Pets are not just animals. From time immemorial, people have had pets. Initially, this was necessary for survival. So what now? We live in a big city, we have a lot to do, work, little free time and “extra” money. Why do we continue to follow this tradition, knowing that a pet will require attention, investment, time, and also a lot of responsibility?
In this article:
A pet is a friend first of all. What the death of a pet means to us. Don’t let others devalue your feelings. Realize what’s happening to you. How to cope with guilt. How to cope with guilt. Why do you need to cry? Proper farewell
A pet is a friend first and foremost
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Pets fulfill many human needs. In unconditional love, in recognition, in support, in care. They care about us no less than we care about them. They love us, feel our mood, they share leisure time with us. Not only single people have pets; this is a myth that is refuted by statistics.
This is not always an escape from relationships with other people. Thanks to pets, we realize a sense of importance. Every person needs to be significant, valuable to another living being. When we get a pet as a child, we not only learn to “make friends,” we learn responsibility, we learn to be adults.
We also learn compassion. A person who read “White Bim Black Ear” as a child will never offend animals. People who know how to love pets and understand the value of this love have much more humanity than those who do not.
When a cat dies...
This means old age has come - this is one side of the coin. After all, the cat lived with its owner in the apartment side by side for at least 10, or even 20 years. Became his friend, a full member of the family. And the cat cannot leave the apartment on his own, unless he can hide in a secluded corner. It is clear that a person wants to see off a pet on its last journey with dignity, and then for a long, long time to remember with gratitude the years lived together.
But what if the cat was young, cheerful and playful, and then suddenly something bad happened and he was gone?
The owner must ask himself a question and find the reason why the animal died in the prime of life.
Why ask yourself?
Yes, because your pet may die prematurely:
- from an infectious disease,
- Because of oncology, she does not spare her pets.
- due to severe bruise or injury incompatible with life.
When the cause is a contagious infection: rabies, leptospirosis, distemper, then you cannot do the burial yourself. The infection can spread and cause an epidemic. This is the other side of the coin - the further spread of the culprit of death.
When the grave can be dug up by wild animals, stray dogs, and rodents. The infection can spread from melted water or groundwater. This way large areas can become infected.
Therefore, unauthorized burials of pets near housing, bodies of water, in walking and forest areas are prosecuted by law and subject to an administrative fine.
What does the death of a pet mean to us?
Unfortunately, sooner or later we are faced with the unpleasant reality of losing our pet. Many parents do not allow their children to have pets, fearing their death. How will the child survive this? What if he gets psychologically traumatized?
How to cope with the death of a pet?
But it is precisely this kind of experience, if it is experienced by a child correctly, that shapes his picture of the world, his attitude towards life and death. Knowing that sooner or later you will face the loss of a loved one teaches you to appreciate those around you. And the death of a pet teaches a child to live through this experience and come out of it stronger and more mature.
Yes, it's hard. And not only for children. This is no less difficult for adults to experience. To survive this loss, you need:
- do not allow others to invalidate your feelings;
- realize what is happening to you;
- experience feelings of guilt;
- do not suppress the desire to cry;
- it's right to say goodbye.
About the funeral in the park
How and where to bury a cat?
According to the legislation of the Russian Federation, it is strictly forbidden to bury pets in parks and in the courtyards of apartment buildings. The decomposition process has not yet been canceled. And along with this, various infections for both people and animals. And few owners will like it if they bury a pet that has gone to the rainbow, and the grave is disturbed by someone’s children or dogs. Therefore, to the question of how to bury a cat and whether it can be done in the park, there is only one answer - no.
You can bury your pet in the forest, away from parks and city yards. The likelihood that the grave will be disturbed there is minimal.
Don't let others invalidate your feelings
Some people think that losing a pet is no big deal. This is what people say who don’t know how to love; they were simply not taught this in childhood. Or these people themselves experienced the loss of a pet, but repressed this pain and put on a mask of cynicism and denial.
Owners of any animal know that a pet is an important part of the family, and its loss is grief. The main thing is not to be ashamed of this grief, not to make excuses to others, not to hide your feelings.
Don't let others violate your personal boundaries. If they do not share your feelings and do not understand the reasons for the tragedy, for some time try to limit your communication with these people, or clearly convey that you do not want to hear their advice, but rather ask them to speak the words that you need. Instead of judging, ask them for support and understanding, explain how important this is to you. Try to communicate more with people who understand and share your feelings. Loved ones are the best support.
