The ability to arouse sympathy - whether towards one specific person or towards as many people as possible - is not given to everyone from birth.
But that doesn't mean you can't learn it.
Getting someone to like you is as much a skill as talent, and everyone can learn how to increase their attractiveness.
Find out how to get someone you like back or make everyone around you think of you as a good and fun person.
In this article, I'll talk about the science and art behind likability and what you can do to maximize your personal likability factor.
An interesting person is a good conversationalist, or rather, a good listener
In order to please people, it is enough to be sincerely interested in them. Think about how your interlocutor might interest you. Show interest, ask questions that he will be happy to answer, listen to his story about himself and the things that are important to him. People are most interested in themselves, so the more interested you are in them, the more open and friendly your conversation will be in the future.
However, don't underestimate the importance of what and how you say: 14 simple exercises for beginning speakers.
Show sincere concern and help
When meeting a new person, don't think about how he will be useful to you. Decide what help you can offer to gain his trust, for example:
- give useful advice;
- help with choosing a product or service;
- free consultation;
- provide a minor service;
- answer a question that concerns personal interests.
Remember that you must answer truthfully and sincerely. Consider it an investment. By helping a person, you show that you value him as a person, and not for possible benefits. He will feel significant and needed, and the one who helped or suggested something will be perceived as a pleasant and attractive person.
Give compliments
There is a phenomenon in relationship psychology: spontaneous transfer of qualities. By accepting a compliment, a person unconsciously tries to live up to expectations, hence the development of reciprocal sympathy for you, removing his psychological defense and tension.
Praise your interlocutor, give a compliment, and he will look at you as a positive person.
Some compliments can be perceived as too intrusive. Many people are not ready to take them or experience discomfort. In such cases, it is better to use a compliment from a third person: refer to the opinion of a person whom the interlocutor knows and appreciates.
It has been noticed that people who accept and love themselves are best at praising others. The article Spam in the head: 5 misconceptions women have about themselves, men and work will tell you how to achieve this.
Physical tricks
Smile
It's no secret that we all love a good smile, and this may be the most repetitive and basic tip of all, but that's because it works.
Smiling is the best way to create an instant connection with anyone. You can never go wrong with a smile, so nothing bad can definitely happen.
With one smile you can elicit a response from a complete stranger or show a friend or someone you like that you are physically and emotionally available to them.
This gives them the confidence that they can come up to you and talk to you, and then anything can happen.
Copy what they do
Copying the gestures and physical behavior of those you talk to, also known as mirroring, is a great way to subconsciously make them like you.
The basic premise behind this is that we tend to automatically copy the gestures of someone we like, and by making us do this, we can improve how people treat us.
Mirroring is a long-tested method of gaining the trust of others and also establishing a connection with them. Effective mirroring gives you an edge over your competitors.
Maintain eye contact (but not too much)
As the old saying goes, the eyes are the window to the soul.
Although we can't quite see into someone's soul by looking into their eyes, we gain their trust and confidence by maintaining eye contact while talking.
There's nothing more sneaky and suspicious than someone who can't keep an eye on you while you're talking to them, and you don't want to be the person who looks suspicious rather than trustworthy.
The eyes radiate confidence, interest and openness, which contribute to your attraction.
Open pose
When talking to another person, think about how you look in terms of posture. Do you appear open and welcoming or closed and reserved?
This is something you can practice in front of a mirror; Imagine that you are talking to someone and think about how you will succeed.
Are you weak or strong? Are you laid-back or tight? Are your hands on your side, or are you awkwardly playing with your hands? Are you standing straight with your neck correctly positioned? Avoid crossing your arms or folding your legs, and always avoid slouching your shoulders.
Use your voice
Being likable doesn't mean not being unattractive. It also means being unforgettable and unforgettable.
You need to learn to be the one who really stands out in the room and people can't miss. And part of that means learning how to use your voice correctly.
Don't speak too quietly and say your words clearly. Chewing your words and muttering to yourself is an easy way to express little confidence or uncertainty without inspiring anyone.
The tone and speed of your voice are also important; Try to speak more slowly than the other person, and always maintain a kind and pleasant tone.
Share your secrets
Frankness can be one of the best methods for building relationships.
Of course, there is no need to burden a person with your own problems in the very first minutes of communication. You can start by discussing news, the latest film releases and gradually move on to more personal topics. This will create a feeling of closeness, the person will feel that you trust him, and it will be easier for him to trust you in the future. If you have been entrusted with personal information, know how to keep it, then you will secure the image of a reliable person. In the modern world, people value above all those they can trust.
