The state of falling in love

Falling in love is a complex of positive emotions and feelings that is directed towards another person. Humanity has long been wondering what love and infatuation are. Are there differences in these concepts, is it feelings, hormonal surges or something else? Some people believe that falling in love is a disease for which there is a cure. Others think that this is a gift from above, and not everyone can experience such a feeling. In a state of love, a person experiences euphoria, but what then to do with an unrequited feeling, because then this feeling does not bring euphoria, but suffering. If this is a gift from above, then why does fleeting love exist?

Scientists have something to work on; periodically new theories and hypotheses are put forward about this condition, because the psychology of falling in love has not been studied. Not long ago, experts came to the conclusion that such a condition is nothing more than a physiological reaction. In the presence of the object of his love, the human brain is saturated with dopamine, and the person cannot see flaws in his beloved. How long does falling in love last? According to psychologists, on average this feeling can last up to 2 years.

The essence and definition of love

Of course, scientists have long been thinking and researching this condition, which excites the heart and mind of a person, but they have not come to any consensus. However, there are still some postulates.

A lover is a person who experiences strong emotions, passion and sexual attraction to another individual, his feelings are uncontrollable, and he is unable to force himself to stop experiencing them. A lover in his feelings receives stimulation for creativity, self-improvement and discovery. For the body, love is stress, and some scientists are sure that when a person is in love, noticeable changes are observed in his mental state, they resemble a mental disorder!

Signs that you like him/her as a person

1. The subject of your feelings is not like everyone else. He or she is lucky.

2. You don't just like his appearance. Congratulations, all is not lost for you yet.

3. You wish this person happiness. Great. It would be nice to wish happiness to most people.

4. It makes you ready to try something new. Great, you have found someone with whom you feel comfortable and pleasant.

5. Your partner inspires you to be better. Role models are also inspiring, but you don't like them.

Reasons for falling in love

How does falling in love happen? Why does a person fall in love with someone who doesn’t seem to suit him, while another, who has much more merit, remains unattended? Everything has reasons, and even such a bright feeling as falling in love can be found.

Scientists believe that there are different reasons for falling in love - psychological, financial, hormonal, physiological. The physiological reasons for falling in love are as follows:

Inaccessibility. It is believed that the harder it is to get someone's attention, the more interesting they become.
Positive. If there is a lack of positive emotions in your life, and suddenly you meet a person who smiles, enjoys life and has a positive attitude in everything, naturally, you will be drawn to him. You will want to live like him - joyfully and cheerfully.
Mystery. Mystery is always interesting. If a person cannot understand how the object of his attention relates to him, this riddle excites and arouses interest.
Type. If this is not the first love, then, as a rule, the chosen person looks similar to the previous one. After all, falling in love is always associated with warm and bright memories that you want to repeat. In the case of first love, the situation is approximately the same: teenagers in love choose an object similar to their ideal (mother, father, movie character).
Gestures. Studies have been conducted that have proven that a person who accompanies his speech with gestures arouses more interest than one who does not. With the help of gestures, the opponent seems to penetrate into the intimate zone of the interlocutor and becomes one of his own in it.
Similar facial features. When you meet a person who is similar to you in appearance, he is automatically perceived by you as family and friends. It seems like you've known him for a long time and you trust him completely.
Eye contact. If you were able to establish visual contact with a person for more than 2 minutes, then some kind of connection arises between you. At the same time, trust and sympathy for the person increases.

Separately, it must be said that there is spring love. Spring is the awakening of all living things - plants, animals and humans too. A person's hormonal levels change slightly in the spring. The sun, warmth and bright greenery lift your spirits, everything seems more beautiful and better than, for example, in winter or autumn. Therefore, lovers in the spring are especially happy, because euphoria is given to them not only by their feeling, but also by a hormonal surge.

