How to get a man to act first in a relationship

Let's immediately state that this question will be relevant only when a man has sympathy for you. When sympathy is one-sided, the relevant questions for you will sound different: “How to draw a man’s attention to yourself,” or “How to arouse a man’s frantic interest.”

In this article:

Reasons why a man is inactive How to push a man to take active action When direct dialogue is appropriate How to build a dialogue correctly In what cases are hints with pronouncing key aspects appropriate When you need to become a friend General recommendations

Reasons why a man is inactive

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
When analyzing the stated question, you should start with the fundamental one, namely:

What exactly is the inhibitory factor for a man?

He likes you, but at the same time, for some reason, he is not ready to take the initiative and take active action. Once you understand what is slowing you down, consider that you have already received a partial answer to the main question. Below we present probable inhibitory factors.

the man had a painful divorce and is not yet ready for a new relationship;

by nature a man is shy and modest;
the man took a wait-and-see attitude - waiting for the right opportunity to take action;
a man is afraid of ruining friendships (if you are friends or colleagues);
he doesn’t notice that you like him;
the man is infantile and expects initiative from you;
does not understand what steps need to be taken to get closer;
afraid of rejection;
not ready for a serious relationship;
there are financial problems;
lives with a child from a previous relationship, and is not ready to devote much time to the woman;
the man is a workaholic, and despite his obvious sympathy for you, he does not strive to change his priorities in favor of his personal life.

Myths about how to motivate a man to succeed

To begin with, I will list a few popular statements that are clearly myths:

– women who have had many relationships know how to motivate a man and can do this with anyone;

– sex is the best motivation for him;

– if you promise something important for him in return, you can motivate a man to almost any action;

And there are an endless number of such useful things on the Internet! Now forget about it and get ready to absorb some really important information about your man.

When is direct dialogue appropriate?

Essentially, these are your first steps. You can say that you take the initiative into your own hands. As you understand, direct dialogue is appropriate in cases where a man clearly “broadcasts” his sympathy, but cannot decide to take a step forward.

The tips below will help confirm or refute the assumption of mutual sympathy:

smiles at you openly and sincerely;
tries to reduce the distance between you and get as close to you as possible;

5 reasons why a man doesn't make the first move

when he sees you, he feels embarrassed;
chooses words carefully in dialogue;
looks at you intently, but when your eyes meet, he almost immediately “retires”;
“mirrors” you;
gives compliments;
offers his help, etc.

Take care of yourself

No matter how much they talk about the beauty of the soul and the importance of the inner world, every man wants to see next to him a beautiful, elegant girl who is pleasant to look at and with whom he is not ashamed to go out into the world. Therefore, your main task is to carefully monitor your appearance.

But in pursuit of attractiveness, the main thing is not to overdo it. According to statistics, most men prefer to see simple, cute girls next to them, rather than a vamp or a sex bomb. These and similar images certainly attract representatives of the stronger sex, but are not at all conducive to serious relationships.

How to build a dialogue correctly

If now you understand for sure that he likes you, build bridges of communication between you with a direct statement: “I like you!” This approach requires determination. You can be stopped by a stereotype, they say, men should take the first steps, but on the part of a woman it’s bad manners.

But let's not forget about the reasons that slow a man down. If he is afraid of rejection, or is not sure what you like, or is still waiting for the right moment, because he lacks that very determination - with a high probability, he will never dare to directly say about his sympathy, or the seriousness of his intentions.

Therefore, you have two options - either act on your own, or wait for active actions from him, but you are a reasonable girl, therefore, you yourself understand that in this situation you can wait until retirement.

Advice for women on how to push a man into a serious relationship

Some women, under the influence of friends and relatives, often behave incorrectly. An excess of advice, which, by the way, is not always appropriate, disorients young ladies. Our recommendations will help you learn how to push a man to develop a relationship while maintaining your own dignity.

Take your time

There is no need to rush into marriage. Think about it, if your loved one does not show such aspirations, then do you need it? Let events unfold on their own. Or, as psychologists put it differently, let go of the situation. This way you can assess not only the seriousness of the chosen one’s intentions, but also your own.

Haste in such an important issue as how to push a man towards marriage is absolutely unnecessary. Stop harboring empty hopes and take a healthy look at the current state of affairs. But you shouldn’t fall into apathy and reject a guy who is in no hurry to propose to you in the first month of dating. Perhaps he looks at you in the same way, notices your strengths and puts up with the shortcomings that everyone has.