Don't be late
Neither a Hollywood smile nor an open look will save a person who is late for a meeting. Therefore, when making an appointment, plan the day in advance, taking into account fees, city traffic jams and other potential problems. If you are not prone to punctuality:
- Prepare everything you need in advance (for example, documents, presentation materials or samples), do not leave it until the last half hour before leaving;
- allow 10–15 minutes in the timing for accidental delays;
- place several appointment reminders on your calendar;
- Set an alarm for the time you leave (if other options don’t work).
You should not be late for an important meeting. Uncommitment and lack of discipline cause negative feelings in others and provoke a feeling of rejection of the person who demonstrates this manner of behavior.
How to Get People to Like You: Pexels
There are many techniques that will help you please people and make a good impression on them. Give compliments, watch your body language and smile more. The main thing is to show sincere empathy, learn to hear your interlocutor, react positively to his words and express sincere sympathy. This approach will help to win over any person and make him a friend.
Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/self-realization/1907477-kak-nravitsya-lyudyam-sovety-i-priemy/
Emphasize personal importance
Each person, when communicating, tries to increase his importance (to show how interesting, smart, worthy he is). The advantage will be the one who will increase the importance of the interlocutor. It is enough to give a person the opportunity to realize his own significance so that he will happily agree to do what we ask.
There are a lot of ways to increase the importance of the interlocutor - everyone chooses the most suitable for a given situation. But there are also universal ones, like “magic” words. For example, “I would like to consult with you!” People hear it like this: “I am considered. I am needed! My opinion is important." And they respond with pleasure, thinking at the same time, why not help.
Mental tricks
Think about the person you like and be like him.
The great thing about being likable is that there is no secret to it: we all know someone we like, and all we have to do is imitate them.
So try to remember the people you like the most and what it was about them that made you like them so much.
What do they say? What are they talking about? How did they look into your eyes while you were talking to them?
Always keep in mind the characteristics you like and try to imitate them.
Ask questions: assume you're interested
We're all guilty of this: we sometimes see other people as just a prop in the background of our lives, even when we're talking to them.
This doesn't necessarily make us bad people; it simply means that we have a bad habit that needs to be corrected.
A great way to remedy this is to assume that everyone you meet has an interesting story to tell, with their own unique interests and hobbies.
This gives you an edge over other people because it gives you a reason to care and listen on a level that will make people like you.
You also encourage people to talk more about themselves by asking them questions so they continue to open up, which naturally makes them appreciate you more.
Make jokes and laugh
There is a time to be serious and a time to have fun. Knowing the difference between these two times is important for people to like you because it shows that you have social sense and tact.
Having a judgment about when you should act virtuously or just go with the flow shows that you are a person with whom people can relate and work.
What's the easiest way to cheer you up? Laughter. You don't have to be a comedian to be able to tell a joke.
Don't be pushy
Remember, you can't force someone to do or feel something they don't want to do or feel, so don't force them to do it. If you feel like the conversation has reached a dead end, don't push too hard to steer it in the direction you want.
Be flexible; let others lead the conversation about what they want and learn to adapt to topics you may not be familiar with.
Don't be afraid to look weak
Finally, as we said earlier, it is important to be humble. Don't be afraid to show that you don't know everything.
We all have topics that we don't understand; this is absolutely normal and does not make us inferior.
But for some reason, many of us are afraid to show others that we may be weak or ignorant in certain areas.
Don't be that person. Be a person who is more than open about what he knows and doesn't know, and allow others to teach you when possible.
People love people who are not mired in insecurities and shortcomings. Love yourself for who you are, and those around you will follow your example.
Sincerity
Sincerity is difficult to achieve these days when everyone is trying to be someone else and few people want to be honest for fear of any consequences.
Being authentic with other people is a great way to show someone that you are a real person, someone who respects their integrity while respecting the integrity of others.
Participation
Learn to participate in the moment and keep your attention on people when they are around you. Put down your phone and be in the moment; listen and speak with every part of you, not just part of your mind.
When talking to other people, use their name to show that you are really with them; respond and act accordingly.
Tact
We all deserve criticism from time to time, and learning to handle it respectfully and tactfully is important to getting people to like you for who you are.
Don't be a person with a fragile, thin ego; accept criticism when necessary, but at the same time know when to defend yourself. It's a tough balance, but one day it can greatly improve your image.
Confident Humility
Some people may say that "confident humility" is a paradox, but there are situations for being confident and situations for being humble, a balance between the two will give you the most likable personality.
