These are those who live with mattresses. Next to them are rag-tag men who have shifted all responsibility onto their wives and relaxed. And wives have no choice but to suddenly stop being weak and grow eggs, which are necessary for any relationship. This is how strong women are born. This is how their idea of a normal family is distorted.
Don't let something like that happen to you. And don't let this happen to your girlfriend. You must be a leader. You must be in charge! Not her, not together, but only you! Understood?
And it's not that simple. It's not enough to pound your fist on the table and shout what you've decided. An authoritative leader does not order, but convinces people using ironclad arguments. The woman herself will be happy to follow you and your decision if it is balanced, competent, logical and firm.
This is what will give you all the rights to be the main one in the relationship. So, let's go!
Be confident.
Show your leadership, and for this you need to upgrade yourself. Yes, what did you think? What separates a man from a dick-bearer is his strong position.
Insecure, downtrodden and wrapped in complexes, you will not impress anyone. Only a strong man can take on the role of chief and leader in the family and in life.
Don't allow yourself to be treated with disrespect. Stop everything you don't like. Don't become a laborer.
At the same time, show yourself as a provider, a hunter, a protector for her. Convince her that you are a man and that she will be safe with you in any matter. This position will be visible in your actions, self-presentation, and gaze. This will help you achieve a lot in other areas of your life.
How to become the boss in a relationship?
Curses and beatings will only push a modern woman away; gone are the days when males in mammoth skins dominated the cave thanks to brute force or a strong club. Unquestioning submission of the weaker sex was preserved only in certain Muslim countries and primitive tribes. In the Western world, you need to act more flexibly, using ironclad arguments to prove your right to dominate the house.
The girl herself will agree to be guided, bravely protected, and given a shoulder, if the man is the leader in the relationship for real, and not in words. How to become the boss in a married couple:
- Stop any disrespect towards yourself.
- Try to appear confident and responsible for safety.
- By any means, turn into the main financial earner.
- You cannot completely depend on a girl in everyday matters; the ability to cook some dishes or do laundry will show her that you are capable of existing alone.
- All decisions must be made, albeit at a general council, but with your consent.
- If the girl already imagines that she is in charge, try to bring the situation back to normal with little things, even the choice of products or watching programs needs to be coordinated together.
- If you are sure that you are right, then try not to give in in disputes.
- Reach the top in any area of life to prove your determination.
Be self sufficient.
What it is? This means not depending on anyone. Not with anything.
Be able to earn your own living, rent, utilities, vacation. Be able to wash, iron, and buy everything you need for life yourself. Learn to cook some basic dishes.
You must not depend on anyone. Especially from a woman. Everything she does, you should be able to do yourself. This way you don't need any help. You are able to live peacefully without her or anyone else.
Inability to manage your life
Lyudmila always said that she needed a strong man, but she always confused the concepts. Her arguments sounded like this: “I need a husband who can hit the table with his fist and force me to do something. Otherwise, I won’t be able to be either a good wife or a good mother (they can’t help it, I’m so irresponsible).” In fact, Luda wanted the man to take everything into his own hands and teach her to simply live, observing the norms and rules. And when she met Leonid, she immediately told him about her wishes.
The guy realized that the girl had come to the right address. And imagine his surprise when, after his first use of force, Lyudmila threw a tantrum. And what happened was that she did not listen to her husband, and he forced her to obey in his usual way (by the way, the one that she once asked for). It turned out that an authoritarian husband was not her choice, but her erroneous idea of authority.
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Make decisions.
You make all the decisions. Yes, yes, everything that concerns you and you.
You can consult with her, that's good and normal. But in the end you have to do it your way. It's always up to you to decide. And be responsible for the consequences too.
This is a strong male position, any young lady will feel and appreciate it.
If the decision entails something unpleasant, you will answer. You will have to fix everything quickly and take responsibility for what is happening now. If you calmly and steadfastly withstand such moments, and not shout that this girl gave you nasty advice, you will quickly take a leading position.
If the decision brings positive results, you will only earn the woman's respect and trust. She will be proud that next to her is a man who solved and resolved the problems that arose. In the future, she will become even more obedient and flexible from this feeling.
