, especially the “negative” ones.
What do your experiences signal? What do they pay your attention to? What is worth thinking about? What should be changed?
Be honest with yourself when answering these questions.
Perhaps resentment indicates a need for recognition, and anger is a defense against a destructive person in your life.
Or maybe you are used to getting your way from intractable people through hysterical behavior? In this case, it is worth looking for other options...
Once you understand the value behind the outburst of emotions, they automatically subside.
Don't take it personally
Learn not to take everything that happens to you personally.
If your husband or boss yelled at you, this does not mean that you have done anything wrong.
Perhaps they are in a bad mood, this has nothing to do with you personally. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
You should not get drawn into this negativity by reacting with an emotion of resentment or anger. However, you have the right to calmly and correctly defend your boundaries.
Apply meditation and spiritual practices
If you are prone to emotional outbursts or prolonged experiences, you have high sensitivity - learn to calm down even in the most difficult situations.
Meditation helps with this. Even after a short practice, you will feel relaxed and the intensity of your emotions will subside.
Regular meditation will tune your brain to think more positively.
Another simple and effective technique is breathing grounding. Take a deep breath and exhale into the ground several times.
Do things differently
Train yourself to react in a new way to familiar “negative” situations.
For example, you can try to turn the brewing scandal into a joke, and thus defuse the situation.
If it doesn’t occur to you how to act differently, practice this in a playful way (for example, in trainings). You can get inspiration from books and films.
Understand the Nature of Emotions
Read books and articles about emotions: why they arise, how they affect the body and mind.
I recommend watching the 2015 cartoon “Inside Out.” The story is about how our emotions affect us. Life goes to hell until we learn to understand and manage our emotions!
Every person is given the opportunity to maintain themselves in a positive mood.
A conscious person knows how to control himself, monitor and manage his emotions.
Do not suppress emotions in yourself, but understand the reasons for their occurrence both in yourself and in others.
And thus, manage your life, creating more happiness and inner harmony in it!
PS Perhaps the most important step towards emotional healing is the ability to forgive your offenders and let go of the pain of your past.
In order not to carry this heavy burden, I recommend starting the path of emotional awareness by taking the Master class “Healing Traumas of the Past”!
Tips for finding inner harmony
Sometimes people cannot curb their emotions, thereby unknowingly violating the harmony within themselves. No one attaches much importance to this, but in fact, chaos within oneself can lead to serious consequences.
Below are some tips to help you sort this out:
1. Love yourself . It doesn’t matter what flaws you have or what you’ve done, the main thing is to love yourself for who you are. There may be many people around who have tried to change this, but you need to learn self-respect and stop listening to others.
2. Learn to listen to your inner voice . People often do things that go against logic and then regret it. You need to learn to listen to your subconscious. It acts in such a way that it leads you to what you want. Extra thoughts and doubts lead to the opposite.
3. Do what benefits you . This is not selfishness, but self-care. First of all, you need to spend your energy on yourself, and then on others. You shouldn’t thoughtlessly take on the burden of other people’s problems, forgetting about your own.
4. Don't meddle in other people's lives . Naturally without asking. Everyone must learn to take the blow from their actions, thereby learning to live on them. This is how experience works. Otherwise, those around you will always “hang” on you, loading you with negativity. And if your advice doesn’t help, only you will be blamed.
5. Don't be obtrusive . Often people try to get into other people's business in an attempt to help. But this help is not always expected. Often they may not say thank you for this.
6. Don't make empty promises . So, first of all, you are deceiving yourself. Such actions lead to disappointment in oneself.
7. Don't think about the past . Of course, you can sometimes feel pleasantly nostalgic, but you don’t need to live by it. The past cannot be changed, no matter how often one thinks about it. We need to prepare for future events and live in the present.
8. Don't criticize others . By engaging in such actions, you can only get a negative response. We must not forget that this is your personal opinion, which no one is obliged to follow.
9. Set unattainable or never-ending goals . Naturally there should be few of them. Usually, after spending a lot of energy on his dream and achieving it, a person comes to emotional exhaustion.