Patronage

The feeling of a patron resembles the relationship of a parent providing care and protection. A strong union is possible when the patron's partner is weaker and more dependent on him. There is often a large difference in age or social status between such partners. By showing care, the patron satisfies his vanity, he likes to be strong, in charge, this allows him to show condescension and contempt for his partner: “Where would you be if not me?”

Follow Econet on Pinterest!

In intimate relationships, problems often arise for one or both partners. But they do not perceive sexual relations as the basis of family relationships. If a dependent partner “grows out” of such a relationship, he strives to break the union, and the patron experiences anger - after all, he raised him “from rags to riches”, but he was not appreciated.

Stages of falling in love

Scientists have determined the stages of falling in love, it looks something like this:

Evaluating stage. A person assesses the external data, mental and personal qualities of a potential lover.
Stage of interest. There is a desire to continue communication and get to know the person better. Thoughts about possible relationships appear.
Attraction stage. This stage consists of courting the person of interest.
Impression. A person tries to impress the object, show all his advantages and interest him in the same way as he is interested.
Persuasion stage. A person becomes convinced that he is in love and tries to make the object of his adoration fall in love with himself.
Strengthening the belief. A person understands that he is reciprocated (or not reciprocated), the behavior of a lover consists of the reaction of the object of attention: either it is euphoria, or painful feelings caused by refusal.
Actually falling in love is a strong desire to create a relationship.

Let's talk about dopamine

What are the deeper functions of the parts of the brain that come into play when lovers see each other? The most notable of these areas is area A10 of the ventral tegmental area, which along with the substantia nigra is the source of 90% of dopamine in the brain. Because this region is rich in dopamine, it is active in all reward stimuli. Additionally, it promotes wakefulness, attention, libido, motivation, and reward seeking. Dopamine's main function is "wanting" in the reward system.

At the same time, dopamine is closely associated with the search for novelty and creativity. This is the source of repetitive thoughts and behavior. Clinically, a pathological condition associated with increased dopamine levels is observed in patients with schizophrenia and Parkinson's disease. At the same time, dopamine creates a feeling of unity with a loved one. It is dopamine that forces poets to write poetry when they are in love, and musicians to compose music.

In this dopamine waltz, the brain's basal ganglia are responsible for seeking stimulus and reward. The anterior cingulate cortex evaluates internal and external stimuli and creates appropriate emotional responses to them, which supports decision making, risk analysis and self-awareness. The hypothalamus is known from previous research to deal with both sexual and love stimuli. The autonomic system is the central producer of various sex hormones. It also regulates hunger, thirst and body temperature. The insular cortex creates that same feeling of anxiety when we are in love, and is responsible for the physiological manifestations of love, such as increased heart rate and sweating.

True, often the feeling of falling in love makes us literally become dumb and lose our shores. This is because activity in the reward and motivation system suppresses other important areas of the brain. Among those suffering from our love:

Prefrontal region

The most important area for visualization, intention formation and decision making, as well as logical conclusions. It is the source of logic and adherence to social rules. A decrease in the activity of this area in lovers leads to a weakening or loss of boundaries and sanity.

Parieto-temporo-occipital region

This area provides a person with a sense of position in space and spatially separates him from others. When this area is deactivated, the separation between self and other is suspended and the person experiences “oneness” with the loved one.

Temporoparietal region

It is responsible for collecting information from the visual, auditory and somatosensory systems, as well as self-awareness. In clinical practice, disturbances in this area are found in people with amnesia and Alzheimer's disease, but, of course, the degree of damage is not the same as in people in love.

Symptoms of falling in love

While psychologists and other scientists are debating what falling in love is, doctors have formulated a diagnosis - a mental disorder with a disorder of habits and inclinations. In addition, they identified the symptoms of falling in love:

obsessive thoughts and ideas;
insomnia;
mood swings;
self-pity or inflated sense of self-esteem;
blood pressure surges,
actions committed in a state of passion.

To put it simply, the feeling of falling in love can be described as follows:

cardiopalmus;
facial redness;
heat;
trembling in hands;
feeling of “butterflies in the stomach”;
complete or partial loss of logic, analysis and adequate decisions;
creative expression of one's experiences.

