For men of any age, social status and life principles, it is important that girls pay attention to them. For some, one single chosen one for life is enough. Most try new and new options for relationships with different girls. There are also those who are generally unlucky in love affairs.
It seems like the guy is good, interesting, the job is stable and promising, but girls shy away as if from a leper. Sometimes you go on dates with ladies from Tinder. The maximum that can be achieved is a walk in the park and an hour of pleasant conversation in a coffee shop. And you want more: love, attention, passion, sex, in the end. The fish constantly jumps off the hook without explanation.
To save your time on soul-searching, psychoanalysis and drawing up diagrams of failures, today we’ll talk frankly about the reasons for the fiasco on the love front.
Perseverance
Everywhere they write and talk about the fact that girls strive to have close relationships with persistent and strong guys. On the one hand, this is true. Even in the wild, a female is more likely to choose a physically developed and authoritative partner with ambitions to become the leader of the pack than the deadest and thinnest wolf.
Some men take women's wishes too literally. Alpha males are different. If you just put on the mask of a brutal man, don’t expect the girl to fall for it. Everything is fine with their intuition. He'll bite through it like a walnut and run off to his next date with an honest man.
We are talking about artificially accelerating the development of events. If just the other day you started your first conversation on a dating app, today you met in a cafe, and you are already inviting her to come visit, then this is scary. If she is not looking for quick sex without obligations, then the path to the beauty’s heart will be closed to you.
How to talk to a girl: 7 tips to give you confidence
We discussed what not to do, and now we move on to the most important thing: how to behave when you and her are separated by only a few meters. First of all, we advise you to take a deep breath and exhale so as not to get nervous.
Calm as a boa constrictor? Great, let's move on to secret strategies on how to start a conversation with a stranger.
Be natural
Films, advertising and everyone who is not too lazy stubbornly impose on us a caricatured portrait of a guy who simply must be liked by everyone without exception.
However, firstly, each person has his own tastes, and secondly, are you ready to pretend to be someone else with a girl for the rest of your life, if suddenly everything turns out great with the image you created?
Surely you, like most people, want to find a loved one in your beloved who accepts and supports you, so it is stupid to start getting to know a potential partner with a “masquerade”.
Don't try to seem cooler than you are, don't make faces and don't lie. Firstly, if you are not a professional actor, it will look very unconvincing, and secondly, your acquaintance will begin with a lie - do you need it?
Smile (but not like the people in the commercials)
How many times have they told the world: with a smile on our face (preferably a natural one), we suddenly gain at least +10 to our attractiveness. I will not cite the results of research by smart scientists - this is a fact that has long been known to everyone.
- Lifestyle Stop walking around with a stern face: 7 ways to find a reason to smile every day An excellent prevention against a bad mood.
Therefore, you don’t need to approach a girl as if you are going to check her documents - instead, greet her with a smile.
By the way, this advice also works if you are interested in how to start a conversation with any other stranger: smile + politeness = the secret of successful communication.
But I repeat once again: try to do it naturally, so that you don’t feel like today you are being cast for the role of the Joker.
Based on your surroundings
Instead of shooting straight at a girl with the phrase “Let’s get to know each other,” you can try to act more subtly. First try to “test the waters” and start a neutral dialogue with the stranger you like, based on where you are.
With the possible exception of the cemetery and the intensive care unit, you can always choose a neutral question that suits the situation. Ideally, something conversational or funny.
So, in the article about ideal flirting, we wrote about a guy who complimented a girl’s shoes when they were bowling. This trick will help you avoid a direct refusal to a direct question, which can be painful.
While the girl responds, based on exactly how she does it, it will be possible to draw conclusions as to whether she is interested in continuing the dialogue, as well as your communication in the future.
Try to make her smile
I cannot speak for all women in the world and I admit that somewhere there are girls who hate jokes with all their souls or have contraindications to smiles... But still, most of us like those who can make us smile.
It’s very difficult to do this with the help of other people’s memorized jokes, but if at the right moment something really funny and not vulgar (or disgusting) comes to mind, be sure to try your luck!
Don't be afraid to be creative (but in moderation)
Perhaps not everyone likes this, but I will take the liberty and speak for some women - we still want men to surprise us. And it is desirable in such a way that we do not experience horror or the desire to fall through the ground from shame for what is happening.
A cute note on a napkin or a winking smiley face on a foggy bus window, a funny pantomime... Instead of listing the scenarios flying through my head, I suggest you turn your imagination into “romantic light” mode and come up with what you want and are ready to do .
Just please, no vandalism (and other violations of the law), risk to anyone's life and outright trash. Moderation and common sense never hurt anyone.
Make sure you look your best
So, you've come up with the perfect first line, you exude confidence, and the girl is throwing interested glances in your direction.
And so you come up, and... she feels the garlic amber, sees an unzipped fly or hair in your nose, from which you can braid. A curtain. No happy ending.
Therefore, before you boldly move towards her, do a quick audit of your appearance and check your breath. By the way, we have special material on how to do this correctly.
- Travel bag How to check your bad breath: 5 effective techniques Very useful tricks.
The weight of the past2
As a teenager, it’s difficult to ask a girl to go with you on a romantic walk along the embankment. But there are also advantages. Young ladies do not have behind them difficult emotional experiences associated with past unsuccessful relationships.
If you spent a couple of wonderful evenings together, and she began to sharply suppress your attempts to arrange a new date, then her ex may be to blame. Girls are extremely emotional creatures. They constantly doubt if they have been offended or humiliated by men before. Perhaps you need to give her some time. Show the seriousness of your intentions. Surround her with care and attention. Then it will be much easier to establish contact.
Why are relationships needed?
The desire to find your soul mate is primarily driven by the desire to procreate. I want to start a family, give birth and raise children.