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Symptoms of bereavement
In addition to all the familiar reactions, such as tears and sadness, there are other manifestations of grief, which, if not known, can be mistaken for lack of concentration, eccentricity, and other qualities. Among the main manifestations of grief are the following:
- Physiological. Physiological symptoms of acute negative experiences include a painful feeling of tightness in the chest area, a feeling of emptiness in the abdomen, spasms in the throat and the feeling of a lump stuck in it; A lump in the throat is an eternal companion of acute emotional experiences
- Behavioral. A person experiencing grief often seems inconsistent and inattentive. His gaze can be described as absent, absent-minded. The inability to concentrate on business often irritates household members or colleagues, which leads to painful conflicts. Other manifestations include insomnia, which further increases absent-mindedness;
- Cognitive. A grieving person may encounter unusual holes in his memory, confused thoughts that do not want to take on concrete shape. Difficulty focusing and concentrating is common. The person seems to be “not here”; Absent-mindedness always affects performance, which leads to additional conflicts
- Emotional. The feeling of loneliness that accompanies people who have experienced loss is accompanied by a heightened awareness of their own helplessness, causeless anxiety and all-encompassing guilt, to which the person indulges.
Realize what's happening to you
Dealing with the loss of a pet is not much different from dealing with the loss of a loved one. You go through all the same stages. At first you are in a state of shock. And it doesn’t matter whether death was sudden or after a long illness. The very fact of what happened is a shock, a stupor in which you are. This is a normal mental reaction to stress.
Next comes denial. You don't want to admit to yourself that your pet is gone. You dream about him, it seems to you that you hear his fuss in another room, the sound of his steps, you pay attention to the prices of pet supplies, and reflexively buy food. This is quite normal, this is the time when you still act automatically.
Next comes the stage of anger and attempts to find the culprit. A veterinarian, a car driver, a relative who didn’t take care of the dog. And myself. In the end, you plunge into your grief, shut yourself off from the world, feel depressed, sad, and hurt. Your psyche can no longer resist and you are overwhelmed by emotions.
And then comes acceptance. You come to terms with the loss and learn to move on.
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Understanding these stages, understanding the reasons for your feelings, will help you realize that this is normal, everything is as it should be.
Why does losing a dog hurt so much?
Often the death of a dog is more stressful than the loss of friends or even relatives. In psychology, there are five stages of grief after the loss of a dog that the owner of the animal experiences.
Shock
Even if a pet has been seriously ill for a long time, its death is a shock for the owner. The sudden death of a pet causes even more stress. Poisoning or an accident is a huge emotional shock for which it is impossible to prepare. At this stage, migraines, insomnia, loss of appetite and weakness may occur. The brain blocks all feelings, and a person performs everyday actions “automatically.”
Negation
The owner refuses to believe that his beloved dog has died. He hears her sniffling, her steps. It seems to him that she is about to return. He does not allow her food bowl to be removed or her toys or leash to be hidden. Automatically, he gets up in the morning to walk his pet, and at the store he goes into the pet supplies department to buy treats for his pet.
Anger
The brain is desperately looking for someone to blame. A doctor at the veterinary clinic, an inattentive driver, or is it my fault? Didn’t notice the illness in time, didn’t take it for a walk, didn’t take good care of it? Most often, the pet owner blames himself for the death of the pet. By withdrawing, a person drowns in the abyss of self-flagellation and this can last for years.
Grief
At this stage, the person is already quite emotionally exhausted. He simply shuts himself off from the outside world and goes into depression.
Adoption
Time cures. Over the course of about a year, a person begins to lose the habit of daily rituals, such as walking a pet or going to the store to buy food. The pain becomes less, and only bright moments are remembered.
A person can have many pets, but only one becomes a true friend. It is difficult to say how this “chemistry” occurs. This does not depend on the age or breed of the dog. No one can replace him, it’s not even worth trying.
Lonely people develop a strong attachment to a pet. The fact is that over the years, a special connection arises between the owner and his pet. The dog knows how to read the emotions of its owner, and in its own way, tries to take care of him. It has been noted that dogs sense people and react to them differently. They growl, bark and try to keep the bad ones away from their owner, but they are loyal to the good ones.
Often the owner gets used to talking to his pet and sharing problems with him. The dog will not judge, will not argue, and unconditional love and devotion will always shine in its eyes. Therefore, a person often develops a much closer relationship with his pet than with relatives or friends. The loss of such a friend becomes an irreparable loss, which is very difficult to survive.
How to deal with guilt
Guilt is the hardest thing people who lose their pets face. At first they feel guilty that this happened. She didn’t look, she didn’t find a good veterinarian, she didn’t take enough care of her pet, she didn’t love her enough. Then they feel guilty for continuing to live, thereby seeming to betray their pet.
Getting stuck in a feeling of guilt does not allow you to go through the stages of grief correctly, does not allow you to come to terms with this loss, and can result in serious consequences for the psyche.
Is it worth getting a new pet?