Deliberate and balanced decisions made by men are rather a plus rather than a minus. Therefore, calm down and enjoy romantic dates and evening walks, which you will miss once you get married.

Be self sufficient

Having your own interests, life goals, work and social circle allows everyone to live a full and interesting life. After a man appears in your life, you should not dissolve in him completely. Keep all this “baggage”.

Most married men who have been married for more than one year reproach their spouses for the fact that they are gradually becoming uninteresting. Common views and interests are, of course, important, but not so important as to lose one’s own self. In order to encourage a man to propose, there is nothing easier than being yourself. Remember the moment you met, what you talked about that day, how you gradually got to know each other. It was everything that you told your chosen one about yourself that once attracted him. So why strive for the opposite?

But you shouldn’t go too far with independence. Maintain a sense of proportion in everything so that your personality does not seem too isolated. Every time you meet, tell your man funny incidents that happened to your friends, talk about your successes at work, share your discoveries and acquired skills. Let mutual development become the center of your relationship. Then he will definitely never lose interest in you.

Act confident

You shouldn’t show your guy your confusion and dissatisfaction with his inaction in the relationship. Perhaps this is a temporary phenomenon, and excessive female assertiveness can completely discourage a young man from continuing to communicate with you.

Believe me, not every guy is able to understand the reason for your upset. After all, from his point of view, everything develops naturally in a couple. If you start showing him in every possible way that a stamp in your passport is not enough for complete happiness, this will most likely have the opposite effect.

Some girls are afraid of losing a young man and rush the development of events. You shouldn’t worry so much if you can say with confidence that he has sincere feelings. True love doesn't end suddenly. Nervousness of behavior will surprise him and lead him to unpleasant thoughts about the instability of your mood and bad character.

Don't worry if a young man doesn't always invite you to the company of his friends. Young people, just like girls, like to keep secrets among themselves. And this does not mean that in your absence he will behave indecently. Do something you love that you never had time for before.

Pay attention to appearance

Love makes every woman truly beautiful. The desire to increase your beauty appears with your loved one. Remember how, at the very beginning of your relationship with him, you spent hours getting ready for a date, carefully choosing your wardrobe and makeup.

To push a guy into a further relationship, do not change such a useful habit as regularly taking care of your appearance. Always remain feminine and attractive. Remember that men love with their eyes first. The presence of a well-groomed, spectacular beauty nearby flatters their pride.

But, again, you shouldn’t go too far. The young man must be sure that you are trying to impress him, and not everyone around him. Avoid overly revealing outfits and bright makeup when going out together. If you are tired of your external image, consult a stylist in a beauty salon about what changes would be appropriate to make to it.

There is no need to change everything radically. It is quite possible to limit yourself to a new fashionable haircut or an original manicure design, which will not go unnoticed by your chosen one. Secretly emphasize that you still strive to please him, even after several months. A loving person will definitely notice and appreciate your efforts.

Keep it individual and mysterious

Each person is individual. He has his own ideas about beauty, outlook on life, aspirations and other things. Don't deviate from your priorities while trying to please a man.

Many girls, analyzing guys' past relationships, try to guess what attracted them to their former passions. Don't try to be like anyone else, either externally or morally. Recognize that very “zest” in yourself and preserve it for life.

Do not adopt other people's habits and expressions. It doesn't always look nice. In your chosen one, you should constantly maintain the feeling that he does not know everything about you. Every gesture or phrase should have a pleasant echo in his memory of you. To encourage a guy to get married, it is not at all necessary to follow other people's stereotypes, for example, as in popular women's publications. Your personal peculiarity and exclusivity should encourage him to be proud of his choice.

Don't blow your man's mind

Regular overt hints about starting a family are banal and irritating for many men. You shouldn’t sigh dreamily as you walk hand in hand with him past wedding salons and especially children’s goods stores.

Understand that everything has its time. Starting a family is a general decision, not your personal desire. You shouldn’t pull things that one of you is not yet ready for. Do not invite a young man to meet your parents and do not ask to meet his family if he himself does not express such intentions. This can turn a man off.

Don't bore him with constant stories about the happy families of acquaintances and friends. Think about how you look from the outside. It is unlikely that this picture will evoke sympathy even in your imagination. The saying “a drop wears away a stone” is completely inappropriate here. This behavior will achieve nothing but irritation on the part of the young man.