How to Get Your Self-Esteem Back If You've Lost It
Like any behavior pattern, your composure must become a habit.
If you constantly apologized and lost self-respect, then you will change with difficulty.
Inner inertia will prevent you from being calm. And your girlfriend will be shocked that you have stopped being henpecked.
Don't back down and stick to your line.
It's better to become a man late than never. And even if you have behaved incorrectly for years, you can always change the way you behave today.
You can change and regain the self-respect you lost. No one will stop you if you want it.
Find Masculine Composure
If you look deeper, all I'm trying to tell you is that you need to be more calm.
Sometimes the right actions seem morally wrong to you.
You watch your girlfriend cry and be hysterical over some unintelligible bullshit, and at such moments your first instinct as a protector is to calm her down.
You think: “She feels bad. I have to calm her down. I’ll apologize to make her feel better.”
But as a rule, this does not help, but only inflames her ardor even more. Now she realized that she was right and could do anything.
At such moments, the best thing you can do for yourself, for her, for your relationship is to say: “Well, cry if there is nothing to do,” or something like that, and not pay attention.
The world around you can be cruel and unfair, and you need to have your head on your shoulders to do the right thing.
The best commanders of this world during wars made decisions that no one approved of.
They were told: “What you are doing is wrong, you will destroy everyone.”
But as soon as the commander turned out to be right and won the battle, everyone was silent.
What else can I say?
In my last article about relationships, one girl wrote: “You just met the wrong ones.”
I must warn you against this kind of argument.
Start with the little things.
Even things like what movie to watch, what wine to choose and what to cook play a role.
This is all important, because by giving the initiative to her, you gradually lose your masculinity in her eyes. Each time she will be more courageous in taking the initiative. One day this will transfer to global decisions, which means she is already playing the role of a man among the two of you. This means that she is already in charge and she is already a leader.
Moreover, if you agree to her proposals that you don’t like, your dissatisfaction will be visible in your behavior. The discomfort of not doing what you wanted will take its toll. And she will soon stop being interested in you.
And in general, do you really think that the main person in the relationship will ask the young lady what movie you will go to? Seriously?
How to avoid being manipulated by women?
Girls secretly use a lot of cunning tricks, forcing guys against their will to go in the right direction. Women's manipulations in relationships can manifest themselves in the form of a false complaint, sweet flattery, blackmail or unexpected provocations. It is possible to defend against such a complex game, but it needs to be recognized in time. How can a man avoid becoming a puppet?
- Try to look confident, don't look away.
- Realizing that outright manipulation is beginning, abruptly change the topic of conversation.
- Ignore imaginary problems.
- Firmly warn the girl that you will not indulge stupid whims, and always adhere to this rule without exception.
- If you notice that a woman is starting to be cunning in order to get something from you, ask her direct questions about this.
- Reject attempts to exchange profitable buns in the form of gifts for carnal pleasures. In this regard, the exchange must be equal and disinterested.
- Often girls push for generosity, flavored with flattery. Women's compliments, which do not correspond to reality, often have the goal of cunningly leading a person in the right direction.
- Break off relationships with people who deliberately pretend to be stupid and weak chickens, who are only trying to pity the guy by shifting any problems onto stronger shoulders.
- Easily touchy women, who often fall into hysterics, causing streams of tears at the slightest provocation, actually skillfully manipulate those around them.
Brute force and loud screams cannot solve the problem of how to become the main one in a relationship with a girl. You need to look like a real and confident leader in all areas of family life.
Dispose of her checks and manipulations.
Why do women do this? Two options.
Good - she tests you for weakness. She does this not to subjugate you, but to make sure that her choice is correct. From time to time, all young ladies do something similar to calm down. If you don't demonstrate your masculinity often enough, she will sometimes check whether the man next to her is strong or if you have relaxed.
Option two - she is manipulating you. Perhaps she is used to acting this way around other men. Or she tested you for weakness, you failed the test, and this option suits her. Such women are accustomed to leading a man; I wrote about this in detail in my article about henpecked men.
And remember that a wise woman will act as the “neck” while you are the “head.” She will obey you in small things and lead you when making important decisions. Don't get caught, she might try to fool you with tricks.