Everyone makes this decision for themselves. Many cat lovers cannot see their life without a large number of affectionate purring cats that sit on all the sofas and armchairs at home. For others, a particular pet was a person. They don't want to have another one.
In any case, it is important to understand that a new cat will never replace the old one, so you should not call it by the same name. To do so will only open up the wounds in your heart.
Important! You need to be prepared for the fact that the new cat will be completely different from the previous pet, will have a completely different temperament and even appearance.
Families with children need to approach this issue especially carefully, since the child may literally hate the kitten, subconsciously deciding that it is he who is to blame for the death of the previous pet.
How to deal with guilt
Give up the idea that you are omnipotent - there are many things over which you have no control, and circumstances that cannot be changed. You can only come to terms with it and realize that you did everything in your power. You loved your pet and did everything to help him. You took good care of him, you appreciated him, he received a lot of love from you.
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And the fact that now you live on is not a betrayal, because you live, keeping the memory of him in your heart. The fact that a pet has died does not mean that it has ceased to be valuable to you, does not mean that you have abandoned it. He remains a close presence that you will never forget.
Help from professionals
When considering how to come to terms with the death of a cat, this option should not be dismissed. Very often, the death of a pet is such a strong stress for a person that he cannot cope with it on his own, and internalized stress is the main cause of depression. That is why you should not be embarrassed to ask for professional help, especially since such a reason for seeking help would not surprise a modern psychologist.
Experts will help you understand that a person is not responsible for the care of a pet, that he should let it go and move on with his life, especially since there are many positive moments in life. If the cat had to die painfully, then the owner experiences extreme stress. However, it is worth understanding that now the animal is no longer suffering, it has gone into another dimension.
Note! Parents need to pay attention to the psychological state of the child. If he has become withdrawn, uncommunicative, and strives to avoid communication with adults, then perhaps he suffers from remorse. In this case, professional help will help solve the problem.
If a person cannot cope on his own, there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help.
Why do you need to cry?
Tears are the body's best way to cope with loss. If you want to cry, don’t stop yourself, don’t suppress your feelings. In modern society, many adults have unlearned this coping mechanism for pain, stress, and loss.
We do not know how to cry; we are often ashamed of our tears, perceiving them as childish weakness. We were often told in childhood: “don’t cry, you’re already big.” For some reason, it was implied that only little ones cry, but we are all human. And no matter how old we are, we have the right to tears.
If you feel grief, but cannot cry, being in a psychological stupor, then think about your pet, allow yourself to cry, feel the grief and relieve the psychological pressure. Tears are always followed by relief.
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Tips for older people
Lonely pensioners, whose only companion was a pet, find it difficult to bear the pain of loss, so they will be helped by:
- Communication with loved ones . Contact with relatives and friends will help you cope with loneliness, get rid of depression and express all your feelings and experiences.
- Sports activities . Regular exercise will keep you active with your pet and keep you fit.
- Hobby . Hobbies or learning something new will allow you to take your mind off your worries and relieve you of boredom.
A proper farewell
Farewell is the way out of grief. You say goodbye not to your feelings for your pet, but to him himself. Your paths have diverged and you need to move on. Make a memorial or bury your pet. Realize that he has received peace. Make a point. Until you get it, don’t rush to get a new pet, it’s better to go and work as a volunteer at a shelter.
Don't try to forget your pet, remember all the good things that happened. Say goodbye to him, realizing how much love you gave him, how grateful he was to you for being there, for your love. After all, you are the best thing he had. And the value of it stays with both of you forever.
Characteristic manifestations
Even thoughts about the possible departure of a partner from your life can be frightening.
If a husband is afraid of losing his wife or a woman is afraid of the possible loss of her husband, then you can often hear about this. But sometimes people do not express themselves directly, but carry their experiences inside or do not themselves realize that they are experiencing such fear. But at the subconscious level this is all reflected. The following manifestations may indicate that you are afraid of losing your loved one:
- a strong need to constantly be close to your significant other;
- feeling of increased anxiety;
- a feeling of strong discomfort at the moment when you need to part with your partner, even if only for a short time;
- a state of stress if the partner does not come home from work for a long time;
- the appearance of all kinds of thoughts that excite the consciousness;
- the need to keep everything under control;
- constant calls to your partner, questions about where he is now;
- expectation that something bad will happen;
- the inability to calmly react to the need of a loved one to go on a business trip;
- the appearance of a fainting state just from the mere thought that your partner might leave you.
Somatic signs may include the following:
- tearfulness;
- insomnia;
- severe fatigue;
- headache;
- in the absence of a partner for a long time, panic attacks may occur;
- increased sweating;
- dizziness;
- tachycardia;
- surges in blood pressure.