Find a common hobby

To be around your loved one as often as possible and make communication more interesting, learn more about his interests. Perhaps among them you will find something that interests you. This does not mean that you suddenly have to fall in love with sporting events or the work of some rock band.

The main thing is that this activity is fun for both of you. Get to know each other and try to understand what exactly attracts a guy to this hobby. Ask him to take you go-karting, skiing, or fishing. Let him explain and teach you the rules of behavior. Shared hobbies have a positive effect on people's relationships. And many young people love to act as a teacher.

If your loved one is not passionate about anything, offer him the idea of attending some master class that will bring you both positive emotions. Try different options and look for common ground. Your main task is to have a pleasant time together. And the ability to look in the same direction as your chosen one is the basis of a future family.

Don't focus on one man

If you systematically notice that a young man is not serious about you, you should not waste your time on him. Our life is short, and it is stupid to exchange it for a hopeless relationship.

Disappointment in a person does not occur immediately. Girls in love tend to be condescending towards a guy’s minor shortcomings or not notice them at all. Think about whether he is worth such sacrifices. Take a short break in the relationship in order to assess the degree of your attachment to him.

You may be surprised that one day you will feel free from obligations to a person who does not value you. If such changes occur in your soul, it will be pointless to continue the relationship. The sense of habit that many people use to replace the concept of love can play a cruel joke on you. Sometimes circumstances require decisive action so as not to spend the rest of your life without knowing what it means to be loved and desired.

In what cases are hints with pronouncing key aspects appropriate?

As you understand, it is not always possible to act directly. This is due to the fact that:

you yourself can get rejected;
a man doesn’t really need a serious relationship;
your resolve can be frightened;
The man is experiencing a period of lack of financial stability.

Look, many men are in no hurry to show signs of attention due to the fact that they are temporarily or permanently experiencing financial difficulties. That is, they have a clear idea that they simply don’t have the amount they need to spend on a woman right now. The same applies to the issue of cohabitation.

Therefore, as you understand, the man is not ready to show sympathy or propose. If material wealth comes second for you, or your requests fit into a man’s “budget,” it is important to casually touch on the topic of finances and discuss this aspect.

If you are not sure of mutual sympathy, so as not to receive a direct refusal, use humor. Say casually and jokingly: “I was recently invited to the cinema, but I refused. But I would go with you, I like you.” It is important to watch the reaction. If a man ignores you, then it is important to set yourself another task - how to please him and interest him.

But if there is mutual sympathy, he will certainly answer something in the same spirit. In order not to scare off a man, start flirting with him, but in very measured doses. Here your trump cards will be appropriate gestures and facial expressions. Again, start “mirroring” it. Call him by name often - this will evoke pleasant emotions in a man and place the dialogue in a positive way.

Advice from a family psychologist

Never blackmail with a false pregnancy. Tell them that you want to have a child with your partner. A man immediately grows in his own eyes and begins to look at a woman as the mother of his children.

If you want to start a family not because it is customary, but to be happy and loved, you need wisdom and patience. Don't be afraid to break off a relationship with a person who is not cut out for marriage.

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When you need to be a friend

Let's be honest, but probably every person, one way or another, tries to protect himself. In this case, we are talking about psychological protection from new mental traumas. Therefore, as you probably already guessed, in order to “lead” a man to certain actions, you need to become his friend for a while.

But again, you shouldn’t obviously get into his soul and provide help that was not asked for. You need to act differently - build your communication in such a way that he perceives you as a friend, that is, a person with whom he can share painful things; someone with whom you feel good and comfortable.

What does this approach provide:

the man’s psychological block will be lifted;
you become a significant person in his life;
Comparing with your ex, thoughts gradually creep into a man’s mind that you are completely different - you can be trusted and he will not experience discomfort.

But, keep in mind an important aspect - you need to grasp the line when your relationship should be taken out of the friend zone to another level. Therefore, do not become a shirt-guy for him, but remain gentle and feminine. That is, a man should see in you not only a friend, but also a woman.

Therefore, when you realize that his barriers have been “liquidated,” either speak directly about your sympathy, or provoke him into action with a little distance. This means that when a man sees that he can lose a woman, and the position of “waiting” is not suitable, he goes on the offensive.

What does it mean to motivate?

Look, many girls are sure that a man’s motivation lies in the desires of his woman. There is some truth in this, it’s just that for some reason you have distorted this concept beyond recognition and pass it on from mouth to mouth: “A man should! A man must!” Only girls often forget that in order for “A man must!” you must match too.

