How to become an egoist. How I became selfish and started living.

Should we start discussing the topic of self-love with an analysis of why we may not love ourselves? This would be logical, I’m sure you have many reasons and you know them very well. But no matter what they are: dissatisfaction with your appearance, failures in your personal and professional life, conflicts and excessive nervousness or disappointment, the answer will always be the same - respect. It is self-respect that tells us about love for our personality; it is this that allows us to feel harmony within, value ourselves and do what is right for you. I call this proper selfishness.

Therefore, now we will explain to you what selfishness, self-love are and where respect comes from.

How to become an egoist. How I became selfish and started living.

“Live for yourself” is a scary phrase for many. The consequences are known: vice, debauchery, degradation. And somewhere there, right along a slippery slope. But one day I admitted to myself that my life often does not belong to me. That there are so many “shoulds” and so few “want”s. A sense of duty lay like a stone slab on my dreams and plans, and I kept trying to pass them off as tablets.

And I decided - enough is enough! I'm tired of turning my soul and life into a radioactive waste dump. I’m tired of explaining, like a timid supplicant, shuffling my foot, how I dared to put my interests above the interests of others. It's time to live for yourself. Choose joy over teeth grinding and self-hypnosis. Live by love, not by demand.

Thus began my outrageous, antisocial year in healthy selfishness mode. “Healthy” or, better yet, “reasonable” is a saving clause, thanks to which those around me did not immediately recognize me as a renegade and a disruptor of the social order of things. After all, many are sure, first, chew ten iron loaves, stop ten iron shoes, have a hard time, and then, if you have enough strength and health, please live for yourself.

But I started without delay.

Alone in the field.

It was scary at first. I was not ideologically savvy, and everything was based on a vague but firm belief that it would be better this way. It felt like I was going on a solo trip around the world on an inflatable banana. I didn’t know if my own casing could withstand the ninth wave of “Shoulds,” someone’s expectations and projections. I didn’t want to become an outcast, labeling myself “Egoist,” even if he was reasonable. But I understood that for me this is the only path to freedom.

My plan became an attraction of unprecedented impudence for those around me. After all, I left the game in which it is forbidden to challenge the right to one’s own life. I stopped apologizing for my desires and plans, making excuses and feeling guilty for wanting to be happy, calm and in charge of my own time.

From a vest to a spacesuit.

First of all, I decided to solemnly turn off the tap from which complaints, lamentations, dreary monologues and hateful tirades flowed into my life. I love my relatives, adore my girlfriends, value my colleagues and respect my elderly neighbors. But this does not mean that their many-hour confessions in the style of “how scary it is to live,” “everyone is in shit, and I’m in a white tuxedo,” or “imagine, this bastard never called me back” should be part of my life. I removed the “energy donor” sign from my door. Reception 24 hours a day." And it became an act of civil disobedience. How! Aren't you interested in the details of someone's family life, illness, blues or Manilov's plans? Don't you want to listen to your friend's record playing about her (once again) broken heart? Witch! Burn her! When I gently but decisively interrupted attempts at decadent outpourings with the words: “It seems to me that this topic is unpleasant for neither you nor me. Better tell us about it. “My heart sank in horror. I thought that now insults and accusations of spiritual callousness would begin to pour in. But, surprisingly, my willingness to listen about good things was a signal to remember this good thing and start talking about it. And most importantly, it freed me from the habit of complaining and whining. After all, having refused to listen to gloomy stories, I myself no longer wanted to write and tell such stories.

Yes, I'm telling you no.

Then came the hardest part. Start using the unethical, profane word “no.” Usually I agreed to any more or less tearful request. Shyness, reinforced by the fear of offending, turned me around as it pleased. It was embarrassing to destroy the image that I created in the eyes of others. So she fought in the snares that she herself had set. But as soon as the first serious “no” left my tongue, I was unstoppable. My friends were shocked as if I had swallowed a live rabbit before their eyes.

