No matter what anyone says, friendship between the sexes exists. Simply because we are not cavemen living at the mercy of instincts and the harsh realities of evolution, but first of all people: with feelings, reason and social norms of behavior. If you are lucky enough to have a friend of the opposite sex, then let the friendship happen, and to avoid drama and a hopeless friend zone for one of you, here are some tips for you on how to not let the situation get out of control.
Be careful with your words and actions
If you're in love with someone, then you know what it's like to say and do things completely thoughtlessly, giving in to your feelings. But in a platonic relationship, such actions can be confusing and confusing. As a result, you will be left in the cold or ruin your friendship with the guy with whom you have so much in common.
Is it possible to learn to conduct a dialogue?
What to ask a girl and what topics you can talk to her about
The ability to carry on a conversation is an art that is easy to learn if you practice systematically. While in company, you can improve your ability to conduct dialogue if you try to maintain any conversation with any people. It is important to choose the right time and place for the conversation. To do this, just take a closer look at what a person is doing at the moment when you want to start a conversation. If he is carrying heavy bags, talking on the phone, most likely he will not want to be distracted.
You can develop communication skills by commenting on everything that happens around you. Daily communication with strangers about a variety of everyday trifles also helps: asking a passer-by how to get to the pet store, or asking where the nearest bus stop is. These actions will help you feel at ease.
Another rule of conversation is to have a positive attitude. Smiling people make you feel good, while whiners make you want to end the conversation as soon as possible.
Every time you prepare for a meeting, it is important to think through the issues that you want to discuss. It is recommended to master the technique of active listening, which includes paraphrasing the interlocutor’s words, asking clarifying questions, nodding, leaning towards the interlocutor, and maintaining eye contact. All this will help show interest in the topic.
A developed outlook and awareness of the latest events in the world will help you be an interesting conversationalist. It is better to avoid ambiguous topics, since a clash of opposing opinions can lead to conflict and quarrel.
Something to remember! A good conversationalist will always be able to find something in common between himself and his friend.
A good conversationalist
Decide on the boundaries of what is permitted
Having a guy as a friend is a wonderful experience, but as you know, the spark can light up between you completely unexpectedly. If you do not want to ruin your relationship with a person whose friendship you are counting on, you both need to determine some limit of what is permitted between you.
For some, watching TV shows while hugging is completely natural and unromantic; for others, showing intimacy can lead to falling in love, and then the friend zone cannot be avoided. To prevent romantic attraction from arising, determine immediately what actions will be considered by others as manifestations of feelings other than friendship.
"Tomboy"
Women of this type behave like men and try to imitate masculine manners. For example, they swear loudly, drink vodka, tell dirty jokes and the like. In their opinion, these are the characteristics of a real man. Popularly, such women are also called “baba-clap”. They often demonstrate rudeness in their behavior, wear mostly sportswear, look completely unfeminine and despise everything refined, thus trying to become “their own” in a male company. Dear ladies, this will not help you! By copying a man's tone of communication and style of clothing, you will not become a man and will achieve nothing but bewilderment on their part. Normal men don't like rudeness or vulgarity from women, and in order to become a friend to men, you don't have to turn into an unshaven Antonio Banderas
Nothing like a date
Friendship presupposes special equality. This means that you are not a guy and a girl, which means don’t expect him to pay for you in a cafe, don’t walk around his house in the same T-shirt and don’t organize joint leisure time that would resemble a romantic date, except maybe without sex. This is very important if you want to maintain a platonic relationship with someone who you think is trying to seduce you. Stay friendly and don't agree to offers that sound like invitations to action.
Where to look for new acquaintances
So, we're done with the theoretical part, let's move on to practice. Let's find out where an adult can find friends if his social circle is limited to household members, colleagues and the cashier at the supermarket.
In the Internet
Perhaps, in modern realities, this is the first thing that may come to mind. There is no shame in meeting people online! This has long become the norm. People start communicating on various forums, in comments to public posts, and playing online games.
There are also special sites for friendly dating. For example:
- On TourBar you can find travel companions and meet people from different cities around the world.
- Friendler is a system for geographically searching for friends with similar interests, where you can find a company for sports or creativity, a companion for games, walks, going to the movies, etc.
- On traditional dating sites, such as Badoo, Topface, Mamba, Fotostrana, people are looking for not only a couple for romantic meetings, but also friends.
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In the area of interest
What do you like to do? What new things would you like to do? What attracts you? Sign up for language courses, origami master classes, buy a membership to a fitness club or yoga studio.