The main task of a woman in a family is emotional motivation. Simply put, a woman should be a muse for her husband, looking at whom he will think: “That’s right, my queen still needs a ring with a brelik and I want to take her to the Maldives! She is worthy! I’ll go find another job.”

Remember, finally: a normal, pumped-up man is 100% motivated in himself. So if you are asking the question: “How to make your husband feel good?” just become the one you want to give gifts, flowers and wrap in prosperity.

How to motivate your husband?

This article is written for girls who are sure that their family rests only on them, that their man will not survive in this difficult world without such a wife. No, this is the fruit of your fantasies, and if you read these words and understand how to use them correctly, success will await you with men.

Of course, it’s easier to put everything on your shoulders and trudge forward like a draft horse. But will this bring you happiness in life? Hardly. You will turn into a bitch, embittered with the whole world, who pushes young guys on the tram so that they give up their seat to her, even if all the seats around are free.

Therefore, let's learn how to motivate your husband correctly, and not the way you are used to. As I wrote earlier, normal men are initially 100% motivated.

In any situation he has a plan of action. And when you interfere with your whining, the man naturally begins to get angry. You have two options: beat his brains out until your husband says fuck everything and does what you want, or inspire and support him to help bring his plan to life.

Look, in the first case, you monotonously kill the man in your husband. With each of your rants, he resigns himself to the fact that you are in charge, you know better, we must do as you say. As a result, you have a plump domestic henpecked man, who will infuriate you even more in the future, because this is not at all what you wanted to get.

But if you understand how to encourage a man, what words he needs to say so that his wings grow, in the future you will have a strong and confident man next to you. Most often, a person acts in the opposite way when he is under pressure, but if you give him support, success awaits him.

Initially, motivation and inspiration work differently. A man's motivation is an internal impulse to action, and inspiration is what encourages motivation. Understand? So a girl can only figure out how to help a man believe in himself, and not motivate him directly.

By the way, it is not always the source of inspiration, that is, a woman, who can lead to motivation through talking and pushing. Sometimes she just needs to be nearby for a man to act.

In reality, a man doesn’t need that much. Basically, we are interested in improving our standard of living when there is someone nearby for whom we want to do it. And for this you need a motivational combo, when the internal state, readiness to act and external inspiration coincide.

General recommendations

Remember that in your desire to provoke a man to take active action, it is important to act in doses, taking into account his worldview. Don’t pretend to be a sophisticated seductress, otherwise you risk looking vulgar in his eyes.
Give your man compliments from time to time - they love it.
“Organize” a shared space. I mean, share his interests with him. Having something in common always brings people together.
Don’t show more initiative than required: don’t praise a man and don’t become comfortable for him.
Don't limit your freedom. Let's say a man invites you to spend time only when he has no other company. He seems to like you, and he even flirts with you, but he’s in no hurry to take the relationship into something more serious.

That is why, when he once again offers to spend time in a pleasant pastime, make it clear that you have completely different plans.

Epiphany

It's time to finally find out the second one

for today and
the most important truth
of how to motivate the man you love.

My answer will surprise you: No way! Absolutely serious! “But why not?”

- you ask.

Because ambitions to achieve goals in a man can come and go. And this cannot depend on you. This can only be influenced by his internal focus on the desire to accomplish something.

When will this happen? - When the time comes. There is no other way to make it move in any direction than the one in which it is already moving.

Men act according to the internal plan. There are no other options. And here you can become the reason that will inspire him to carry out his plans.

The closest thing you can do to motivation is just being close to him, loving him, supporting him and not stopping him from moving on the chosen course. This will best motivate him to action. Much better than all your previous attempts to motivate your beloved man with the help of special techniques and secrets that fill the Internet.

And remember: you are a very important component of his Mission

Some women are often disappointed and realize that they are dating "boys"

who do not and most likely cannot have ambitions and goals.

While it seemed to you that you were successfully motivating your loved one to perform great deeds, in reality he simply obeyed. Because he does not have his own Mission.

If your relationship has been going on in this way for quite a long time, there is a huge chance that you managed to raise a henpecked man.

. Alas, he is unlikely to succeed.

It is important to realize that together with him you are slowly moving along the road to nowhere. After all, you need a man with a Mission .

Is not it?

What to do if the guy doesn't do anything?