Be confident and believe in your abilities, but also know when it is time to listen and learn.
Originality
Last but not least: be yourself. Be original. Don't try to be someone you are not and don't try to be someone else to impress others.
Be the best version of yourself you can be and inspire others to be themselves and not pretend.
Practice correct body language
A pleasant timbre of voice and a beautiful manner of speaking attracts the attention of those present. To become the life of the party, learn body language. A person with expressive gestures and open postures creates a good impression. Do not come closer than half a meter to your interlocutor. A short distance may seem to him like a violation of personal boundaries.
Examples of nonverbal cues:
- rubbing forehead, temples - distrust;
- touching the ear - boredom, unwillingness to listen;
- looking at the clock, tapping your fingers on the surface - impatience;
- touching the tip of the nose, earlobe - uncertainty.
Smile
You are incredibly magnetic when you are happy. A special gift is to make others smile. Your positive attitude can bring tense communication into the right direction and makes those present relax. This creates the basis for a calmer and more constructive dialogue.
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Be yourself
Any attempt to please others will be instantly recognized by others. Work on improving your personal qualities. Be prepared to refuse those who are trying to harm. If you feel confident and don’t want to offend anyone, saying “no” is not difficult.
Express your feelings openly but sensitively. You can always choose the right words to protect your interests without angering others. All people have flaws, so there is no need to criticize yourself too much and feed your own insecurities. Take failures easier.
Spend more time with people you hope to become friends with.
According to the “attachment effect,” we tend to like people we already know more.
An experiment was conducted at the University of Pittsburgh to study this phenomenon.
Four women posed as psychology students. Each woman appeared at the lectures a different number of times.
When experimenters showed male students photographs of these women, the students noted that they liked the women they saw more often—even if they did not interact with them at all.
Respect people
You don't have to agree with the other person to like them, but try to always be respectful. You will win over your interlocutor if you look him in the eye. Facial expressions and affirmative head nods show interest. Feedback makes people like each other. One form of respect is to emphasize that what is said is important to you.
Perceive the other person the way they want to be perceived
People want to be perceived in a way that matches their own self-image. This phenomenon is described as “self-control theory.” We all seek confirmation of our views, positive or negative.
In a series of studies, participants with positive and negative self-perceptions were asked whether they were willing to interact with people who had positive or negative impressions of them.
Participants with a positive self-image preferred people who thought positively about them, while those with a negative self-image preferred people who were critical.
People like to interact with those who provide them with feedback that is consistent with their self-image.
Other research shows that when people's beliefs about ourselves are consistent with our own, relationships run more smoothly. Most likely this happens because we feel understood, which is an important part of intimacy.
How to please a man depending on his zodiac sign
- Aries
If you want to please an Aries man, you will have to try to become an ideal lady: modest, smart, beautiful, and able to present herself. Moreover, all your advantages need to be demonstrated already at the stage of acquaintance, since Aries are guided by the first impression.
It is advisable to intrigue the gentleman with something, some non-standard action or a non-trivial conversation. Aries will not judge if on the first date you confess your love to him or read an obscene poem. In sex, men of this sign prefer to dominate.
- Taurus
This zodiac sign does not like intrusive people and restrictions on their personal freedom. Do you want to please a Taurus man? Then be patient. The young man will need time to take a closer look and get used to you. The chosen one of Taurus must be economical, serious, feminine. Trousers, jeans and other brutal clothing are not welcome in a lady's wardrobe.
A woman should be able to cook well and manage housework. Taurus sympathize with those ladies who want to have a strong family, many children and respect the older generation.
- Twin
Geminis are demanding of themselves and other people. It is important for them that the lady is a faithful companion, shares interests, supports, is smart and strives for new experiences and discoveries. Therefore, if you want to please a Gemini man, then suggest having a first date at a museum or exhibition. You cannot be jealous of Gemini; they will perceive such an attitude as a personal insult. And trying to control will lead to immediate separation.
The sex life of Gemini is stable, devoid of surprises and subject to a certain system that never changes.
- Cancer
Do you want to please a Cancer man? Get ready to become a second mommy for him. Cancer loves warmth and care. His chosen one will be a strong woman who is able to inspire a man to new achievements, direct him in the right direction, support him in a difficult situation, listen to complaints, console him and encourage him.
Cancers love sex. They don’t mind experimenting; they appreciate a partner’s willingness to try something new and unexpected.
- a lion
Conquering a Leo is not difficult. You just need to compliment him often, praise him, admire him and never criticize him.