I dreamed of living according to the principle of “Drama Club, Photo Club, and for me also Sing Hunt,” but in reality, I spent all my free time working on a voluntary, weak-willed basis. She filled in for deputies, replaced shift workers, took someone’s relatives from Ukhta shopping, sat with the children of her idle friends while they were marinating in spa salons, walked ficus trees and watered dogs. From an errand boy you can easily rise to a galley slave. But I said no to this tempting career.

Over time, I learned to separate the wheat from the chaff, and often the spit. Understand where a request for help is real, and where it is ordinary manipulation and everyday parasitism. A fair “no” became for me a steel frame that did not allow me to sag, mumble and forget about myself.

Everybody's Free!

The statement “Nobody Owes Anyone Anything” sounds good, but in practice it is hardly feasible. Giving up the role of an eternal debtor, obliged to give in and please, was not as difficult as stopping herself from demanding and encroaching on the free will of other people. Almost like Pelevin, I was ready to carry a safety pin with me and stab myself every time I began to command someone’s life, thinking that I knew better.

My relationship was also in debt. They wasted away from mutual “I am everything to you, and you are nothing to me.” After all, expectations and demands can bleed both love and friendship. I solved this inequality as in mathematics. Accepted the conditions as necessary and sufficient. I stopped begging for handouts for my ego and freaking out that my lover wasn’t playing according to my script. One day I entered the battlefield of our egos as a truce. We sat in the kitchen all night, drank three liters of coffee, talked honestly about everything and in the morning signed a pact recognizing each other’s right to be ourselves. We simply escaped from the dusty stage of the eternal drama. To freedom, to the pampas.

Now, as soon as resentment sets in that someone didn’t care, didn’t pay attention, didn’t fulfill a request, although it seems like they should, I whisper, like a mantra: “everyone is free!” Connections, not chains.

The desire for recognition and the fear of rejection are insidious things. All my life I have accumulated acquaintances, as if, in fear of the cold, I threw one cotton blanket after another over myself. And at some point I felt that I could barely breathe. They suffocated me, did not allow me to move, lulled me to sleep, put me to sleep. And how can you get rid of them, because they are so warm and cute. But a reasonable egoist is not afraid to be socially naked, does not hide from life behind the backs of numerous semi-friends and nannies - relatives. And to the question “how many VKontakte friends do you have? “He calmly answers: “two.” Become your own best friend, be interesting, necessary, inspiring. After all, in essence, we are all alone. But the worst thing is when you don’t even have yourself.

Space for personal things.

To be honest, starting my “EgoEgoist”, like a Geiger counter, indicated a zone infected with misunderstanding. I moved further and further away from her, and my usual life seemed uninhabited and spacious. But nature does not tolerate emptiness. Very soon my microcosm was filled with things and people to whom I joyfully began to give away the self I had won with such difficulty.

The time saved from mediocre responsibilities and vampiric relationships is not at all a pity for those who really need it. And this is not a pose, and not charity. This is also selfishness. After all, I do this first of all for myself and my soul. I suspect that a reasonable egoist turns over time into a reasonable humanist. I myself am only at the beginning of this evolution, but the tail has already fallen off. Veronica Isaeva.

Forgiving yourself

Parents are able to love their children and forgive them, despite the mess that they constantly make in the apartment (and often in life). Children love their mother and father, even if they do not pay them enough attention, constantly read morals or point out their shortcomings. We are able to forgive a sister who is always late or a friend who promised something but never kept his promise. Accordingly, if we are able to forgive each other, it means that a person is fully capable of loving and forgiving himself.

Even if serious mistakes have been made along the path of life, there is no need to dwell on them. “What does it mean to live for yourself?” - those who want to change their attitude towards themselves ask themselves. First of all, this phrase describes a way of being in which a person consciously refuses self-flagellation. After all, self-accusation never leads to anything good, no matter how justified it may seem. When a member of society constantly reproaches himself for his own misdeeds, he automatically becomes “convenient” for anyone from his environment, but not for himself.

How to become selfish and live for yourself. Part 1 The right attitude

Reconsider your views on the world. Today, selfishness is a negative concept. We all seek the common good and take the interests of others to heart. Keep your head up: selfishness and concern for people around you is not always justified. You can show your best qualities and make the world a happy place.