10. Do what you love . Unfortunately, most people work in jobs they don’t like, charging themselves with negativity every day. Sometimes this cannot be avoided, so it is necessary to engage in hobbies in life. It may take time to find it, but it will be worth it.
11. Don't tell everyone about your goals . Perhaps due to envy or other reasons, negativity will flow in your direction. This will rob you of all your energy and motivation. It is better to spend this energy on achieving your goals.
12. Don't dwell on failures . There's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has endured them. You need to see development in difficulties, and a lesson in mistakes.
How to manage feelings and emotions?
American psychologist S. Covey considers highly effective people to be those who do not allow anyone or anything to push the “buttons” of their mood. He calls them proactive. Such individuals, like an icebreaker, confidently move through life, without deviating from the course and guided only by their internal tasks.
In contrast, reactive individuals constantly let off steam in response to extraneous external factors. They resemble a boat with one oar, which in the open sea is thrown first to one shore, then to the other.
To come to an understanding of how to manage feelings and emotions, you need to learn to identify and explore them. So says another adaptive behavior guru, Dr. M. Linen. Let's turn to her advice on how to control your experiences at the level of consciousness.
The dangers of suppressing emotions
By suppressing emotions, a person does not give himself the opportunity to feel. He makes an effort to prevent emotions from coming out, traps them inside himself. Emotions are a kind of energy. And it’s no secret to everyone what happens if you suppress energy.
At first this may go unnoticed, but over time it leads to withdrawal. Well, in the end, emotions, like any energy, will burst out at the most inopportune moment. This can lead to a nervous breakdown, after which it will not be so easy to restore the nervous system.
It is very difficult to maintain emotional harmony. It all starts with the fact that from childhood the parents forbid the child to jump, run and jump. The child bothers them, so they convince him that this is not right. Eventually he begins to believe it.
The same principle works in adult life. The environment dictates its own norms, to which a person must get used. So he closes himself all in on himself.
Do you need to control your emotions?
You probably know that all people are divided into psychotypes. And, if, for example, extroverts instantly unleash their emotions on another person, acting absolutely thoughtlessly and often to their detriment, then introverts remain a closed book, hiding all their feelings inside. Often people don’t even want to learn how to manage anger or pacify envy, or control anger, or extinguish anxiety, chalking it all up to: “Suck it up! That’s my character!” Naturally, it is much easier to blame innate data for your problems and difficulties. But don't underestimate the destructive power of negative feelings.
Psychologists have long described their danger to humans:
From simple excitement to a state of passion, the path is not as long as it might seem to you at first glance. Just think, you were angry with your husband, who once again threw his socks not into the laundry basket, but under the bed. They screwed themselves up and ran to sort things out. And the husband, instead of the standard: “Sorry!” muttered something like: “Take it and put it away yourself, they don’t bother me.” It’s good if everything turns into a banal quarrel and does not end in crime. Most domestic crimes happen over small things. Failure to control emotions will lead to problems with others. Even if your parents, friends, husband/wife, colleagues love you very much, sooner or later they will get tired of your instability, which means you risk being left alone. If you were unable to immediately cope with a negative emotion and carried it within yourself for some time, then it has left its mark. With each new negative, the trace will begin to increase, and soon you will be surrounded by negative energy, and this muck, as you know, has never brought anything good to anyone. The inability to control emotions is one of the signs of human mental disorders. Yes, yes, no matter how scary it may sound. It’s one thing if you just lost your temper, but quite another if every little thing provokes you into an outburst. In this case, it is better to see a specialist. Bosses are wary of people who express their feelings too violently, not only negative, but also positive.
No one will entrust the management of a company or the management of an important contract to an unbalanced type, which means you can forget about a good career.
Manipulation or game?
I have no time to look after. You are attractive. I'm damn attractive. Why waste time in vain... (From the film “An Ordinary Miracle”)
In addition to positive manipulations, there are also manipulations when both parties are interested in continuing the “game” and willingly participate in this process. Almost all of our relationships are permeated with this kind of manipulation, which is most often unconscious. For example, following the idea that “a man must win a woman,” a woman may be flirtatious and shy away from directly agreeing to a date.