This zodiac sign is looking for a special companion, so when you want to please a Leo man, get ready to demonstrate your uniqueness and bright personality. You can't make Leo jealous, it can ruin the relationship. He should be the only man in the life of his chosen one.
- Virgo
If you want to please a Virgo man, become a good friend for him first, and then a lover. Men of this sign are predictable and not romantic. They choose modest, reserved, smart, responsible, rational and pretty girls with a similar temperament. Virgos are passive in bed and can go for months without sex.
- Scales
In search of their other half, Libra can date two or three girls at once. They will doubt for a long time, not daring to make a final choice. If you want to please a Libra man, get ready to share him with other women at first.
Libra's chosen one will be a cheerful, smart and pleasant girl who knows how to support in difficult times and take the initiative.
- Scorpion
This sign is very jealous. Having wanted to please the Scorpio man, you immediately crossed out the possibility of communicating with other gentlemen. Scorpio does not tolerate competition. His lady should belong only to him and at the same time be beautiful, spectacular, smart and strong. Moreover, these qualities are welcomed not only in everyday life, but also in sexual life.
- Sagittarius
Sagittarius is a holiday person. He is very sociable, bright, cheerful, noisy and is looking for the same companion. Therefore, if you want to please a Sagittarius man, you will have to love parties, travel and extreme sports.
This zodiac sign loves with his eyes. The attractive appearance of a lady is important to him. A woman should take care of herself and always look great. But Sagittarians consider scandals, hysterics and showdowns unacceptable for their lives.
- Capricorn
A representative of this sign will look closely at the girl he likes for a long time due to his natural indecisiveness. He needs time to think about the situation. If you want to please a Capricorn man, you must understand him perfectly, participate in all his affairs, support and empathize.
This sign is passionate about their career. Capricorn can be seduced by culinary masterpieces, but not by romance, to which he is completely immune.
- Aquarius
Guys of this sign choose smart, well-groomed, well-mannered and educated girls. Do you want to please an Aquarius man? Then get ready to give him complete freedom. Aquarius does not tolerate restrictions and loves easy relationships, without scandals and strain. In sex, he is liberated and tries to give his partner maximum pleasure.
- Fish
If you want to please a Pisces man, then take the initiative into your own hands in the first days of dating. The companion of this sign must be a strong woman, capable of taking responsibility not only for herself, but also for her lover. Pisces need to be praised a lot, criticized a little and refrain from a violent outburst of emotions. Representatives of this sign love to eat delicious food. In sex they prefer calm and some monotony.
Thank you for reading this article to the end.
Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!
Provide self-praise
As we have already said, there is a very fine line between a regular compliment and flattery, so it is better to make the interlocutor praise himself. For example, someone tells you this story: “I worked 60 hours a week to complete this project.” Here you can say: “Yes, you probably need to have an iron will and responsibility to work 60 hours a week.” It’s almost guaranteed that the interlocutor will answer something like “Yes, I had to try hard to deliver this project on time. I certainly did a great job. There’s nothing to be said here.”
The ability to make a person praise himself is a maneuver of aerobatics. Practice it, make people happy. And you will definitely like it.
Express positive emotions
“Emotional contagion” describes the phenomenon that people are highly influenced by the moods of those around them.
A person can subconsciously read the emotions of people around him. We watch the facial expressions of those around us, which in turn makes us feel something similar to what they are experiencing.
If you want to make others feel joy and happiness when they are around you, show only positive emotions!
Show your own vulnerability
Emotional openness—or lack thereof—may explain why some people connect and others don't.
Emotional openness carries with it risks that are associated with the fact that we make ourselves vulnerable and do not know how this will be perceived, whether our openness will be reciprocated or whether we will be rejected.
But it's worth the risk—recent research has proven that emotional expressiveness and openness are desirable and important traits in an ideal companion, whether it's a romantic partner or a friend.
Have your own distinctive features
Each person is individual and you are no exception. In order to be immediately remembered in an unfamiliar society, you need to have striking features that will become your calling card. People close to you appreciate your inner world, but those who see you for the first time will pay attention to external characteristics. There are many people in the world with very different tastes and preferences, so it will not be possible to please everyone without exception. But an interesting look, an unusual accessory or a fashionable hairstyle can help you become more attractive.
No matter how beautiful a person is, people will not like him if he has nothing more than his appearance. Think about what qualities you value in yourself and what character traits can attract others. Perhaps it is a big, unusual goal that you work hard to achieve, or an exciting hobby. Tell people about this, and then they will become interested in your rich inner world and will probably feel sympathy for you.