Selfishness does not involve using other people. This does not mean that you should consider people as your servants. Selfishness is, first of all, an interest in one’s own goals. Selfishness has nothing to do with the world around us. A selfish person cannot hurt the feelings of others. He takes care of himself, and for this he does not need to hurt the feelings of others.
Apart from your parents, no one is truly attached to you (even your parents sometimes conflict with you, their intentions still remain noble). This means that you are really on your own, so your priority is to put yourself first! This is not selfishness, this is simple logic.

Decide who you really are. Before you begin to act in your own interests, you need to understand your essence. There is no point in becoming selfish if you do not protect your interests from the whole world. There is no point in doing selfish things to be an outcast in your own home. If you want to become selfish, do it wisely!

What makes you happy? What gets on your nerves? Do your ideas about yourself match your ideal “I”? Do you enjoy satisfying people's needs? Creep under their feet? Command? Your role in a particular situation determines your behavior. But if you're reading this article, you're probably being overly supportive.

Decide what is most important to you. You must act like an egoist in relation to specific things! Everything else depends on your mood. One day you may feel that you are ready to sacrifice yourself. But if, let's say, you're struggling to save money for a new computer, and your friend suggests that you lie down on the couch and binge eat, you need to determine the limit. Set your priorities!

Life is a series of compromises. You cannot act selfishly towards all people, but you need to be selfish to protect your interests. If you don't want to sacrifice your health, money, time or property, think about whether these people are really important to you. Are you fed up with this? If so, take a firm stand. If not, rethink the current situation.

Identify the obstacles in your path. When you try to rationalize your selfishness, you will have to figure out what is stopping you from being who you dream of being. Of course, sometimes it’s worth eating leftovers from the holiday table (but no more than once), but we’re talking about serious things. What's stopping you from being happy? What do you need to get rid of, even at the cost of the interests of others?

If a person or object is far from you, throw it out of your life. Your boyfriend wants to move to New York, but you're happy in California? Does your mom want to stay at home and become a kindergarten teacher? Does your friend think you should get the same hairstyles? Only you know what can make you happy and what you will regret for the rest of your life. Live your life, not what others want from you.

There is no need to feel guilty. Numerous studies have shown that it is selfishness that gives us feelings of happiness, but only until we begin to feel guilty for our actions. But we should devote most of our time to ourselves. If we are only selfish about what really matters to us and try to improve ourselves, there is no point in feeling guilty. The question is closed.

Make sure you are moving in the right direction. If you don't compromise, you will soon lose all your friends. Nobody wants to be around a girl who dictates the terms of the party, complains that the cake wasn’t tasty, but she won’t give anyone a piece because it’s her cake. It's not just selfish, it's very unpleasant.

Don't compare yourself to others

If you constantly compare yourself to others, you will feel inferior. A person finds himself in an endless wheel of suffering and the pursuit of someone and his success. Each of us can only be ourselves and live our own lives.

The only person you should compare yourself to is yourself. At the same time, it is important to compare not only the results achieved, but also the new knowledge and awareness gained. Ask yourself these questions daily:

In what ways have I become wiser than yesterday, what have I learned new?
What lessons did today bring me?

Such a comparison motivates, helps to understand what you need to work on and where to strive.

How to become selfish and live. Definition of selfishness

Egoism is a focus on protecting exclusively one’s own interests and satisfying individual needs, contrary to the interests of other people.

Egoists are completely focused on satisfying their desires and it doesn’t matter to them what social effect follows.

Such behavior does not make a person happy. The constant desire to get what he wants makes him tense and nervous.

Possible obstacles on the way to the goal cause irritation and anger. A person does not know how to enjoy life, because he is forced to constantly be cunning, think through his steps, and manipulate others.

According to psychologists, all egoists are deeply unhappy people who mask the basic need for love and care with negative behavior.

They do not have sufficient knowledge about their own personality to understand internal contradictions and learn to live without the constant pursuit of satisfying their whims.