In my city there is a tea house where you can not only buy tea and ethnic goods, but also sit and chat. Sometimes people even gather there to watch films. Find out if there are similar intimate institutions in your city.
Volunteering
Among people engaged in a common good cause, it is very difficult to remain without acquaintances. There are various volunteer associations: some help homeless animals, others plant trees and go into the forest to collect garbage, some help orphanages, some help the elderly.
There are projects that invite volunteers from all over the country. For example, this year people are coming to the Valaam Monastery in Karelia to work in agriculture.
There are also more extreme options: participants are invited to build mountain trails in the Northern Urals for future excursions. Here you can not only meet new people and find like-minded people, but also get a lot of unforgettable impressions.
other methods
The search sources listed above are suitable for absolutely everyone. There are others too. For example, the bravest and most desperate can try to meet people on the street, on the subway or other public transport. You can buy one movie ticket and meet someone after the show. Or sit at a table in a cafe and watch people sitting alone.
Many people manage to make acquaintances through their friends and relatives. For example, at someone's anniversary or wedding.
Take a closer look, perhaps among your neighbors whom you encounter every day on the landing or in the elevator, there will be those who would not mind getting to know you better.
If you have children, then most often you make acquaintances by yourself: with parents in kindergarten, at school, on the playground, in the yard, at a section or club, etc.
Don't manipulate
Male attention is extremely important for girls, because the more interesting guys there are around, the more options you have. But if you want to maintain a friendly relationship with someone, don't resort to manipulation based on the fact that you are good and he is a guy who cannot resist your charm. You shouldn’t bolster your self-esteem at the expense of your friend’s feelings, otherwise you might lose him.
The opposite type to a careerist is a “simpleton”, or a naive butterfly
Such women show helplessness, incompetence in life's affairs and decisions, weakness, inexperience - and often greatly overplay their hand in this. They can be described by the following epithets: feminine, tender, soft. They also have a corresponding appearance - a sort of image of an airy, unearthly creature in a white dress, with an open mouth and innocently flapping eyes. They admire men’s skills (which is very flattering to men), agree with them in everything, and any incomprehensible object causes these women to ask: “What is this thing?” At first, men like this behavior, it makes them feel competent, confident in the company of such a woman, capable of solving her problems, protecting the poor thing from the evil world. Men feel tenderness towards the baby, good-natured condescension, for example, helping an inept butterfly with something. But over time, the moth's helplessness begins to bore and irritate them.
Don't treat him like a friend
Platonic relationships may seem interesting because since there is no romance between you, you can allow yourself to be as natural as possible. Such naturalness often leads to the fact that girls begin to treat their friends as if they were friends. Remember that he is a guy, which means you shouldn't discuss anything with him that will make him feel awkward. Respect his interests and find a compromise instead of doing things with him that are normal for girls but completely pointless for guys.
What are the benefits of mixed friendships?
For those who do not understand why mixed friendships arise, we can demonstrate a number of its advantages.
- Such relationships are more comfortable from a psychological point of view. Due to the difference in logic and psychology, many questions are removed if friendship has already been built.
- For those who are lonely, a friend can visually replace the absence of a partner. This allows you to avoid giving others a reason to recognize the lady as a loser.
- The format allows you to better study the habits and psychology of your partner, which improves relationships within the family. If you already have a spouse, his brother’s view of the situation allows you to more successfully resolve conflict or confusing situations.
- There is rarely a reason for envy, because... any differences are easily attributed to gender. Making friends without envy is much easier.
- You can always call upon masculine power to solve complex issues. Repairs, moving, heavy things, car breakdown - a friend is less useful here. This does not mean that a woman should take advantage of a man. But the friendship bonus is nice.
Such relationships also have disadvantages. It must be remembered that by surrounding herself with such friends, the lady deprives other gentlemen of the opportunity to express themselves. If she is not married, there is a risk of being lonely.
Don't count on feelings
This item is useful not only for girls, but also for guys who have friendly relations with the opposite sex. The fact that you communicate so closely does not mean that one of you is in love.
Guys want to win as many girls as possible, and girls like to be attractive to guys, but if you're friends, remember this and don't count on feelings, at least until they actually show up.