These are the verbal and non-verbal signs of falling in love. If we talk about where it all begins, we can identify the following obvious first signs of falling in love:

thoughts constantly return to the object;
the subconscious draws an image of heartfelt affection;
there is a strong desire to see the object again;
fear that the feeling will not be answered.

The signs of a man in love may differ slightly from the signs of a woman in love:

Changing habitual behavior. This happens not only for the better (to please), but also unconsciously: a pedant can become completely absent-minded, the life of the party can become quiet and silent, etc. This happens due to the fact that the feeling that arises always turns out to be an unexpected surprise, to which the man is not ready.
Increased attention. The lover’s gaze is always directed towards his chosen one, and when even she is not around, the man will be interested in who she is friends with, where she goes, etc.
Using different approaches. You can recognize a man in love by his unusual and unusual actions: he can get a dog so that he can run into the girl he likes in the park, enroll in courses where she goes, etc.
By the way a lover behaves in the presence of the object of his interest, one can guess about his feelings. As a rule, these are stupid actions, empty and nervous conversations. The lover’s gaze is clouded: he is afraid of making a mistake, but at the same time wants to show himself in all his glory. He may be awkward, knock over his cup of tea, drop his fork - all indicate that the person is in an extremely excited and nervous state.
The lover's gaze is directed not only at his beloved, but also at himself. He begins to take care of himself, tries to earn more, gets rid of bad habits if they are not pleasant to his lady love.

These are signs of a man in love. With a woman, things are a little different:

The girl is completely delighted with everything that her lover says and does. Moreover, she remembers everything he said or did well.
She really wants to know the opinion of the object of her interest about her.
The girl is nervous, a strange smile may freeze on her face, she becomes absent-minded and, as they say, flies in the clouds.
The girl is more active than usual: she is constantly somewhere, meeting, talking. She wants to support, advise, help, she is always in a good mood.
A girl in love begins to get involved in horoscopes, predictions, fortune telling and other esotericism.
For the girl, the world around her ceases to exist. She is completely immersed in her feelings, which she constantly shares with her friends.

Nonverbal gestures of lovers

How can you tell if a guy is in love with you? How to notice a girl's sincere affection? If you are careful, you can find the answer to this exciting question by assessing nonverbal gestures. Which indicates a serious feeling:

Tracking reactions. If we are in love, then we subconsciously want to understand our potential soulmate: to study their personality and reaction to what is happening. If you notice that in a company a representative of the opposite sex regularly glances at you after someone’s joke or big news, then he probably feels something serious about you.
An attempt to touch. This gesture should be considered in conjunction with other manifestations of love, since alone it can only speak of sexual attraction. A person in love often does not control his impulses to touch, stroke, or hurt the owner or mistress of his heart. Fleetingly and furtively, after a while more and more insistently, he will pat you on the shoulder, hug you, remove specks and push you.
Smile. A person who is truly in love will hardly be able to hold back a smile when you appear. Please note that real emotions are accompanied by wrinkles around the eyes. They don't appear with a fake smile.

Nonverbal gestures will not always help you find the answer to an exciting question about the love of a particular person. Firstly, many people successfully control themselves, and secondly, if you love yourself, then it’s easy to see what is not there.

Dangerous disease

Intense love, as many doctors believe, is sometimes a rather dangerous condition for human health. The behavior of a lover is accompanied by strong stress, both nervous and psychological, that is, the human body suffers both morally and physically. At their core, the signs of a person in love are very similar to the signs of a person: a drug addict, suffering from neuroses, as well as manifestations of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

But people are not afraid of this condition, they do not go to the doctor, on the contrary, they look for love and are happy when they find it. All this is wonderful and wonderful, but only when the feelings are mutual. But if there is no reciprocity, then falling in love often becomes a serious illness that can even threaten a person’s life, especially if the lover becomes fixated on his condition.