An example of such “game” communication is described in the film “What Men Talk About”*. One of the characters complains to another: “But this question is “why.” When I tell her: “Come to my place,” and she: “Why?” What should I say? After all, I don’t have a bowling alley at home! Not a cinema! What should I tell her? “Come to my place, we’ll make love once or twice, it’ll definitely be good for me, maybe for you... and then, of course, you can stay, but it’s better if you leave.” After all, if I say so, she definitely won’t go. Although he understands perfectly well that this is exactly why we are going. And I tell her: “Come to me, I have a wonderful collection of lute music of the 16th century at home.” And this answer completely suits her!”
To which he receives a completely fair question from another character: “No, well, would you like sleeping with a woman to be as easy as... well, I don’t know... shooting a cigarette?..” - “No. I wouldn't want to..."
Not in all cases an open and calm behavior that includes an honest statement of one's goals will be most effective. Or at least be pleasant for both sides of the communication.
* “What Men Talk About” is a 2010 Russian film comedy filmed in the road movie genre by the comic theater “Quartet I” based on the play “Conversations of Middle-Aged Men about Women, Cinema and Aluminum Forks.” Note ed.
Managing people also involves a huge amount of manipulation. This is largely due to the fact that the leader for his subordinates is associated with dad or mom, and a lot of child-parent aspects of interaction, including manipulation, are included. Most of these processes occur at an unconscious level, and as long as they do not interfere with work efficiency, you can continue to interact at the same level. Therefore, it is important for a manager to be able to counter manipulation by subordinates. But learning to manipulate is not worth it. We all know how to do this very well, but most often it happens unconsciously.
Since, when controlling the emotions of others, we do not always state our goal (“Now I will calm you down”), in a sense, of course, we can say that this is manipulation. However, in many situations of managing the emotions of others, one's goal can be directly disclosed (“I'm here to reduce your anxiety about upcoming changes” or “I want to help you feel better”); In addition, focusing on the principle of civilized influence, we act not only in our own interests, but also in the interests of others. The following principle tells us this.
What does psychology say?
Psychologists advise not to hold back your emotions, but not to throw them out on others. There are other ways to learn to control and restrain your emotions that are productive:
- projecting feelings onto a piece of paper;
- use of anti-stress coloring books;
- a good way to relieve stress is to play sports or work associated with physical activity;
- watching your favorite movie or reading a book;
- relaxation accompanied by suitable music or an audiobook.
Psychologists advise finding a hobby so that a person has something to do that brings him pleasure. Experts recommend sharing your experiences with loved ones (wife, husband, parents, friends), who can provide not only moral support, but also give practical advice.
Protection Mechanisms
The autonomic nervous system is divided into two sections: sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic system, or “fight to fight,” is activated precisely in stressful situations. During this period, the pupils, bronchi, kidneys, tracheas dilate, urine output decreases, and the blood vessels narrow. But the opposite parasympathetic system, or “relaxed”, has a resuscitating effect on our body: during the period of its activation, the lacrimal and salivary glands are abundantly secreted, and the stomach secretes more juice. It is very important to learn how to use the parasympathetic system to restore the body.
Observe, observe and observe again.
The best way to learn to control your emotions is to accept and understand them. And for this you need to start monitoring them carefully.
Attention alone is already a huge step towards proper management of feelings.
Renowned emotional intelligence researcher Daniel Goleman says that “mindfulness controls emotions.” This means that when you focus on what you feel, that subjective experience will automatically modulate and become more detailed.
To begin observing your emotions, ask yourself what you are feeling and how it makes you feel. Then give this feeling an exact name. Is it anger or disappointment? Sadness or fatigue? The more precise your definition, the easier it will be to understand the emotion.
The meaning of a person's emotional state
Certain responses can serve as an incentive for people to take action. Your emotional state affects relationships with others, so for successful socialization you need to be able to subtly sense the mood of your interlocutor.