Two forms of egoism should be distinguished:

Irrational. This is a negative character trait that a person himself cannot control. As a result, she poisons the life of both himself and the people around him.
Rational.
Otherwise it is called “reasonable”, “healthy” egoism. Unlike the first form, this type of behavior does not have a negative impact on the individual. A person is aware of the priority of his own interests, but does not oppose them to the interests of other people and society as a whole. Such a life attitude is the norm, since it allows you to defend your own rights and at the same time respect other people.

Advice from psychologists

How to become an egoist or an egoist? Some people, due to lack of self-confidence, soft character, and natural kindness, are unable to take care of their interests to the necessary extent. Developing the habit of thinking about yourself is not that difficult.

Psychologists advise both men and women to adhere to the following rules:

Don't go against your nature. There is no need to feel ashamed for wanting to satisfy your interests.
If this does not contradict the moral and ethical values of society, the interests of other people, then there is no crime in achieving the desired goals.
Self-care is not overkill. This is a natural character trait, which in a modern consumer society is becoming a very important condition for survival. A person who does not respect himself, who easily gives up his life goals, is an easy prey for manipulators.
Do not pursue false goals. A person who neglects self-care can easily make mistakes in choosing life goals. Such people often live according to the script that their parents and spouses set for them. Without realizing their own real desires, they constantly do what they don’t want. As a result, you can live your life with an unloved spouse, mind your own business for years, etc.
Raise self-esteem. Reasonable egoism is characteristic only of those individuals who know their worth. Uncertainty may be associated with childhood experiences, problems in your personal life, appearance characteristics, etc. Every person has a certain value. It is important to recognize those individual traits that you can be proud of and develop them. Playing sports, learning new skills, taking care of your appearance, making new friends, finding interesting hobbies - all this increases self-esteem because it allows you to become confident in your capabilities.
Filter environment. Nothing affects a person’s psychological state as negatively as the wrong environment.
If there are people nearby who constantly criticize any step and thus undermine self-confidence, you should get rid of them.
Even parents can be a source of serious complexes and failures in life. Reasonable egoism implies the organization of a harmonious living space in which there will be no place for external stimuli.
Defend your interests. Realizing your true desires, you need to make every effort to fulfill them. Often people do not achieve their goals for fear of creating a conflict situation. As a result, they resign themselves to the existing state of affairs, which may not suit them at all, only out of a desire to maintain the appearance of peace. In this case, the situation should be assessed objectively. For example, defending your point of view at work in front of your superiors is not always rational. Just as it makes no sense to try to change the existing official order or act against the rules of the law.
Make yourself happy. Our life consists of many moments.
Self-love manifests itself not only in achieving global goals, but also in pleasant little things.
Allowing yourself a piece of chocolate during a strict diet, taking an unplanned day off, going to the sea for a couple of days - all these small joys bring pleasure.

Selfish behavior. Selfishness and egocentrism

Many people confuse selfishness and egocentrism. Meanwhile, these two concepts are not at all identical to each other. Selfishness is a conscious desire to satisfy only one’s needs. Such a person becomes an owner and wants to subordinate surrounding events to his daily whims. An egoist really only thinks about himself. He cares little about the fate of the people around him. Such a person is internally convinced that those around him should satisfy his needs in every possible way. Of course, this is not always possible. He is not able to take care of the interests of even blood relatives. People in most cases do not like those who are not ready to give, but only intend to take.

Egocentrism can be attributed to normal human needs. Each personality has its own inner world. Everyone needs to have their own space, but creative people especially need it. They need to have some space for the birth of a new thought, to create an opportunity for effective work and creation. A self-centered person does not forget about others. He simply devotes a large amount of time to self-realization, to bringing what he wants to life. A self-centered person is more focused on achieving desired dreams and goals. For some reason, he is ready to devote a lot of time to his own studies every day.

Zone 2 - your head

What's on your mind? How much time can you spend alone with yourself? What do you constantly think about? Do you have a lot of negative “not” thoughts?

Information

In order to feel self-love, your head must work. You should be interested in yourself. The situation here is absolutely the same as with nutrition. What do you feed your intellectual part?