Besides this, there are other reasons:
- It’s easier to live together and experience life’s difficulties;
- It’s more joyful to experience pleasant moments together;
- In difficult times you can rely on someone;
- There is someone to care about and someone to turn to for advice;
- To have someone to meet old age with.
The reasons are different for everyone, but, in any case, it is much more difficult to live alone than with a loved one.
Not love3
Guys to whom girls subtly hint at a lack of sympathy begin to worry seriously. Thoughts immediately arise in my head about the reasons for this development of events.
Remember, the point may not be that you are bad as a man. In life, non-reciprocal love or sympathy often happens. It's quite normal. It happens that we don’t like a person visually; we have different tastes and desires in life. It just happened that way. Stop making up ridiculous excuses for yourself and her. You can find a wonderful girlfriend. Leave the relationship at the friends stage.
The main reasons for love failures
It happens that a young man is unable to bring his relationship with girls even to a second date; the guy makes the same mistake again and again, losing his beloved; an adult man is deceived by a dishonest girl. You can transfer responsibility to an unfortunate accident, or you can take it upon yourself, find, admit and analyze mistakes.
The most common reasons for the inability to build a relationship with a girl:
Guys often fail to find a common language with girls, express their thoughts correctly and be able to come to an agreement.
You need to want and strive to understand your loved one, seek compromises, give in, forgive, put the interests of your other half above your own, be kind, sympathetic, and merciful.
It can be difficult to be able to suppress selfishness, selfishness and pride in the name of love. The only question you can ask yourself in time will help you save your relationship: “What is more important: maintaining the relationship or succumbing to selfishness?”
Unhappy love in the past can be a serious psychological trauma that negatively affects a person’s present. Unfortunately, nowhere are they taught how to properly end unsuccessful relationships or how to part with difficult memories.
Many people, disappointed in love, do not believe in the possibility of happiness. Meanwhile, any experience is positive, it makes a person wiser, more careful, and teaches him to value relationships.
You need to let go of the past, live in the present, create a happy future.
Negative childhood experiences.
The boy could be instilled with negative perceptions and attitudes towards women, filling his mind with prejudices, prejudices, negative stereotypes and myths.
Not every man can cope with negative experiences of the past on his own. You should not be embarrassed to ask for help from loved ones and turn to psychologists.
The ideal image of a woman.
Boys dream of an ideal girl. Having looked at the beauty of the body of female models edited by computer programs, the guy is looking for a similar girl in real life.
The artificially created beauty of a woman does not guarantee a man happiness in a relationship with her. A young man should know which woman is right for him, with whom he will feel comfortable and pleasant.
More harmonious relationships develop among people who are similar in character, social status, level of education, intelligence and mentality.
The ideal image of a woman for men is the image of a mother. It is generally accepted that a man is always looking for a woman who is like his mother. A man needs to understand that the woman he loves cannot replace his mother, and does not have to be her copy.
Incompatibility is often cited as a reason for divorce. People cannot get along together, they do not know how and do not want to learn to exist peacefully, they do not find compromises.
The reciprocity and cooperation of partners in the work of building relationships cannot be overestimated. No matter how hard one person tries to “stretch out” the relationship, he will not be able to do this without a similar desire from his partner.
Unhappy relationships become burdensome, inhibiting personal development. There are times when ending a relationship is the right choice to ensure future happiness in love.
Relationships that are built on deception, lies, and pretense cannot be happy and long-lasting. Men who are inclined to deceive their girls even over trifles, lie without a twinge of conscience, cheat and betray common interests, doom the relationship to break.
Lies and betrayals destroy love.
Guys like to pursue girls; reciprocity can be caused by active courtship and manifestations of love. But you can’t command your heart, and unrequited love, unfortunately, happens.
If you can’t build a relationship with a girl due to lack of reciprocity, you need to try to direct the energy of unrequited love towards self-improvement. In this case, unrequited love will be successfully experienced, or personality changes will contribute to the emergence of reciprocity of feelings.
If you need them, you should continue to fight for them, look for reasons and ways to improve your personal life. If not, don’t torture yourself and the girl, allow yourself to continue your search for happiness.
Source
Too much emotion4
If you liked the young lady, do not rush to openly demonstrate it. Women who immediately feel excessive interest in themselves often begin to inflate themselves.
A man is a hunter, and a woman is not an easy prey. She will definitely try to show the hyper-emotional guy that not everything is so simple in this life. Increasing a girl’s self-esteem is a positive goal. However, not everyone is able to appreciate a carefully thought-out surprise or a date in a spectacular restaurant.
This is especially deplorable if she basically doesn’t like you as a man. A girl can simply scam a generous boyfriend for gifts and interesting leisure time. If she doesn't give you anything in return, go in search of a more honest and pleasant person.
What does it mean to “get a girl”
Before we get straight to the recommendations, let's understand the actual goal. By the expression “getting a girl,” guys can mean completely different things. For some, this means gaining access to the body, that is, seducing a lady for sex. For others, it is to obtain the girl’s consent to marriage.
Let's agree that we will stick to the “golden mean”. To get a girl means to get her sincere desire to enter into a relationship with you. Further we will proceed from this setting.
Obsessiveness5
You're not the only one who needs free time and personal space. If a girl has been alone for a long time, she is used to devoting a lot of time to herself and her own hobbies.
This is also the case when it is aimed at partnership rather than patriarchal relationships in a couple. Going too far and demanding excessive attention to yourself is a fatal mistake. You can have a great time together, but be sure to respect her personal boundaries.
Today women are fiercely defending their rights. This also applies to the area of personal principles and activities. If you need someone who will spend twenty-four hours a day with you, get a pet. You can impose your own rules on the cat. The girl is an independent unit.