The guy doesn't do anything to develop the relationship? Listen to the advice of psychologists :

Understand whether you really need this guy.
Try a little exercise: imagine that you live together and have a child together. Whether there is a feeling of comfort, pleasure, or vice versa, for you this relationship is just a temporary stage before the real ones.
Change your image. Changing the image attracts attention.
Invite him on a date or arrange a trip together.
Try to get to know him better.
Don’t always be strong, be able to show weakness sometimes so that the guy wants to protect you.

Share his hobbies

For some reason, modern men find it difficult to decide on a serious relationship. How to push a guy to take a responsible step? Become a good friend for him who understands him and shares his hobbies. Moreover, this must be done sincerely and without pretense.

There's really nothing crazy about rooting for his favorite sports team, watching his favorite TV series, adding his favorite tracks to a playlist, reading his favorite book, and then discussing it. Believe me, no one will want to let go of such a kindred spirit.

Be a mystery

Many women at the very beginning of a relationship make a tactical mistake by completely opening up to a man. On the first date, some ladies, as if at an interview, lay out all the information about themselves. Thus, they discourage the man from all interest in further “research.” Unlike women, who look at relationships from a romantic and practical point of view, for the stronger sex it is something like a game or a quest in which they must obtain information.

How to push a man into a serious relationship? Provide information about yourself in doses. So that every time he has even more intriguing questions. Present it as a kind of reward for some actions of a man (date, gift, etc.). Even if you are not the most interesting person in terms of biography and inner world, do not show it. Maintain an aura of mystery until your gentleman falls head over heels in love with you.

Don't limit your freedom

A fairly effective option on how to push a man into a relationship is to be free. If there is nothing serious between you, then why should you joyfully limit your actions? It turns out that you can do what you want, when you want and with whom you want. And they are not at all obliged to report to their gentleman (let alone take his permission).

Moreover, if a man is not trying to take your relationship to a higher level, you are not obligated to see him whenever he wants. Pretend that you have more important plans (or maybe you really do). This will make a man question whether he is behaving correctly with you.

How to achieve the desired intimate caresses

Of course, the easiest way to initiate a frank conversation is to choose the most appropriate time for this. Organize a romantic dinner and raise the topic of sex over a glass of wine. In a confidential tone, ask your chosen one if he would like to somehow diversify your intimate life, and what kind of experiments he would like. After his answer, you will also have the opportunity to voice your own desires.

Perhaps you are hesitant to tell a young man what exactly you want from him in bed, then you need to show it. When he begins to approach the “needed” area of the body with his hands or kisses, begin to breathe more often and demonstrate in every possible way that you really like his actions.

You can invite the young man to watch some erotic film. When you see a scene that you would like to repeat with your lover, tell him that you found this moment in the plot very exciting and it would be nice to “recreate” it someday.

What goes around comes around

Praise your spouse for every reason. Yes, sometimes it seems to us that screwing in a bolt or fixing a socket is a man’s job, because we are not praised for the things we have washed and carefully ironed. Remember: male psychology is different from female psychology. If you praise him, he will continue to want to prove to you that he is capable of more.

For this to work, you need to praise him sincerely, without pretense. This is not easy, because before this you only criticized. At first, it may be difficult to find something to praise. But you know your goal, right? Believe in him and you will see that everything will begin to change!

Have an honest conversation

If hints and techniques don't work (or don't have the effect you expected), it may be time to talk openly. Yes, men don’t like this kind of relationship talk. And women do not like uncertainty, and this also needs to be treated with understanding and respect.

A frank conversation will help you cross all the i’s. Even if the result is a breakup, take it positively. Of course it's painful and sad. But on the other hand, you will no longer waste time and energy on unpromising relationships.

Features and psychology of the development of intimate relationships

A man and a woman go through a period of adaptation and getting used to their partner.

At first, during the first contacts, stiffness may arise; people do not yet know about the needs and characteristics of their lover.

Understanding how to build intimate relationships takes time .

It’s much easier for a man in this regard. A woman has to open up, she may be ashamed of her shortcomings or little sexual experience.

In the process of living together, partners learn to get to know the other person better and give him pleasure.

Sexual incompatibility often occurs when people require different numbers of intimate relationships per week or when one partner is more experienced and relaxed, while the other is afraid to open up.

To come to harmonization of intimate relationships, a woman needs to get to know her man’s intimate areas.

However, a man should not forget that his partner also needs to satisfy her sexual needs.

Over time, the steam becomes saturated . The partners got to know each other well, intimate relationships have become monotonous, and the lack of novelty can push them to look for adventures on the side. That is why you should not ignore an intimate issue.