The simplest things that will fill you are knowledge. Take on a new project at work, learn something you haven't dived into before. Maybe it’s the history of Russia or the culture of the West, learn more about successful personalities like Churchill and Catherine the Great, immerse yourself in politics, economics, art, learn a new foreign language. Feed your head!

Skills

Learn to do something you haven't done before. Learn a new profession. And yes, this applies to the head area. With a new business, your horizons expand, knowledge and skills appear, you meet people, you become part of society and subconsciously you will strive to be more and more involved. This way you upgrade yourself, and you have more reasons to be proud of yourself and respect yourself as a person.

Art

Exhibitions, museums, and theaters could easily be classified as the next zone, but we will leave that here. Things from the world of art, created by other people, can give us new thoughts, they can change our view of ourselves and help us look at the most ordinary things from a different perspective. Look for a reflection of your personality in art. Catch your emotions and states, analyze them. Answers to questions can really be found in art, because this is the experience of other people. Why not take good ideas for yourself? Think positively, removing the “no” part, use strong words - “I can, I must, I will, I want.”

Acting in one's own interests

Since the phrase “start living for yourself” means the ability to satisfy one’s own needs and needs, the ability to act in one’s own interests is an integral part of the formation of healthy selfishness. To transform his life, a person should do those things for which he will be grateful to himself in the future. What he does today must be a significant contribution to tomorrow. Often this point turns out to be closely related to the ability to say “no” - both to people and to things that do not fit into the schedule. For example, a woman who throws all her strength into pleasing her husband and children may seriously regret it in a few years. After all, in all the time that has passed, she has not done anything for herself personally, and now she has to reap the fruits of this development of events.

What could be the consequences of such a strategy for such a woman? She will always be oppressed by a feeling of dissatisfaction with her own activities, because she did absolutely nothing for herself personally: she did not accumulate her own capital, did not advance up the career ladder, but only constantly sacrificed her interests and hobbies. It is rare that in such situations she can hear words of gratitude from those for whom she had to give up herself. Sometimes such women (although there are also men among a similar contingent) ask themselves: “What is it like to live for yourself?” To become a reasonable egoist, you need to do things today that will become an investment in your own tomorrow. These can be small steps: visiting a doctor in a timely manner as a preventative appointment, paying attention to your needs and pursuing your own interests, and ultimately, playing sports. And these can also be quite thorough actions. For example, obtaining a higher education, purchasing your own car or real estate.

The need to learn to say “no”

At first, when refusing others, people usually feel a strong sense of awkwardness. They realize that they are much more comfortable agreeing with others, even if they do not like the request or suggestion. But if you train in the ability to refuse, then you can gradually learn to do it easily and simply. The awkwardness will be replaced by a feeling of confidence and self-righteousness.

This does not mean that a person who wants to live for himself is an egoist in the bad sense of the word and never helps others. If he has such an opportunity and desire, he will lend a helping hand. However, if you have to do this contrary to your own plans and discretion, or sacrificing your own interests, it is unlikely that a person who loves himself will agree to this.

Favourite buisness

How to live for yourself? How to spend your precious time productively? Society at different stages of growing up forces us to follow certain rules of life. From childhood, certain standards are imposed on people: a person must get an education (often something that interests parents), build a career, get married, have children. But the question is, will he be happy? Will such a life bring him joy, will he feel satisfaction from the feelings and emotions he experienced in his old age?

To learn to live for yourself, and not for others, you need to do those things that make life joyful and fulfilling. You need to determine which activities bring joy, which are valuable and useful. If you have a desire to play in the theater in your heart, and everyone around you insists that you need to build a career as a lawyer, you should think about the possibilities of fulfilling your dream and making it come true.

Healthy optimism

How should you live for yourself so that later you don’t feel “excruciatingly painful for the years spent aimlessly”? The person who does not know how to enjoy life and notice simple little things dooms himself to a depressive existence. Even on the most difficult days you need to be able to see the good. Those people who did not know how to rejoice and let pleasant events into their lives seriously regret it at the end of their existence.