Communication with a psychologist
Strong manifestations of feelings inspire creative people to create their masterpieces. A person becomes more receptive to the world around him. Therefore, it is impossible to completely suppress feelings and not express your thoughts.
Controlling emotions is not only the key to successful communication. A person learns to monitor his facial expressions, gestures, behavior, begins to better understand the inner world of others and create a favorable environment. Self-correction teaches you to concentrate on solving important problems and pleasant emotions. Managing your thoughts, experiences and other manifestations of feelings is one of the sections of mental hygiene.
PSYCHOLOGICAL TESTS
TEST for choosing a method of psychological consultation
We suggest taking a test that will help determine the psychologist’s method of work, taking into account personal characteristics. Knowing your method will allow you to choose a psychologist who specializes in this area and will allow you to get maximum results and satisfaction from the consultation. You can take the test online absolutely free of charge, without registration, using this link:
The test by French psychologist Anne Schwartzweber contains 10 questions, for each of which you need to choose one of three proposed answer options. The result is immediately after pressing the “send” button
TEST to determine the need for psychological help
The test for the need for psychological help will easily help you determine whether you need a consultation with a psychologist. We all have difficult moments in life, and we all deal with them differently. Some do it on their own, some just need a conversation with their best friend or girlfriend, and sometimes you just can’t do without the help of a specialist. To determine this point, a questionnaire on the need for psychological help was developed.
The test contains 18 questions, for each of which you need to choose one answer: “Yes, I agree (sen)” or “No, I disagree (sen).” The result is immediately after pressing the “send” button
TEST Is your union durable?
Most of us dream of love that will always be with us - an eternal union. How are things going in your couple? Is it strong and reliable? Or maybe fragile, not very stable? In any case, the question of how long the union will last forms the core of the relationship in any couple, no matter what moment in its development it experiences. This test will help you understand what stage of the relationship your duo is at and assess your ability to make the relationship sustainable, no matter how it works.
The test by French psychoanalyst Alain Heril contains 15 questions, for each of which you need to choose one of four proposed answer options. The result is immediately after pressing the “send” button
Experiments
Russian physiologist Evgeny Yumatov conducted a series of experiments proving that emotions are influenced by personal attitude towards something. Yumatov experimented on a rat - the rodent was placed in a space where there was a huge number of wires with a small electrical voltage on the floor. The rat jumped for a very long time, trying not to step on the wires, and then, when it saw the house (it was installed in the corner), it ran to it and stayed there for a long time, completely calm. Before this, several rats died in the same house, apparently due to some unfavorable situation, and there were no wires near the house - the dead rats were completely safe.
Practice
Exercise “The meaning of emotions”
For your personal list, determine the meanings of the emotions included in it.
Remember that you may assign slightly different meanings to emotions than those listed above.
One-minute practice “Understanding Emotions”
Having recognized an emotion in yourself, define for it:
- what assessment is being reported;
- who or what is being evaluated;
- what meaning does it have for you in this situation?
At the same time, it is important to treat the emotion neutrally, without assessing whether it is suitable for the situation: I am angry at Ivanov, I am happy from buying a new bicycle. For example
For example.
— Now I feel excited about going to the concert. I can imagine the pleasure I will get both from the concert itself and from communicating with friends after it.
- Fear. I'm afraid that I'll be late for work and that my boss will reprimand me.
— In this situation, I feel angry at myself because I couldn’t cope with my feelings.
“Now I’m happy that everything is fine and no problems are expected in the near future.
Do this practice 7-10 times a day for a week.
The publication uses footage from the Just For Laughs Gags channel.
“Putting out the fire” - quick methods for reducing someone else’s emotional stress
If we can help another become aware of their emotional state, their level of logic will begin to return to normal and their stress level will begin to decrease. At the same time, it is important not to point out to the other that he is in a strong emotional state (this may be perceived as an accusation), but rather to remind him that there are emotions. To do this, you can use any verbal methods of understanding the emotions of others from the third chapter. Questions like “How are you feeling now?” or empathic statements (“You seem a little angry right now”) can be used not only to become aware of the emotions of others, but also to manage them.
