No one knows exactly what bad luck is, but there are people for whom everything goes wrong. And they have always been there, as long as people can remember. Laughing at losers began in ancient satirical literature, and to this day unlucky people are favorite heroes of comedies. But if you are constantly unlucky in life, it is not funny at all, because regular bad luck has consequences:
- Unsettled life.
- Dissatisfaction.
- Loser complex.
- Prejudicial attitude of others.
- Low self-esteem.
Not everyone will be able to endure all this; one cannot do without presence of mind, the ability to self-irony, and willpower. There is not a single unlucky person who would not want to break the vicious circle and regain at least rare success in business.
The phenomenon of bad luck has been studied from all sides in order to understand what is so special about people who do not succeed. Conclusions have been drawn.
- No organic features. Neither physiology, nor genetics, nor biochemistry makes a person less fortunate. There is no organ, gene or hormone that can influence luck; in this regard, all people are on equal terms.
- No esotericism. There is absolutely no connection between luck and the numbers of your date of birth, zodiac sign, or religious affiliation. Capricorns don't get into stupid situations more often than Scorpios, and even if you were born on Monday, this will not threaten you in any way.
- Psychology. The fun starts here. Psychological tests show that unlucky people have the same set of characteristics, and more specifically, similar types of thinking and behavior.
There are people who are chronically unlucky in life because this is how their circumstances develop. This is a very rare phenomenon, but according to the law of large numbers, there is nothing unusual about it. You should not cite it as an example as a refutation of what is said below; consider this an exception to the rule.
How does “bad karma” work from a psychological point of view? It's simple: a thought repeated 5, 10, 100 times turns into a program. The program determines the outcome of some situations not in your favor. The negative outcome of some situations is transformed into experience, and your subconscious mind remembers that here, here and here you are unlucky. If there is a significant counterbalance in the form of positive experience, then nothing happens; you estimate your chances according to the average - approximately 50 to 50. If there is more positive experience, you say “I’m lucky” or “I’m good,” depending on the formulation of the question. If there are significantly more negative experiences, you conclude that you are a failure and begin to live with this thought.
The attentive reader should have noticed that in our “scheme” a thought turns out to be a consequence of exactly the same thought. Where did it come from if there was no preponderance of negative experience before it? We answer: there might not have been an advantage, but there was still a negative experience, everyone has it. This experience can be perceived as part of life, or it can be dramatized and turned into a tragedy, thereby giving it far-fetched significance. Parents often do this: “all children are like children, you’re the only one who is not of this world”, “how can you be such a slob/confused/blunderer”, “and who have you degenerated into”, etc.
For parents, these are just words, but the child constantly receives information from parental conversations, primarily information about himself. For a long time she replaces his own opinion that has not yet been formed. Here lies the cause of all evil: a person was instilled with the idea of inferiority from childhood, the thought was transformed into a negative experience, the negative experience served as evidence for low self-esteem and disbelief in the possibility of success.
Stop reasoning
Positive experience is the only thing that can remove the “loser program”. You can explain to a person who has not tried sugar a thousand times how sweet it is, but he still won’t understand. And if you give it a try just once, the understanding will remain for life. It’s the same here: tell a person at least every day that he is no worse than others, he will simply ignore your words. But let him see this in practice, and he will immediately perk up.
When an unlucky person starts talking about his chances of success in a new business, he is doing himself a disservice. Judge for yourself, what is he capable of reasoning and calculating? He feels like a failure; he has been told this since childhood. He has a bunch of failed endeavors behind him. He knows well what shame and reproach are, and he knows that soon he will have to taste them again. To reason in this case means to dwell on your misfortune once again, to submit in absentia to fate and enter the phase of expecting failure.
If you want to get rid of bad luck, learn to act with “pure” thoughts. This means solving problems as they arise, don’t burden yourself with the expectation of failure, don’t feel sorry for yourself, and don’t look around for judgmental or mocking glances. All this takes more energy from you than the action itself.
Who to blame for your troubles
Quarrels with your spouse? Of course it's his/her fault! What doubts can there be here?!
Inconsistencies at work are a tyrant boss.
Health problem - rook doctors, pharmacy in the distant kingdom-state.
Excess weight - I’m stressed, it’s all the pastry shops near my house to blame, my unfair fate, my parents with their damn genes!
Exhale, inhale... Let's slow down.
We are responsible for what happens in our lives TODAY. Every second we independently create our reality bit by bit. Realize that the present is the result of our thoughts, decisions made and daily actions YESTERDAY.
There is another extreme. “I’m weak-willed, I can’t start anything, I never finish my tasks, I try little.” Blaming yourself is also pointless and even harmful! Thoughts, you know, are a material thing!
Engage in every action to the limit of your capabilities
We live in a competitive world. To avoid failure, you need to be faster, stronger, smarter and more savvy than your competitors. Unlucky people tend to have a defeatist attitude: “Well, I’ll try, but I won’t try too hard, it won’t work anyway.” Imagine a boxer who enters the ring with the thought “why am I going to jump and strain, he’ll still knock me out in the fourth round.” Can sport exist with such an athlete’s approach? No. Testing involves effort and struggle. If you are sure that you will lose, either lose your faith first, or find something not so clear-cut for yourself.