What do we have to do? Show your inner core and prove to her that you are a man.
Authority and authoritarianism
Authority should be understood as the concept of responsibility that a person voluntarily places on his shoulders. This means that he is worried about those who will follow him and who will depend on him. That is why there is a common expression that authority must be earned. Namely, to demonstrate such character traits that can convince others of strength, the ability to be fair, consistent, purposeful and someone you can rely on.
Authoritarianism is the desire to maintain power at any cost. That is, to force people to obey you. And if it is not possible to do this with words, physical force is used.
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The authority and authoritarianism of a man in a family are two radically opposite concepts that must be distinguished by both husbands and their wives.
Be purposeful.
An important quality of a confident man. It will help you in any area, including in relationships.
Set goals and go towards them, strive and achieve. Don't stop, even if you don't succeed several times in a row. This is the only way to achieve success.
A girl shouldn't feel uncertain around you. If we are talking about relationships, she must clearly understand where everything is going. Make plans, talk to her about the future, this will give her a feeling of peace.
Otherwise, she herself will start trying to set goals while you are lying on the couch. It is important for her to understand what is happening and what will happen next. So she will try to solve it. And take on male responsibilities. For you, this is a direct path to rags.
Should you strive to dominate?
In traditional unions, the guy should lead and his word should decide. But you shouldn’t put pressure on the girl with force and threats; it’s better to proceed from common sense and logic. Cursing and assault will drive a woman away.
If a man says that he is the boss in the relationship, but cannot decide anything, the battle for respect in the couple is lost.
The Church's attitude to this issue
Who should be the head of the family? In Christianity, the answer is clear and simple: husband .
The Christian headship of the husband is perceived as a duty to care and think about each family member, to maintain well-being and peace in the family.
The Church takes the position that the wife submits to her husband, just as the Church submits to God. At the same time, the husband must also love his wife, and if necessary, then make a sacrifice for her, just as Christ sacrificed himself for the sake of faith. For the sake of the Church, Christ went to the torment. Is the head of the family capable of doing this for the sake of his wife? Many men still need to grow to this level.
The position of the church is that there can be no equality in the family. The inequality that God created in the relationship between men and women is not at all humiliating. No matter what century it is, a woman’s responsibility to give birth to children cannot be shifted to her husband.
The recipe for a harmonious life is very simple: love and respect each other.
A ghostly dream of a strong leader
There is another example that confirms that authoritarianism is unacceptable in partner relationships. It is only possible where one of the spouses suffers from an inferiority complex and has low self-esteem. It was Tatyana who dreamed of a guy who would become a strong leader in her family. She grew up with her mother and always dreamed of having a strong and courageous man in her house. This is exactly what she found in Sergei. From the very first day, she told the guy about his rights and agreed to become his soul mate, who would never “shine.”
Tanya never had money in her wallet; she gave all her salary to her husband. The entire household lay on it, and the husband did not even know where his clean things were, and was not aware of the contents of the pots. The man only gave instructions, looked down on everyone and allowed whatever he wanted. As a result, he found himself another woman. Sergei left, practically stepping over the crying Tanya and his little son, whom, like his wife, he “raised in severity.” And only then Tatyana, oddly enough, felt relief, since she had to endure terrible pressure from her husband.
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Who is in charge in the house - husband or wife?
Many marriages are destroyed due to the fact that the spouses do not know how to build relationships. Two adults share responsibilities that help strengthen the family. And yet, the main responsibility for the family lies with the man. He earns money, provides housing for his family, and raises children. And family members should be grateful to him for this and respect him.
The woman mainly does household chores and also raises children.
If agreements are discussed in advance, there will be fewer conflicts in the family.
To solve family problems constructively, it is necessary to know the responsibilities of spouses, which always remain unchanged.
Husband's responsibilities
- Financial support for the family;
- Protection of wife and children;
- Devotion to them;
- Family leadership and control;
- Making important decisions.
Responsibilities of a wife
- Giving birth and raising children;
- Support your husband in any situation;
- Creating a cozy home;
- Establishing good relationships in the family;
- Providing moral assistance to the husband.
Who is the head of the family - a man or a woman?