Our empathy and recognition of another's emotions, expressed in the phrases: “Oooh, that must have been really hurtful” or “You're still angry at him, right?” - make someone else feel better. Much better than if we give “smart” advice. Such statements give a person the feeling that he is understood - and in a situation of strong emotions, this is perhaps the most important thing.
It is especially important to learn to recognize the emotions of others in this way in business communications. If a client or partner complains to us about a problem, we frantically begin to think about how to solve it. This, of course, is also important. Although at the beginning it is better to say something like: “This is a very unpleasant situation,” “You must be very worried about what happened,” or “This would irritate anyone.” An upset or frightened client will almost never hear such words from anyone. But in vain. Because such statements, among other things, also provide an opportunity to demonstrate to the client that for us he is a person, and not someone impersonal. When we as clients demand “human touch,” we want our emotions to be acknowledged.
The importance of emotions in human life
For every person, mutual understanding with family, friends, colleagues, and in general with the outside world is important. However, even the closest people have their own special beliefs, character, mood
These differences create barriers to mutual understanding and provoke conflicts in various communication situations.
Anger, resentment, quarrel - these negative manifestations steal positive investments from the emotional trust account and can completely devastate it. Uncontrolled emotions can prompt a person in the heat of the moment to say unnecessary things and make a mess. Having come to his senses, he realizes that he was in vain to get excited, he should have weighed everything first. Therefore, it is necessary to study the psychological rules of communication, and above all, learn to manage your emotions, which most often become a source of interpersonal conflicts.
Managing emotions is not about suppressing them. A person needs an outlet for emotions. It has been proven that the inability to express feelings negatively affects mental and physical health. Old grievances, hidden anger, unshed tears are the psychosomatic causes of many diseases. If a person strives to maintain external calm at any cost, he risks becoming seriously ill.
Emotions are an essential mechanism for the body’s immediate response to stress. Fear gives energy to flee from danger; rage activates muscles and turns off fear; anger sweeps away all obstacles on the way. Under the influence of emotions, an instant mobilization of forces occurs, while the mind cannot influence physiological processes to such an extent.
Emotions must be wisely managed when it is not about survival, but about everyday communication, when violent emotions or apathy interfere with mutual understanding. If from time to time you experience uncontrollable feelings: anger, irritation, resentment, guilt, anxiety, and you would like to get rid of these destructive emotions, learn to manage your emotional state, master practical skills for quick recovery and maintaining inner peace of mind in any life situations.
It should be noted that a common character trait of long-livers is the ability to find joy in the little things in life. This psychological type is characterized by benevolence and lack of hostility towards the surrounding world. Also, a significant advantage of the ability to manage emotions is success in life. Psychologists call a person’s ability to understand and control their emotions, as well as the emotions of others, emotional intelligence (EI). A person with a high level of EI has a greater chance of becoming a major businessman, top manager, or effective politician, since his behavior is more adaptive, which means he can more easily achieve his goals in interaction with others.
The importance of classes
The need to manage your emotional state cannot be overestimated. First of all, a person gains the ability to move in the chosen direction, to fulfill his personal aspirations. And such a purchase is actually worth a lot. Any work on oneself implies a certain discipline and purposeful actions.
Control over life
Each of us wants to feel able to cope with any difficulties. This is a necessary condition for a happy attitude. If work on oneself is truly carried out constantly, then the person will feel like he is gaining control over his life. As a result, eternal dissatisfaction and tension, constant fear of the unknown will go away. Often people only have an additional incentive to act when they find themselves in a difficult situation. That’s when strength is mobilized and the desire to achieve more appears. Control over life is always achieved at the cost of some effort. When you have to act differently than you originally expected and planned, a great experience is gained. It is in such situations that people discover additional perspectives in themselves and learn to achieve their goals.
Opportunity for self-development
Effective management of emotions will allow you to qualitatively transform personal achievements, making them more vivid and meaningful. By learning to take your own feelings under personal responsibility, it is possible to achieve global achievements and achieve absolutely stunning results. This is how the strength to act appears, despite depressing circumstances, difficulties and defeats. But all this is possible only when a person is fully aware of what is happening to him, when he can adequately assess the situation.