Happiness is normal
Some people cannot say goodbye to bad luck simply because they are sure that being happy is unusual, restless and even somehow naive.
These people are dominated by the conviction that adult life is necessarily full of problems and disappointments, and those who for some reason look at it with optimism are superficial and immature people. But if a person realizes his luck and feels gratitude for it, then by this he already significantly increases his chances of luck.
Sociologists from the University of California studied the phenomenon of gratitude and found that because of this feeling, various physiological, psychological and social changes occur in people's lives.
The scientists divided the subjects into three focus groups. Members of the first group kept diaries in which they recorded events and moments in their lives that made them feel grateful. Members of the second group noted what irritated them. And the participants in the third simply kept a diary of events, without judgment and impartiality.
Ten weeks later, the researchers reported dramatic changes in the well-being and mood of the participants in the first group. Subjects reported improved sleep, decreased pain and nervousness, increased levels of sociability and compassion, and decreased feelings of loneliness and aggression. What’s most interesting is that nothing similar was observed in the remaining two groups.
Change your approach
You can hear the phrase “I have no luck with girls” from many modern guys. We ask in response:
- And what are you doing? Do you meet people on the street, in clubs, in theaters? - No. —Are you inviting anyone on a date? - No. - Well, do you at least correspond with anyone on the Internet? - Also no. - So how can you be lucky when you do nothing?
This is, of course, an extreme example. Most people, even those who have been unlucky in everything for a long time, still make some effort, but often it comes down to endless repetition of one chosen pattern. This is called “an attempt for show”; it is used by those who subconsciously want to blame the responsibility for their problems on “bad luck”. That is, there was a formal attempt, maybe not just one, but 10, this gives the right to say “I tried, but I wasn’t lucky.” In fact, using the same obviously unworkable scheme is not an attempt, but an excuse.
Change approaches, look for different ways to achieve your goal. The more attempts and paths, the higher the likelihood that everything will work out.
Reasons for failure
Those people who want to return their luck are those who feel powerless in the face of current problems and think that they cannot change their life for the better on their own.
When an individual turns to a psychologist (or psychology) with the problem of “loser in life,” it is not always possible to immediately identify the cause of total bad luck; sometimes it is a whole complex of psychological difficulties.
Chronic bad luck can be caused by any problematic personality trait or behavior. For example, such “harmless” personality traits as timidity and shyness can lead to a person being unlucky in his personal life; low self-esteem and fears lead to failures at work; Laziness and lack of motivation prevent you from studying well, and so on.
Some answers to the question “Why am I a loser?”:
- Lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, inferiority complex
All these and other similar problems with self-perception and self-concept lead to the fact that a person initially has an attitude towards failure or avoiding failure (which is equally wrong), instead of an attitude towards achieving success.
To achieve success, you need to be focused on it. Confident people see opportunities, not limitations; they perceive personality shortcomings as an area of work on themselves, and not a reason to diagnose “I’m a loser.”
- Passive life position, shifting responsibility, laziness, weakness of will
It is not for nothing that in Christianity despondency and idleness are considered mortal sins. Lying on the couch exclaiming: “Why am I a loser?”, complaining about life is easier than taking responsibility for yourself, leaving your comfort zone, starting to think and act actively.
Developing willpower, taking deliberate risks and taking initiative is difficult, but without this there is no personal development and no opportunity to catch luck.
- Lack of purpose and sufficient motivation
When a person does not know what to do and what to strive for, life is seen as a series of white and black stripes. When everything goes well, the passive subject calmly “goes with the flow” and calls it luck; when the situation changes not for the better, the question arises: “How to return luck?” and a frantic search for a miraculous ritual of her return.
When there is determination and sufficient motivation, the jackal “lucky or unlucky” loses its significance, a desire for a goal and “steps” on the path to achieving it appear.
- Unresolved problems, prejudices, thinking errors, fears
Everything that prevents you from living and being happy is usually the product of past mistakes. When a person is young, he is bold and fearless, proactive and creative. Pervasive stereotypes, difficult memories, unforgiven grievances, erroneous conclusions and generalizations lead to the fact that later a person simply does not give himself the opportunity to regain luck again.
Stereotyped thoughts, rigidity, cowardice, anxiety, suspiciousness, excessive adherence to principles, shyness, modesty are the basis for chronic bad luck. What to do? Let go of negative thoughts, feelings, memories that interfere with life, think broadly, creatively, and be the creator of your own destiny.
Many people are unlucky in their personal lives precisely because they limit themselves to the boundaries of thinking and behavior. For example, a girl had a single negative experience in a relationship with a man, after which she made a mistake known as overgeneralization and began to have a negative attitude towards all males, thereby depriving herself of the chance to become happy again.