When getting married, every woman dreams of a friendly and happy family, but not everyone knows how to achieve this. Marriage on its own will not make you happy; you need to work on it.
And, most often, the question of who is in charge in the family arises precisely at this stage. There cannot be two leaders in a family. There must be one who will make important decisions and be responsible for them.
The father is an example of masculinity for the son, and the daughter will choose her future husband based on the qualities of her father.
The example of a mother is the key to a successful relationship between a son and his wife, and for a daughter it is an example of raising children.
5 Kindness
Do you agree that a unique man is an exclusive man? I think yes. Let's remember approximately what the average modern man looks like? And let’s think about how we can show off our exclusivity against its background .
Let's talk about it in a positive way - this is a person with a sense of humor, who knows his worth, and knows how to stand up for himself. And what follows from this? Aggressiveness. Bitterness. Selfishness and indifference to others, closedness and callousness. Oh yes, how many times does all this creep out at the most unnecessary moment and push girls away from you forever.
Unfortunately, the modern world forces people to become like this. Driving all our humanity deep, deep. Well, you already guessed what the quality is that will instantly set you apart from all men and put you on a pedestal. kindness in the modern world .
And a man, a kind man, is a rarity and a one-off. But again, guys, I'm not talking about excesses. Not when you allow everyone to “plow” you, silently putting their backs on you. I'm talking about a different kindness.
Help an old man, take pity on a kitten, treat someone with understanding (not judgment). Justify someone else's mistake (out loud).
There is no need to allow yourself to be used out of the “kindness of your heart.” It is important to do things of your own accord and impulse that demonstrate your good soul. And it is advisable to do all this in front of the girl. Yes, this is such commercialism and thoughtfulness.
And one more thing: do not confuse aggressiveness with brutality. The second is when a slight movement demonstrates courage and strength, in a positive sense. Protection, care, guardianship. Aggressiveness has a negative connotation, and the goal is not unification, but opposition.
6 Generosity
Oh no, I won’t tell you now how great it is to be generous and throw money left and right. This will bring you nothing but free money hungry girls.
I propose to go the opposite way and show you what makes you an ordinary and gray (not standing out from the crowd) guy. Even if you are already in a relationship.
So, this is demonstrative stinginess . I had such a case in a budding relationship - I was walking around the city with a guy, I wanted to drink, he said - now we’ll buy it. We taxi into the store, take what he wants, go to the checkout, where there is a small line. He hands over the bill and pays. The cashier gives the change and my gentleman begins to count the coins that she gave him. Carefully transferring coins from one hand to another. The line is waiting, I'm waiting. Then he nodded to the cashier that everything was correct, and we left. What the?
As he later told me, he always controls his finances. Isn't it easier then to control them without removing them from the card? - No, you need to withdraw everything so that the bank does not use your money illegally.
In general, he always had this behavior - both when paying for movie tickets and in restaurants. He didn’t leave a tip, so I took mine out and tucked it into the bill.
So, guys, it’s VERY, VERY unpleasant when the money spent on a girl is so pointedly counted, sorted out, and the change is carefully checked. I stand next to him and feel how sorry he is for this money. How he does NOT want to spend them and part with them. And the reason for this is me. Do you know what I mean?
I offered to split the bills a hundred times, buy the tickets myself (for two), but of course, he doesn’t agree to that. He is a man, he invites. In general, do not repeat such mistakes. I quickly broke up with him, and I remember with horror all these “invitations” and outings into society.
What kind of man is this? If next to him you feel like a beggar, and not a desired girl.
Conclusion - if you are greedy, there is no need to publicly demonstrate it. It's off-putting. It’s better to honestly say that you feel sorry for spending money on empty entertainment; I’d rather buy you a bag, Masha. Well, this is if you want to do something nice for a girl.
The role of women
It is very important that a woman be self-sufficient. Namely, such a representative of the fair sex is capable of yielding to her husband if necessary. She will support him in every possible way, advise him herself and listen to his advice. She will never humiliate or insult her husband in front of strangers, and this will help him feel like a real man who is the head of the family. And girls with low self-esteem often provoke authoritarian behavior from their partners, allowing them to control themselves and their lives.