Developing self-confidence
If a person learns to take full responsibility for his condition, he will become stronger. He will no longer give in to everyday difficulties and will be able to overcome new challenges. Gradually, self-confidence will come, and a meaningful desire to act will appear, despite all obstacles. This is how we come to understand that everything in the world is subject to our meaningful desire. Self-confidence is a prerequisite for achieving success in life. After all, only in this case can you always count on your own strength. In a critical situation, sometimes there is no one to rely on. This is where the ability to rely on yourself can come to the rescue.
Seeing the wider context
Usually, when a person experiences some strong emotions, he tends to go headlong into them. He dives into the abyss of emotions and spends all of himself worrying. His whole life, the whole world at this moment narrows down to one specific situation and the emotions associated with it.
If there is resentment inside, then all internal dialogues will be aimed at punishing the offender or proving something to him. If you are disappointed, then all your thoughts will revolve around the situation associated with these experiences. A person spends all his strength, all of himself on the experiences that arise within.
In order to learn to manage your emotions, it is important to be able to look at your experiences from the outside. What does it mean?
This doesn't mean you're trying to suppress your emotions.
No, when you focus your attention on them, they may feel even more intense and stronger than usual.
This does not mean that you look at the emotion and decide for yourself: “Well, it’s kind of stupid to experience such feelings in such a situation.”
Looking at your experiences from the outside means allowing yourself to feel, allowing your emotions to be what they are.
And at the same time, while living your emotions, it is important to realize that you are something more than the emotions that you are now experiencing
Imagine that you are standing in front of a huge painting, pressing your nose into it. You see some fragment and are completely concentrated on it. If you take a few steps back, you will continue to see that fragment, but the whole canvas will also open before you. You will find that you have only seen a small element that is part of the whole picture.
About the same thing happens when you concentrate on emotions during meditation. You have the opportunity to go beyond these emotions, to see your experiences in a broader context.
Main types of emotions
In the scientific community, there are several theories for the classification of human emotions. For example, Paul Ekman, a professor of psychology at the University of California, in 1972 identified six basic emotions:
1. Fear. Presumably, it is a legacy of the evolution of living beings and promotes survival. Feeling fear for his life, a person is able to find a way out of the most difficult situation and accumulate enormous strength to save himself or his offspring.
But fear is also a negative emotion; a constant feeling of fear can lead to
- panic attacks,
- chronic depression,
- stress,
- other diseases of the nervous system.
2. Disgust. It is one of the most complex emotions, a negative feeling that gives rise to rejection of something. Like fear, disgust protects human life and health. The unpleasant smell of spoiled food, for example, can cause a gag reflex, and the mere sight of snakes, spiders, and rats makes some people quickly leave the habitat of these creatures.
3. Sadness . Negative emotion gives rise to inaction, contemplation, a mild form of despondency, melancholy. It is born as a person’s reaction to disappointment, loss, dissatisfaction with life circumstances.
4. Surprise . Cognitive response associated with brain function. Occurs in response to unexpected circumstances in life, changes in plans, inconsistency of events.
5. Anger . A negative emotion in which the brain's cognitive processes switch only to the unfavorable effects of an object or action with the intention of eliminating them.
6. Happiness . A positive emotion, a state corresponding to inner satisfaction and bliss.
In 1999, the following basic emotions were added to the above classification:
- shame,
- pride,
- excitation,
- contempt,
- fun,
- satisfaction.
In 1980, Robert Plutchik, an American professor of psychology, proposed his own system for classifying emotions, called the “wheel of emotions.” According to his theory, 8 main emotions (joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, displeasure, anger, expectation) combine together to form several more minor ones (28 paired and 56 triple). For example:
- horror + amazement = awe,
- horror + admiration = humility,
- admiration + delight = love.
William James, an American philosopher and psychologist, considers each emotion as an interpretation of current events, and a person’s feelings as an appropriate reaction to a certain emotion.