However, everything depends on a person’s attitude to the situation, his personal qualities, will and psychological maturity. How a person in love behaves, who still hopes or already has a reciprocal feeling, was considered. But what happens to a lover whose feelings are left unanswered? This is where doctors begin to sound the alarm: after all, in this case, we can talk not only about the psychological and mental health of a person, but also his life. How to determine love that has not received reciprocal feelings? There are 3 scenario options here:

A person withdraws into himself, suffers, feels humiliated, helpless. His self-esteem plummets. As a rule, it is difficult to get such a person out of the house. Perhaps he will drink or use drugs to numb the pain that constantly torments him. Depressive states develop and thoughts of suicide appear.
A rejected lover goes to great lengths. He begins to lead a very active lifestyle, throwing himself headlong into the pool. Such people show signs of neurasthenia: they deliberately find themselves in dangerous situations, thus fleeing from their feelings. They seek to replace them with others. This is a rather dangerous condition, since in this case it can all end in severe speeding in a car, jumping off a bridge without insurance, etc.
Hysterical state of falling in love. Constant hysterics are replaced by the imposition of one’s feelings on the object of adoration. A person can achieve reciprocal feelings in different ways - threats, force, blackmail, and inducing self-pity. Each time, new ideas are brewing in his head on how to achieve reciprocity, i.e., paranoid syndrome develops.

Shows of love

In a person’s life there are periods of doubt, how can one understand whether this is infatuation or true love? In the first stages of dating, it is difficult to understand exactly how strong the feeling is, but let’s try to determine the main symptoms of love. Love from a psychological point of view depends on the emotions, sensations, feelings and aspirations that the object of love evokes.

Characteristic signs

For those who love:

Thoughts constantly fly to your loved one,
mood strongly depends on the words and actions of a loved one,
sudden changes in emotional state from happiness to unhappiness,
obsessive desire to be together, to see each other often,
idealization of a loved one,
the feeling that the euphoria will last forever.

True love is distinguished by humanity, rationality, restraint, there is more responsibility, a desire to help another person develop, and not just being together, and is less selfish.

Characteristic feelings

The feeling of a loved one - usually the loved one is the dearest, it is easy to communicate with him, there is complete mutual understanding, which sometimes surprises, there is a need for close communication. Often love arises after friendships, when people realize that they are close enough.
Freedom, equality - in close relationships it is important to feel inner freedom, and not constant control from the outside. A person himself strives for fidelity in a state of love; he can only be held back by the inner desire to be together always. It is important to learn to accept a person in all his manifestations; you can suggest, advise, but not command. Such relationships will not last. And you shouldn’t put yourself in the role of a subordinate, there must be equality of interests, you can lose your loved one, trying to constantly please, playing second roles. Any imbalance is detrimental to personal interests, health, and relationships.
The desire to care, to think about another - in true love, a person shows attention, constant care for a loved one, can put himself in his place, strives to make life better.
Love is a deep feeling . A real feeling comes from the heart and is not just attraction or mutual interest, it is deep, like the sea or ocean, penetrates the consciousness, enriches life, gives confidence and peace. The person looks happy, his eyes glow, there is an aura of goodness around him. Falling in love is a mood swing like a roller coaster.
Development of feelings - love is constantly developing, moving, it is never static, people change, feelings too. The development and strengthening of feelings is largely determined by loving people, there is a desire and steps towards it or there will be fading, based on mutual desire. It is worth doing pleasant little things, pleasing your loved ones; surprises allow you to add variety to your life and feelings.

What does it mean to truly love? Trust, care, strive to make the life of a loved one better. Initially, it is important to understand what a person needs in a love relationship, first of all; it turns out that each person has a personal understanding of love, which gives it a special meaning.

G. Chapman's book describes love languages, the psychology of expressing feelings, ways to find mutual understanding after living together for several years and falling in love.

It turned out: the main cause of conflicts is the lack of love and the different needs of men and women; each shows feelings in their own ways, which is not always understood by the other side.