- Lack of necessary knowledge and life experience
It is impossible to know and predict everything in advance at once, but you need to strive to learn as much new and useful as possible. You should not treat mistakes as failures, especially at a young age. When you make mistakes, you need to draw conclusions, sum up, learn from your mistakes so as not to repeat them.
By developing, learning, acquiring new skills, abilities, experience, it is easier to make the right choice in life, to catch luck by the tail. Self-doubt, fears and other problems that lead to bad luck often arise due to a lack of necessary knowledge and experience.
In this case, it is not difficult to return luck - find out everything you need to act correctly. In particular, psychological knowledge is one of those that is necessary for every person who wants to be successful.
So, first of all, in order to return luck, you need to realize that the cause of bad luck is within the individual, and not in the outside world.
Strengthen your self-esteem
Self-esteem is not the same as self-esteem. Opinion is subjective, assessment is based on experience, we have already discussed this above. This is the main regulating factor on the basis of which you decide whether an undertaking is worth taking on or whether it is not for you. It happens that the task is truly overwhelming, and if you overestimate yourself, you will let your comrades down. In this case, the inner voice will dissuade you correctly, and you better listen to it.
But when self-esteem is low, this voice sounds all the time, no matter what you do. This voice does not even allow some people to go outside, because unpleasant events may await them there. You should pay attention to such hyper-anxiety in your thoughts and see a psychotherapist.
Are you really unlucky?
What do you think needs to happen in your life so that you can confidently say about yourself: “I’m lucky”? Million dollar lottery win? A foreign millionaire uncle ready to make you his heir? An offer from a cool producer to make you a global star, received right on the street? Sharp career growth, when a petty clerk is immediately placed in the chair of the general director?
You understand that this kind of thing happens extremely rarely in people’s lives, most likely never. So why make a tragedy out of nowhere and make up sad stories about how unlucky you are?
But for some reason we are accustomed to dreaming the impossible, noticing every minor failure, but at the same time ignoring really good chances to improve our lives.
Sergei was one of those people who happily complained to anyone who would listen about their failures. He could talk for hours about how he was once unlucky to win a photography competition because Windows crashed and truly amazing shots were lost, about the satrap boss, about the fact that the art of photography is dying, about the fact that in a small town it is difficult for talented people to realize their potential to people.
At the same time, for some reason Sergei never remembered that:
- over a 25-year career as a photographer, he took part in only three competitions, while the rest of the time he found reasons not to do so;
- he had a chance to move to Kyiv - a friend living in the capital called to him, promising to help at first;
- he received lucrative professional offers at least three times, but each time he became a coward and found a reason for refusal, etc.
But at the same time, of course, he is catastrophically unlucky and who knows what to do with it, while people who have achieved much more are simply lucky in life.
There are just a dime a dozen of these “seryozhas” around. They are accustomed to attributing all their problems and lost hopes to this abstract “bad luck.” Make a sad face, whine and complain.
How to find a purpose in life and not waste time on nonsense: 7 tips
It's easier that way! There is no need to take responsibility. There is no need to stress, because you won’t be lucky anyway. But you can constantly remain in your favorite role of a victim of circumstances and pester everyone around with your complaints.
Don't be like Seryozha! Think carefully:
- Are you really that unlucky in life?
- Is it really that often that something happens that can be attributed to an unfortunate coincidence of circumstances, and not to your mistake, your indecision?
- Has fortune really ever smiled on you?
- Is it even worth focusing on such minor failures as a flat tire, torn tights, a tram running away from under your nose, etc.?
Although there are only a few lucky people who are lucky always and everywhere, there are also not so many classic losers, like Pierre Richard’s hero in the film “The Unlucky.”
Human life is a striped thing: black gives way to white, successes to failures, joys to troubles. And attributing everything bad to the fact that you are unlucky is stupid and irresponsible!
Keep a diary
A diary is needed to record successes.
Every time you succeed or are lucky, write a line in your diary. In just a month you will have collected a whole evidence base that you are not a loser. As soon as doubts begin to overcome, it will be enough to flip through the diary for them to evaporate. You can only record victories, you can count defeats too, it doesn’t really matter. In the worst case, the score will be equal, and with due diligence it will inevitably change in your favor. Sign up for a trial lesson
Where to start improving your life? Methods that work!
So, how will we fix everything:
- We get rid of what is not beautiful or necessary. Garbage, unloved things and unnecessary trash. You need to clear your space, it helps to restore order in your head as well.
- After spring cleaning, we surround ourselves with beauty. We make a list, everyone will have their own. Clothes that make you feel your best. And at home too! Decorative elements, even the smallest ones, that make your heart feel warm and good. Photos of loved ones. Delicious and desirable food on chic tableware. At home, at work, on the street. Every day!
- Create your own colorful world full of pleasures!
- Visualize your desires. Imagine what you want in the smallest detail, and everything will definitely come true.
Don’t put it in reserve, don’t put it on the mezzanine. Use everything that can bring smiles and pleasure TODAY. After all, today is no less unique than a birthday or December 31st.