Emotions cause tension in the body, so suppressing them leads to fatigue, exhaustion, and emptiness. Suppression of emotions arises from their denial, the conviction that one’s own feelings are wrong.
Ways to avoid showing emotions:
- drug use,
- alcohol,
- tranquilizers,
- passion for slot machines,
- computer games.
The ability to recognize emotions and free yourself from negative feelings and sensations will help maintain physical and mental health.
Letting go of unproductive emotions
There are emotions that obviously interfere with a person. For example, you are preparing for an important exam. Anxiety may grow inside. The thoughts come again and again: “Will I be able to do everything on time?”, “What if I get a ticket with questions to which I don’t know the answers?”
Anxiety can be very painful and take up a lot of strength and energy that would be better spent preparing for the exam.
We have already said above that every emotion has a positive meaning. Even if it seems to us that emotion is absolutely destructive and only gets in the way, inside, on a subconscious level, there lives the conviction that emotion is actually necessary.
Returning to the anxiety example, we can assume that the prospect of failing an exam is perceived at an unconscious level as a disaster. And then anxiety arises in order to mobilize one’s strength to the maximum. The fact that the result of such mobilization not only does not help, but also hinders, is not taken into account by the unconscious. The unconscious acts irrationally, outside the laws of logic.
What can be done in such a situation? You can try to convince yourself of something, tell yourself: “Oh, come on! This exam is not that important. There is nothing to be afraid of,” but such actions most often lead to nothing, because we convince ourselves at the conscious level, and the problem is at the unconscious level.
Imagine that you live on the second floor, and the neighbors on the first floor turn on the music at full volume at one in the morning and disturb you from sleeping. From the fact that you get out of bed, start walking around the apartment and saying into the void: “Turn off the music and don’t disturb me from sleeping!” nothing will change. In order to be heard, you need to go down to the floor below and negotiate there.
We can say that consciousness and unconsciousness live on different floors. This is why attempts to convince yourself of something and set yourself up for certain emotions often turn out to be ineffective: in this case, the conscious mind tries to prove something to the unconscious without going down to its floor. Meditation is a practice that helps you get in touch with unconscious processes.
How does today's meditation work? Over and over again you establish contact with your emotions, become aware of them, feel them, while accepting them and not trying to change them in any way. You just stay with the emotions as they are. This leads to you becoming more and more aware of your emotional reactions. This happens not only and not just at the level of logic and consciousness. Immersing yourself in direct feeling, you go down to the floor to your unconscious.
As a result, the understanding may gradually come that the emotions that arise have no practical meaning, do not help, but only interfere. This understanding is not at the level of logic and consciousness. This is understanding on a different, deeper level. At the level of the unconscious. If such understanding comes, emotions go away by themselves.
This only happens if the emotion really no longer has any meaning and arises “out of habit.” But often an emotion contains an important meaning that its owner is not aware of. In this case, during meditation an understanding of these meanings may come.
An example of a controversial positive manipulation
Remember the film “Girls”*, when the quarreling Tosya (Nadezhda Rumyantseva) and Ilya (Nikolai Rybnikov) do not talk to each other for a long time and have almost gone “on principle”. Friends arrange a situation when, during the construction of a house, Tosya has to drag a box of nails to the top floor where Ilya works, because there are “supposedly” not enough of them there. As a result, the heroes make peace.
Why is this manipulation controversial? In fact, reconciliation did not happen simply because the heroes collided in one place thanks to the efforts of friends. If you remember, at first Tosya was very angry when, having dragged a box upstairs, she found Ilya there... and also a whole box of nails. She was about to leave when she caught her clothes on something and thought it was him holding her. Twitching several times and loudly shouting: “Let me go!!!” - She heard him laugh, realized her mistake and began to laugh too. As a result of this joint fun, reconciliation occurred. What would have happened if Tosya hadn’t caught on to anything? She could just leave or, who knows, they would only end up quarreling over this box.
* “Girls” is a 1961 comedy feature film filmed in the USSR by director Yuri Chulyukin based on the story of the same name by B. Bedny. Note ed.