Practical psychology of love helps to find ways to express feelings and emotions, considers the basic human needs for love. We are all unique and we love based on our inner understanding and life experience.

Love and infatuation

How to recognize infatuation and love? What is the difference? Well, firstly, falling in love is fleeting, but love can accompany a person throughout his life. Falling in love begins brightly and quickly, but ends the same way. People understand that they are completely different, nothing connects them, and all that was between them was a passion, nothing more. Love is an eternal feeling, it does not appear suddenly, it develops and grows stronger gradually. Love is based on strong ties, and the winds of change are not afraid of it. Love makes a person better, more perfect, 2 loving people do not need anyone else. But in relationships between people in love, a third person very often appears, which, as a rule, breaks the couple’s relationship. When falling in love passes, a person may feel discomfort and a lack of something in his life for some time, after which he calms down, and may even completely forget about the past relationship. Love never passes, even if loving people cannot be together, they love each other from a distance, and sincerely wish mutual happiness.

In fact, only love can make a person truly and forever happy. Therefore, you should not succumb to deception and rush into a relationship with a person you don’t really know. After all, sooner or later disappointment and pain will appear. Expect love - this is a lot of work, but at the same time a great joy: living with a person with whom you want to always be, having children and remaining loving and faithful to each other until old age.

How to learn to love?

Are there people who don't know how to love? Unfortunately, similar situations happen in life among men and women. Why do some people not know how to love? It is natural and obvious that a person needs love, but not everyone can build harmonious relationships; they try to oppress their partner or become victims themselves.

The reason may be personal characteristics - increased selfishness or mental deviations, as well as lack of confidence.

What people don't know how to love? A person who does not know how to love is often fixated on his own self, thinks only about personal interests , perhaps did not have an example of a good family, or vice versa - he was spoiled in childhood and got used to the whole world revolving around him. It is important to learn to observe a potential partner, learn about life experience, observe relationships in the family, this way you can see a potential “tyrant” who requires only self-love.

Why don't people know how to love? The main reasons for the inability to love are fear of showing feelings, reluctance or ignorance, although less often . A person with high self-esteem finds real feelings difficult; it seems to him that no one deserves to be around, and people with low self-esteem, on the contrary, end up in dependent relationships, where they are suppressed and oppressed.

Unfortunately, not every person knows how to love, perhaps the reason is in upbringing and inability to express feelings or in ignorance of the language of love. To love means to live the life of another person, to think about his interests, to show attention and care, but often people get hung up on personal interests.

People who do not know how to love are usually unhappy themselves; they do not understand that love is the light that illuminates the life of the lover and the beloved. People who constantly criticize, discuss, and live in negativity do not have the opportunity to find happiness, become good partners, spouses.

Behavior of a loving husband

Your opinion matters to him

This does not mean that a loving husband is afraid to take even a step without you. He’s just sure that decisions on such important issues as vacations, buying household appliances, a loan for an apartment, and children’s education should be made in a family council, and not with colleagues or parents.

He cares about your health

The candy-bouquet period usually ends with the creation of a family, but many continue to believe that true love is luxurious flowers, expensive gifts, romantic trips to exotic countries. Firstly, not everyone can afford it, and no one has canceled family budget planning. Secondly, for a loving husband, the physical and psychological health of his other half is much more important. He feels the need to take care of her in order to see his wife happy as often as possible.

He is ready to compromise

A woman does not always understand how a loving man feels when he obediently agrees with her fantastic ideas. A sign of true love is a willingness to give in, ask for forgiveness, and take the side of your loved one.

He tries to please you

Many wives do not see anything special in the fact that their husband helps around the house, goes to the store together, invites them to the theater or to the park for a walk. But these are the happy moments of family life. Manifestation of love is attention to you and the desire to be near you every free minute.

Everyone understands love relationships in their own way, but sexual attraction must be distinguished from real feelings, true love. After all, men are characterized by inconstancy.

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!