The last type is a cheeky, accessible woman
She can be recognized by her inviting, feignedly passionate laughter in the company of men. She is always dressed provocatively, made up, and looks seductive. Her femininity is exaggerated. When talking with men, it is typical for her to gently touch the hand or shoulder of her interlocutor. Of course, men like this type of woman, they like her manners and open sexuality. But it is unlikely that men will take her seriously - they may consider such behavior a signal to action - that is, to adventures in bed. If your goal is sex, then you will get what you want without any problems. If you want friendship with men, then it is better not to practice such behavior. Men may perceive this as a provocation and then wonder - what’s wrong, isn’t this what you wanted? If you sleep with one in a group of men, the rest will no longer look at you as anything other than a sex toy.
How should one behave with men in order to gain their respect, but not turn into a “bug”; to remain a woman, but not cause pity or contempt? Here are some simple tips:
- don't play roles. Men do not tolerate unnatural behavior;
- don't be too emotional. A storm of emotions is acceptable for female communication, but hysterics, an abundance of tears or wild delight are alien to men;
- When talking to men, talk more on the topic, about specific events, than about feelings. Discuss emotions and feelings with your girlfriend; men prefer to talk about specific things. Men in general are straight people, honor and praise to them for that. Therefore, less words - more action;
- when talking about something or answering a question, try to speak briefly and clearly, without exaggerating anything and, again, operating more with facts than with feelings;
- When communicating with men, choose topics for conversation that interest them. For example, about politics, work, sports, science, technology. You see, not all men are able to listen to you for hours about a new handbag or household chores;
- never speak like an expert about things about which you understand nothing. Nothing kills a man's respect for you more than false competence. If you don’t know or don’t understand something, admit it honestly and say: “I don’t know much about this issue. Explain to me";
- don't be afraid to express your opinion, even if it differs from the majority opinion. But only if you are confident in what you are saying. By the way, you can also argue with men - they will appreciate how you defend your point of view. Your friend of the same gender as you may be offended if you disagree with her, but this will not happen in a male society;
- Don't be too touchy. If you are not happy with something, think about it and say it directly. If you sulk and play “keep silent”, they won’t understand you;
- do not criticize a man in front of everyone, his pride will not forgive you for this. Tell him any comments in private;
- if a man did something good or right, in your opinion, do not forget to note it. Men value praise, especially “for business”;
- do not gossip in front of men;
- Don’t whine or feel sorry for yourself in the company of men. Women love to cry and let off steam in this way, but men have a different view on this: problems must be solved by changing circumstances through action, not whining;
- Do not flirt with anyone when in the company of men. This was written above - you will lose their respect. They can perceive you either as an attractive object, or as a friend - there is no third option. Unfortunately, it is impossible to flirt with a man today, and simply be friends tomorrow;
- know how to listen and, most importantly, hear men. They appreciate it! However, the same applies to your female friends.
To summarize, we can say: the key to a true and lasting friendship with men is mutual respect. Be sincere, appreciate the masculinity in them - and they will repay you a hundredfold!
*Lyalyuk Anna (c) third-party materials were used in preparing the article
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The art of mastering body language
Body language is not an exact science, but most people understand it well. Not all feelings can be expressed only verbally, therefore, body language is an important addition to effectively conveying your feelings to another person. Communication is a fundamental pillar in any relationship, so you need to be able to communicate in a correct manner to avoid misunderstandings. In addition, even in friendly communication or communication between strangers, only part of the information is transmitted verbally, that is, through words, and the gestures and postures that we take during the conversation largely determine how the interlocutor perceives us.
Learning to understand body language is not as difficult as it may seem , since there are certain standard body movements and gestures that are interpreted equally by both women and men.
You want to chat with a guy you met on VKontakte
Well, it happens.
It's easier to communicate on the Internet. If usually, when you see a cool guy, you blush, turn pale, drop your glasses and mumble something unintelligible, but now no one sees this. And by the time you meet in person, you will have gotten used to it and will not react so sharply.
If you're not already texting, find out what he's interested in and ask for his advice. And then how it will be. If he doesn’t want to communicate with you, well, bad luck. Maybe he’s only so cute on his page, but he’s just a monster.
And if he answered, give me another topic for conversation. Maybe you will start texting, and the question of how to communicate with this guy will be resolved by itself.
- Check if your photos are good. Maybe some need to be removed?
- Maybe add something interesting? A link to a funny video? Your romantic poems?
- Now that you are texting, you can try to find out something about the guy.
Invite him to answer one or two questions about himself (the question: “How much money do you make?” is not good). - You shouldn't ask the guy to meet you first. Unless you came up with some cunning move. For example, you need a book, but he has it. “Oh, maybe you can give it to me for a couple of weeks? I will return you safe and sound, don’t worry!” - not very great, but still an option.
